Family Legacy
by Scarlett88
Summary: A continuation from 'Happy Anniversary'. The Ewings battle personal demons and each other in an attempt to keep the Ewing family together.
1. Chapter 1: Barnes and Ewings

Sue Ellen Ewing opened her eyes, embracing the morning sunlight that streamed through the balcony window. Her attention was drawn to the classic family photo that adorned her nightstand. The photograph was new, taken only a short month ago in front of the Southfork ranch, where she lived with her husband and his family. It was intended as a gift for Miss Eleanor Southworth Ewing to celebrate her birthday. There was a great deal of planning involved, all of it led by Ewing patriarch Jock Ewing, who usually spent his days overseeing his sons at Ewing Oil – but the family photo was special. Miss Ellie had commented on several occasions that the old photo in the living room was becoming outdated. There were going to be several new additions to the Ewing family in the coming months. The first was Sue and J.R.'s second child. Sue Ellen was in late in her third trimester of pregnancy, and almost ready to deliver. Pam and Bobby were going to be adopting a newborn in just a few short months.

Ellie had wanted an image of the family just as they were, which wasn't going to be an easy task, considering the fact that everyone had lives of their own to lead. Miss Ellie had her DOA meetings and running the ranch house, J.R. and Bobby spent their mornings and afternoons at the Ewing building in downtown Dallas, Pam worked afternoons at the Store, nineteen year-old Lucy went to school at SMU, and Sue Ellen found herself altering her daily activities to make way for the new baby. Afternoons that were once spent with Miss Ellie working on their favorite charities were now spent decorating the nursery and preparing for the birth.

Yet Jock still found a way to get everyone together and surprise his wife with one final look at the Ewing family. Everyone looked so happy, sitting outside on the patio. Miss Ellie sat on a wicker chair, with her granddaughter Lucy resting at her feet. Behind Ellie was her husband Jock Ewing, standing proud as could be, admiring his family. To his left were his youngest son Bobby and his wife Pam. On the other side of Jock stood Sue Ellen and her husband J.R. Sue Ellen held their first son, John Ross Ewing III – who was now two years old – in her arms. Her enlarged pregnant belly showed in the picture, but she did not care. In less than a month, there was going to be a new addition to the Ewing family.

A happy sigh escaped from Sue Ellen's lips as she fingered her stomach, the product of her new and revived marriage to her husband. Though the two had been married for over ten years, it was not until a few short months ago that their marriage really began to click and take form. For years, they were two strangers, bound together by marriage, playing the role of happy husband and wife on the inside, while hiding animosity behind closed doors. They were two people that loved each other very much, but could not show it the way other couples could. She was plagued by fear of horrible ghosts of the past – each indiscretion her husband committed against her pulling her away from him. He was too proud and arrogant to let his guard down, and let his love for his wife show.

The bedroom door creaked open, shedding more light into the bedroom. Sue Ellen raised her eyes and grinned at the man before her.

"Morning, Darling," Sue Ellen said, attempting to sit up.

"Hello, Sugar," J.R. said, kneeling next to his wife. "These are for you," he said, presenting her with a dozen yellow roses. He gently kissed his wife's cheek, taking her hand in his. "How are you feeling?"

"Just fine," Sue Ellen smiled. "I'm afraid I slept in this morning," she said quietly.

J.R. climbed into the king-size bed. "You were up late last night."

"I couldn't sleep." Sue Ellen snuggled up to her husband, relishing his familiar yet unique scent. "This pregnancy is killing me. When I was carrying John Ross, I was too hung over to remember anything, but now…" Sue Ellen frowned, burying her head in her husband's chest.

"Just a few more weeks, Darlin'. Then we'll have a beautiful new baby."

Sue Ellen kissed J.R.'s nose, "I couldn't have done this without you." Sue Ellen closed her eyes. "I want this baby to be a healthy one. We were so fortunate that John Ross was not affected by the accident or my drinking." Sue Ellen recalled her nightmarish days in the sanitarium, seven months pregnant and angry at the world. All she wanted was to drink – to go back to Southfork and close herself away from the world. She was not thinking when she attacked the orderly, or snuck into her car and drove off, slamming into a pole. The Lord had protected her and the baby, neither one being physically damaged from the accident.

A tiny tear formed in her eye as the events of her previous pregnancy flooded her mind. J.R. looked at her and gently squeezed her hand, knowing what she was thinking of. "That's all over, Sue Ellen," he assured, kissing her forehead. "This time we've done everything right.

"How can you be sure?" she whispered.

"The doctors said that both you and the baby are healthy, there's nothing to worry about."

"For the longest time, I wondered if I would be able to have another child, after my accident."

"Life has given us another chance, Sue Ellen." J.R. ran his fingers through her hair. "Do you know how lucky we are? To get a second chance at marriage, to have another child?"

"I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else," Sue Ellen sighed. She knew that her husband was right. The pregnancy was going wonderfully. She was careful to take her vitamins, do her exercises, and attend all prenatal appointments. J.R. was with her every step of the way. Whether he was showering her with attention, or stealing time away from the office to go to the doctor with her, J.R. had become a changed man; he was ready to take fatherhood seriously and his wife and child became his first priority.

"How was the office?" Sue Ellen asked.

"The usual. Bobby is insisting that he play a greater role in the company. Now he wants to sit in on cartel meetings."

Sue Ellen laughed, "I know how you feel about that. What does Jock say?"

"Daddy's all for it," J.R. grumbled.

"You are still President of Ewing Oil, and Bobby can never take that away," Sue Ellen reassured.

"He'd have to kill me first," J.R. nodded. "Anyway, with mamma planning the annual Ewing barbeque today, there wasn't much work to be done."

Sue Ellen frowned. "I was supposed to be helping Miss Ellie and Pam set everything up." Sue Ellen struggled to get out of bed, but J.R. held her down.

"Mamma and Pam have the situation under control, Sugar. No one wants you working too hard in your condition."

""I am not an invalid, J.R.," Sue Ellen said indignantly. "I can pull my own weight."

"The doctor said to be careful these last few weeks," J.R. reminded her. "We don't want to take any chances."

"I can't wait until this baby is out, and I can start going back to my old activities."

"All in good time, my love, all in good time." J.R. sympathized with Sue Ellen's situation. She had been reduced to roaming around the house, Miss Ellie and Jock were very concerned about the fate of their third grandchild. J.R. hated seeing Sue Ellen so unhappy but he was not going to take any chances, not wanting Sue Ellen to endanger herself or the child.

"It's going to be a long day," Sue Ellen murmured. It was the dead summer in Texas, and the July heat was being unmerciful to the Dallas inhabitants. But Miss Ellie was determined to follow through with another successful Ewing barbeque. It was always a grand affair, with people from all over the county coming to celebrate and socialize with the Ewings. There was good food, good drink, good company, and sometimes-good entertainment when the drunken guests got out of control.

"Everyone will want to touch my stomach," Sue Ellen complained, thinking about the horrific Texans who had no concept of personal space. On several occasions, Sue Ellen found herself cornered, answering the same-old questions about how far along she was, how she was feeling, or what the gender of the baby was.

"I'll be by your side the entire time," J.R. promised, dedicating the afternoon to ward off any unwanted attention that floated her way.

Sue Ellen pulled J.R. in for a deep kiss, her way of thanking him for stepping up to protect her. "At least I have you on my side," Sue Ellen smiled, relieved to know that she had at least one ally at the party.

"Look at it this way, this will be the last party before you go into labor."

Sue Ellen laughed. "Not quite. Lucy, Pam, and Miss Ellie have been whispering among themselves about an upcoming baby shower."

J.R. laughed along with his wife. "Now that, I may not be able to help you with. Do you want a baby shower?"

"I would never begrudge Miss Ellie, Lucy, or Pam of throwing me the party. They're all so excited." Sue Ellen looked out the window, admiring the Southfork crew as they prepared for the afternoon activities. "And they'll never know that I know what they're planning," Sue Ellen laughed.

"So you'll just act surprised?" J.R. asked, kissing his wife's fingertips.

"They can have their fun; I won't spoil it for them. At least it will be indoors."

J.R. rested his hands on Sue Ellen's bulging belly, hoping to feel the surge of movement from the baby. "Another kick," he said happily. He didn't tell Sue Ellen, but he would love to have another son in the family, another executive for Ewing Oil, ensuring that the future of the company would lie with him and not Bobby.

Sue Ellen slowly released herself from J.R.'s hold. "You know, J.R., as nice as this is, just lying here, we need to get up and get ready for the barbeque."

"You mean you're not enjoying lying here with me," J.R. asked in mock concern.

"J.R.!" Sue Ellen scolded, seeing through his ploy. "I want you up and out of this bed." Sue Ellen pulled at J.R.'s arms, forcing him upright.

"Just remember that you and I have a private date tonight when the festivities are over."

"I'm looking forward to it," Sue Ellen smiled as she ducked into the closet.

-----

Bobby Ewing stepped out on the front porch, admiring the handiwork of his mamma and wife. Pamela monitored the servants as they carefully prepared the tables. Years of tutelage under Miss Ellie and Sue Ellen had turned Pam from a working girl to a Dallas socialite. Bobby was pleased to know that after all of this time, she hadn't lost her old spark and personality.

"Bobby," Pam said, embracing her husband. "Doesn't everything look wonderful?"

"You've done a good job," Bobby said, giving Pam a kiss.

"I'm almost done setting up with Miss Ellie. I'll be heading off to get Aunt Maggie, Jimmy, and Cliff."

Bobby tried to hide a frown at the mention of Pam's brother Cliff Barnes but nothing got by Pam.

"Bobby, he's my brother."

"Are you sure that bringing him here is a good idea?"

"Cliff promised to be good," Pam assured him as she got into her car. "I'll see you soon."

-----

Sue Ellen stood in front of the full-length mirror as she turned to the side in her long, evergreen dress.

J.R. snuck up behind her. "I must be the luckiest man in Dallas to have you for an escort," he said, kissing her neck.

Sue Ellen turned towards her husband, a small frown on her mouth. "Are you sure you can say that, J.R.?" J.R. held his wife's gaze. "Look at me; I'm going to be the biggest person at the barbeque. I..." tears began to fill in Sue Ellen's eyes, "I look…."

"Glowing," J.R. finished, kissing Sue Ellen passionately on the mouth. "I meant what I said about having the prettiest date."

"You have another woman stashed on the side?" Sue Ellen laughed, fighting back her wayward emotions.

"What do I need to do to show you how much I love you?" J.R. asked.

"I suppose I'm just nervous," Sue Ellen said quietly.

J.R. pulled Sue Ellen to his chest. "You are the love of my life, Darlin', and I wouldn't care if you were short and bald, I'd love you all the same."

Sue Ellen beamed at J.R.'s assurance.

"What do you say we head down to the barbeque?" J.R. said, extending his arm for Sue Ellen.

"Let's go," Sue Ellen smiled, taking her husband's arm.

-----

Music and laughter filled the Ewing ranch as guests and friends came to the summer gala. Miss Ellie was in the center of it all, saying hello to friends and directing the staff on what to do. Jock was sitting over by the bar, sneaking a shot of whiskey while his wife was not looking. Ray was enjoying a day off from the ranch, flirting with one of the wives of a local ranch hand. Lucy was huddled in a group of college friends that she had invited to the ranch, eying the crowd for other eligible bachelors.

J.R. kept his hand at the small of Sue Ellen's back, guiding her through the crowd and going through the motions right along with her. She was right to be worried about being flooded with attention due to the pregnancy. Sue Ellen did her very best to remain a proper hostess as she battled the southern heat and hospitality.

Bobby stood outside, keeping his eye on his watch for his wife who was missing in action. Last week she had decided to invite her brother Cliff, her Aunt Maggie, and her cousin Jimmy to the party – much to the chagrin of J.R. and Jock, who had a very unpleasant time at the last barbeque the Barnes family attended. But Pam was convinced that things were different now; Digger had passed away, and with the upcoming adoption, Pam wanted to bring both of her families together.

Miss Ellie and Sue Ellen had both agreed to keep an eye on their husbands, making sure that they did not start trouble Pam's family, especially Cliff. However, even with promises of good behavior, Bobby was unsure of whether Cliff coming to the ranch was a good idea. Cliff was infamous for having a big mouth and starting fights with enemies – especially Ewings. Bobby wondered how J.R. would react to Cliff's presence. He was glad to see that his brother had mellowed out in the past few months, but anything could happen at a Ewing barbeque, and Bobby did not know what to expect.

"Would you look at that," J.R. commented when he finally found a minute alone with his wife, "Bobby looks like a lost puppy waiting for that wife of his."

"J.R.," Sue Ellen chided, "remember what you promised me?"

"I said that I wasn't going to start anything with Barnes," J.R. nodded. "And I won't – as long as that idiot keeps his mouth shut."

"He's Pam's brother."

"And he is unwanted," J.R. finished. "If it weren't for _her…."_

"Pamela," Sue Ellen interjected, displeased with J.R.'s casual attitude towards his sister-in-law. Pam had been married to Bobby for over three years, and J.R. still refused to accept her in the family.

"If it weren't for Pamela, there wouldn't be and Barneses at this barbeque at all," J.R. muttered.

Sue Ellen squeezed J.R.'s hand. "Darling, Cliff helped me during our difficult time together," she gently reminded. "He provided insight for me on my relationship with you."

J.R. gently kissed her cheek, recalling the difficult weeks that Sue Ellen spent away from him, unable to cope with their tumultuous marriage. After Sue Ellen returned to him, he vowed that he would do everything in his power to make her happy.

"I suppose I do owe him a certain amount of gratitude for that," J.R. grinned.

J.R. held her close, recalling the difficult weeks that she spent away from him, unable to cope with their tumultuous marriage. After Sue Ellen returned to him, he vowed that he would do everything in his power to make her happy.

The last thing J.R. wanted was for Sue Ellen to be overly stressed during her final stage of pregnancy. She had been through so much in the past several years; she deserved all of the happiness and joy that motherhood would bring.

A car pulled into the Southfork driveway. The crowd hushed as the passengers exited the car, not knowing what to expect. Pamela Barnes Ewing rushed to the back to help Aunt Maggie.

"They're here," J.R. muttered, dreading the afternoon before him. Sue Ellen remained at his side, her eyes diverting to Cliff, who she had not seen in the past several months. A small smile crossed her mouth when she saw that he had not changed. Cliff took Maggie's hand as Jimmy escorted Pam to the party.

Miss Ellie Ewing rushed to greet her daughter-in-law. "Hello," Ellie said confidently, her smile putting the guests at ease. No one knew what would happen when a Barnes and a Ewing crossed paths, everyone held their breath in anticipation. Ellie hugged Maggie, and shook Cliff and Jimmy's hand, signaling to the masses that the party was to continue.

"Maybe he won't come over," J.R. said. He watched as Pam came towards Bobby, hugging him tightly. She was glad that her brother was an approved guest at Southfork, and had high hopes for the afternoon.

Jimmy Monahan stood in the crowd feeling somewhat left out. He came to keep Cliff in check, in case things got out of hand. The truth was, he didn't know a soul at the barbeque. He watched as Cliff began to mingle with others, coming to the realization that his presence was not required.

"Hi!"

Jimmy jumped at the feminine voice that greeted him. He slowly turned around.

"I didn't think you'd remember me," she smiled.

"Who can forget Lucy Ewing," Jimmy beamed, glad to know that someone approached him. He met Lucy at his first Ewing barbeque, and she had wasted no time in pulling him up to the hayloft. Nothing came of the encounter – his Cousin Pam had seen to that –, but Lucy had remained in the back of his mind.

Lucy pulled Jimmy into a hug. "I haven't heard from you since the last barbeque."

"I've been busy."

Lucy studied Jimmy quizzically. There was something about him that Lucy couldn't find in any other guy. Maybe it was his aloofness. Most men that Lucy knew drooled all over her, wanting to jump through hoops just to have a weekend date with her. But not Jimmy Monahan. He had been distant during their first meeting in the hayloft – Lucy had been unable to seduce him the way she could everyone else – and she saw him as a challenge.

_Maybe this is my second chance_, Lucy laughed to herself, pulling Jimmy into the circle. There was no way that she was going to let Jimmy go this time.

"Is that Lucy going off with Jimmy?" Pam frowned, watching an eager Lucy take an unsuspecting Jimmy behind the barn.

"Jimmy is a man, Pammy, and fully capable of taking care of himself," Bobby said.

"Most men seem to lose their senses around Lucy," Pam said sarcastically, unable to enjoy the party.

Bobby laughed at his wife. "Honey, if Jimmy isn't interested in Lucy, he can tell her that himself."

"Did I tell you where I found those two at a previous Ewing barbeque?" Pam questioned. "The one where Digger came?" Bobby said nothing. "He was in the hayloft with her."

"That must have been embarrassing for everyone involved," Bobby laughed, recalling a few instances with old girlfriends where he had been caught.

"Nothing happened that day."

"Then why are you worried?"

"Because I think something would have happened if I hadn't intercepted."

Bobby took a hold of Pam's shoulders. "That happened a couple years ago. If Lucy and Jimmy were interested in one another, they would have gotten in touch after the barbeque."

Pam slowly relented to Bobby's theory as she ventured out with Miss Ellie to socialize but not before seeing Jimmy and Lucy climb up the ladder to the hayloft.

Sue Ellen sat down in one of the off-white lounge chairs, her feet swollen from hours of standing. The barbeque was going smoothly, no one had made a scene yet, and it seemed like the one Ewing barbeque that could go down in the books as being uneventful. She admired the view before her, looking forward to the day when she could bring her new baby to the barbeque. Her eyes lifted, and she came face to face with Cliff Barnes.

"Is this seat taken?" he asked, holding out an ice tea for her to take.

"No," Sue Ellen smiled, accepting the drink.

Cliff took a seat next to her, watching J.R. talk business with Jock and some of the oilmen. "So how have you been?" He had wanted to call her and see, find out how the pregnancy was treating her, but he wasn't sure if his coming would be the best thing for Sue Ellen. She was at a good place with J.R., and he didn't want to be responsible for spoiling it.

"Pregnant," Sue Ellen laughed. "It's different than the way I remembered; but I suppose that's a good thing."

Cliff breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that Sue Ellen was content. Pam had kept him filled in on the status of her pregnancy over the past few months, which he was very grateful for.

"How are you? How's the DA's office?"

"Boring. I'm working towards starting a practice of my own with a few colleagues of mine."

"That's wonderful."

"How are things with J.R.?"

Sue Ellen closed her eyes as the ice tea entered her system. "Surprisingly good. He's been attentive, caring, involved – he really wants the marriage to work. And so do I."

"So you made the right choice?"

"I think so."

Cliff opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted. "Well, Barnes, glad to see you keeping an eye on my wife," J.R. said, tipping his hat to the attorney. J.R. placed a glass of ice tea next to Sue Ellen, miffed to see that Cliff had already served her.

"The pleasure was all mine," Cliff said unflinchingly, rising to meet his adversary.

J.R. nodded, towering over the little man. Sue Ellen shot him a careful look, pleading him to be civil to Cliff.

"I should probably be going," Cliff said quickly, taking one last look at Sue Ellen. "It was wonderful to see you again, Sue Ellen."

"You too," she whispered, holding J.R.'s hand.

J.R. watched him go off to talk to other party guests. "What did he want?" he asked, taking a seat next to Sue Ellen, placing a protective hand on her knee.

"He was just saying hello, J.R. What is so wrong with that?" Sue Ellen demanded.

"When a former lover wants to say hello to my wife, I get concerned," J.R. replied, miffed by her tone.

"Oh, J.R., sometimes you can be so…so…jealous!" she spat.

J.R. frowned. "If I'm jealous, it's only because I love you so much."

Sue Ellen smiled at her husband. He may be a big man at Ewing Oil, but around Sue Ellen, he was insecure and unsure of her herself. "And I love you, J.R.," she replied, giving him a kiss on the mouth. "But you have nothing to worry about, because no one is ever going to come between us."

J.R. grinned, "I'm sorry for snapping at you, Honey. Things have been going so well for us lately; I don't want anything to change."

Sue Ellen gripped J.R.'s hand, sharing his concern for the state of their relationship. Six months of happiness was not enough for J.R. or Sue Ellen; they wanted to be happy together for a lifetime.

"Do you think you're well enough to dance with me, Sugar?" J.R. asked.

"You want to dance with this?" Sue Ellen laughed, pointing to her large belly. "I may knock you over."

"I'll risk it to be close to you," J.R. said, helping Sue Ellen to her feet. Sue Ellen allowed J.R. to pull her to the middle of the patio as a slow song came on. J.R. pulled her as close to his body as he could, relishing the precious moment with his wife.

Cliff Barnes watched the couple over a glass of beer, not noticing his younger sister next to him.

"Hi, Pam," Cliff said, glad to be distracted from watching J.R. and Sue Ellen.

"Hi yourself," Pam replied, hugging her brother. She noticed his frequent glances at Sue Ellen and J.R. "You know I don't think I thanked you for helping Sue Ellen while she was staying at Liz Craig's house," Pam said, hoping to break the ice. "That really meant a lot to her, and to me."

"Sue Ellen is a wonderful woman," Cliff said, his eyes locked on her. "She deserves the very best."

"Yes she does," Pam agreed. "I'm glad you took my advice and came today."

"I still don't see why it was so important," Cliff said bitterly.

"Cliff, this is our chance to bury the Barnes-Ewing feud for good."

Cliff frowned at Pam's attempt to get past the old times. "I'll never forgive the Ewings for what they did to Daddy," Cliff vowed. "He died before he could avenge his name, so I have to do it for him."

Pam touched Cliff's arm. "He was my daddy too, and I know that he wouldn't want you to destroy your life fighting this never ending battle. There are so many other things you can do besides fight."

"Not with the Ewings."

"Cliff – the adoption for Bobby's and my baby is coming soon. I want you to be there for your niece or nephew, play an active role in his or her life. You can't do that if you're fighting J.R., Jock, and Bobby."

"I've never had a problem with Bobby," Cliff said defensively. "I think he's a great guy stuck with a bad family. But Jock Ewing and especially J.R. – I can't stand either one of them."

"They're my family."

Cliff angrily placed his hand on his hips. "They're your family? Jock and J.R.! They don't' even consider you a Ewing!"

Stares and glances drifted over to where Cliff and Pam were as Cliff's voice began to grow louder.

Jimmy climbed down from the hayloft, where he was talking to Lucy and watched his cousins go into the ranch. "Maybe I should go after them and smooth things over," Jimmy said.

"No," Lucy said quickly, upset that the outburst disrupted her alone time with Jimmy. Not that she had gotten very far with him anyway. All he wanted to do was talk to her, which was not one of the activities Lucy wanted to participate in when she brought a man up to the hayloft. "I'm sure they can work the problem out themselves," she said, tugging at his shirt.

The argument between brother and sister did not escape J.R.'s attention. "I knew that jackass would make a fool of himself," J.R. laughed, stopping his dance with Sue Ellen, who looked at Pam, concerned for both her and her brother.

"Cliff," Pam said sternly, pulling her brother away from the party and into the ranch house.

"I told you I shouldn't have come!" Cliff snapped as the brother and sister entered the kitchen.

"When are you going to accept the fact that I am a member of the Ewing family?"

"When are you going to accept the fact that you are never going to be a Ewing? That family has treated Digger like dirt for decades and you're willing to forget all of that because you fell in love with Bobby Ewing!"

"I think you should go," Bobby said sternly, entering the kitchen, standing beside Pam.

"Oh you do, do you!" Cliff said defiantly.

"You've caused enough trouble for one day. Now are you going to leave quietly or do I need to escort you?"

Cliff stared at Pam, wanting her to say something – to apologize or stick up for him. But she said nothing, her heated glare burning into him. "Consider yourself divorced from the Barnes family," Cliff huffed, storming out the door, ignoring the whispers of onlookers.

Pam ran to the door, watching her brother leave with her Aunt Maggie. "Oh, Bobby," tears began to well in her eyes.

Bobby held Pam against his body, silently cursing Cliff for the trouble he had caused. "It will be alright, Pammy," he soothed.

All anyone could talk about outside was Cliff's outburst. Miss Ellie frowned at the state of affairs, trying to calm down the guests, but her attempts were futile.

Sue Ellen and J.R. stood in a corner. J.R. let out a laugh. "You know what the best part is, Darlin', Barnes made a fool out of himself, and I didn't even have to lift a finger."

Sue Ellen turned towards her husband. "You can be so insensitive at times, J.R.," she said angrily, going off in search of Pam, leaving J.R. alone.

Jimmy darted towards the Ewing gate, with Lucy going after him. "Cousin Cliff was my ride back."

"I can give you a lift," Lucy offered, looking to spend more time with the mysterious Jimmy.

"I don't want burden you."

"There's no way Cliff Barnes is coming back to this ranch," Lucy insisted. "My car is right over there."

Jimmy saw no point in arguing with Lucy as he followed her into the car and off the ranch, refusing to look back.

There was pandemonium and commotion in the house as Bobby went in search of his wife, who had run off somewhere.

"The next time I see Cliff, he'd better watch out!" Bobby shouted as Miss Ellie struggled to calm him down. By now, the barbeque was dying down, and the Ewing matriarch had a more important job to do than playing hostess.

"Bobby, I know she's somewhere in the house, we'll help you look for her."

"I knew that Barnes was nothing but trouble," Jock added, coming into the house. "Never should have invited him in the first place."

"That's enough Jock," Ellie said quietly. Eleanor Southworth Ewing was one of the few people that Jock Ewing would listen to, and when she gave an order, and he knew that when she gave an order, she meant business.

"Where's Lucy?" Ellie asked.

"She went to take Jimmy home," J.R. said. "Has anyone seen Sue Ellen?"

"I thought she was with you," Jock said.

"No, I think she went after Pam," J.R. said. "I can't believe she was stupid enough to bring that brother of hers to our home…."

"J.R.!" Bobby thundered, cutting him off. "I don't want to hear one word from you about Pam or Cliff!"

"There's no need to take your anger at Pam out on me," J.R. said defensively.

"You're the reason they're fighting!"

"That's not true."

"Enough," Ellie finished. "Let's all go find Pam and Sue Ellen.

J.R. and Bobby went off in separate directions as Ellie looked on worriedly. This barbeque had ended in the same way that many other barbeques had – in chaos.

Sue Ellen shielded the hot afternoon sun with her hand as she searched for Pam. Pam was a very caring person by nature – a peacemaker – and it was that role that often left her with a crushed spirit when disharmony occurred. _All she wants is a little peace_, Sue Ellen muttered to herself. Pam was one of the most unselfish people Sue Ellen had ever known – always willing to give to others – and it wasn't fair that she was the one who always got hurt.

Sue Ellen stopped in her tracks when she heard muffled sobs coming from the hayloft. "Pam," Sue Ellen called, "Pam, it's me, Sue Ellen." Sue Ellen raised her eyes, finding Pam curled up in a ball. Sue Ellen eyed the ladder adjacent to the top level. She knew that she shouldn't be doing any climbing in her condition. "Pam, do you want to talk?"

Tiny footsteps gave Sue Ellen the answer she needed. "Sue Ellen," Pam whispered, taking a seat on a barrel of hay, "oh, Sue Ellen."

Sue Ellen sat in a chair next to Pam. "I'm so sorry, Pamela."

"It's not your fault."

"If J.R. did anything to hurt you or Cliff, he'll answer to me," Sue Ellen vowed, fed up with her husband's unscrupulous tactics.

"This time J.R. isn't the problem. It's Cliff. He refuses to acknowledge the fact that I am a Ewing. I have been married to Bobby for over three years, and Cliff still can't come to terms with my choice."

"Cliff was always a stubborn man," Sue Ellen recalled. "He never likes to admit when he's wrong."

Pam laughed, knowing that Cliff was always one to back his opinions, no matter what they were. "You'd think that he would be happy for me – Bobby and I are finally adopting a child – my life is finally in place; but he wants nothing to do with me."

"Surely he doesn't mean that."

"He said I was divorced from the Barnes family."

Sue Ellen hugged her sister-in-law. "In a few days Cliff will calm down and he'll come around."

"I've been waiting for him to come around for the past three years. He's worse than Digger ever was. When he died, he surrendered his fight with the Ewings, he died in peace. Cliff – he's going to take this battle to the grave."

"Well that's his decision," Sue Ellen said finally. "And you shouldn't let a spoilsport like Cliff ruin the wonderful opportunities that you and Bobby are going to share."

Pam firmly nodded her head. "He will not ruin this baby for me. I am going to be the best mother in the world."

Sue Ellen grinned, knowing that Pam would make a fantastic mother. She had been waiting for a child since John Ross was born, and now her time had come.

"The men are looking for us," Sue Ellen said. "Bobby's very worried about you."

"I love Bobby with all my heart."

"And I love J.R. Lord knows he does the most frustrating things…."

"But you love him anyway," Pam concluded. Pam was slowly coming to terms with having J.R. as a brother-in-law. She had seen how much he pined for Sue Ellen, putting her needs before his own when she left, and changing his ways when she came back.

"J.R. is trying to be a better person," Sue Ellen said softly. "It's a slow process."

"But he's making progress – at least where you're concerned."

"I worry about how he's treating you."

"I can handle J.R."

"He isn't doing a much better job than Cliff in accepting the fact that you are a Ewing."

"He may never accept me, and I don't care. But Cliff… he's my brother, and I hate fighting with him."

"Give it time," Sue Ellen said, taking Pam's hand.

Pam gently helped Sue Ellen out of her chair as they walked arm-in-arm back to the ranch.

-----

The ride to Maggie Monahan's proved silent for Lucy and Jimmy. She could see that he was distraught over the recent scuffle, but this was impeding her goal of getting closer to Pam's cousin Jimmy. It had just occurred to her that they were technically related, but not by blood, so she assumed that pursuing Jimmy was acceptable. 

"Here we are," Lucy said.

"Thanks, Lucy," Jimmy said, getting out of the car.

"Jimmy?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think that maybe I could see you again, sometime?" Lucy was not one-hundred percent confident in asking men out, mainly because she had always been the one being chased, and not the one chasing.

Jimmy looked at Lucy, wondering why she would want to see him again. "Sure. How's next Saturday?"

"It's a date."

"I'll call you later this week."

"Terrific," Lucy smiled as she drove off. Maybe she hadn't lost her touch quite yet.

-----

Sue Ellen slowly climbed into the bed, her body tired from a long day. J.R. entered the room, mad as anything at Bobby.

"Can you believe that Bobby tried to blame me for what happened between Pam and Cliff today? Honestly that family is so crazy – heh look who there their father was."

J.R. looked to Sue Ellen for support, but all he found was a cold, icy stare.

J.R. reached out to touch his wife, but she scooted away. "Darlin', whatever that Barnes woman said, I did not cause a fight between myself and Cliff."

"Her name is Pam, J.R.," Sue Ellen said, refusing to meet his eyes. "And she is a member of this family."

J.R. grimaced, "I'm trying my best, Sue Ellen."

"Are you, J.R.? Because you haven't been civil to her since the day she got here."

"It took time for everyone to get used to having her around – even you."

"Do you really hate her?"

"No, I don't. But I also don't think that she is the right woman for Bobby."

"He loves her; that should be enough."

"What does Pam have to do with us, Honey? I don't know why you got so upset with me."

"Pam is my friend, and it hurts me when you tear her down – in public and in private."

"I'll try to be nicer to Pam, honest I will." J.R. tugged at Sue Ellen's arm. "I don't want her destroying our relationship."

Sue Ellen turned to her husband. "The only one who has the power to destroy our marriage is you, J.R."

"I love you."

"And I love you too, and I know that you can find it in your heart to include Pam in the family. If not for her, then for me."

J.R. smiled, "You know I'd do anything for you, Sugar."

Sue Ellen snuggled up to her husband. "These past few months have been the best months of my life. I don't ever want them to end."

"They won't," J.R. promised, kissing Sue Ellen's forehead as he turned out the light. "I have lost you one too many times, and I couldn't bear losing you again."


	2. Chapter 2: Family Affairs

The morning sun gently coaxed Sue Ellen awake. With her labor looming, it was becoming easier and easier to sleep in during the morning, enjoying an extra hour or so of peace before her day began. She gently fingered the area next to her, disappointed to discover that it was cold. J.R. had gone off to the office.

He was going to the Ewing building earlier and earlier each day. Sue Ellen assumed it was because he wanted to beat Bobby to the office, get a head start on the day. Sue Ellen didn't want to admit it – things were going so well between them lately- but it bothered her when J.R. left her without saying goodbye. His intentions were pure – he didn't want to disturb the precious hours of sleep that she found each night – but she couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment, a distance growing between them. She tried to push the sinking feeling away from her as she rose from the bed. _He loves me, I know that he loves me_. Sue Ellen started towards her mirror, nearly collapsing as a wave of nausea struck her.

She ran for the bathroom, letting herself go, unaware of the extra presence in the room.

"Honey," J.R. said gently, holding her hair back. "Oh, Sue Ellen," he said soothingly, wishing that he could do more to ease her pain. "There you go, Darlin'."

"J.R.," Sue Ellen said hoarsely as he handed her a tissue to blot her mouth with. "When did you get here?"

"Just now." He pulled her into a warm hug. "I just needed to set up a few things before my afternoon meeting."

"You're leaving again?"

A look of concern crossed J.R.'s face, "Is something wrong, Sue Ellen?" He guided her over to the bed. "Do you need to go to the doctor?"

"I feel fine, J.R.," she assured him. "It's just that…."

"Go on, Darlin'," J.R. urged.

"You seem to be spending a lot of mornings at the office," she said quietly.

J.R. gently laughed, kissing Sue Ellen's cheek. "I'm clearly some work out of the way so that I can be here for you when the baby comes. I won't be a very big presence at Ewing Oil for a while, so I just want to take care of some issues."

Sue Ellen beamed when she heard J.R,'s plan. "Oh, J.R., I thought you were turning into your old self again."

"Sue Ellen, I promised you that I would change, and I have. I have too much to lose."

Sue Ellen nuzzled J.R,'s neck. "Things have been going so well for us. I – I don't want anything to change."

J.R. held Sue Ellen against her body. Her scars from his previous treatment of her remained, and J.R. feared that no amount of devotion or love could erase the past. But he would do his very best to try.

Sue Ellen raised her eyes to meet her husband's loving stare. "How much time do you have before you go back to the office?"

"Well that depends on what you had in mind, Darlin'," J.R. said seductively, kissing Sue Ellen's mouth.

Laughter from the bedroom rang throughout the house as Pam sat in the kitchen, slowly nursing her coffee. She had spoken to Maggie earlier that morning, and she said that Cliff had been seen in a bar all night, drowning his sorrows. Cliff could never handle adversity or setbacks without going to the bottle. Cliff wrote it off as a trait passed on by Digger, but Pam believed that there was still hope for her troubled older brother.

Pam was so involved with her thoughts that she didn't notice Miss Ellie come into the room. "How are you feeling, Pam?" she asked, gently touching her shoulder.

"I'm worried about Cliff. Aunt Maggie said he didn't come back to his apartment last night."

"I'm sure Cliff will be fine," Miss Ellie assured. "He knows that you love him very much."

"I really do, Miss Ellie, but he can be so frustrating at times. Always focused on the past, he can't accept the fact that I'm with Bobby."

"Pam, that's Cliff's problem, not yours. This family has supported you in bringing Cliff to the ranch, but he has to be willing to come – you can't make him."

"I don't want to lose him."

"Do you think you will?"

"I feel as if I have to give up something – either Bobby or Cliff – and I don't want to lose either one of them."

"I hate seeing you so unhappy over this argument."

Pam put down her coffee cup. "That's just it, Miss Ellie; this is more than just an argument. It's been going on for three years. I don't know if I can handle it."

"The best thing you can do is wait and see what happens," Miss Ellie said finally.

"I know you're right, Miss Ellie. I just wish Cliff weren't so difficult."

"Why don't we focus on something happier," Miss Ellie urged.

"Like Sue Ellen's baby shower?" Pam smiled, giddy with excitement over Sue Ellen's surprise. The two Ewing women bonded over their need to love a child, and now Sue Ellen was fortunate enough to be blessed with another.

Pam would have never openly admitted it to anyone, but when she first discovered that Sue Ellen was pregnant again, she felt a touch of jealousy. She knew that she should be grateful to be on the priority list for adopting a baby, but there was a nagging feeling within her about Sue Ellen being able to have a child of her own – and her being unable to.

The first miscarriage frightened Pam from trying to conceive a child. She needed time to recuperate physically and emotionally. Just when she felt she was in a good place to start a family again, she heard word from a family doctor that her father Digger carried a genetic disease – neurofibromentosis. Although Pam did not carry the disease, she was considered a carrier who could pass it onto future generations. Pam had lost a brother and sister to the illness, and she had been terrified of passing the disease onto her child.

But Pam did become pregnant a second time, a fact that she neglected to tell Bobby. She had considered aborting the baby, choosing to have the baby suffer an early death before birth, then a later one in life. This way she would not get as attached to the child. However, a horseback riding accident prompted another miscarriage. Pam had been riding the Southfork grounds when her horse was spooked by a snake and threw her off.

Confessing the pregnancy to Bobby brought on new complications. There was the fact that she lied to him about the child, and the fact that Bobby still wanted to try to have a baby, wanting to play the odds that the disease wouldn't be passed on. This sparked several arguments between the couple, driving Pam to work harder at the Store, and neglecting Bobby even more.

Digger Barnes had died a year ago, and he almost took an earth-shattering secret with him. Cliff and Pam's mother – Rebecca Barnes – had had an affair with a Southfork ranchman named Hutch McKinney. The union resulted in a pregnancy and when Digger found out that Rebecca had strayed from him, he became violent, killing McKinney and threatening to kill her. The child from the affair was Pam.

Pam was relieved to know that she was not a carrier of neurofibromentosis but was dealt another heartbreak when her doctor told her that she could not carry a child to term.

It took Pam a few months to come to grips with her feelings, knowing in her heart that she shouldn't begrudge Sue Ellen for something that would bring her so much happiness.

"How is the guest list coming, Miss Ellie?"

The elderly woman let out a short laugh. "It's longer than I thought it would be. This is the first baby shower that I've ever been able to plan, and I want to do it right."

"There's no such thing as too many guests. We're having a celebration."

"You're talking about the baby shower without me!" Lucy shrieked in a whisper as she came down the stairs. "I wanted to be in on it."

"It's not our fault you were sleeping, Lucy," Miss Ellie reprimanded. "It's 10:00 in the morning."

"I couldn't sleep," Lucy shrugged, reaching for a bagel.

"You got in late last night," Pam noted, thinking of her niece's relationship with her cousin. "Did you and Jimmy have car trouble?"

"Not at all. In fact, Jimmy and I are going out this Saturday," Lucy smiled, pouring herself a glass of grape juice.

"Oh," Pam murmured, attempting to hold her disappointment and objection to the friendship. "You two hit it off?"

"Well, I haven't seen him in a long time and I thought it might be nice to get to know him. Besides, if you think about it, Jimmy's a relative."

"So he is."

Lucy glanced quizzically at Pam, noting a change in demeanor. "So what can I do to help with the shower?" Lucy asked, changing the subject.

"We have food, drink, and the guest list taken care of," Miss Ellie said, mentally crossing the items off her list. "The party is being held here and we still need decorations."

"And a gift," Lucy added.

"I know of some baby items Sue Ellen might like in the Store," Pam said. "Why don't you come down with me today and we'll pick something out. Then we'll stop for decorations."

"Sounds great. I could use a break from studying."

-----

The two Ewing women made their way through the crowded entrance of the department store as Pam led Lucy to the back rooms, where inventory and un-stocked items were kept. The women wanted to give Sue Ellen a proper baby shower and there was nothing too extravagant or expensive for the Ewings.

"Pam, look," Lucy said, gesturing at a beautifully crafted bassinet. "Sue Ellen would love it; she can take the baby anywhere." Lucy fingered the beautiful rosewood basket.

Pam said nothing as she thumbed through old catalogues.

"Pam?" Lucy asked impatiently, "do you think Sue Ellen would like it?"

"Hmm?" Pam asked looking at her niece.

"The bassinet!" Lucy said, beginning to lose her patience.

"It's lovely. But I think Sue Ellen still has John Ross'."

"Well she can have two," Lucy said simply. "The baby shouldn't get John Ross' hand-me-downs."

"Um-hum," Pam muttered distractedly.

Lucy eyed her aunt. "Pam, are you angry with me or something?"

Pam placed her book on a nearby coffee table and looked at her niece. "Now why would you ask that?"

"You just don't seem very happy with me. Ever since we got here, all I've been hearing are 'ums' and 'hmms'. What's up?"

Pam cracked a small smile. _This girl is a Ewing alright; she knows how to get to the point. _"I'm distracted over Cliff."

"I don't think that's the reason," Lucy stated with her hands on her hips. "Fess up."

"It's about you… and Jimmy."

"You're cousin?" Lucy questioned, wondering what she could have possibly done with Jimmy to make Pam upset with her.

"I don't mean to pry, and I know that I'm not your mother, or his mother, but I – I didn't like the fact that you took him to the hayloft."

"Nothing happened in the hayloft," Lucy laughed.

"Lucy, I know what you do in the stables when no one is looking, I've caught you before, and I know that you had some plans for Jimmy."

Lucy's mouth opened wide. No one had ever called her on her behavior before – not even her own grandparents, who had objected to her actions in private – but because both of her parents had abandoned her, and she was an only grandchild, they let it go, giving her cart blanche to do whatever she wanted.

When Pam first moved to Southfork, she had been disgusted with Lucy's immature and bratty attitude – her skipping school, blackmailing teachers, and sneaking off to the hayloft with Ray Krebs of all people. Pam would not stand for Lucy's self-centered behavior, and she wasn't about to change that any time soon.

"What's wrong with me and Jimmy?" Lucy asked icily. She did not appreciate being treated like a little schoolgirl – always being told what to do – especially when it came to the opposite sex.

"He's my cousin, Lucy," Pam explained gently, sensing Lucy's escalating frustration. "I just don't think it'd be right."

"Do me a favor, Pam, don't treat me like some five year-old baby who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I don't need your condescending attitude."

"Jimmy is a good man, he has a bright future ahead of him."

Lucy's ears flared as she stood on her toes – still not reaching Pam's height. "And you think that I'm going to corrupt him?"

"I don't want Jimmy getting involved with anyone. I'd rather he focus on going to school or learning a trade. I don't want him distracted.

"Ashamed of your roots, Aunt Pam?" Lucy asked sarcastically.

Pam could have sworn she saw part of J.R. in Lucy, and she didn't like it a bit. "There are other men, Lucy."

"So you're saying Jimmy Monahan is off limits."

"Yes he is," Pam said finally.

"I'm not in high school anymore – you can't tell me what to do."

"Lucy, there could be trouble involved for both of you."

Lucy was ready to scream, and she would have if throwing a fit wouldn't make her seem like a young girl – how everyone still saw her. "I have one mother, I don't need another."

Pam flinched at Lucy's curt statement. _She's got the Ewing temper… and the Ewing stubbornness. _"Leave Jimmy alone."

"What are you gonna do, make me!" Lucy spun around and walked out of the Store. She would find her own way home.

-----

The Ewing Oil building was unusually quiet that afternoon. Bobby was reading expense reports, getting caught up with paperwork. He knew that J.R. was waiting for him – wanting him – to fail and get out of the business, but he was determined not to let him win. Bobby had earned his place in the company just like J.R. and no one was going to take his position away from him.

Sue Ellen entered the doors of Ewing Oil and was greeted by Louella and Connie.

"How are you feeling today, Mrs. Ewing?" Louella asked brightly.

"Ready to pop," Sue Ellen laughed. "Is J.R. in his office."

"Yes ma'am he is, but he's on an important phone call."

Sue Ellen took a seat in one of the chairs, keeping her eyes on the door. J.R. had promised her a lunch date, and she hoped that he had not become too busy to forget about her.

"Sue Ellen!" Bobby came out of the office and gave her a hug. "How are you? Is the baby alright?"

"The baby and I are fine, Bobby. J.R. and I are going to lunch; I'm just waiting for him to get out."

Bobby frowned, "J.R. has been in there for over an hour talking to our distributors – we're having communication issues with them – and I don't even think he knows what time it is."

Sue Ellen's face fell. She wouldn't be getting to spend the afternoon with J.R. He had promised her a week ago that they would have lunch together, but she was being pushed back. "I suppose I'll leave," Sue Ellen said quietly, trying to mask her disappointment. "There's no point in interrupting J.R.'s work."

Sue Ellen headed for the door, but was stopped by Bobby. "You know, I am up to my eyeballs in senseless paper work and I would love a distraction. Why don't I take you to lunch?"

Sue Ellen smiled at her brother-in-law. "That would be lovely, Bobby. We haven't spent time alone together in a long time."

"There's no time like the present to start," Bobby said as he ushered Sue Ellen out of the office.

Sue Ellen laughed at Bobby as she maneuvered her salad around her plate. "J.R. would never do that."

"I have pictures," Bobby smiled. "J.R. tore through the entire house when one of the little cows got loose and started chasing him. He was terrified, hasn't been able to work the ranch since."

"I always knew J.R. was never a cowboy," Sue Ellen said, "and now I know why."

"J.R. never really had much of a chance to get used to the ranch work. Daddy took him to Ewing Oil at a young age, neither one looked back."

Sue Ellen nodded, knowing that Ewing Oil was one of J.R.'s most prized possessions. He had been so proud when his daddy made him vice president, and now he was president. "J.R. loves his work."

"That he does." Bobby had had several disagreements with his older brother on how to run the company, but he couldn't deny J.R.'s passion or devotion to it.

"I can almost see him taking John Ross down to the office, breeding another executive," Sue Ellen said quietly.

"I won't let J.R. push him," Bobby promised. "There's no guarantee that John Ross has to follow his father's footsteps. Look at Gary."

Sue Ellen pressed her fingers to her forehead. "I'll be happy when the pregnancy is over, and I can go back to normal."

"It's only a few more weeks," Bobby said gently. "Then you'll have a new baby."

"That's the part that I can't wait for. All J.R. talks about is having another child."

Bobby smiled at Sue Ellen, trying to fight the pain that was hurting him from the inside, jealousy that his brother was going to have two natural children, and he could not have one.

Sue Ellen noticed Bobby's uneasiness. "I hope you and Pam haven't given up trying," she said gently.

"No we haven't. But the chances are getting worse and worse. The doctor doesn't think Pam will ever carry a child to term."

"But there are so many medical cures coming out, surely there will be something to help Pam."

"I hope so. But Pam and I should count ourselves lucky, at least we're able to adopt."

Sue Ellen sipped her water, remembering a time not very long ago when adoption seemed like the only option for her and J.R. Sue Ellen and J.R. had been trying for seven years and there was no pregnancy. Her doctor told her that she was fine, the problem was not with her, the problem was with her relationship with her husband – the one who never touched her. How could they conceive a child if J.R. showed no interest in her?

J.R. had been deadest against adoption, leaving Sue Ellen to go through an illegal adoption through the black market under the cover of darkness. She met Rita Briggs, a young pregnant girl without any options. She was willing to give her child to Sue Ellen as long as Sue Ellen took care of her needs until the baby came. This included finding her a home, bringing her food, making sure she had clothing. The plan would have worked perfectly if Lucy hadn't tipped J.R. off to the gentleman calling from the agency. He was furious with her, sending Rita to California and telling her that the child had to be 'theirs and no one else's'. Sue Ellen was heartbroken, her dream of being a mother quickly dashed against the rocks. Little did she know that she was going to become pregnant a few short weeks later.

"Do you know the gender of the baby?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Not yet, we need to meet with the adoption agency and with prospective parents."

"Are the parents choosing who the baby goes to?"

"They have a say in who the parents are. But they also relinquish any right to contact the child. The child can contact the birth parents when he or she turns eighteen."

"I'm sure you and Pam will find a wonderful baby."

-----

"See you in two days," J.R. said hanging up the phone. "Damn distributors can't do anything by themselves," he muttered to himself as he looked at his clock. He jumped up when he saw it read 1:50. He had been in and out of phone calls all day and hadn't stopped to take a break. J.R. smacked his head when he realized he had skipped lunch with Sue Ellen.

"Louella!" J.R. boomed.

"Yes, sir?" Louella said, pad and pen in hand.

"Was my wife here today?"

"Yes sir."

"Damn," J.R. muttered, regretting the fact that he hadn't even stopped to apologize for canceling on her.

"She went out with Bobby."

"Bobby?"

"Yes, sir. Around 12:30."

"Thank-you, Louella," J.R. said, waving her off. He would make this up to Sue Ellen. She had been feeling insecure about herself since the pregnancy, and J.R. had given her every reason in the world to doubt his feelings for her, but he would do whatever it took assure her that she and the children were the number one priority for him. But how was he going to do that while keeping Bobby out of the company?

Ellie Ewing sat in the kitchen, monitoring the turkey that Teresa prepared for dinner. Her sons would be coming home soon, and the evening would soon begin. She was beginning to love the nighttime more and more; it was the one chance in the day for the family to catch up with one another talk about their day.

"Hi-ya, Grandma," Lucy said, kissing her cheek. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Lucy," Ellie said. Lucy picked up a piece of celery and slowly gnawed at it. "How was shopping with Pam?"

Lucy grimaced at the mention of her aunt's name. She went to her room after her argument and hadn't been done since. "Fine," she lied. "I found something really nice for Sue Ellen."

"Oh," Sue Ellen said, entering the kitchen.

"Sue Ellen!" Lucy stammered, "I thought you were with John Ross."

"I just fed him his dinner," she smiled. "I'm sure whatever your something is, I'll love it," she assured, squeezing Lucy's shoulders.

"I wanted to keep the party a secret."

"You should know by now, Lucy, that there are no secrets at Southfork," Miss Ellie grinned. The women shared a laugh as Pam entered the room.

"Hello, Pam," Sue Ellen said cheerily.

Lucy shot Pam an angry glare before leaving the room.

"What was that about?" Ellie asked.

"Lucy and I got into a bit of a disagreement, Miss Ellie," Pam said quietly.

"What happened?" Sue Ellen asked.

"She wants to date Jimmy."

"You're cousin?"

"He's at least two years older than her," Ellie said in shock.

"I know," Pam said. "I told her that I wasn't comfortable with it, but you know Lucy, she doesn't listen to reason."

"Maybe she'll come around," Sue Ellen said. "She could meet another guy at SMU."

"I don't know; when Lucy sets her mind on something – she goes after it."

Ellie placed a reassuring hand on Pam's shoulder. "Lucy is smarter than we think she is; she's grown a great deal in the past few years."

"I know she has, Miss Ellie." Pam closed her eyes, remembering the first time she saw Lucy. She was in the hayloft with Ray Krebs – a former lover of hers and head ranch foreman – spying on Bobby. After that first meeting, Pam knew that Lucy would be a handful, but she never envisioned the bright-eyed beauty going after members of her own family.

J.R. pulled into the house. "Darlin'?" he called. "Sue Ellen?"

Sue Ellen went out to greet her husband. "Hello, J.R.," she said, pulling him into a kiss. "How is my favorite oilman?"

"Sorry," he admitted. "Darlin', I forgot about our lunch date." He gently massaged her shoulders. "But I have every intention of making it up to you."

"And how you plan on doing that, Mister Ewing?" Sue Ellen asked coyly.

J.R. leaned into her, whispering words into her ear.

"J.R.!" Sue Ellen shrieked.

J.R. laughed at his wife. "Aren't you interested?"

Sue Ellen hungrily kissed J.R.'s mouth, recalling the days when he paid no attention to her. _He certainly is making it up to me, _Sue Ellen thought.

The two remained in a lover's embrace, not noticing Jock and Bobby coming up the road.

"J.R.," Bobby said, acknowledging his older brother. He couldn't help but smile at the way he was carrying on with Sue Ellen. He had almost written their marriage off before J.R. finally came to his senses.

J.R. loosened his grip on Sue Ellen. "Bob, Daddy," he called, ashamed to have been caught in an intimate moment in front of them.

Jock laughed, accustomed to Bobby and Pam's escapades. "You two ready for dinner?"

"Yes, sir," J.R. said, holding Sue Ellen's hand in his as they followed the Ewing men, the couple laughing privately. "Just you wait until tonight, Sugar," J.R. whispered. "I'm not done with you yet."

"I'm yours," Sue Ellen whispered seductively, holding onto her husband's hand.

J.R. gently pushed her chair in from under her as she her belly gently bumped into the table. J.R. smiled at Sue Ellen's attempt to get comfortable, gently kissing her cheek. "I can't wait for the adoption to come through," Pam sighed as she placed a piece of salad on her fork. "Bobby says that we can interview parents any day now."

Lucy grimaced from her seat at the Ewing table. She was getting sick of Pam blathering on and on about the new baby. _At least Sue Ellen has the decency to keep her excitement to herself_, Lucy muttered bitterly, still angry over Pam's attitude towards Jimmy. _Who does Pam think she is anyway_, Lucy seethed. _I don't see Sue Ellen or Grandma babying me the way she is. I'm in college for crying out loud, and in case she forgot, I already have a mother._

"Lucy?"

Her grandmother's gentle but firm voice stole Lucy's angry thoughts from Pam. "Yes, Grandma?" she asked, chewing a piece of turkey.

"I was just asking how school was going," she smiled.

"Oh," Lucy said quietly. Lucy grimaced at the mention of Southern Methodist University. She hadn't been paying attention to her studies in the past few months, wondering if college was really for her.

"Lucy, your grandma asked you a question," Jock prodded.

"School's great," Lucy lied through her teeth, "I love all my classes."

"In another year, you'll be a college graduate," Pam said.

"Don't hold your breath," Lucy muttered.

Bobby noticed her uneasiness, shooting her a questioning look.

Jock took a swig of his water as his attention turned to his son. "Well, Junior, how did the meeting with the Hammond Industries?" Hammond Industries bought oil from the Ewing refinery and shipped it to their stations. The Ewings had been in business with Michael Hammond for decades.

"Daddy, they're being investigated by the Texas Energy Commission for bad business and they need us to come down to Washington D.C. and testify on their behalf."

Sue Ellen frowned when she heard that her husband was leaving on another business trip so close to the birth of the baby._ Why didn't he tell me earlier?_

J.R. didn't notice his wife's uneasiness, he was trying to gauge his father's attitude, not wanting to upset him.

"Damn," Jock muttered, "I don't want to go all the way out to Washington D.C."

"Can't J.R. go alone?" Ellie asked.

"No, Mamma, Daddy's been dealing with the Hammonds longer than I have; he's a key witness."

No one anything as they realized the enormity of the situation.

"Is Ewing Oil in trouble?" Lucy asked.

"No, Lucy," J.R. assured. "There was an environmental accident with our oil after it arrived. They were probably just careless, causing an oil spill. Ewing Oil has no connection with them whatsoever."

"Then why are you leaving?" Sue Ellen whispered bitterly.

J.R. was in a deep discussion with Jock, and didn't notice Sue Ellen's complaint.

"I think I should go too," Bobby said finally.

J.R. shot Bobby a look that told him to back off. Bobby met his glance, evenly, and chose to ignore him. "In case you forgot, J.R, I am an executive at Ewing Oil and am involved in all of Ewing Oil affairs." He looked to Jock for conformation. "We should represent the company as a unit."

Pam looked at Bobby. "Is that really necessary?" she asked.

"Yes," Bobby said frustrated, wanting to know why no one in the family took him seriously when it came to business.

"When do you leave?" Sue Ellen asked quietly, her head lowered.

J.R. looked at his young, pregnant wife, realizing what he had just done. "In a few days, Honey."

"Who's going to run the business while you boys are gone?" Ellie asked.

"I hate to close up," Jock muttered, "we'll get behind."

"Why don't I stay behind and run Ewing Oil," J.R. said, grasping for Sue Ellen's hand. She angrily pulled away from him.

"J.R., you've been dealing with him for months – you have to be there," Bobby reasoned.

"Then it's settled," Jock said finally, "the boys and I will take a little vacation down to Washington D.C."

Sue Ellen pulled her chair away and walked up the stairs, ignoring J.R.'s questioning stare. She hated him at that moment, lying to her about leaving, telling her that he was pulling away from the business when in fact he was more gung-ho than ever to work.

_Damn him!_ Sue Ellen silently sobbed as she rested her head on the pillow.

"Darlin'," J.R. called, opening the bedroom door. He eyed her fallen body on the bed. "Sue Ellen, let me explain."

"Shouldn't you be packing for your trip," she said bitterly.

J.R. placed his hands on her shoulders, gently working her muscles. "I was going to tell you."

"When? The day you were leaving?" she hissed, trying to block the tears that were forming. She attempted to scoot away from him, but her belly got in the way.

J.R. sighed, as he sat on the bed. "Now, Sue Ellen.…"

"Don't you touch me," she said evenly turning towards him. "Do you have any idea what I'm going through right now, J.R.! Do you!" Sue Ellen lost her battle with her emotions, tears falling from her tiny cheeks. "Let me tell you something, J.R. Ewing, I am a prisoner trapped in this foreign body, waiting for something to happen. I have never felt this alone."

J.R. looked at her with a mixture of love and hurt. He knew he shouldn't be doing this to her.

"And then you come on your white horse and promise me that you'll be there with me the entire time. J.R., if you were going to be abandon me, I'd rather you told me straight out than make me believe… believe that you really cared."

"I do care, Darlin'," J.R. whispered, taking hold of Sue Ellen's hands. "I love you."

"Stop," she protested.

"Listen to me, Sugar," J.R. said gently, lifting her face up to his. "The reason I didn't tell you about the business trip is because I just found out about it this afternoon. It will only be for a few days – five at the most. I'll be back in time for the delivery." J.R. gently pulled Sue Ellen close to him. "And in regards to your exterior, I wouldn't change a thing."

"Liar," Sue Ellen muttered.

J.R. bent down to kiss her mouth. "I love the motherly glow that I see each morning, I love touching the baby growing inside of you, I love the fact that we're going to have another child in less than a month, but what I love most of all, is telling you that I love you every time you doubt beauty – which you shouldn't – because to me, you are still the most devastatingly beautiful woman in all of Texas."

"J.R.," Sue Ellen murmured, her tears dried, "when you say things like that, you make it hard for me to hate you." She buried her head in J.R.'s neck.

"I know that you're going through a hard time right now, Darlin'; but I have every intention of being there for you, if you'll let me."

"I want to, I really do."

"Then you'll have to trust me, Honey. I know that I've made mistakes with you, but that was in the past."

J.R. received his response in a deep kiss from Sue Ellen. "When do you leave?"

"Next week."

Sue Ellen rested her head next to J.R. "Now tell me, Mister Ewing, how do you repay the women you stand up on lunch dates?" she asked deviously.

"I'm glad you asked, Sugar," J.R. laughed, tickling her belly.

"J.R.!" Sue Ellen laughed, pulling his arms towards hers.

J.R. feverishly kissed her neck as he slowly unbuttoned her blouse, the one barrier between them. Sue Ellen closed her eyes, letting him explore her body. "What am I going to do without you?"

"Darlin'," J.R. said breathless, "rather than think about all the time that we'll be apart, think about how wonderful our reunion will be."

With those final words, J.R. and Sue Ellen plunged into their own little world, blocking out every problem, every complication, and every doubt.

-----

Lucy hung her feet over the living room sofa, trying to look at her psychology textbook.

The sounds from J.R.'s room rang through the house. "Ugh," Lucy muttered, "I miss the days when he ignored her." Lucy slammed the book shut, deciding that studying wasn't in the cards for her tonight, not with two obnoxious family members upstairs.

The sound of the doorbell provided a convenient excuse for Lucy to once again derail her studies.

"I'll get it," she called. Lucy opened the door, a broad smile crossing her face when she saw the visitor.

"Hi, Lucy," Jimmy said.

"Hi, Jimmy, come on in." Lucy ushered in her guest, thrilled by his unplanned occurrence. "What brings you to Southfork?"

"Two things actually. My mom needs a recipe from Pam."

Lucy frowned at the mention of her Aunt's name. "And?" she asked eagerly, hoping there was something in it for her.

"And… I wanted to talk to you about this weekend. I know of a disco that just opened up downtown."

"I love dancing," Lucy said, excited with the choice."

"Well I was thinking…."

"Jimmy!" Pam said, entering the room. "What are you doing here?"

Lucy was ready to scream at Pamela Ewing. It wasn't enough that she had to get on her case for wanting to go out with Jimmy, but she had to come in and interrupt them.

"I came here for the zucchini bread recipe that my mom asked for," he said hurriedly. He got an overwhelming feeling that he was doing something wrong by being her with Lucy.

"Oh, yes," Pam said, slowly recovering. "Why don't you come in the kitchen and I'll find it."

Jimmy followed his Aunt, leaving an agitated Lucy on her own. "I am really starting to hate her," Lucy seethed, stomping into the kitchen. _Pam is not going to win this fight._

Lucy entered the kitchen, seeing Pam and Jimmy poring over an old recipe book. _This shouldn't be too hard,_ Lucy thought confidently. _I've fought off women my own age tons of times before._

"I never knew you liked discotheques," Lucy said, edging her way between Pam and Jimmy, swiping Pam with her long pale blonde hair in the process.

Pam let out a groan as she was blinded by a sea of gold.

"Oh yeah, my friends and I go all the time," Jimmy said, turning his attention to Lucy.

"Well you just name the time and I'll be there," Lucy nodded. Jimmy smiled at Lucy.

Pam slammed the book shut, making Lucy jump. "Pam!" Lucy shrieked.

"Sorry," Pam said quietly, trying to hide her amusement. "Jimmy, can I talk to you for a minute before you go."

"Sure, Pam." Jimmy turned to Lucy. "Pick you up Friday at eight?"

"It's a date," Lucy nodded, watching Jimmy walk off.

Pam closed the patio door, sitting on one of the chairs.

"What's up, Pam?"

"Well, it's Lucy."

"We're just going to a club. I'll bring her back."

"She's my niece."

"I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"Lucy… Lucy…," Pam wondered how best to phrase her words.

"Pam, I know all about Lucy. I know that she likes to have fun."

"You do?"

"She's dated a few of my friends before, they've talked about her."

"What have they said?"

"Nothing negative, they say she's the life of the party."

"I don't want you getting over your head."

Jimmy stood up. "Pam, I don't mean any disrespect, but Lucy and I are both adults, and we can make our own decisions."

"You're a good guy, Jimmy. I don't want Lucy to change that."

"What kind of a woman do you think Lucy is?" Jimmy asked, slightly annoyed.

"Don't get me wrong – I love her, but she hasn't always made the best decisions when it comes to men."

"I'm not marrying her, Pam. It's one date, maybe it will lead to another."

"I don't want things to get out of hand."

"I can handle myself," Jimmy said, standing up. "Is there anything else you wanted?"

"Jimmy, I wish you wouldn't do this."

"Goodnight, Pam," Jimmy said, leaving the ranch.

Pam turned back into the door, and was greeted by a fuming Lucy.

"What are you trying to do!" Lucy demanded.

"I am looking out for you and Jimmy," Pam said calmly.

"We can take care of ourselves."

"You haven't always shown that, Lucy," Pam said.

"So I've made a few mistakes in the past; so have you," Lucy glared. "You're no saint, Pam."

Pam frowned. "I don't like your tone."

"I don't like the fact that you're trying to control me."

"Lucy…."

"Stay out of my life, Pam!"

Bobby came into hallway, silently surveying the confrontation.

Pam came towards Lucy, reaching out for her. "I will not stay out of your life; I care too much about you to do that."

Lucy angrily brushed Pam's hands away. "You don't care about me. You care about your precious cousin Jimmy. You think that I'm going to corrupt him, don't you?" Lucy stood with her hands on her hips.

Bobby thought about going in and breaking up the fight. He eyed Lucy carefully; _she packs a lot of attitude in that little body._

"Or is it because I'm a Ewing?" Lucy questioned, egging Pam on. "It always comes down to the Barnes/Ewing Feud doesn't it? Ever since you came into this family it's all granddaddy and J.R. can think about."

Pam was ready to slap the little girl to high heaven. _How did she get that mouth of hers? __Too much neglect as a child; Jock and Miss Ellie spoiled her rotten._ "You don't know what you're talking about, Lucy," Pam said sharply.

"Don't I?" Lucy challenged. "Everyone in this damn family has me pegged as some little schoolgirl. No one takes me seriously."

"It's a little hard to take you seriously when keep having temper tantrums," Pam scoffed.

Bobby lifted a hand to his mouth to stifle a laugh. Pammy had always been nurturing to Lucy, partly because she wanted children, and partly because she saw that Lucy needed guidance from someone. Pam was willing to call Lucy out on her behavior, something that he couldn't even do. Lucy still didn't realize it, but she needed Pam in her life.

Lucy dug her heels in. "Like I said before, Pam, I already have a mother and father, and they take care of me just fine."

"Really, how can they do that when their thousands of miles away in California?" Pam instantly regretted her comment about Gary and Valene. Lucy had always been sensitive about her folks, hearing an earful of badmouthing from J.R. about both of them. "Lucy…."

Lucy ran towards the stairs. "It's too bad you couldn't have a child of your own, it would have made things easier on me."

Pam stood there in silence, her eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"Lucy Ann Ewing!" Bobby shouted. He had heard enough. Bobby rushed towards Pam, grabbing her shoulders.

Lucy froze on the stairs. Her Uncle Bobby rarely yelled at her unless she had done something horrible, like the time she had done drugs her senior year of high school.

Pam looked at Bobby, knowing that Lucy's words, however unkind they were, were very true. She quietly left Bobby's embrace and headed outside.

Bobby watched, torn, wondering if he should try to console his wife or yell at her wild niece.

"Bobby," Lucy said nervously, knowing that she deserved a tongue-lashing for what she said to Pam.

"I'll deal with you later," Bobby said gruffly. Lucy nodded as she went to her room.

Pam sobbed quietly outside, her face buried in her hands.

"Pammy," Bobby said gently, touching her tiny back. "Lucy didn't mean what she said."

"Yes she did," Pam said turning to Bobby, "and she's right. I tried to help raise that girl because I didn't have a child of my own."

"You helped raise Lucy because you care about her."

"Bobby, I want a child of our own."

"I know you do, Pam."

"I'm happy that we're adopting, but it's not the same as having a child that's really ours. I see Sue Ellen, and she is so lucky to be able to have two children. I can't even have one."

"Oh, Pam," Bobby soothed, "you can't give up hope, not yet."

"The doctors said that I can't carry a baby. They can't even tell me why."

"Pam, that doesn't mean that we won't be able to have a child in another year or two."

"I don't want to wait another year or two, Bobby. I see how those DOA ladies flock to Sue Ellen, gushing over how wonderful it is to be pregnant, and then they come to me and ask if we're planning on having a family… and I don't know what to say."

Bobby kissed Pam's forehead. "All you need to know, is that I love you more than anything in the world, and within a few short months, we'll be able to make a beautiful home for our new baby."

"You're right, Bobby," Pam said gently. "We have a lot to be thankful for."

"Yes we do." Pam kissed Bobby's cheek. "Now what happened between you and Lucy today?" Bobby asked gently.

"She's going on a date with my cousin Jimmy, and I suppose I may have overreacted."

"May have?"

"Bobby, I don't want those two dating each other. This family has enough trouble with the Barnes' and we don't need any more."

"How do you know that things will end badly?"

Pam looked up at her husband. "Come on, Bobby, you know how Lucy's relationships tend to go. Wild and crazy."

"I don't think you're being very fair to her," Bobby reasoned. "She may not have had the best luck with men in the past, but that may be because she hasn't met the right one yet."

"I don't think Jimmy's it."

"But that's not up for us to decide. Lucy needs to make her own choices."

"Are we supposed to let her get hurt while she's making those choices?"

"Lucy is a Ewing, and Ewings have a way of landing on their feet," Bobby reassured her, leading her into the house.

"I still don't like it," Pam muttered.

"I know, Honey, but Lucy had a valid point earlier, she's an adult, and there is no point in trying to control her, because she will just go off and do what she wants anyway."

Pam laughed, "I love that girl very much."

"She knows you do. I think that's why she reacted the way she did, people always take their anger out on their family."

"I love Jimmy too. He has a bright future ahead of him, a future that Cliff and I were never offered."

"You never seemed ashamed of your roots before."

"I'm not ashamed, Bobby. You have to understand that growing up wasn't easy for me – or Cliff. If there's any way that Jimmy can escape that path, I want him to, and Aunt Maggie wants him to."

Bobby kissed his wife's cheek. "You worry too much."

"You worry too little," Pam scoffed.

"You coming inside?"

"I'll be in later, Bobby. I was going to go take a drive."

"To see Cliff?"

"Bobby, you tell me not to worry about him, but I do. He has no one else in the world."

Bobby nodded, "Give my regards."

"I will," Pam promised as she got into her black car and drove off. Bobby watched his wife leave. _That woman was born to be a mother, _he thought, heading up the stairs to Lucy's room.

Lucy carefully stuffed her magazine under her bed when she heard Bobby's nock. "Come in."

"Lucy," Bobby greeted her, "we need to talk."

"I suppose you've talked to Pam already," Lucy muttered, believing that Bobby would choose Pam over her in the argument.

"Yes I have."

"It's not her job to tell me who I can and cannot go out with."

"I agree."

"You do?" Lucy asked brightly.

"Yes, but you and I both know that Pam is just looking out for your best interests, and if she's concerned about you and Jimmy, you should hear her out."

"The only reason she doesn't want me near Jimmy is because he's her family and she thinks that I'll be a bad influence on him," Lucy frowned. "She's using my bad track record with men against me."

"I think you should talk to her."

"I've said everything I need to say."

Bobby turned towards the door, "I hope you change your mind."

"I won't," Lucy affirmed as Bobby closed the door. _This is one right that Pamela Ewing is going to lose._

_-----_

Pam eyed Cliff's apartment complex as she headed up the stairs. She had called various bars in the Dallas area, no one hearing from Cliff that night, so she was hopeful that Cliff was alright.

Pam's hopes were dashed when she found the door unlocked and Cliff nursing a half-gone bottle of bourbon in a room filled with newspapers, Chinese takeout, clothes, and empty bottles. "Cliff," Pam scolded, coming towards him. "Don't you ever stop drinking?"

Cliff scowled at his sister. "Well if it isn't Mrs. Ewing. I'm surprised Bobby let you off your lease long enough to see the common folk."

"You're drunk," Pam said as she started picking up newspapers.

"And you don't belong here," Cliff staggered up off the couch. "I meant what I said the day of the barbeque. You stopped being a Barnes the day you married Bobby. I'm not your responsibility anymore."

Pam ignored Cliff's rants as she emptied the trashcan. "When was the last time you went to work?"

"The DA is has hit a lull in cases. Why are you hear, Pam?"

"Because, Cliff, whether you like it or not, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, we are still family."

"How do the Ewings feel about that?"

"Leave the Ewing family out of it. I am talking about us. What you did at the barbeque was unjustified and unacceptable."

"When did you start writing the rules of social conduct?"

"Cliff, don't make me choose between you and Bobby. You can't do that."

"And why not?" Cliff laughed.

"Because you'll lose, Cliff! Nothing, and I mean nothing will stand in the way of my marriage to Bobby."

"I already told you Pam, no one is keeping you here. If you want Bobby Ewing, be with Bobby Ewing, but you will lose me."

Tears began to form in Pam's eyes, "Cliff, please don't do this."

Cliff softened his tone. "You have a full life without me, Pammy. You have a husband who seems to love you, and you'll be getting a child soon."

"A child who deserves to know his Uncle."

"I'm sure J.R. would love telling your son or daughter about drunk Cliff Barnes."

Pam lowered her head, wiping her tears. "This is really it then. Twenty years of being a family are being thrown away because you can't accept my marriage."

"You knew what you were getting into when you married him," Cliff spat, going into his room.

"Yes I did," Pam said in silence, "and I was foolish enough to believe that everything would work out in the end."

-----

Upstairs in J.R.'s bedroom, the tiny nightlight shone bright on the two lovers.

Sue Ellen sighed as she turned on her side to her if her husband was awake. "J.R.," she whispered demurely, not wanting to disturb him.

"Hmm," J.R. mumbled, lifting his head to see his wife.

"You know what I love about carrying this child?" she smiled.

"What?" J.R. asked, lacing his fingers with hers.

"This baby was conceived with love, J.R."

J.R. laughed. "Yeah, I suppose he was."

"He?" Sue Ellen questioned.

"It doesn't feel right calling the child 'it', Sue Ellen."

"Well I'm just happy to know that when we created _her_ we were happy."

J.R. turned onto his stomach. "How unhappy were you when you were pregnant with John Ross?"

"That was one of the lowest periods of my life, J.R. My relationship with you was in turmoil, I was drunk all of the time. I'm just so happy that the Lord gave me another chance to do it right."

"He gave us both another chance, Sue Ellen. And I promise you that I am not going to ruin it."

Sue Ellen placed a smooth kiss on J.R.'s mouth. "I don't think I've ever been more content than I am right now."

J.R. nodded, stroking Sue Ellen's hair. "When was the last time I told you I loved you?"

"Hmm, I don't believe you told me since you left for work this morning."

"Well pardon me for that large grievance," J.R. laughed, "I love you, Sue Ellen."

"I know you do," Sue Ellen smiled, turning off the light.

J.R. frowned, "Do you have something you want to say to me, Darlin'?"

"Like what?" Sue Ellen laughed, knowing where the conversation was headed.

"Never mind," J.R. said gruffly, disappointed in her response he turned on his side.

"J.R.," Sue Ellen said in her lilting voice, "I love you.""Thank-you." J.R. smiled as he closed his eyes, dreaming of the wonderful life he was going to have with his wife. It had taken him ten years to get it right, and he had too much at stake to pull out.

-----

It was after midnight when Pam came back from Cliff's. She spent hours driving around the metro area in tears. Years of feuding and bitterness resulted in the breakup of a family.

Bobby spied Pam's car from the balcony. He knew that tonight must have gone poorly for Pam, or she would have been home earlier.

"Pam." Bobby helped her out the car, soothing her shaking body.

"It's over, Bobby. This time, it's really over."

Bobby said nothing, "Come inside," he ushered.

Lucy Ewing watched the scene from her bedroom, a wicked smile forming across her mouth at the sight of Pam finally getting what she had coming.

-----

Sue Ellen slowly trudged into the house after another day of shopping for the baby. She didn't want to admit it, but the Texas heat was beginning to get the better of her. A swift kick from the baby alerted her to the task at hand as she maneuvered her way up the spiral staircase. She smiled thinking of J.R.'s previous warnings to be careful on the stairs. It was only a few years ago that she had fallen down the long steps while pregnant with John Ross. _It really is a miracle that noting happened to him,_ Sue Ellen thought thankfully, opening the door to her empty room.

A small frown crossed her mouth; she had been hoping that J.R. would have been home to greet her. But the preparation for the hearing was more extensive than he once thought, and Ewing Oil commanded his attention.

Sue Ellen sat on the bed, feeling the mattress give a little under her weight.

"Hi, Sue Ellen," Lucy called, "How was shopping?"

"Crowded. There are so many expectant mothers in this town."

Her niece presented her with an envelope. "J.R. left this for you an hour ago."

"He's gone?" Sue Ellen asked quietly.

"He said he had something important to take care of."

_I'll bet_. "Thank-you, Lucy."

With one swift motion, Sue Ellen opened the envelope.

_Darlin', _

_I'm sorry I wasn't able to meet you at home this afternoon. I can't wait to see you tonight, love of my life._

_Love, J.R. _

"Very mysterious," Sue Ellen said thoughtfully, tucking the note in her pocket.

Lucy stood outside the hallway, watching Pam's bedroom door. She heard the details from Bobby at breakfast that morning, and wasn't surprised at the event. _She was a simp to believe that everyone would live together happily. _Lucy knew the firestorm that dating Jimmy Monahan would bring, but at least she was intelligent enough to see it coming. Pam hadn't left her room once that day. J.R. had rushed Bobby to the office, sticking him with useless paperwork all morning and because of the upcoming business trip, Bobby couldn't argue with him and look after Pam. Miss Ellie and Sue Ellen had tried to get through to her all day but it to no avail.

"Lucy?"

The girl spun around at the sound of her Aunt's voice. "Yes, Sue Ellen?"

"Is everything alright?"

Lucy plastered a fake smile on her face. "Why wouldn't it be?"

Sue Ellen grinned at her niece. "I know you, Lucy, you're hovering over your grandma and Aunt Pam, and I think I know why."

"It really doesn't involve you, Sue Ellen." Lucy wasn't trying to be rude, she just wanted to be left alone.

"I know that, Lucy. But I just want you to know that you can talk to me if you ever need to."

"Thanks."

"And I also want to you to know that whatever issue you are having with Pam won't be permanent, so there is no point in holding a grudge." Sue Ellen turned back to her room.

"Sue Ellen?"

"Yes?"

"You said that your mother never approved of J.R."

"She thought he wasn't good enough for me."

"But you ignored her anyway?"

Sue Ellen frowned, feeling a J.R. bashing coming on. "What do my mother and J.R. have to do with you?"

Lucy struggled with her words. "How did you know to ignore your mother and go out with J.R.?"

"I was too interested not to. Your uncle was all I could think about."

Lucy smiled, knowing she felt the same way about Jimmy. "So even though your mother knew what was best, you knew better."

"Lucy, when it comes to major decisions, no one can make them but yourself."

Lucy nodded her head confidently. "That's all I needed to hear, Sue Ellen."

"Glad I could help."

Lucy turned to her room. "Now what will I wear this weekend?"

Sue Ellen gently knocked on Pam's bedroom door. She had heard about her fallout with Cliff from Bobby, and given Pam's previous depression, Sue Ellen was concerned about how Pam was handling her problem.

After waiting a minute, Sue Ellen walked in, finding a stoic Pam lying on the bed. "Hi," Sue Ellen said gently.

"Sue Ellen?" Pam looked up. "I didn't even hear you come in."

"I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"Not at all."

Sue Ellen took a seat on the bed. "Bobby told me about you and Cliff."

Pam let out a gasp of air. "Cliff. Every decision I ever made seems to go directly back to him. You know I spent my high school years taking care of him? While he was putting himself through law school, I made sure that he was eating and not living on the streets, that he was happy. Marrying Bobby was one of the first decisions that I ever made for myself. And even then, I was so worried about Cliff – and Digger – that I didn't get to truly enjoy the first few months of my marriage."

"I'm sure J.R. contributed."

"He did. But I could fight J.R., Cliff is different. I could never just up and leave him, he's the only family I had left." Pam swallowed, her eyes beginning to get misty. "I never thought I'd see the day where I actually had to choose between Bobby and Cliff."

"Cliff will come back to you when he is ready," Sue Ellen assured. "I know that he loves you very much."

"I know that Cliff loves me. But sometimes he can be so…"

"Egocentric?"

"Yes," Pam nodded.

"You're forgetting that Cliff and I were once an item. I know all about Cliff's desire to fulfill his own needs."

"At the expense of everyone else. Well I can't live like that anymore."

"You shouldn't have to. And when Cliff realizes that, he will come back."

"You really think he could accept me as a Ewing?"

"If J.R. can make an effort to accept you as a Ewing, why can't Cliff?"

"You really think your husband has accepted me into this family?" Pam asked in disbelief.

"I think that he is making a genuine effort. He knows how important it is to his parents that everyone get along. And he knows that it's important to me. He really has changed you know."

"I know that J.R. has changed his attitude towards you, and I'm very glad that you two can be happy together. No one deserves it more than you." Pam hugged Sue Ellen.

"Just remember, that you still have the Ewing family behind you, no matter what."

"How very comforting," Pam laughed.

-----

Sue Ellen entered the Southfork driveway after an hour of meetings with contributors to a DOA charity. She found it peculiar that Miss Ellie had never mentioned the appointment before, but Sue Ellen could never disappoint her mother-in-law or the Daughters of the Alamo.

The house was empty as Sue Ellen dropped her purse. "Hello?" she gently called. "Miss Ellie? Pam? Bobby? Lucy? J.R.?" Sue Ellen rubbed her temple with her fingers as a red envelope caught her eye.

_Darlin', _

_Come out to the back porch. The rest of the family is out of the house, and it's just you and I._

_J.R._

Sue Ellen smiled, _my loving husband is up to one of his little schemes. _Sue Ellen rushed to the back of the house, caught off guard by the scene before her. The porch was smothered with flowers of all sorts. There was a small round table with two giant candles in the middle. J.R. stood in the middle, anticipating his wife's arrival.

"How are you, Sugar?" he asked, kissing her cheek.

"J.R.," Sue Ellen whispered, examining the scene. "Why did you do this?"

J.R. smiled at his wife. "Well, Darlin', it occurred to me that you and I haven't had dinner alone in a very long time."

"Everything is so lovely."

"Well I wanted tonight to be special."

Sue Ellen shot a confused look at her husband. "Are we celebrating something tonight?"

J.R. pulled Sue Ellen's chair out for her. "You could say that."

"A new oil deal?"

J.R. laughed at his dining partner." Not quite, Sue Ellen. This is more important than a business deal. We are celebrating our new baby."

"J.R.," Sue Ellen gushed.

J.R. dipped into his pocket and produced a small box. "I was nervous about doing this, Honey, if I remember the last time I gave you one of these, you turned me down flat."

"J.R.?" Sue Ellen questioned, highly confused.

J.R. opened the box, producing a silver ring, one that Sue Ellen hadn't seen in a few years.

Tears began to well in her eyes, "J.R. I can't believe you kept it."

"It was a lovely ring, Darlin'. I couldn't part with it."

Sue Ellen lovingly gazed at the maternity ring that J.R. had presented her when she came home with John Ross. He had tried so hard to win her good graces, doing everything in his power to keep her happy. But she wasn't for sale, and it would have taken more than a ring to win her heart those years ago.

Sue Ellen could no longer control her emotions. "J.R., this may be the sweetest, most loving thing you've ever done."

J.R. gently placed the ring on her finger. "I love you, Sue Ellen. I love you just as much now as I did when we first met. I can't imagine being with anyone else."

Sue Ellen couldn't speak. J.R. moved closer to her as he lovingly wiped her tears. "I don't deserve to be this happy, or to have you as my wife." He gently kissed her mouth.

"I love you, J.R.," Sue Ellen whispered, "I always have, and I always will."

J.R. took Sue Ellen's hand in his. "May I have this dance?" he asked.

Sue Ellen shot J.R. a confused look. "There's no music."

J.R. pulled Sue Ellen close to him, "I guess we'll just have to make our own." J.R. J.R. hummed a gentle tune as Sue Ellen rested her head against his chest. With the sun setting in the background, tonight was the perfect final evening for two lovers about to be separated. Sue Ellen closed her eyes, memorizing every little detail about her husband, hoping that she would find the strength to live through the next few days.

"What are you thinking about?" J.R. asked.

Sue Ellen raised her eyes. "I was thinking about you leaving for Washington D.C."

J.R. patted Sue Ellen's long hair. "Let's not spoil tonight with thoughts about the rest of the week. All I want to think about is you." J.R. leaned down to kiss Sue Ellen's quivering lips as he kept her in a protective hold, washing away all of her fears.

-----

Pam was sandwiched between Miss Ellie and Bobby at the Oil Baron's Club. J.R. had convinced the family to give him time alone with Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie readily agreed. Lucy conveniently skipped the family dinner with plans of her own, which was just as well for Pam, still reeling over the past few days.

Bobby noticed her concern and offered to take her home early, gently helping his wife out of her seat. He had tried to be there for Pam as much as he could lately, but work was continuing to get in the way. No matter how bad Pam was feeling, Bobby was not going to let J.R. accuse him of shirking from his responsibilities at the office. He had his father on his side and he had a feeling that with a few more months of hard work, he could prove his worth at Ewing Oil.

Bobby Ewing knew one thing however: he hated Cliff Barnes. In the past Bobby had always run interference, protecting a weak Cliff from a strong Jock and J.R., ready to kill him in one swift move. Bobby had kept the peace for a few years and there had been no immediate problems – until Cliff started putting Pam in the middle. Hating J.R. was one thing, but making life miserable for Pam was not going to be tolerated. Bobby decided that he was through being nice to Cliff for Pam's sake. His first priority was going to be the happiness of his wife and as far as he was concerned, Cliff could go to hell.

"I'm so sorry for everything, Bobby," Pam said tearfully as she buckled her seatbelt.

"Pamela, you have done nothing wrong and you are not accountable for Cliff's actions. Maybe you two need a break from one another."

"Cliff and I have fought, but never like this. He made his intentions clear, he won't accept me as a Ewing, and I cannot live any other way." Pam leaned her head on Bobby's shoulder. "I'm blocked into a corner, and there is no way out."

Bobby let out a frustrated sigh as he smoothed Pam's locks with his free hand. Bobby and Pam had been through so much in the past few years, it seemed as if the fates were willing for them to fail. After finally conquering their quest for a child, Cliff threw himself into the mix, meddling in his sister's life. Bobby shook his head in anger. He would make the situation with Pam right again, he loved her too much to let her go.

-----

Sue Ellen and J.R. moved to the balcony of their bedroom, holding champagne glasses. Sue Ellen closed her eyes, the sparkling water cooling her lips. "I want to remember us exactly as we are."

J.R. came up behind her, kissing her neck.

"J.R.," Sue Ellen giggled, turning to take his hand in hers. "I wonder how many more nights we'll have to spend like this."

"What do you mean, Darlin'?"

"Well – you and I are going to be so busy with the new baby, we may not have as much time for each other."

J.R. grabbed her shoulders, kissing her mouth. "I will always make time for you, Honey."

Sue Ellen batted her eyelashes at her husband. "Is that a promise, Mister Ewing?"

J.R. answered her with another deep kiss, placing Sue Ellen's glass on the edge of the railing as he pulled her onto the bed. "This is a promise worth keeping."


	3. Chapter 3: Reminiscing

The orange glow of the sun highlighted the faces of the Ewing women as they said goodbye to their beloved men. It had been a long time since Jock, J.R., and Bobby all went out of town at the same weekend.

Sue Ellen wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, inhaling the scent of his cologne. This would be all she could have of him for five days. "I wish you didn't have to leave."

"I know, Sue Ellen," J.R. nodded, grasping her hands. "You know if there was any other way.…"

"You'd be here with me, John Ross, and the baby."

"Um-hum." J.R. leaned in to kiss Sue Ellen's cheek. "I promise to call you when we land in Washington."

"J.R.- promise me, promise me… promise me that you won't forget me," she said softly.

J.R. Ewing smiled at his wife's." J.R. leaned in to kiss Sue Ellen's cheek. "I promise to call you when we land in Washington."

"J.R.- promise me, promise me… promise me that you won't forget me," she said softly.

J.R. Ewing smiled at his wife's insecurities. He wondered if she would ever be able to trust him completely. "Darlin', there is nothing in all of God's green earth as spectacular as you are."

Sue Ellen pulled J.R. towards her, giving him a passionate kiss on the mouth.

J.R. wrapped his arms around Sue Ellen, memorizing the way her body felt against his. "That was one hell of a kiss, Sugar," J.R. smiled.

Sue Ellen laughed, "I'm crazy about you, J.R."

"That makes two of us." J.R. leaned down and touched Sue Ellen's burgeoning belly. "You be good for your mamma here, and don't you come out till I get back."

"I'll keep an eye on her, J.R.," Miss Ellie promised.

"My child knows to wait for his daddy," J.R. insisted.

"You did it again, Darling," Sue Ellen said quietly. "There's no guarantee the child is going to be a boy."

"Sure it will," Jock insisted. "Soon I'll have two grandsons."

Sue Ellen cringed at Jock's possessive attitude towards her unborn child. _I hope the baby is a girl to spite them both._

Sue Ellen placed a smile on her face for her husband, determined not to let talk of the child ruin her goodbye. "I hope neither one of you will be disappointed if the child turns out to be a girl."

J.R. squeezed his wife's shoulders. "You know my answer to that, Darlin'. I was only teasin' you."

Sue Ellen nodded, not convinced of her husband's sincerity. He was his father's son, and there were clear signs of 'son syndrome' as she preferred to call it, an obsession with breeding boys.

J.R. held Sue Ellen close to him. "You remember to relax now, Honey, I don't want any undue stress."

"J.R., I have done this before," Sue Ellen playfully reminded him.

"I know, but anything can happen."

Sue Ellen batted her eyelashes at her husband. "I don't believe my eyes, the great J.R. Ewing is afraid."

J.R. took Sue Ellen by the shoulders, his expression solemn. "If anything happened to you, Honey, why I don't know what I'd do."

Sue Ellen smiled as she kissed her husband's cheek. "Like you said, it's only five days."

Bobby held Pam's hands in his. "I need you to be strong, and watch over Sue Ellen, Mamma, and Lucy."

Pam let out a small smile, tiny traces of the old Pam beginning to return. "You know that you can always count on me, Bobby."

Bobby kissed her cheek. "That's why I feel so comfortable about leaving you here. I know that you'll be fine."

Pam put on her best fighting smile. "I won't let Cliff get in the way of our happiness, Bobby."

"I'm glad to know that you feel that way." Bobby gently rubbed her shoulders. "This fight between you two – it's only temporary. Your brother will come around when he realizes how much he misses you."

"Let's just hope it will be sooner rather than later," Pam laughed, giving her husband a final kiss goodbye.

Pam watched J.R. and Sue Ellen talk, still amazed at the progress of their relationship over the past eight months. _Maybe, just maybe, J.R. will do right by her after all._ Pam watched J.R. pull his wife in for a kiss. _But I won't know that until after the baby is born_. Pam wanted to be proven wrong about J.R., she couldn't bear to think of the pain that it would cause Sue Ellen – discovering her husband reverting back to his old ways.

"Where's Lucy?" Bobby asked, hoping to say goodbye.

"I let her sleep," Ellie said. "I'm counting on you and your brother to keep an eye on your daddy."

"Yes, Mamma."

"Now see here, Miss Ellie, I can take care of myself," Jock insisted.

"I know, Jock, but I feel better knowing that the boys are looking out for you."

Bobby and Jock got into the Ewing limousine as J.R. continued his farewell with Sue Ellen. "I love you, Sugar."

"I love you more."

"Impossible," J.R. smiled, stroking her cheek. "These past few months have been the best months of my life, and there's no way I'm ending them now." J.R. wrapped his arms around Sue Ellen's waist for one final kiss.

"Oh, J.R.," Sue Ellen murmured, breathless, She looked into his blue eyes, now turning a hint of grey from the passion. A tiny tear fell from her cheek.

J.R. gently took his pointer finger, brushing the tear away from her face. "Don't cry, Sugar."

"Move it you two," Bobby called from the vehicle.

"Back off, Bob," J.R. said gruffly. "You call me if anything – absolutely anything happens."

"Of course."

J.R. got in the car next to Jock as Sue Ellen blew him a kiss.

The women banded together as they headed back into the now quiet ranch house. "You know something, Miss Ellie," Sue Ellen said softly.

"What, Sue Ellen."

"I miss them already."

-----

Dinner at Southfork was one of Miss Ellie's favorite times of the day. Bobby and J.R. would return from Ewing Oil, Jock would come back from working the ranch with Ray, Lucy would come after classes, Pam would come in after a day at The Store, and Sue Ellen would return from her shopping.

All of that changed when the men were gone. Jock was the one who always insisted that the Ewings eat at seven o'clock every night, and the family followed his orders. The Ewing matriarch hoped that tradition would stay intact while the men were away.

Lucy buzzed by her grandmother, nearly knocking into a tray of food.

"Where's the fire, Lucy?" Miss Ellie asked.

"Sorry, Grandma," Lucy smiled, "I'm running late for a date."

"With Jimmy Monahan?" Sue Ellen asked as Pam followed in for dinner.

"Yes," Lucy said plainly, shooting a glance at Pam, who appeared none-too-pleased at the turn of events. Neither one had spoken since the blowout.

"Lucy –" Pam said quickly.

"I'm running late," Lucy said quickly as she headed out the door, not giving the women in the kitchen a second glance.

"That girl," Pam muttered under her breath.

"Is going to be the death of all of us," Ellie finished.

"I don't think Lucy's headed into any kind of trouble," Sue Ellen said.

"You don't know Jimmy," Pam said.

"But I know Lucy, and I know that she is trying to be an adult, and that coddling her isn't the answer.

"Sue Ellen, I am not coddling her!" Pam said, a little more fiercely than she intended, her anger at Lucy transferring to her sister-in-law. "Lucy is like a daughter to me, I just want her to be safe."

Sue Ellen carefully eyed her opponent. "I care about Lucy just as much as you do, but worrying about her won't make her any safer."

Pam opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off my Miss Ellie. "Why don't we sit down to dinner?"

"That would be wonderful, Miss Ellie," Sue Ellen said, as Pam obediently followed.

-----

Lucy waited outside the gates of Southfork for Jimmy to pick her up. She couldn't stand being in the same house as Pam.

Her baby blue eyes glanced at a car up the road.

"Hey, Lucy," Jimmy called. "I thought I was picking you up at the ranch?"

"Hi, Jimmy." Lucy leaned in to kiss her date on the cheek. "It's a long story."

"Does it have to deal with my cousin Pam?" Jimmy asked, driving to the discotheque.

Lucy sighed, not wanting to bash Pam in front of Jimmy. "She doesn't think we should be dating."

"I know," Jimmy said quietly. "But right now I don't care what she thinks. My mom is cool with it and so am I."

"I'm glad." Lucy turned to her companion. "We haven't really had a chance to talk since the barbeque."

"I know, I've been busy. I started job working at a construction site in downtown Dallas a month ago. The hours are really harsh."

"Wow," Lucy mused, glad to know that as a Ewing, she wouldn't have to work for some time.

"You never told me what you were studying in school."

"School?" Lucy almost choked on the question. School was the last subject she wanted to cover when going on dates. "I'm not really focused on anything particular right now."

"Really?" Jimmy couldn't believe that Lucy wasn't taking her education seriously. If he had been given the chance to go to school, rather than go from one laborious job to the next, he would have taken advantage of the opportunity.

"I just don't think about it," Lucy said blithely.

"What are you interested in?"

"Well, for the past few years all I wanted was to get out of high school, and now that I have I'm just taking some basic courses." Lucy frowned at the intense academic grilling. "You didn't ask me out to talk about school did you?"

Jimmy laughed, this girl was no hardcore student. "You asked me out remember? And no, I wanted to go out with you because I wanted to get to know you."

"Really?"

"Well yeah, you were the only person nice enough to talk to me at the barbeque. And if you stop and think about it, we are family."

Lucy's eyes widened as Jimmy said those final words. This date was not going to be going as she planned.

-----

Teresa cleared the table as the Ewing women retired in the living room. Ellie took a cursory look out the window. "Those clouds look threatening. I don't like it."

Sue Ellen peered above Miss Ellie's forehead, eying the dark spirals that danced through the sky. "I hope the weather is better in Washington D.C.," she said silently, thinking of her husband.

"The men are fine, Sue Ellen," Ellie reassured, gesturing for her to take a seat.

Teresa came into the living room. "Miss Sue Ellen, there's a phone call for you."

"Thank-you, Teresa," Sue Ellen said, going into the other room. Her heart made a jump when she thought it was J.R. "Hello?"

"Hello, Sue Ellen."

The brown haired beauty nearly dropped the phone at the achingly familiar sound of the caller. "Hello, Mamma," Sue Ellen stammered, driving up her courage.

"Is that all the hello I get, Sue Ellen?" Patricia Shepard asked impatiently.

"How are you, Mamma?"

"Fine, Darling, how are you? How's pregnancy treating you?"

"Just fine, Mamma."

"I was thinking of coming to Dallas when the baby was born."

"Mamma, that really isn't necessary."

"Don't be silly, this is my grandchild we are talking about. Remember how nice it was when Kristin and I came to help with John Ross?"

_How can I forget,_ Sue Ellen mused silently. "But you're so busy with your traveling; I couldn't take you away from that."

"A grandmother can always take a few weeks off for her babies."

"Weeks?"

"I haven't seen John Ross in ages."

"He's fine, Mamma."

"Kristin may be coming as well."

"Kristin's coming?" Sue Ellen asked nervously.

"She's had second thoughts about architecture school; you know how fickle women can be. So I suggested that she visit you for some direction."

"Direction?"

"Guidance, stability. I've done my best to raise that girl, but she doesn't seem to want to listen to me. I think you might have a greater chance of getting through to her."

_Good Lord. _Sue Ellen wrapped her hair around her fingers. The thought of Kristin coming to Dallas made her sick. _All of that trouble that she caused._

Kristin's first mission in Dallas had been catching Bobby Ewing when he was vulnerable and separated from Pamela. She did everything she could to make good-guy Bobby sway from his wife – but he never did. That was when Kristin set her sights on J.R. – the other Ewing husband. He was easier to snare than Bobby. Kristin quickly took a job as temporary secretary for J.R. – getting close to him during the day, learning his secrets and his style.

She wasn't ashamed of what she was doing – or afraid of admitting to it. Sue Ellen had called her out on her behavior dozens of times, only to receive a condescending reply from her little sister that she was misinformed.

Sue Ellen knew about her sister's affair with J.R. She knew the minute he got her access to the Ewing condo that he would stray with her. The affair went on for a few months – until J.R. grew tired of Kristin and went in search of another mistress. J.R.'s old secretary, Louella Lee Caraway came back to Ewing Oil, and Kristin was promptly sent packing.

"Sue Ellen!"

Sue Ellen closed her eyes, the shrillness of her mother's voice irked her. "Mamma, Kristin doesn't need to come out here."

"Don't you want to see your sister?"

"Mamma, you know that I would love to see Kristin, but with the new baby coming, and Pam and Bobby's baby coming, I'm afraid that she'd just be in the way."

"We'll both be seeing you and the new baby very soon."

Sue Ellen sighed, there was no getting through to her. "Of course, Mamma. Talk to you soon."

Sue Ellen retreated to the living room, slumping onto the sofa.

"How's your family?" Miss Ellie asked.

"Mamma and Kristin want to see the new baby."

"That sounds wonderful," Pam said. Pam hadn't gotten the chance to know Patricia and Kristin Shepard – she had been separated from Bobby and the family at the time, and didn't know that young Miss Kristin had made a play for her husband. "I'd love to get to know Kristin. I never really knew her while she was in Dallas."

Ellie noted Sue Ellen's quiet attitude. She didn't mind Kristin coming to Dallas – but her mother was an entirely different story. Patricia had been at Southfork when Sue Ellen was going through her depression after having John Ross – and her pushy style had irked Miss Ellie. Ellie found Patricia Shepard to be a troublemaker, but she was still Sue Ellen's mother, and that made her family.

"Kristin is… a real character," Sue Ellen said softly, searching for the right words.

A clap of thunder struck the ranch, coloring the sky a dazzling purple.

"A storm's coming," Miss Ellie noted.

"You could say that again," Sue Ellen muttered, "and her name is Kristin Shepard."

-----

Loud music bounced from the walls of the disco, rivaling the storm screeching outside, but Lucy Ewing didn't notice. She was in her most comfortable element: being the center of attention. Her long blonde hair was pulled black in a sleek ponytail, giving her room to move around.

"You're incredible," Jimmy shouted, dazzled by Lucy's quick moves.

"What?" Lucy laughed, straining her eyes.

Jimmy took her hand and pulled to her a table. "You're an incredible dancer."

"Thanks," Lucy smiled. "You're not so bad yourself." Lucy looked up at the giant silver ball in the middle of the room. In a flash, the room went dark.

"Uh-oh," Lucy muttered.

Shrieks and screams were heard throughout the room as people struggled to find their prospective partners. A tall dark shadow stood on the stage. "We apologize for the power outage, hopefully everything will return to normal soon."

Lucy frowned at the prospect of her evening ending. She hadn't gotten where she wanted to with Jimmy – who still considered more of an old friend than a woman. _I've got to find a way to crack him, _Lucy decided, never letting a man that she didn't like slip away from her.

Jimmy looked with wonder at the tiny beauty in front of him. She had the body of a young teenage girl, but she was as wild and unpredictable as any other woman he had ever dated. He was awestruck by her very presence, and he wasn't sure what he wanted.

Lucy met Jimmy's wide-eyed gaze. "I suppose we should be leaving," Jimmy said quickly.

Lucy frowned at Jimmy's abrupt response. "I'll meet you at the car." The two raced alongside dozens of disco-lovers in the pouring rain. Jimmy took off his coat and handed it to Lucy.

"Thanks," she smiled, ducking into the car. As Jimmy started the engine, neither one knew what to say to the other.

Lucy opened her mouth to speak, "I had a wonderful time tonight." She wasn't lying when she said it, she enjoyed exploring who Jimmy Monahan was, but she wanted more.

"Me too." Jimmy turned to Lucy, "You want to get some ice cream or something?" Lucy focused her eyes on Jimmy, who nervously continued. "I feel bad about the date ending quickly."

"I love ice cream," Lucy grinned as Jimmy drove off, thinking about the possibilities that the night still held.

-----

"We haven't had a blackout in a long time," Sue Ellen commented as she gathered candles and flashlights."

"They were common when my daddy ran the ranch," Ellie said softly, thinking back to earlier years. "I always loved stormy weather when I was a little girl. My daddy would Garrison and myself down and tell us wonderful stories about the old west. Garrison would huddle with my mother, afraid of the thunder and lightning, but I – I sat on my daddy's knee the entire time."

Pam carefully lit the wick of a candle. She wondered where her brother was tonight. She prayed that he was safe in his tiny apartment, and not at another bar, drowning his sorrows.

"I have some rather fond memories of storms myself," Sue Ellen nodded. "Kristin was always deathly afraid of thunder – never could stay by herself."

"What would she do?" Pam asked.

Sue Ellen smiled, remembering happier days with Kristin. "She was a tiny little moppet with long brown hair, always a mess – she would never sit still for mamma long enough to do her hair – and she would run into my room and jump on my bed with me. She scared me a few times with little ear-piercing scream. Then we'd both get under the covers, and I would tell her fairytales until she finally fell asleep."

"Sounds like you and Kristin had a wonderful childhood."

"If only it were that simple."

-----

Jimmy ran for the car, dripping wet, carrying vanilla ice cream in one hand and rocky road in the other.

"Thanks," Lucy said, grabbing the rocky road.

'No problem. You know it's funny, I never imagined going out with a Ewing."

"I guess my family is the devil incarnate to your family."

"Only to Cliff and Digger. My mom did her best to raise Cliff, Pam, and me to be impartial and form our own opinion about Jock Ewing. Digger wasn't always the most reliable source."

"Pam turned out unscathed."

Jimmy laughed as he savored his vanilla bean. "Not quite, Lucy. You know at one point, Pam was worth than Cliff."

"Get out!" Lucy exclaimed. "Mild-mannered Pammy hated the Ewings?"

"Pam wasn't so mild when she was throwing giant rocks at the Ewing building, cursing your granddaddy."

Lucy closed her eyes, trying to envision her Aunt Pam hating someone that much. "I can't picture it."

"After high school, Pam lost her anger for the Ewing family. She knew that it was her hate that was keeping her back, controlling her life. Pam wanted to make a name for herself. She used to say that she refused to have her children live the way she did."

Lucy wondered how two siblings had such different viewpoints on life. Pam was able to forgive the Ewing family, looking past old squabbles, and marry Bobby. But Cliff's loathing was stronger than Digger Barnes' ever was.

-----

On another side of town in a quaint townhouse a tall brunette gazed at a photograph taken a little over a year ago.

"Why sister dearest, won't you be surprised when I come into town?"

The stormy weather fit Kristin Shepard's mood to a tee. She had been burned by her 'perfect' older sister and her louse of a husband one too many times. In the past she had made the mistake of backing down – not standing her ground. She didn't fight hard enough for Bobby – he slipped right through her fingers, and back to Pam. J.R. had forced her out a job when his original secretary came back from a longstanding vacation, treating her like an insignificant bug. She allowed J.R. to use her for casual sex, taking any scrap he offered her, staying alone in an empty townhouse, while her ungrateful sister basked in Southfork goodness.

This time, things were going to be different. Kristin had a unique plan, and she was unafraid of following through – no matter what it took. Step one would be moving onto Southfork – which given Sue Ellen's pregnant state wouldn't be a problem. Who could say no to a concerned sister wanting to see her nephew? Step two would be getting her job back at Ewing Oil. Deciphering a plan for this mission was more complicated, she would need to be sneaky and devious, but she had plenty of experience in that department. She wouldn't be staying in Dallas if she didn't have a plan.

Her plan involved eliminating the completion; in this case it was J.R.'s faithful secretary Louella Lee Caraway. It didn't take too much effort in coming up with the ideal plan for Ms. Caraway; her months with J.R. were very well spent and she had been able to pick up a trick or two from her malicious employer.

_It was sinfully easy_, Kristin laughed, swishing her dark hair to the side. Louella was a newlywed married to a medical research assistant. Kristin had located his boss and used J.R.'s signature style of business to get him to relocate Louella and her husband to Oklahoma. _It's rather astonishing what lonely old men will do for sex_, Kristin laughed. She didn't enjoy propositioning herself, but Kristin had gained experience in that area as well, courtesy of J.R. She was a convenient perk that came with business deals, and J.R,'s associates never turned down a terrific perk.

With Louella out of the way, Kristin could easily wiggle her way into Ewing Oil. Her plan was to go through Jock, who had a soft spot for Sue Ellen's youthful sister. J.R. always did whatever his daddy wanted him to do.

_Once I find my way in Ewing Oil, then I need to show J.R. that I mean business. He never did take me seriously; he always assumed that I would be there at his beck and call, his dutiful little slave, in and out of the office._ Kristin had been very upset when she was forced to leave Dallas, but she didn't leave empty handed.She kept back records of some of J.R.'s dirtier business dealings. Bribes to important people, deals that his father knew nothing about. Kristin knew that her few months spent working as J.R.'s secretary were going to be important. She was given private access to everything that went on behind the scenes. She would have been foolish not to use her time to her advantage. She got close to J.R., learned his secrets, and kept a few for herself. All she had to do was mention a few documents to her brother-in-law he would know to never cross her again.

She had no intention of releasing the information to anyone right away. J.R. would be too afraid to refuse her little deal. _I'm not out to hurt you, J.R., I just don't like being taken advantage of. You may have had your way before, but I've grown quite a bit since we last saw each other. And I'm willing to bet that you're the same man you always were._

Kristin remembered the first time she met the great J.R. Ewing. Sue Ellen had brought him home one night to show her mother, and Kristin looked on anxiously from the stairs. This man had to have been important if Sue Ellen was so crazy about him. Crazy enough to dump her current boyfriend, and to bring him under their mother's critical eye.

She was surprised to discover that Sue Ellen became pregnant for a second time. When she last saw Sue Ellen, she and J.R. were not even on speaking terms. She alluded to her younger sister that the marriage wasn't everything it was cracked up to be. Even their mother had picked up on the strained relationship, giving her eldest daughter a solid warning to shape up and be a proper wife and mother, or risk losing her husband.

_Did you ever think you would lose him to me? Your mistake, Darling Sue Ellen, was loosening your grip on him. If you had been the wife that he wanted you to be, well, then I never would have been able to form a relationship with him, now would I?_

Yet J.R. was not the Ewing man that Kristin truly desired. When Kristin met Bobby at Sue Ellen's luxurious wedding to J.R. she was awestruck, but in a very different way than her encounter with J.R. She was twelve years old and just discovering boys for the very first time. When Bobby looked down at her with dark eyes and wide smile, Kristin melted. Not one of the boys in her school could make her feel the way Bobby did during that one afternoon.

Bobby never killed her appetite for the opposite sex; Kristin spent years perfecting her skills as a lover, earning herself an infamous reputation that often worked in her favor. Kristin learned at a quick age that beauty could go a very long way.

Kristin had moved to Dallas at a very opportune time three years ago. Bobby and Pam were separated at the time, a fact that was not lost on her or J.R. J.R. was the one who encouraged Kristin to make a play for Bobby, try to snare him away from Pamela when he was most vulnerable.

Kristin loved spending afternoons with Bobby Ewing. They went swimming, horseback riding, exploring the city, playing checkers. Kristin had finally found another opportunity to be with the man that she never forgot.

But as always there were complications. One especially pesky disturbance was in bitchy Lucy Ewing. _Spoiled brat!_ Lucy had been a thorn in her side from the day Kristin came to Southfork, and she didn't stop until the day she left Dallas.

Lucy saw Kristin's intentions for Bobby and angrily called her out on it, saying that she would never win. She said that she was unwanted at Southfork, it wasn't big enough for her, she didn't belong there.

Kristin hated it when Lucy got her way, which was always. She started a relationship with J.R,'s secret partner Alan Beam, thwarting J.R.'s schemes, which would have benefited both J.R. and Kristin in the long run.

_Your days are numbered little tyrant_, Kristin laughed.

The other enemy, Sue Ellen, was more complex. _Even when she was drunk as a skunk she could still see what was going on_, Kristin muttered angrily. Sue Ellen had once again stuck her nose where it didn't belong, in an attempt to mold her life in the same way their mother had for so many years. Sue Ellen told her that her plan would never work – that Bobby was hopelessly in love with Pam, and a few weeks with her wouldn't change a thing. Kristin adamantly told her sister that she couldn't be more wrong about her relationship with the youngest Ewing man, all the while seething at Sue Ellen's attempt to stay on top, keeping her little sister in her shadow.

_It wasn't enough that you had to have all of Mamma's love and attention, all of the new clothes, all of the approval from everyone, be the best at everything. You had to go off and be Miss Texas, find yourself a millionaire family to move into. You didn't even have the common sense to keep him from cheating on you._

_And where was I while all this was going on. Mamma left me in a damn corner, leaving me with second-hand dresses, your hand-me-downs. I had to go to the same school that you did, where everyone couldn't stop raving about how lucky I was to be your sister. I was confined in your shadow for over twenty years and you didn't blink and eye!_

_But things are different now, I know how you function, I know what you desire, and I am going to take it from you. And then, sweet sister, you will see what is like to be the forgotten one._

The scarlet accents in the sky brought out the darkness in Kristin's eyes. _Sue Ellen Ewing won't know what hit her._ Kristin laughed an desperately evil laugh, vowing to no longer be a victim.

-----

Sue Ellen methodically sipped her glass of soda water, ignoring Pam's conversation with Miss Ellie. It was something along the lines of redecorating, but Sue Ellen didn't care. Her thoughts traveled back to her ever-present sister.

_Kristin Shepard you have made my life very memorable._ She was the only other person in the world who knew what it was like to grow up under Patricia Shepard's firm guidelines. When their father left them after Kristin was born, Sue Ellen took after caring for her sister, protecting her from the outside world. For a brief period, the two were an invincible team, battling the odds to stay together.

_Where did the relationship go wrong?_ Sue Ellen – through no fault of her own – grew into a striking young woman overnight, bypassing awkward preteen years, and turning heads as early as middle school. She began to drift farther away from Kristin, forming her own group of friends and confidantes, but Kristin never left her mind.

_She was always jealous of me, wanting everything I had._ Patricia Shepard played favorites with her girls, an action that Sue Ellen and Kristin both resented to the highest degree. Sue Ellen didn't want to be molded or shaped, she lacked the strength to say no to her mother's incessant demands, slowing relinquishing control over her livelihood, signing herself away to her mother.

_Mamma had such a hard time with Kristin; she was so wild and carless, no one on God's green earth could tame her_._ No one could ever guess that behind that rough exterior, lived a girl waiting for attention._ Kristin never received the opportunities Sue Ellen had been given. Attending the same school that Sue Ellen had, she was constantly referred to as 'Sue Ellen Shepard's little sister'. Even her piers knew of the legendary Miss Shepard. Kristin was a girl who needed to be noticed, to be loved, but she never received it from her mother, or anyone else in her life.

_Mamma still taught her the fundamental lessons: marry into a wealthy family, stay there no matter what, be a proper lady._ Kristin perfected the art the style of the chameleon, cleverly hiding her carnivorous nature behind a demure, well-mannered exterior.

_But I know the truth, little sister, you have no secrets from me._ One of the best kept secrets in the Ewing household was the love affair between Kristin and J.R. The sordid anecdote was known by three people: J.R., Kristin, and Sue Ellen.

_My darling husband doesn't know just how much I know about his 'old self'. While he may be reformed, the actions of his past are stored in my memory. And there is nothing J.R. could ever do or say to destroy the fact that he slept with my sister for several months._

A sharp pain hit Sue Ellen's side. The baby was awake and kicking, completely unaware of the complicated world it would enter into.

-----

J.R. rested on a stiff hotel bed, anxiously punching numbers into the phone. Bobby was out late, being entertained by business associates, and his father was asleep peacefully in the next room. The old J.R. would have found a beside companion by now, hating sleeping alone. But the old J.R. had died away, giving his heart to one woman.

"Damn!" J.R. cursed, receiving another poor signal from the Southfork address. "What is going on at that house?"

Sue Ellen had been on his mind the entire day. If he concentrated hard enough, he could smell her perfume on his suit.

"My yellow rose of Texas. There is no one like her." J.R. found himself singing an old tune.

_There's a yellow rose of Texas_

_That I am going to see__No other soldier knows her_

_No soldier, only me._

_She cried so when I left her_

_It like to broke my heart_

_And if I ever find her_

_We never more will part._

_She's the sweetest rose of color_

_This soldier ever knew_

_Her eyes are bright as diamonds_

_They sparkle like the dew._

_You may talk about your dearest May_

_And sing of Rosa Lee_

_But the Yellow Rose of Texas_

_Beats the belles of Tennessee._

_Oh, my heart is feeling weary_

_And my head is hanging low_

_I'm goin' back to Georgy_

_To find my Uncle Joe._

_You may talk about your Beauregard_

_And sing of Bobby Lee_

_But the Gallant Hood of Texas_

_H__e raised Hell in Tennessee._

"What a special power you hold over me, Darlin'," J.R. mused as he dug into his wallet, retrieving her picture. "I was a fool to let you go for so many years." He picked up the phone to try again, aching to hear her gentle voice. With frustration he slammed the phone down after another rejected call.

"I love you Sue Ellen Ewing, you are the only woman that I have ever loved, and there will never be another to take your place."

-----

Sue Ellen went up the stairs by candlelight, making excuses to Miss Ellie and Pam for retiring early. She stopped by little John Ross' bed. His body was curled in a ball near the head, resting on his pillow, his little bear hanging onto his left hand, hanging over the bedrail.

Sue Ellen gently touched her son's cheek. He seemed to the only Ewing unaffected by the inclement weather. John Ross Ewing III was a happy child by nature, toddling around the house as if it were his own playground; he was an endless ball of energy.

"The best thing your daddy and I ever did together was have you," Sue Ellen sighed. A chill ran through her body as she recalled the nightmarish first few months with her new baby. Sue Ellen was in horrible mental health – getting over her alcoholism and readjusting to being with J.R. She had been hurt by so many men over the years: her father, J.R., Cliff. She made a vow to never let anyone hurt her again. So she distanced herself from her son, in order to protect her heart. She endured criticism from J.R., Pam, Lucy, Bobby, her mother, even Kristin.

_"What kind of mother ignores her own child?" __Kristin__ asked her mother silently as the Ewing family gathered on the back porch._

_"Give her time, __Kristin__. She's been through a great deal."_

_"It's so unnatural."_

Sue Ellen remembered the first time she held John Ross as he cried. Her therapist, Dr. Simon Elby, convinced her to try to love John Ross, that she had nothing more to lose. She gently picked him up, holding him to her chest, and she fell in love.

"You've gotten so big," Sue Ellen smiled. "Just think, in a month you'll have a new brother or sister."

A tiny tear formed in Sue Ellen's eye. John Ross looked so much like his father. They had the same blue eyes and rich dark hair. Sue Ellen pressed her hand to her temple, the presence of Kristin bringing all of J.R.'s misdeeds back into focus. _I almost forgot all of the ways you broke my heart, J.R. I truly believed that we could start over, forget the past, but one thing that you neglected to remember my darling, is that some things are inerasable._


	4. Chapter 4: Sisterly Affection

Chapter 4: Sisterly Affection

"I'll see you both for afternoon brunch, Mamma," Sue Ellen promised as she hung up the phone. Hearing her mother's voice was not the ideal wake up call to start a day, but she had to face the inevitable.

_"Kristin's back in town, and very anxious to see you."_

_"I'm sure she is, Mamma."_

_"Now Sue Ellen, be good to your sister. She hasn't been as fortunate in love as you have been."_

_"She doesn't seem too unhappy."_

_"Kristin can be of great assistance to you if you let her." Remember how nice it was when she stayed with you after John Ross was born?"_

_Sue Ellen bit her lip to keep from screaming. "Mamma, I don't know how Jock and Miss Ellie will feel about another houseguest."_

_"But they love Kristin. And you know that you'll be needing extra help with the new child."_

_"The Ewings have already hired a nursemaid for the new baby."_

_"Just stop by the house today. Everything will fall into place."_

_"Of course, Mamma."_

Sue Ellen carefully pinned her hair in a fashionable bun. Part of her was very curious to see what Kristin had been up to lately. The last time the two saw each other was at the ten-year anniversary party last year. Sue Ellen cringed at the memory. Kristin was in top form that night, inducing stares from all of the male party guests – single and married. But she had eyes for one man that night: J.R. A fact that wasn't lost on Sue Ellen, who witnessed her sister throwing herself at her brother-in-law.

_That girl could not give me a moment's peace, even on night that was supposed to be about me. _Sue Ellen picked up a pearl necklace from her jewelry box, adding it on for a final touch. Smoothly her peach-colored dress, Sue Ellen nodded at the reflection in the mirror. "Perfect."

Miss Ellie and Pam sat at the breakfast table. "Would you like to go into town with me, Miss Ellie?" Pam asked.

"I think that would be nice."

Lucy came down the stairs, dressed in her bathrobe. She nodded her regards to her grandmother and aunt as she reached for the pitcher of orange juice.

"Good morning, Lucy," Miss Ellie said. "What time did you get in last night?"

"Around midnight."

"Did you have a nice time" Pam asked.

Lucy shot her aunt a look. "Jimmy and I had a very nice time. Although it was cut short due to the power outage."

"It hit us too," Ellie said.

Sue Ellen came down the stairs. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Sue Ellen," Pam said, stirring her coffee. "You were very quiet last night."

"I was thinking about Kristin and my mamma."

Lucy wrinkled her nose at the mention of Sue Ellen's devious sister. "You've been seeing Kristin."

"She's come back to Dallas – who knows for how long. I'm meeting her and mamma for brunch."

"Architecture school didn't pan out huh," Lucy laughed. Miss Ellie shot her granddaughter a careful look.

"Kristin was never one to stick with one path for very long."

"We'll have both of them over very soon," Miss Ellie said. "When the men come home."

Lucy buttered her bagel, trying to hide a frown. "I can't wait."

"Do you have time for something to eat?" Pam asked Sue Ellen.

"Afraid not," Sue Ellen said, taking a seat. "But I will have a cup of coffee." Teresa heard Sue Ellen's request and hurried to fill her cup. "Thank-you, Teresa."

"What has your mother been up to, Sue Ellen?" Miss Ellie asked, biting into a muffin.

"She returned from her trip to Greece last month. She adores traveling. But I think she'll be staying at the house for a while now. At least while Kristin is in Dallas." Sue Ellen stood up to leave. "I'll see everyone for dinner tonight."

When Sue Ellen was finally gone, Pam ducked into the living room, retrieving a notebook. "Now that Sue Ellen is gone, we can go over the finishing touches on the baby shower."

"It will have to be soon," Miss Ellie laughed. "She's ready to pop any day now. I think we should invite her mother and Kristin to the party."

"Grandma," Lucy protested. "Does Kristin really have to come? She isn't very close to Sue Ellen, it probably wouldn't make a difference whether she was here or not."

"That's enough, Lucy. Kristin is Sue Ellen's sister. I wouldn't mind seeing her again. She made things interesting at Southfork."

"Too interesting."

"Lucy, you don't know her very well," Pam inserted.

"Neither do you," Lucy shot back, a hint of anger in her voice. Pam was clueless to the fact that the last time Kristin stayed at Southfork, she made a play for Bobby.

"Lucy!" Ellie said strongly, "I want you to put that little attitude of yours away and be civil."

Lucy stood up, "it's clear that I'm not wanted here," she said quickly, leaving the table.

Pam looked on. "I blame myself for Lucy's behavior."

"I take it you two are still fighting?"

"She reminds me of the horses on Southfork, wild and free."

"That's the Ewing spirit. A blessing and a curse. But Lucy has done very well for herself, in spite of everything."

"She really has," Pam nodded.

-----

Patricia Shepard lived in a cute, two-story home in a nice development area. She had kept the house for decades. Sue Ellen and Kristin spent their childhoods here; there were so many memories.

Patricia dusted off a counter while Kristin lounged on the sofa, reading a book. Kristin's reappearance shocked her mother, who assumed that Kristin had been content to strike out on her own in California; but Kristin was a tempestuous woman, and no one knew exactly where she would go next. Patricia was thankful that she had a short amount of time to spend with her youngest. Hope was not lost on Kristin, who still had potential for greatness in her mother's eyes. All she needed was guidance.

The doorbell brought Patricia to the task at hand. She wanted to make sure that Sue Ellen was doing well at Southfork. She remembered how tumultuous her pregnancy with John Ross: the constant drinking, isolating herself from the family, ignoring her son. Patricia believed that Sue Ellen needed Kristin as much as Kristin needed her.

Kristin opened the door, giving her sister a once over. Kristin was dressed in a low cut top and cut-off short, a stark contrast to Sue Ellen's elegant appearance. "Sue Ellen." Kristin hugged her sister, "I haven't seen in months."

"The anniversary party."

"Sue Ellen!" Patricia Shepard came towards her wife. "You look radiant."

Sue Ellen was never accustomed to compliments from her mother. "Thank-you, Mamma." Sue Ellen took a seat next to Kristin, reaching for a tea cup. "I want to know how all about your trip to Greece."

"It was lovely, Sue Ellen. Two weeks traveling the islands of Crete, the beaches, the shopping, it was heaven."

"How long will you be staying at the house?"

"Well, I want to be here for you and the baby. It isn't every day that I get another grandchild."

"You and J.R. must be thrilled with the prospect of another child," Kristin said sweetly.

Sue Ellen eyed her sister. "Actually, Kristin, J.R. and I have never been happier."

Kristin frowned at her sister.

"I'm glad that you two have worked out your issues," Patricia said. "Lord knows I was concerned for you when you had John Ross."

"I was a different person then, Mamma," Sue Ellen said confidently, looking at Kristin, "and right now all I can think about is how wonderful it will be with the new baby."

Kristin reached for a sandwich. _Ugh, she thinks she can fool me by saying that she's happy with J.R. Just you wait until I see him myself, Sue Ellen._

"Did I tell you that Pam and Bobby are adopting?" Sue Ellen asked excitedly. "They'll be three grandchildren on the ranch."

"That's wonderful," Patricia said. "It's a shame that Pam can't have children of her own."

"Don't write Pam off yet, Mamma. She's still a newlywed."

"Sue Ellen's right," Kristin smiled. "Just look at how it took Sue Ellen to have John Ross."

Sue Ellen nearly choked on her apple, sneaking a look at Kristin. _I am not going to let her get to me. _

"Kristin, what are your plans now that you're in Dallas?"

"Well right now I'm keeping Mamma company. But you know me, I go with the flow."

"Are you looking for work?"

"Sue Ellen, she just got here," Patricia insisted, placing a hand on her youngest daughter. "Kristin has a lifetime to work."

Sue Ellen nodded, thumbing the upholstery of the sofa.

"How's Southfork?" Kristin asked.

"Same as when you left. Our head foreman, Ray Krebs finally built his home on Southfork property."

"How are Jock and Miss Ellie treating you?" Patricia asked.

"Wonderfully," Sue Ellen smiled. "There are so happy with the new baby. Miss Ellie has spent months helping me redo the nursery. It's a green color, gender neutral, and the theme is nighttime sky – there are moons, stars, and suns all over wall."

"I'd love to see it," Kristin said.

"How's my favorite grandson?" Patricia asked.

"Rambunctious," Sue Ellen laughed. "He walks all over the ranch, he'll get into almost anything if he's left alone. I think he'll be happy with a new brother or sister."

"We're going to have to get the family together soon," Patricia said as she went into the kitchen to get dessert.

Kristin and Sue Ellen watched their mother leave. "So you and J.R. are happy?" Kristin asked.

"Never better," Sue Ellen smiled. "Why do you ask?"

"Well – the last time I saw you two together, I could of sworn you hated each other."

"You needn't worry about me, Kristin, or my marriage."

Kristin offered her sister a fake smile as she went to the liquor cabinet. "Vodka, Sue Ellen?"

Sue Ellen frowned at her sister. "No, thank-you, Kristin, I've given up drinking."

Kristin returned with her white wine. "Really?"

"You seem surprised," Sue Ellen said with a smirk.

"Come on, Sue Ellen, we know how you love your liquor."

"Kristin!" Sue Ellen said sharply, but she was interrupted by Patricia.

"Lemon tarts," Patricia proclaimed. "I got the recipe from the tour guide on my trip."

"How nice, Mamma," Sue Ellen said standing up. "I hope you don't mind, but I can't stay for dessert. I have errands to run."

Patricia nodded, waving goodbye.

"I'll walk you out," Kristin said. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier," Kristin said. "I'm really proud of you for not drinking anymore. For a while there I was really worried about you."

"How sweet," Sue Ellen said as she headed for her car. "I hope you find what you're looking for in Dallas."

"I'm sure I will," Kristin said mischievously as Sue Ellen drove away. "I plan to get everything that I want, and this time, you won't be able to stop me."

Sue Ellen sped off onto the Dallas Freeway. "Maybe I should keep an eye on Kristin, find out what she's up to." Try as she might, she couldn't shake the image of J.R. and Kristin together. _Who was the guilty party? They both knew exactly what they were doing?_ Sue Ellen kept her hands placed firmly on the steering wheel. _But can I really hold J.R. accountable for his past mistakes?_ A cold realization dawned on her as she drove into the Ewing driveway. _He doesn't know that I know about him and Kristin._

Sue Ellen entered the house in a daze, unable to shake her meeting with her sister. Sue Ellen knew that there was something up with Kristin, that she had a reason for returning to Dallas after all this time. _I can't let her out of my sight until I find out what she wants._

The phone rang and Sue Ellen picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hi, Sugar."

Sue Ellen froze, the sound of her husband's voice sending her an array of emotions. Pleasure, pain, concern, relief.

"Are you there, Sue Ellen?"

Sue Ellen opened her eyes. "Of course, J.R. How's the capitol?"

"It isn't Dallas." He paused for a moment. "I miss you, Honey."

Sue Ellen began to get choked up. "I miss you too."

"I tried to call you last night. The phone was off the hook."

"We had a power outage. How's the trial?"

"Long. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry has come to testify."

Sue Ellen sighed. He wouldn't be coming home soon.

"Did anything happen while I was gone?"

"I saw Kristin today."

J.R. became silent at the mention of her name. He was none too fond of Sue Ellen's devilish little sister. He had a very sordid past with her that he wanted to keep a secret from his wife as long as possible. "Is that a fact, Darlin'? How is she doing?"

Sue Ellen tested his tone to see if he was hiding anything. _J.R. if you knew what I knew about you and Kristin…_ "She's doing very well. She's staying with mamma temporarily."

"And California?"

"I think she'll be staying in Dallas for a while."

"Oh." J.R. tried to mask his disappointment. "We'll be seeing her soon?"

"Her and mamma want to see the new baby."

"How's my boy?"

Sue Ellen brightened at the mention of little John Ross. "He says that he loves you very much."

"How's my other boy?"

_He did it again_. "Your daughter is just fine, my Darling."

J.R. laughed at his wife. "Any morning sickness?"

"A little. Miss Ellie was there."

"I wish it could have been me, Honey."

Sue Ellen smiled, knowing he was telling the truth. He had done such a wonderful job of being there for her during the pregnancy. Everyone in the family noticed the change in his behavior. "I know you do. Just make sure you're home for the delivery."

"Sue Ellen, nothing is going to keep me from seeing my child being born. This is one of the last major things I'll be doing with Ewing Oil. The rest will be paperwork from the home."

_We'll see if he means it, _Sue Ellen said quietly. "I love you."

"I love you too, Darlin'."

Sue Ellen gently placed the phone back in the cradle and headed upstairs. Taking a book out of her drawer she began to write.

_June 11, 1982,_

_Well the inevitable happened, I saw Kristin again. She looks surprising healthy, but then again, she was always naturally beautiful. It's a shame that she never saw herself that way. Part of me still thinks that she resents me for stealing the spotlight when we were younger. I never asked to be the center of attention, or a beauty queen, the role was placed upon me by Mamma, and I didn't have the courage to say no._

_Pam and Lucy are still fighting quietly. As much as I hate to say this, I'm siding with Lucy on the argument. She should be able to date whoever she chooses. And she really is brighter than everyone is giving her credit for. She isn't the same bratty little girl hell-bent on getting her own way, though it may seem that way sometimes. I keep forgetting about the hard upbringing that Lucy has had – growing up without her parents. As much as I resent Mamma __for everything she's done to me, I can't imagine growing up without her. It still hurts to think that Daddy left us, only to die a little while later._

_I don't know what to make of Kristin's return. Mamma can't be any happier if she tried. She sees this as another chance to mold her 'precious daughter'. She may never realize that Kristin does whatever she wants._

_That's what bothers me. Kristin never considers other people's feelings when she commits her actions. I still can't believe that she went after J.R. – or was he the one who pursued her? Either way, they were both wrong, and they both hurt me._

_Try as hard as I can, I can never forget what J.R. did to me with Kristin. Proper husband's don't sleep with their wife's sister; the thought never even enters their mind. I tell myself that J.R. is different, but does that really mean that he is?_

-----

The women of Southfork gathered in the living room for an after dinner drink. Miss Ellie had requested that they continue the ritual, even though the men were not present.

"How's Kristin?" Miss Ellie asked.

"She's fine, Miss Ellie, my mother is doing well as well. She loved her trip to Greece."

"It must be nice to travel all of the time," Lucy noted. "Maybe that's what I'll do."

"Become a professional traveler?" Sue Ellen asked.

"I want to see the world."

Lucy, Miss Ellie, and Sue Ellen continued to talk about the benefits of traveling while Pam remained in a corner. She had had a bad day at The Store today. She had overheard female customers talking about her brother Cliff, and once again her thoughts were consumed by him. He hadn't called since the argument, and she was dying to know how he was doing. He never did very well on his own; he always needed to rely on someone.

Sue Ellen said goodnight to everyone as she tucked John Ross in the bed and tucked herself under the covers, snuggling under the confines of the blanket. She missed her husband very much. She carefully picked up the wedding photo on her side of the bed, holding it close to her chest. She had been so hopeful when she agreed to marry him, never imagining the trials that would befall her. Nowhere in the fairytales did the handsome prince bed the princess's wicked sister. The prince and princess never strayed from their sacred marriage vows.

"Oh, J.R., I hope you're safe, and that you come home soon," Sue Ellen whispered. The baby kicked in agreement, knowing that the father was missing. Sue Ellen rested a hand on her belly. "Don't worry, young one, Daddy will be home soon. A few more days." Tears began to form in her eyes as she kissed J.R.'s face in the picture. Eventually, Sue Ellen was able to close her eyes, fighting off the worries that were plaguing her.

Her happiness had blind sighted her; she found herself able to rewrite history, forgetting the past and looking ahead. It wasn't until she heard from her mother and was reminded of the past, that she realized the disservice she had done to herself in forgetting J.R.'s misdeeds.

J.R. slowly entered the ranch house. He was fortunate enough to testify right away and be done with the ordeal. He didn't want to stay in Washington D.C. any longer than he had to. He had a beautiful wife at home that needed him.

He took great pains to tread lightly, allowing the ladies of Southfork to sleep. It was a stroke of luck that he was able to get a late flight to Dallas – evidence that the Ewing name carried a great deal of power in Washington.

The door creaked open as J.R. turned on a night light. His glance fell to his wife, deep in slumber. Walking over to her, he noticed the wedding photo attached to her chest. J.R. gently brushed her hair away from her eyes.

Sue Ellen's eyes fluttered open at the touch on her forehead. "J.R.?" Sue Ellen asked hoarsely, still half-asleep.

"Hello, Darlin'," J.R. grinned, holding her hand. "Did you miss me?"

"J.R.!" Sue Ellen squealed in happiness, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him into a strong kiss. "Does that answer your question?" she smiled.

"If that's the kind of greeting I get when I come home, maybe I should go on business trips more often," J.R. teased.

"Don't you dare." Sue Ellen sat up. "How did you and the others get home so quickly?"

"Well, I was one of the first to testify so I said my peace, and then I told daddy that someone needs to be watching over the company and that I should go home."

Sue Ellen frowned at J.R.'s response, lowering her eyes. "You came back early for Ewing Oil?"

J.R. lifted her chin with his thumb and index finger. "You know that's not true, Sugar." He gently kissed her mouth. "I had a terrible time in Washington; you were all I could think about."

Sue Ellen ran her fingers through J.R.'s rich, dark hair. "And you were all I could think about."

Sue Ellen removed J.R.'s tie, "Just think about the wonderful time that we are going to have together when the baby is born."

"The crying, the late night feedings… you're going to be tired really quickly."

"J.R.!" Sue Ellen slugged her husband's arm. "I think I am going to enjoy motherhood the second time around. I missed out on so much with John Ross – I want this baby to know that there are two loving parents."

"I was only teasing, Honey. I got you a little something."

"J.R., you coming home early was more than enough."

"Now I don't want to hear any complaints, Darlin', because I don't think I'll be able to return it." Sue Ellen nodded as J.R. instructed her to close her eyes. He gently placed a box in her hand. "A little token of my affection."

Sue Ellen opened the box, revealing a dazzling sterling silver locket. "Oh, J.R.," Sue Ellen cried, "I love it."

"Don't stop now, Sugar, that's only half the surprise. Open the locket."

Sue Ellen carefully flipped the corner. On one heart was a picture of John Ross, the other heart remained empty.

"That's where the new baby picture can go," J.R. smiled, kissing Sue Ellen's forehead.

Sue Ellen couldn't speak. "It's perfect," Sue Ellen murmured, tears streaming from her cheeks.

J.R. gently cupped his hand around Sue Ellen's face, brushing away a tear. "I love you, Sue Ellen Ewing."

Sue Ellen froze at J.R.'s declaration, 'I love you'. She had not heard those words very often in the beginning of their marriage. J.R. had been tight with his emotions, never once letting anyone know how he truly felt. She took her husband's hand in hers. "Do you mean it, J.R.?"

J.R. caressed her cheek, gently kissing her mouth. "Sugar, I love you more than life itself." He pulled her against his chest, running his fingers through her hair. She seemed very afraid of something, preoccupied. J.R. wanted to know what was bothering Sue Ellen, but he thought it would be best left unsaid right now. "Whatever happened to us in the past, and whatever happens in the future, does not change my love for you," he assured her.

Sue Ellen looked into his eyes. She wanted to believe him, she needed to believe him. "J.R.," Sue Ellen moaned, "will you come to bed with me please."

"I can't think of anything else I'd rather do." J.R. gently guided his wife to the bed, sending a trail of kisses down her arm.

"J.R.," Sue Ellen cried in pleasure. "J.R, ah." Sue Ellen closed her eyes, allowing J.R. to temporarily wash away her fears and woes. She turned on her stomach, reciprocating J.R.'s amorous gesture. J.R. laughed in pleasure and Sue Ellen joined him as the two traveled to a world of pure ecstasy.

Pamela Ewing covered her head with a pillow, trying in vain to block out the passionate cries of her sister-in-law and her husband. She was miffed to know that J.R. had tried to come home early and Bobby didn't. She knew that she shouldn't be wishing any ill will for Sue Ellen – who had waited her entire marriage for J.R. to come around – but it bothered her that they were becoming so close while she was still having difficulty being with Bobby. There was somewhat of a distance between the married couple. Bobby was slowly spending more time at Ewing Oil, and he had told Pam that with J.R. wanting to step back when the baby came, he would need to be working longer hours at the company. Though he had promised to spend more time at home when they were able to get their baby from the adoption agency, Bobby showed no qualms about working harder until then.

Pam remembered that it was her idea for Bobby to fight for an executive position within Ewing Oil. She didn't know that he would be signing away their marriage to do it. She had seen J.R.'s previous attitude towards Sue Ellen and had written it off as a character flaw rather than a result of the company. Now Bobby was suffering from J.R.'s previous ailment, and he wasn't showing any sign of stopping.

Pam angrily pressed the pillow against her ears. _Those two will be having a slew of children at the rate their going_. Pam chided herself for her attitude, attributing it to her fallout with Cliff and Lucy. _Everything will be better when I have the new baby. Bobby will come around and spend more time at home, and I will finally be able to experience motherhood._


	5. Chapter 5: Shattered Dreams

Pam stood in the Southfork kitchen with her hands on her hips. "They're bringing in more witnesses? Bobby, how long will this trial take…You were supposed to come home yesterday…Yes I know that this isn't your fault, but I miss you and…I know that you miss me too, and that you'll make it up to me when you get home…everyone sends their love, and hopes for a speedy finish…I love you too, Bobby….bye."

Pam frowned as she hung up the phone, taking in a deep breath. _Bobby isn't staying in D.C. to hurt me, he's doing this for work._

"Trouble in paradise, Pammy?" Lucy snickered, grabbing a doughnut from the table.

Pam glared at her niece, once again feeling the urge to slap her and put her in her place. But Pam refused to let her temper show. "Hasn't this gone on long enough, Lucy?"

"Has what gone on long enough?" Lucy asked innocently.

"Why are you declaring war with me?"

Lucy placed her hands on hips. "You started this, Pam, not me. If you had minded your own business, there wouldn't be any problems." Lucy sniffed at her aunt. "Seems like you have enough problems with Bobby to go on worrying about other people."

Pam opened her mouth to respond but Miss Ellie came into the room and Pam didn't want to make a scene in front of her. "Good morning, Miss Ellie," Pam said through tight lips as she helped herself to pancakes.

"Pam," Miss Ellie nodded, noting the chill between her and Lucy. She had hoped that the situation would have resolved itself, but it had only gotten worse. "Was that Bobby on the phone."

"He's tied up in D.C.," Lucy cut in, eying Pam's reaction. "We know where his priorities lie."

"With the family," Pam finished. "Bobby says that he and Jock will be home soon."

"Good to hear," J.R. said, ducking in the kitchen. "I hope you ladies don't mind me, I was just getting breakfast for myself and Sue Ellen." J.R. carefully grabbed fruit, juice and pancakes. "The pregnancy is really wearing her out."

"I'm sure that's not the only thing wearing her out," Lucy muttered under her breath.

"What's that, Lucy?" J.R. asked as headed up the stairs.

"Nothing," Lucy smiled, kissing her grandmother's cheek. "I'll be at the library, Grandma."

J.R. gently opened the bedroom door, trying not to disturb his wife. Last night had worn them both out, and with Sue Ellen in the last few days of her pregnancy, she needed to relax.

"Umm," Sue Ellen mumbled as she opened her eyes, feeling the bed beside her. It was still warm from her husband's body. Sue Ellen raised her eyes. "J.R., you didn't have to do that."

"Sue Ellen, you should know by now that I love spoiling you. You seemed tired from last night."

Sue Ellen gratefully took a tray, gesturing for J.R. to come back to bed.

"You know we didn't get to talk very much last night," J.R. said, kissing her cheek.

"Well, J.R., you didn't really leave any room for talking," Sue Ellen laughed.

"I didn't hear any complaining from you, Honey," J.R. countered, taking a bite of grapefruit.

"While we're on the subject of talking, we still haven't found a name for the newest member of the Ewing family."

"Hmm." J.R. placed a hand on Sue Ellen's stomach. "John Ross is already taken."

"I suppose you'll be saving John Ross IV for your grandchild?"

J.R. kissed Sue Ellen's mouth. "You know me so well Darlin'."

"How about Elizabeth?"

"Sue Ellen, no son of mine is going to be named Elizabeth."

"I was talking about a daughter, J.R." Sue Ellen sipped her juice. "You say you're joking when you talk about the gender, but sometimes I wonder if you really are."

"Well, Honey, you're the one who brought up baby names."

"The only baby names you're interested in are male names." Sue Ellen lowered her head.

J.R. gently tugged at her hair, bringing her face close to his as he kissed her mouth. "All I want is a healthy baby."

"That's all I want too," Sue Ellen nodded.

"If you name the child Elizabeth, what is her middle name?"

"I already thought of the perfect middle name, and I'm sure you'll love it."

"I will? Do tell."

"Eleanor."

"For mamma?"

"Do you think she'd like that?"

J.R. kissed Sue Ellen's nose. "I think she'd love that."

"On the off chance that you get your wish and have another son, we need a name for him as well."

"Robert's taken, Garrison's taken, James is taken – say, how about Aaron."

"Your granddaddy."

"Um-hum."

"Aaron what?"

"Aaron Jason Ewing."

"Who's Jason?"

"My daddy's brother."

"I never knew Jock had a brother."

"Jason Ewing liked to move around a lot, never could stay in one place. Last I heard, he had two kids. Jack and Jamie Ewing."

"Everything is almost ready."

J.R. held Sue Ellen close to his body. "I know."

Sue Ellen slowly edged away from J.R.'s embrace, resisting the urge to be close to him. Last night was bad enough. She regretted sleeping with him, once again her emotions had taken over. _How could he have slept with Kristin for all of those months? He probably doesn't even remember her now._

"Something's wrong. I knew something was wrong last night."

"Nothing's wrong," Sue Ellen said defensively as she got out of bed.

J.R. put down his food and followed Sue Ellen to the window. "Sue Ellen, if you're worried about the safety of the baby, the doctors have told us that everything is fine."

"It's not the baby," she said softly. She wanted to tell him about Kristin, she wanted to find out how he felt about her. But she couldn't find the words.

"Sugar?" J.R. lifted her chin up with his fingers as he gazed into her eyes. "I want us to be able to share everything."

"Everything?" Sue Ellen asked quietly. "You mean you don't have any secrets?"

J.R. opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Lucy.

"Sorry for barging in, but Grandma needs you in the kitchen, Sue Ellen."

Sue Ellen gave her husband a sad smile as she nodded to her niece. "I'll be right there, Lucy." Lucy ducked out the room as Sue Ellen headed after her.

"Honey – ", J.R. gently took her arm. "Is there something you need to say to me?"

"Not right now." Sue Ellen left her confused husband in her tracks. Now he was more determined than ever to find out what made Sue Ellen so sullen. The past eight months had been the best months of his life, he was in a good place with Sue Ellen, and he wanted to stay there no matter what.

"Sue Ellen, there are some documents in Austin that need to be picked up for a DOA meeting, do you think you could go down there today?"

"Sure, Miss Ellie."

"Why don't I go with you, Darlin'?" J.R. said as he came into the kitchen. "You and I haven't gone out in a while."

"J.R…" Sue Ellen didn't know what to say to stop her husband from coming with her. She wanted to be alone, to think about Kristin, and all of the complication she was bringing. "Don't you have to work?"

"I can take a day off for my favorite gal. Just let me get washed up."

Miss Ellie gestured for her daughter-in-law to take a seat. "You know it wasn't very long ago that I was very worried for you and J.R."

Sue Ellen sat down. "I was pretty concerned myself."

"He really has changed, Sue Ellen. I'd like to think that you were responsible for that."

Sue Ellen laughed at Miss Ellie's comment. "I don't think I can take all the credit. I think part of it is the new baby. He really wants us to be a family."

"Speaking of family, you never told me how things went with your family yesterday."

"My family?" Sue Ellen asked nervously.

"I haven't seen Kristin since John Ross was just a baby. How is she?"

"Fine, Miss Ellie." Sue Ellen was rescued by J.R. as he came down the stairs. "It'll be a long drive to Austin," she said, taking J.R.'s arm.

Sue Ellen got into the driver's seat as J.R. buckled in next to her. "You sure are in a rush to leave, Honey," J.R. commented.

"The sooner we get this done the happier I'll be," Sue Ellen said, shifting gears.

J.R. cleared his throat, he was getting exactly what he wanted, time with Sue Ellen. He mentally went through everything that had happened between them in the past week. _She can't be angry at me for leaving her, can she? She said she forgave me for that. Maybe she assumes that I'll be spending more time at the office? _

"You didn't tell me how the case went," Sue Ellen said as she entered the high way. "Are things looking good for Hammond Industries?"

J.R. looked at Sue Ellen. _She's definitely hiding something, she never asks me details about business. What doesn't she want to talk about?_ "Afraid not, Darlin'. Their business license is about to be revoked for malpractice."

"That's what you get for breaking the law," Sue Ellen said smartly, gazing at J.R.

_What was that about 'breaking the law'? Have I done something to hurt her?_ "Ewing Oil will find another business to work with, we won't be affected."

"That's good; I know how much you hate getting caught."

J.R. had had enough, they weren't even halfway on the trip and Sue Ellen was aggravating him. "Pull over."

"J.R.?" Sue Ellen questioned. "You can't be serious, we're on the highway."

"Pull over to the side of the road."

Sue Ellen slowed down and turned on her blinkers. "Why?"

"We need to talk."

Sue Ellen stopped the car on the side of the road. "J.R., I thought we talked about this earlier?"

"We didn't, you avoided the question."

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm sorry for being short with you, J.R., it's the pregnancy."

"I don't buy that for a second, Darlin'. Something happened while I was away, and I want to know what."

_Oh no you don't,_ Sue Ellen said softly. _If you knew what I was thinking, you'd be running in the opposite direction like the coward that you are. _"J.R. we need to get going."

J.R. put his hand on Sue Ellen's arm. "Not until we talk." J.R. closed his eyes, once again regurgitating the previous events. Sue Ellen hadn't done anything out of the ordinary: she had shopped for the baby, done charity work for the DOA, saw her family… that's it, it had to be her family. "Sue Ellen, how was your meeting with your mother and Kristin.

Sue Ellen glared at J.R. "Do you have something that you want to know, J.R.? Yesterday with them was fine; they'll be coming by to see the baby."

"Sue Ellen –"

"Is there something that you would like to tell me about my family?" she asked, wondering if he would take the opportunity to confess his affair with Kristin to her. _After all, you did say that you wanted an open and honest relationship, My Darling._

J.R. glared at Sue Ellen. "I don't know, Sue Ellen. What I would like to know is why my wife was so distant to me this morning, and why she was so anxious to get away from me."

Sue Ellen took in a deep breath as she turned the key to start the ignition. "I'm driving, and this conversation is officially over."

The two rode in silence the rest of the way to Austin. Sue Ellen ran in to get the paper work and slammed the car door as she got in, refusing to meet J.R. in the eye. _How could he have done that to me? And how could I have forgotten?_

"Do you want lunch?" J.R. asked quietly.

"Sure," Sue Ellen said, pulling out of the parking lot. "Where do you want to go."

"Sue Ellen, I'm sorry."

This time it was Sue Ellen who pulled the car over, into an empty parking lot. "What?"

"Whatever it is that I did to you to make you so angry at me, I'm sorry."

"Do you know what you did?"

"It doesn't matter. I love you very much, and I hate it when we fight. If you need to hear me apologize for whatever it was that I did then I will."

"You don't even know." Sue Ellen crossed her arms, there was no way of getting out of the conversation right now.

"Like I said, Sugar, I don't care what I did, I don't like seeing you angry like this."

"J.R…"

The couple was interrupted by J.R.'s mobile phone. "Damn, Honey, I have to take this."

J.R. turned and spoke into the phone, leaving Sue Ellen fuming. _You said you wanted to talk about what happened! _Sue Ellen strained her ears to hear part of the conversation as she continued to drive. There would be no getting through to him now.

"Daddy that's wonderful," J.R. said excitedly. "You and Bobby can come home tomorrow….sure I can stop by the office and check on things today."

Sue Ellen shot her husband a death look. _Shows where your priorities lie, J.R._ Sue Ellen sped down the high way, wanting to get as far away from him as possible.

"Sorry about that, Sugar," J.R. said as he flipped the phone down. "Now what we were talking about?"

"Nothing," Sue Ellen said through tight lips, trying not to cry. "Shall I drop you off at the Ewing Building?"

"Sue Ellen, we were just talking about…."

"You cutting me off to talk about your precious oil company. Thank-god your priorities haven't changed."

"Sue Ellen, you know that I do whatever my daddy tells me to do. It was an important call, he and Bobby are coming home late tonight."

"Terrific."

"Sue Ellen pull over." J.R. gently touched her arm.

"Not on your life, J.R. We are done talking."

"Dam it, woman, what did I ever do to you?"

Sue Ellen slammed the car breaks, halting traffic. "Why don't you ask, Kristin. I hear you two were once very close."

J.R. turned white as a ghost. _She knew about the affair. Kristin had to have told her. Damn that retched woman; I should have finished her off when I had the chance._

"Darlin', listen to me…"

"You are the most disgusting, the most reprehensible, the most vile creature to ever walk the face of the Earth."

"Sue Ellen!"

"My own sister, J.R., is nothing sacred to you. Having affairs with the town whore was one thing, but my own flesh and blood. You were deliberately out to hurt me."

"Honey, now that was a long time ago, things are different now."

Sue Ellen turned to her husband, fixing him an icy stare. "Are they? Right now I see you catering to your precious daddy's every whim, putting that stupid company before an important conversation with your wife!"

"That 'stupid company' as you call it allows you to live in the lifestyle that you love so much!" The minute he said the words, he regretted it.

Sue Ellen felt as though she had been slapped. Tears began to form in her eyes as she covered her mouth.

"Darlin'," J.R. said quickly, realizing what he had just done. "I didn't mean it, Sue Ellen, I swear, it just came out."

Sue Ellen opened the car door, thrusting the keys in J.R.'s hand. "Bring the car back to Southfork, I'll take a cab."

"Sue Ellen, Sue Ellen, no." But she didn't listen to him. Sue Ellen ran into the street as fast as she could, leaving a heartbroken and ashamed J.R. behind her. "What have I done?" he asked gravely.

-----

"Did you hear the wonderful news, Miss Ellie?" Pam sang happily. "Bobby and Jock are coming home tonight."

"Just in time for Sue Ellen's baby shower."Pam laughed at her mother-in-law. "You weren't going to make the men stick around were you, Miss Ellie?"

"Well, Pam, someone needs to help set up everything," Miss Ellie smiled. "I was able to talk to Patricia today, she and Kristin will be there for the party."

"Wonderful."

Neither one of the women noticed Sue Ellen sneak in the back door and up the stairs. She had been able to maintain composure during the cab ride back, but she was at her breaking point.

She entered her bedroom and threw her purse onto the bed. _I knew that bastard would hurt me again, it was just a matter of time before his true colors began to show._ What had hurt her the most were the final words that he uttered before she left. _Style that you're accustomed to._ She knew deep in her heart that he didn't mean it, but that didn't mean that the words didn't sting. _How could he say that to me? Does he really think, after all of this time that I stayed with him because of his money. He could have been a pauper and I would have loved him all the same_. Sue Ellen angrily brushed at her tears with her fingertips. _Everything was going so well, something was bound to happen._

Sue Ellen walked out to the balcony of the bedroom, admiring the beautiful Southfork property. _J.R., I love you, I love you in spite of everything that you've done._ The baby kicked the inside of her stomach, prompting her to brace herself against the railing. The tears began to fall harder. _I love him more than life itself, but when he hurts me... _Sue Ellen placed her fingers onto her head, the events of the morning taking a tole on her body. She carefully slipped into the closet and pulled out to Tylenol. _I need to lie down, I can't put stress on the baby_. Sue Ellen slowly brushed away her tears as she lowered her head.

-----

J.R. angrily slammed the filing cabinet shut. "That stupid slut told her about us." J.R. clenched his fist, imaging it was dear Kristin that he was punching. She had done something that J.R. had never predicted she would do. Kristin had just as much to lose in Sue Ellen finding out as he did. _But what possible motive would Kristin have in telling Sue Ellen about us?_

He remembered the first time he saw how Kristin had blossomed from a young girl into a beautiful woman. Sue Ellen had run away from him after calling him out on another one of his affairs, and he had gone to her mother to find her. And there was Kristin, tall and beautiful, just like her older sister. J.R. did a double-take the first time he saw her, not believing that it was possible for one person to transform so quickly.

He knew he was asking for trouble when Kristin stayed at Southfork when John Ross was born. He found out that the two had a great deal in common – they both had a thirst for power, for getting their own way, and they were both willing to hurt others to get what they needed.

J.R. quickly poured himself a drink. He hated the man he was back then. The man who openly cheated on his wife and neglected his son. _I'm a different person now, that isn't me._ But he knew that his actions were bound to follow him everywhere. No matter how sorry he was, the past could never be erased.

He regretted losing his temper with her, it was the shock of her announcement. After all of these months, she had been on to him. It hurt him to know that Sue Ellen knew of his misdeed – undoubtedly one of his worse. He had no right to take his anger out on her.

J.R. slammed his drink on his desk as he walked out the door. He needed to do something more productive than throw back alcohol.

He sped home, hoping that Sue Ellen had returned safely. He nodded hello to his family as he climbed the stairs and into the bedroom.

Sue Ellen was lying on the comforter, one hand on her forehead, the other on her belly. J.R. knelt down next to her. "Sue Ellen, Sweetheart." He eyed a pill container with the label torn off. A look of concern crossed his face. _Please don't tell me that Sue Ellen took pills._ "Darlin', wake up." J.R. jostled her arm, hoping to elicit a response, but he received none.

_What did you take?_ J.R. began to panic. "Sue Ellen!" he said loudly, shaking her body.

"Ummm," Sue Ellen moaned as her eyes flashed open. "J.R.," she slurred as she sat up. "I thought you were at work."

"Sue Ellen, what medicine did you take?" J.R. demanded.

"Why do you care?" Sue Ellen said, remembering the argument. "Because you want your precious baby?"

"Because I want my precious wife, whom I love." J.R. shot back, taking her hands. "Sue Ellen, I am so sorry for what happened today, I'm at fault completely."

Sue Ellen frowned and said nothing.

J.R. produced lavender roses next to him. "I know they can't make up for what I did…"

"No they can't!" Sue Ellen cut in as she struggled to get up.

"Hold on there, Honey." J.R. blocked her from leaving. "There are some things that I want to say to you."

"Did it ever occur to you that I don't want to listen?"

J.R. sighed in desperation. "Sugar, you need to let me apologize, we need to get past this. I don't want to lose you."

Sue Ellen rested her body against the pillow. "Go on."

"I was a terrible, terrible person in the past, especially where you're concerned. I've done things that I'm not proud of and that I wish that I could take back...but I can't. I can't pretend that I didn't have an affair with Kristin, or those other women. I can't pretend that I didn't neglect you or mistreat you. I can't pretend that I don't have a horrible temper." He searched Sue Ellen's eyes, pleading for forgiveness. "I can't let all of my transgressions keep us from being together." He raised his hand to stroke her cool cheek. "I'm sorry, Sue Ellen." His voice was low and grave, as he laid everything on the line for the woman he loved.

"J.R." Sue Ellen's voice was weak from her tears. "You really hurt me today. It wasn't just Kristin…it was what you said in the car…about me."

J.R. climbed into the bed and held Sue Ellen close. "I didn't mean it, I don't think you that way."

"I know," Sue Ellen nodded through her tears. "I've said things that I don't mean either." Sue Ellen looked into her husband's eyes. "But that doesn't mean that it hurts any less."

J.R. cradled Sue Ellen in his arms. He was going to watch what he said to her, if it was the last thing he did. "Can you forgive me, Honey."

"Only if you can forgive me."

J.R. touched Sue Ellen's chin. "There is nothing to forgive, Sugar."

Sue Ellen slowly wept as she shook her head. "I handled your affair with Kristin all wrong. I should have tried to talk to you about it earlier; I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"That wouldn't have happened if I hadn't have had the affair."

"True," Sue Ellen smiled through her tears. "But I want us to be able to talk about things without yelling at one another."

"Me too."

"I'm sorry, I frightened you earlier. I was having a headache so I took some Tylenol; it must have worked better than I thought."

J.R. smiled at Sue Ellen as he tilted her chin upward, giving her a gentle kiss on the mouth. "Do you know how much I love you?"

Sue Ellen nuzzled J.R.'s neck as she whispered, "Tell me."

J.R. picked up a rose and placed it in Sue Ellen's hair. "You are the only woman that I think about; no other person consumes my thoughts the way you can. You are the woman that I am going to spend the rest of my life with."

Sue Ellen kissed J.R.'s mouth. "That's a pretty big promise, J.R. I hope you can keep it."

"I will. Why don't you and I continue that little nap you were having?" J.R. rested his head on the pillow, his arm under Sue Ellen's waist.

"That's a mighty fine offer, Mr. Ewing." Sue Ellen nestled herself next to J.R. as she closed her eyes. "I think I'll take you up on it."

-----

The day of the baby shower arrived sooner than expected. Miss Ellie made sure that everything was running on schedule. She had been in charge of the guest list, Lucy handled decorations, and Pam oversaw food. _This is going to be a day that Sue Ellen won't forget. _She thought about throwing a baby shower for Pam, but wasn't sure if it was the appropriate thing to do.

Miss Ellie had worried how Pam felt with having to adopt a child rather than have one of her own with Bobby, but her worries seemed unwarranted. All Pamela Ewing wanted was a child to call her own, and it didn't matter if the child were a birth Ewing or not.

J.R. had taken Sue Ellen out for a brief morning breakfast to keep her out of the house while preparations were completed. Bobby and Jock were going to be working at Ewing Oil with J.R., which meant that the women had the house to themselves.

-----

"J.R., it was very sweet of you to ask me to breakfast," Sue Ellen smiled as she forked a piece of French toast.

"You know I love spending time with you, Sugar. Do you enjoy spending time with your favorite man?"

Sue Ellen looked around, "When did Bobby get here?"

J.R. frowned as he chugged his apple juice. "Very funny, Darlin'."

Sue Ellen smiled at her husband. "Oh, J.R., you know that you're the only man in my life."

J.R. placed some eggs on his fork and he fed Sue Ellen. "You know Darlin', we'd better get going."

"Do you have plans today?"

"Daddy needs me over at Ewing Oil to talk strategy."

"Oh," Sue Ellen said softly as she grabbed her purse.

"Don't be disappointed, Sweetheart," J.R. reassured her, squeezing her shoulders. "If my memory serves me correctly, you are in for a pleasant afternoon."

"Is that so?"

J.R. kissed Sue Ellen's cheek as he started the car, "I'll be home in a few hours."

Sue Ellen closed her eyes, relishing J.R.'s gentle touch and didn't open them until they arrived back at the ranch. Sue Ellen opened her eyes at the scene before her. "J.R. – why are there so many cars here?"

"Why don't you go in and see, Sugar?" J.R. gave Sue Ellen a parting kiss before he left.

Sue Ellen slowly opened the main door and was greeted with noise makers and confetti.

"Surprise!"

It seemed as though half of Dallas' social ladies arrived for Sue Ellen's surprise baby shower. The house was filled with streamers, balloons, banners, confetti, and every party accessory imaginable. Miss Ellie stood in the middle, welcoming Sue Ellen. "Did J.R. do a good job of occupying you during brunch?"

"He knew?"

"Of course he knew," Lucy laughed, handing Sue Ellen a plate.

Sue Ellen scanned the party guests, DOA ladies, family friends, business wives – but the ones that caught her attention were her mother and sister, standing near the piano.

"You look wonderful, Sue Ellen," Patricia said. "I'm going to have a big grandson, I just know it."

"Grandson, Mamma?" Sue Ellen scoffed. "What makes you so sure the child is a boy?"

"Because J.R. always breads sons," Kristin laughed, cutting in. "Don't you want another son?"

"I want a healthy baby, Kristin."

"Um-hum," Kristin smirked, sipping her wine. "You Ewings sure know how to throw a party."

"It's a talent," Sue Ellen nodded. She scanned the room, planning a desperate get away.

"There's the woman of the hour," Mavis Anderson said, taking Sue Ellen's hand, pulling her into the living room. "Now we can start the party."

Sue Ellen was ushered onto a chair in the middle of the room. Marilee Stone took center stage, clapping her hands together for attention. "The first baby game that we are going to play is," Marilee pulled over several rolls of toilet paper from a bag.

"Oh Lord," Sue Ellen muttered.

"Guess the girth of the baby," Marilee laughed. "I'll go first."

Sue Ellen's head began to spin as laughter filled the room. _This must be my punishment for getting pregnant. _One by one each woman made an estimate about the size of the tummy, the closet guess belonging to Linda Bradley.

Sue Ellen was finally able to relax when the food was brought out. She savored crabs on crackers, sandwiches, salad, and punch.

"Sue Ellen, Miss Ellie showed me the new nursery and it was wonderful," Mavis said.

"It's become my favorite room in the house," Sue Ellen smiled.

Lucy Ewing carefully balanced a plate of food on top of the piano.

"Hello, Lucy."

Chills went sent through Lucy's spine at the sound of the woman behind her. "Hello, Kristin," Lucy said through gritted teeth. "You seem to be looking very well."

"If only I could say the same for you," Kristin laughed, taking another sip of her drink.

"Cleaning out the liquor cabinet?" Lucy asked, wishing to be somewhere else.

"Where's a party without the alcohol?"

"Where indeed?" Lucy muttered, taking another sip of her vodka tonic. "Going back to California any time soon?"

"California isn't really my style. I think I can find everything I want right here."

Lucy nearly choked on her drink. "H-Here?"

"I knew you'd be pleased," Kristin smirked.

"Thrilled."

Kristin eyed the blonde midget in front of her. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"Excuse me?"

"I was just wondering if you were dating anyone. After Alan Beam, well, I hope you weren't left broken hearted."

Lucy slammed her drink on the piano. "Not that it's any concern of yours, _Kristin_, but I happen to be seeing someone."

"Really?" Kristin asked, flicking her hair. "A midget from the local rodeo?"

Lucy stood up, unable to tower over the svelte Kristin. "He's an incredible, guy, I met him at a Ewing barbeque, he's family of Pam's, and he's none of your business."

Kristin took Lucy's hand, "Is that any way to speak to family?"

Lucy angrily pulled away. "We're not family, and you're not welcome here."

Kristin lowered her eyes. "I wouldn't be so hostile to me, Lucy, we'll probably be seeing more of each other, and I want us to be friends." Kristin walked off, leaving a confused Lucy in her midst.

"This party isn't fun without men," Kristin declared eying Sue Ellen, laughing with the other DOA ladies. _Enjoy it while you can, big sister._

Sue Ellen sat with Pam and Miss Ellie, listening to the DOA ladies talk about pregnancy and motherhood. Sue Ellen felt more at ease than she had earlier, and was able to smile and laugh along with the other women.

Pam on the other hand was miserable. She politely nodded along with the conversation, feigning interest as her thoughts went to Bobby. She wasn't in her element; these were not her people. Pam had long since vowed to never join the Daughters of the Alamo, she couldn't stand most of the members. To her, all they did was gossip, drink, and shop, justifying their meetings with charities and fundraisers.

"Pam, are you and Bobby ever going to have children of your own?" Marilee Stone asked as sipped her coffee.

Pam shrunk back at Marilee's blunt question. This was another reason that she didn't enjoy DOA functions, there was the constant discussion of Ewing heirs.

"Marilee, Pam and Bobby are going to be adopting," Sue Ellen said, smiling at her sister-in-law.

"That is lovely," Marilee said.

"Thank-you," Pam responded, fighting the urge to leave.

"Though it's shame that it won't be a real Ewing."

A frown crossed Pam's mouth. "A real Ewing?"

"You know," Marilee laughed, "a blood Ewing, one in more than name only."

"Mrs. Stone, the child is going to be a full Ewing," Pam said coolly, looking to Sue Ellen for guidance.

"Marilee have you seen the nursery?" Sue Ellen asked, hoping to take her away from Pam.

"No I haven't."

Sue Ellen promptly took Marilee upstairs to the new nursery, relieving Pam of her burden.

Pam stood up next to the window, admiring the gardens. This wasn't the first time someone had asked her about the child being a full Ewing. Innocent discussions at The Store between customers turned sour when someone would mention that adopting a child wasn't the same as having one of your own, that there was something inferior about adopted children.

_Do they have any idea how I wish that I could change the way things are? Do they know how I long for a child of my very own? To go through birth and experience motherhood, to have something that was made from both Bobby and me?_

Kristin struggled to look alive in a party that was comprised of mostly women. _Is it any wonder that Sue Ellen drank so much, given the crowd that she chose to hang out with? _She adjusted the strap of her dress as she sauntered over to the liquor cabinet for what was going to be drink number five.

It had upset her to know that Sue Ellen was keeping her word about not drinking. Kristin hadn't seen her touch anything besides soda water all afternoon. _Maybe her little break from the bottle will end when she has the baby _Kristin thought.

Kristin had been around alcoholics all of her life. Her father was one, her mother would date them, and eventually so did she. Call it a ruthless cycle, but all three of the Shepard women had dalliances with the bottle, and men with the bottle. The sound of cars pulling in, perked Kristin's ears. _This party could get more interesting, _Kristin thought with a spring in her step as she scurried to the window, eying Bobby, J.R., and Jock. Kristin ran her fingers through her hair in a last ditch effort to attract attention.

"Trying to impress someone?" Lucy asked with a smirk.

"It's far too complicated for you to understand, Lucy," Kristin said, brushing the blonde one off.

"Hello ladies," Jock said as he led the parade of men.

The women nodded hello, as the festivities continued. Kristin stood up, her eyes peering over her drink glass as she plotted her next move.

Sue Ellen came down, after a dull discussion with Marilee over painting a room versus wallpapering a room. She beamed when she saw her husband.

"J.R.," she said as she cornered him in the kitchen, giving him a warm welcome back kiss. "I thought you'd never arrive."

J.R. brushed Sue Ellen's hair behind her ear. "How was the party?"

"Predictable, but good. We'll never have to shop for the baby."

J.R. kissed her forehead, admiring his good fortune.

"Hello, J.R."

The happy couple frowned when they saw the person behind them.

"Is that you, Kristin?" J.R. asked in mock shock, "I haven't seen you in a year."

"It's been a long time, hasn't it," Kristin said, leaning in to kiss J.R. cheek. "Too long," she whispered, so that only he could hear.

J.R. looked between the two Shepard sisters. "Are you staying in Dallas?" he asked, knowing exactly what her answer was.

"Word gets out fast, doesn't it. I felt as though, something was missing when I left, that I had unfinished business that I had to attend to." She gently traced her fingers over his arm, his hairs pricking at her very touch. "Sue Ellen, Miss Ellie was calling for you."

"I didn't hear anything," Sue Ellen replied, glaring at her little sister.

"She wanted you to open the rest of the gifts."

Sue Ellen eyed her sister and her husband. _She's testing me to see what I'll do._ Sue Ellen walked back into the room, refusing to play Kristin's petty game.

J.R. started after Sue Ellen, but Kristin stopped him. "Let her go," she ordered. "You and I have some catching up to do."

"No we don't," J.R. said firmly, seeing through her paper-thin ploy. "I said everything I wanted to say to you over a year ago."

"Really," Kristin teased, pulling J.R. into a corner. "You don't have any last wishes, any regrets." Kristin swished her hair across J.R.'s chest, commanding his full attention.

J.R. grabbed her shoulders. "Listen here, Kristin. Whatever may have happened between us was a mistake."

"Why, because it inconveniences Sue Ellen?"

"She is my wife, and your sister!"

"That never stopped you before." Kristin raised her finger to her chin. "As a matter of fact, I believe that you were the one to initiate it."

"Kristin…"

"Do you remember, J.R. We were in your office, after hours, alone. You had a hard meeting with the cartel, and you needed to unwind. Don't tell me that you forgot."

J.R. gently pushed her away. "Things were very different then."

"That doesn't mean they can't go back. You couldn't have changed that much."

"Oh?" J.R. questioned, as he gently shoved Kristin to the side. He came into the living room and tapped Sue Ellen's shoulder, pulling her into a kiss.

"Can't keep your hands off her can you, J.R.?" Marilee Stone teased, partly for humor and partly for jealousy.

"What can I say," J.R. said, as he looked into his wife's eyes, "some things are irresistible," he winked as Sue Ellen composed herself.

Kristin frowned at the exchange done before her. _He's just trying to upset me, play hard to get. But he'll be coming after me, only this time, I may not be saying yes right away._

"Hi there stranger."

Kristin turned to see a pleasant surprise. "Bobby?"

"Hi ya, Kristin." Bobby pulled her into a hug, and Kristin took the opportunity to inhale his cologne. _Better than I remembered,_ she thought to herself.

"It's nice to see you again," Kristin beamed, meaning exactly what she said. She had missed Bobby Ewing, and had often found herself wondering why there weren't nice guys like him available anymore.

"Are you here for Sue Ellen's baby?"

"Of course," Kristin, sparkled, lying through her teeth. "Its' not every day a person gets another niece or nephew."

Bobby touched Kristin's hand. "I hope you'll be staying in Dallas long enough to see the child that Pam and I are adopting."

"Sue Ellen mentioned it."

"Well the house is going to be pretty crowded soon, but you'll always be welcome here."

"Thank-you, Bobby," Kristin smiled, touched by his kindness. She almost regretted the thoughts she was having about him, but then, if her plan worked, everyone could be happy.

J.R. and Sue Ellen snuck up to the bedroom, shutting the door behind them. J.R. pulled Sue Ellen in another kiss.

"What did Kristin want with you?" Sue Ellen demanded.

"You're kinda killing the mood, Sugar," J.R. laughed.

"I'm serious. I don't trust her."

"Well neither do I, but with the new baby coming, she may be sticking around.""J.R….you two were an item."

"Darlin', Kristen was nothing more than an affair to me, I've had tons of affairs."

Sue Ellen pulled away from him, a concerned look on her face. "I know."

"What I'm saying is, your sister is one in a million, insignificant." J.R. massaged Sue Ellen's shoulders. "You, are the only woman that has stuck around forever."

"So you and Kristin…"

"Are over," J.R. finished, carefully leaving out the discussion he had in the kitchen with her.

"I'm glad."

J.R. kissed Sue Ellen's mouth. "Now that we're alone…"

"J.R., I have guests downstairs!" Sue Ellen exclaimed in awe.

"Guests who will be leaving," J.R. urged.

"And I need to say goodbye to them."

"Can't you spare your husband five minutes?"

"Five minutes?" Sue Ellen glared at J.R. skeptically.

"Scout's honor," J.R. promised as he pulled her towards the bed.

"You were kicked out of boy scouts," Sue Ellen laughed.

"I was not," J.R. said indignantly, "and who told you!"

"Bobby," Sue Ellen said, trying to hide her smile.

"Humph. Are you here to talk about Bobby or are you here for me?"

"Given the fact that we only have four minutes," Sue Ellen pressed her lips against J.R.'s neck, "we'd better use them wisely."

Downstairs the party began to wind down as guests gave their good wishes to the Ewing family. Kristin and Bobby were sitting comfortably on the sofa in the living room.

"So, are you still a good checkers player?" Bobby asked.

"Bobby Ewing, you were the last person that I played checkers with," Kristin laughed.

_Laying it on thick isn't she_, Lucy muttered from the piano. She had been watching Kristin and Bobby talk for almost half-an-hour. _Pam's upstairs playing with John Ross, completely unaware of the fact that a varmint is trying to steal her husband – again. _Lucy caught Kristin the first time she made a play for Bobby, when Pam had temporarily moved out after the Julie Grey scandal, and had been very careful to let Kristin know that Bobby was not the type of husband to cheat. It had seemed that Kristin had heard her loud and clear, though she didn't want to believe it, and had moved onto other men – specifically J.R. Ewing. No one knew that Lucy suspected an affair going on between brother-in-law and sister-in-law. She didn't have concrete evidence, but she was willing to bet her inheritance that J.R. and Kristin had something going on behind closed doors. It was the way he touched her during family get togethers, the way she stood by him throughout the day, those long hours that they spent together at the office.

_I wonder if Sue Ellen ever knew?,_ Lucy thought to herself. _Would she be so loving to her husband if she knew half of his dirty deeds?_ Lucy got up in disgust. _That girl can try as hard as wants, as many times as she wants, but Bobby Ewing is taken._

"We'll have to play again sometime," Bobby said, sipping his drink. "I need new competition."

"Whenever you're up for the challenge, I'll be waiting," Kristin said, gently touching Bobby's arm.

"Mr. Ewing?" Teresa, the faithful Ewing maid came into the room with the phone in her hand. "Telephone for you."

_Damn_, Kristin swore angrily, _I was making progress with him._

Bobby nodded goodbye to Kristin as he took the phone. "Yes, this is Bobby Ewing."

Pam smiled as she closed the door to John Ross' room, running into J.R. and Sue Ellen in the hall.

"Is he asleep?" Sue Ellen asked. J.R. kissed Sue Ellen's cheek as he headed downstairs.

"Like an angel," Pam nodded. "You're both so lucky to have a child."

"Pam, you'll be getting a child too."

"Oh I know, but I can't help thinking about what Marilee Stone said."

"Pam, are you going to let a woman like Marilee rob you of the joy of having a child? You are about to get one of God's most precious gifts, how can you not be happy?"

"I am happy," Pam nodded. "But sometimes…I'm haunted by the babies that I almost had, the miscarriages. I always thought Bobby and I would have a baby that was created from both of us."

"I do understand, but you can't lose hope."

Pam nodded as the two headed down the stairs.

"You can't do this to us," Bobby shouted into the phone. "You promised us a child!"

Pam and Sue Ellen froze at the stairs, J.R. and Lucy came into the living room, silent.

"I don't care if there is a change in the power structure, my wife and I were promised something, and you are not delivering!"

Pam began to shake, as Sue Ellen and J.R. rushed to steady her.

"This isn't over you hear me!" Bobby said as he slammed the phone down.

No one said a single word, there was nothing that could be said. Five pairs of eyes floated at one another. A pink balloon sailed into the living room, pricking itself on the mantelpiece and popping.


	6. Chapter 6: Joy and Pain

Sue Ellen Ewing felt the bedroom door open as she lazily blinked her eyes, stretching her arms. "J.R.?" Sue Ellen called. 

"Morning, Honey," J.R. said as he carefully placed a tray of food on the table. In the center of the feast rested a bouquet of pink roses from Miss Ellie's prized garden. "Breakfast is served."

A small smile formed across her mouth. "You're sweet," she said as she picked up a flower.

J.R. sat down on the bed next to his wife. "Just thought I'd do something special for you, Sugar." He gently kissed Sue Ellen's hand as she handed him a piece of toast.

"Is there any change in Pamela?" Sue Ellen asked, concerned. Last night had been a night to remember for the Ewing family. What was once an afternoon celebrating Sue Ellen's imminent delivery, became the day that Bobby and Pam lost their little adoptive baby. Pam had taken the news the hardest, collapsing onto the stairs as J.R. and Sue Ellen struggled to hold her up. Bobby had rushed to call Dr. Harlan Danvers, a friend of the Ewings, and one of the few doctors that continued to make house calls. He brought a few sedatives for Pam, to calm her nerves and give her the rest she needed.

"She's still asleep," J.R. said gravely. Even he was stunned by the news. Pam had never been one of his favorite family members, but J.R. felt a strong sense of sympathy for the Barnes woman. This would make the third time she had expected a child, only to be let down.

"I suppose it's better for her to be asleep than awake," Sue Ellen murmured, closing her eyes. "All last night, I couldn't help but think that that could have been us, losing our baby."

J.R. scooted up to Sue Ellen, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Darlin', there is no reason for you to think that all."

"I know," Sue Ellen said softly, "but I wish the pregnancy were over, so that I could hold the baby."

J.R. kissed Sue Ellen's cheek. "You shouldn't worry so."

"I know," Sue Ellen nodded, "but everything was going so well for the family, and now –"

"Sugar, Bobby and Pam have hit a stumbling block, but they are going to get a baby."

Sue Ellen leaned against J.R.'s chest. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because Ewings always land on their feet."

"I'm glad you're so sure of yourself, it makes me feel better."

J.R. said nothing as he pulled Sue Ellen closer to him.

Sue Ellen squeezed J.R.'s hand. "I was talking to Dr. Morgan last week, we were discussing birthing options."

"Um-hum," J.R. mumbled. "Are you still hoping for natural child birth?"

"If I can have the baby within the next week, then yes. But if not, then Dr. Morgan thinks that I should have the surgery."

"Will it be safe, Darlin'?" J.R. asked concerned.

"I want a natural child birth, but if push comes to shove…Dr. Morgan promises a safe delivery no matter what."

"Do you realize that by next week, we'll have two little young ones?"

Sue Ellen kissed J.R.'s head, "Will you be able to handle it?" she laughed.

"I can handle it just as well as you can," J.R. insisted. "After all, we've been planning for this for eleven years."

"I still can't believe it took that long."

"But it was worth it." J.R. gently caressed Sue Ellen's cheek. "All of it."

Sue Ellen took a sharp intake of breath. "Oh, J.R." A tiny tear formed near her eyelid, mentally telling him that she loved him.

"I know, Darlin'," J.R. acknowledged, pulling her close. "You know, we have an anniversary coming up."

Sue Ellen widened her eyes. "So we do, with everything that's been happening, I forgot."

J.R. kissed Sue Ellen's mouth. "I forgive you, Darlin'."

"No one celebrates their 11th anniversary, J.R."

"Says who? You and I have a lot to celebrate."

Sue Ellen laughed as she spoon-fed J.R. a piece of pancake. "And our celebrating would take us away from the things that we are celebrating: our children."

J.R. smiled as she kissed Sue Ellen's mouth, "We don't have to celebrate right away; we could have a delayed anniversary."

"Really?" Sue Ellen blinked. She had never taken J.R. to be the type of person to just go on a vacation.

"Only if you want to," J.R. promised. "I just thought that you might want to spend a little time with your husband," he said, feigning hurt feelings.

"J.R. Ewing, I swear you act just like a child at times!" Sue Ellen playfully punched J.R.'s shoulder. "And I will not fall for your little acts."

J.R. laughed as he pulled Sue Ellen's hands in his. "I forget how well you know me."

"After eleven years, we know a great deal about one another."

"Um-hum." J.R. traveled to the foot of the bed as he undid the comforter, moving his hands underneath. "For example, I know how much you love a foot massage."

Sue Ellen let out a moan of pleasure as J.R. worked his magic on her feet. "Oh, you are incredible."

Bobby Ewing stood in the well-kept hallway in Southfork, phone to his ear, trying to block out the laughter from J.R.'s bedroom. He knew that he should be happy for J.R. and Sue Ellen – who had had a wonderful year together – but all he could feel was bitterness that two people could be so content while he and Pam were miserable.

He spent the morning talking with the adoption offices. There had been a firing in the main building, and the Ewing family friend was being replaced with someone else – someone who didn't look kindly on favors and preferential treatment. Bobby admitted to himself in the past that it seemed unfair for him and Pam to be moved up in line so quickly for a child, when there were dozens of couples ahead of them, but Bobby didn't care about fairness – he needed a child, Pam needed a child. And now a stranger was telling them that their request was being pushed back three years at the most, two if they were lucky.

_It isn't right, _Bobby swore as he hung up the phone, his eyes moving towards the bedroom that he shared with Pam. _How many times must Pam and I be denied a child!_ Bobby slammed the wall with his fist, knowing that he was expected to keep all of his anger inside. He needed to be strong for Pam.

Pam came close to taking a heavy fall on the stairs the previous night. It was J.R.'s speed that kept her from hitting the floor. Pam had begun to weep uncontrollably, asking her husband why this was happening now, when they were so close to getting what they wanted. Bobby had no answers for his wife as he gently carried her to their bed, tucking her in under the covers while Sue Ellen called Dr. Harlan Danvers.

_I have to make this right for her_, Bobby insisted, knowing how fragile his wife was right now. She didn't have Cliff to talk to the way she usually would, neither sibling contacting the other after their split over Bobby. The Ewing family was all she had in the world.

Pam needed the love of a child, to be able to love a child. Bobby knew this when they were dating. Pam had always stopped to say hello to children wherever they went. Bobby instantly recognized the fact that she was a nurturing woman, good with children, who took to her right away. _She is a mother without a child_, Bobby said sadly as he slowly opened the bedroom door, wondering if there was a change in his wife.

Lucy stood in the hallway, watching Bobby look after Pam. She had wanted to see Pam last night, but she was afraid to even go in the room. _She's heartbroken, _Lucy murmured. Living through two of Pam's miscarriages, Lucy felt that Pam would repeat her destructive pattern of isolating herself from the family and Bobby, sinking into another depression.

_She came so far this year, going back to work at the Store, being more active in the family. I'd hate to see it all go away._ The Ewings knew that Pam never handled disappointment very well, rather than relying on others for comfort, she would withdraw from the world, until something came to break the spell.

The phone ringing downstairs, made Lucy jump off the floor. She hurried downstairs so that Bobby would not be disrupted. "Hello?" she said quietly.

"Lucy, it's me, Jimmy."

_Jimmy, _Lucy nearly lost her breath at the sound of his voice. She hadn't been expecting to hear from him right away. The two had seen each other a few other times, informally, and Lucy was enjoying getting to know Jimmy. He wasn't like all of the other men that she dated – the ones that were only after one thing. Lucy was lucky if she got as much as a goodnight kiss at the end of an evening with him. It was his elusive behavior that made Lucy want to keep coming back, keeping her interest intact.

"Hi, Jimmy."

"How are you, Lucy."

"I'm…I'm fine," Lucy said, searching for the right words. "And you?"

"I'm doing really well, Lucy. Have I called at a bad time?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you seem distracted."

Lucy sighed, realizing that Jimmy had no idea what had happened to his cousin. "Some things have happened at Southfork."

"Between you and Pam?" Jimmy asked, hoping that Lucy and Pam's disagreement was slowly dying down.

"Oh no, it's not that," Lucy insisted. _To be perfectly honest, I haven't even thought about our fight since the party. _Lucy entwined the phone cord around her fingers. _It must be true, the saying that families come together in crises. _Lucy, in her concern for Pam, had completely forgotten how Pam felt about her and Jimmy seeing one another. _It really was a stupid fight. I was letting a stupid fight ruin my relationship with Pam._

"Lucy? What happened?"

"Jimmy, I can't really tell you over the phone. Can we meet somewhere today? I have a lot to say."

"Sure," Jimmy nodded. Just name the time and place."

Lucy finalized the details, somewhat happy to know that she was doing her part in alerting Pam's family to the problem. _She may not be on good terms with them, but they need to know._ Her eyes diverted up the stairs. _Pam has to pull through this._

Pamela Ewing turned back and forth on the bed. "Baby, baby" she whispered, "baby, baby, where's the baby?"

Bobby got up from his chair and knelt down next to his wife, the sedatives were wearing off, and she was finally waking up. "Pammy, Pammy, look at me."

"Baby!" Pam cried on in pain, "No, No, No."

Bobby gently shook Pam's arms, jostling her awake. "I'm right here, Pammy."

"Bobby?" Pam's eyes fluttered open, "we lost the baby," Pam began to cry. Bobby wrapped his arms around her, struggling to soothe his wife, while keeping his own feelings in check.

Sue Ellen slipped on her blue sundress as she fixed her hair for the day. "I have another doctor's appointment today J.R. Would you like to come along?"

"I'd love to," J.R. said as he gently grabbed Sue Ellen's shoulders. "What's going to happen?"

"Routine checkup, my darling, Dr. Morgan just wants to make sure that everything will be ready for next week." Sue Ellen fluffed her hair in the mirror. "I want a natural birth."

"I know you do, but that may not be best for the baby. We don't want the child being in there too long do we?"

"No," Sue Ellen smiled. "Do you have any other plans for the day?"

"My schedule is wide open," J.R. laughed. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I was planning on coming back to the house after the appointment, to be there for Pam."

J.R. took Sue Ellen's hand in his. "Honey, I think Bobby's got Pam taken care of enough for everyone."

"But J.R. – I should be there for her, she may need me."

"Right now, I don't think Pam wants to see anyone – even Bobby. Why don't you and I spend the day together?"

"J.R…," Sue Ellen began hesitantly, "I don't know if it's the right thing to do."

J.R. forcefully kissed her mouth, silencing any complaints. "Trust me Darlin', you won't regret it."

"If you say so," Sue Ellen replied as she wrapped her arms around her husband."

Kristin Shepard sat on the floor of her room, looking at old pictures of her and Sue Ellen. _One would think we looked like twins_, Kristin thought to herself, remembering some of the good times that they had together. _At times, she was my very best friend, my sole comfort when Mamma exerted her influence and Daddy was gone._ Kristin touched the pages, fingering the images with her eyes closed. _But in the end, all she cared about was herself, she left me as soon as something better came along._ Kristin remembered the lonely nights on with her mother, while Sue Ellen was off dating high school boys and having the time of her life. _I haven't forgotten what you did, Sue Ellen, and if you don't remember now, you will._

Kristin closed the book, recalling last night's events. Sue Ellen sent her home when Bobby got the phone call about the baby, promising to let her know what was happening. _It couldn't have happened at a worse time. I was getting so close to Bobby, one of the few Ewings who really enjoyed having me around._ Kristin picked up her hairbrush, running it through her long dark hair. _Although, I can't call it a loss until I know more. Bobby will be needing someone to comfort him, ease his pain._

"Kristin!" Patricia called from the stairs. "Breakfast."

"Coming Mamma," Kristin called. _Yes world, Kristin Shepard is coming._

Sue Ellen quietly sat on the patient bed in the doctor's office, with J.R. holding her hand.

"The baby looks wonderful, Darlin'," J.R. said proudly as he kissed his wife's cheek.

Sue Ellen squeezed her husband's hand. "Are you sure that you're committed to being there for the birth, J.R.?"

"Where's this coming from?"

"Well, it isn't something that you can get out of at the last minute. If you get cold feet and I deliver this child alone…."

J.R. silenced her with a kiss on her mouth. "That won't happen. I am in this all the way."

"Are you?" Sue Ellen smiled as she tugged at J.R.'s collar.

"I'll be right next to you Darlin', holding your hand and timing your contractions."

"Good to hear that, Mr. Ewing," Dr. Kendra Morgan said as he entered the room with Sue Ellen's chart. "You've got a good partner by your side, Sue Ellen."

"You don't have to tell me that, doctor," Sue Ellen laughed. "How's the baby?"

"I'd like to schedule you for your C-section, Sue Ellen." Sue Ellen opened her mouth to protest. "Just in case the baby doesn't come this week. Hopefully, you won't be keeping the appointment, but when it comes to the health of the child, you never can be too careful."

"Of course," Sue Ellen nodded.

"You've kept yourself very healthy over the last several months, normal blood pressure, no stress, you are the epitome of perfect health."

"Hear that, J.R.," Sue Ellen bragged.

"I sure did, Darlin'." J.R. held Sue Ellen's hand, hoping to be leaving the office as soon as possible. "Is there anything else you needed to tell us, Doc?"

"No, Sue Ellen is fine. I heard about Pamela though, how is she feeling?"

"She's very shaken over the baby, Kendra," Sue Ellen said softly. "This is something she's been wanting for a long time."

"I've talked with Pam before, tried to find out why she can't carry a child to term, but there are no clear answers."

"Some things are unexplained," J.R. said.

"But with western medicine increasing each day, we just may find a cure for Pam's problem. I hope she and Bobby aren't giving up hope?"

"I don't think they will," Sue Ellen said as J.R. took her hand and went to the door. "J.R.?" she silently questioned.

"It was nice seeing you, Doctor Morgan," J.R. said as he rushed Sue Ellen out of the office and into the parking lot."

"You too," Kendra Morgan called after them.

Sue Ellen pulled away from J.R.'s arm as she got into the car. "What happened in there, J.R.?"

"Nothing," J.R. said innocently as he pulled her into a kiss. "I just wanted to be with you."

"J.R. – ," Sue Ellen's breath got caught in her throat as she wrapped her arms around her husband' neck. She had come to love the new J.R. very much, but doubts still remained in her mind as to how long he would stay. "J.R. – "

"What's wrong, Darlin'," J.R. asked in his gentle southern accent. "Are you worried about giving birth?"

"Yeah," Sue Ellen lied, hoping to betray her thoughts to her husband. "It's all I can think about."

J.R. gently kissed her neck, rubbing his nose against her skin. "You have nothing to worry about, Sue Ellen. I will be with you the entire time; come hell or high water, you and I are in this together."

Sue Ellen touched J.R.'s cheek with her fingertips. "I hope you mean that, Darling. Because I don't know what I'd do without you." She struggled to keep her emotions in check, not wanting to be let down yet again, for she did not know what she would do if he did.

-----

Ellie Ewing stood at her post in the kitchen, looking at a table full of unused plates. J.R. and Sue Ellen had decided to spend the day in town after the prenatal appointment, Lucy had disappeared an hour ago, saying that she was going to see a friend, and Pam hadn't come out of her room yet.

"Hello, Miss Ellie," Jock called as he took a seat for lunch. "How's Pam holding up?"

"Not very well. Bobby's been trying to talk to her all day."

"I hate seeing go back into another depression," Jock said as he grabbed a glass of water. "I just don't understand those two – I was so sure that Bobby and Pam were going to be the first ones to give us a grandchild."

"I know, Jock, to be honest, I felt the same way. But J.R. and Sue Ellen have proven us both wrong, and I'm very glad that they have."

"I always knew that J.R. could be the father that he should be; it just took him time to get there."

Bobby came down in the kitchen, bringing a full tray of food with him. "She wouldn't touch it," Bobby said methodically. Bobby Ewing was a man that was suffering, but time and time again he found himself caring for others above himself.

"Come join us, Bobby," Ellie urged.

Bobby sat down, not saying a word.

"Maybe I should go down and talk some sense into the adoption agency," Jock said.

"It won't make any difference, Daddy, they won't give us a child any time soon."

"Dam it, certain people forgot what the name Ewing means in this town," Jock boomed, pounding the table with his fist. "Sounds like some need some remembering."

"Daddy it was unethical for Pam and I to use the Ewing name to get a child," Bobby said tiredly.

"Ethics. You want to talk to me about ethics while your wife is upstairs suffering over something that she can't have?"

Bobby stood up. "Daddy, Pammy is my wife and my responsibility. I've seen her through worse situations than this and she is going to be fine." Bobby walked away from his parents, the frustration within him continuing to boil.

-----

"She must be so upset," Jimmy said as he sat with Lucy in a small booth at a local café. "She's been waiting for so long."

"I know," Lucy said. "If anyone deserves a child…"

"It's Pam," Jimmy finished. "She helped raise me and Cliff when we were younger, standing by my mom's side, doing whatever needed to be done."

Lucy sipped her coffee, remembering how Pam took her on when she first moved to Southfork. _She didn't care if I hated her or not, her first priority was making sure that I was okay._ "I don't want her to sink into another sadden state."

"How did she get over her last spell?"

"I think it had something to do with a closer relationship to Sue Ellen. What Pam needed was to realize that life was still worth living, that she had so much to be thankful for."

"And now she feels let down?"

"She was counting on this baby, and now, she has to accept the fact that she won't be getting one at all."

"Maybe I should come to the house and see her, I can bring my mom with me."

"Actually, I was wondering if you could talk to Cliff." Lucy took a piece of pie off her plate as Jimmy took in her large request.

"Lucy, I haven't seen Cliff in weeks. He's been keeping to himself lately since his fallout with Pam."

Lucy's face fell. She had been counting on Cliff to help Pam get over the loss of the baby. Cliff could talk to her in ways that no Ewing could; the two shared a strong and long lasting bond.

"Is he still in his apartment?"

"My mom goes down there every few days or so to check on him, she never gets anywhere. Pam isn't the only one hurting."

"I understand," Lucy said silently. "It was only a thought."

"I can try," Jimmy promised. "It's a good idea, a tragedy might bring those two together again."

Lucy looked at her watch. "I should be going."

"There's one more thing that I wanted to talk to you about," Jimmy said, taking her hand.

"Oh?"

"My boss had extra tickets to a rock concert in Fort Worth. I have an extra ticket, and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me?"

"I'd love to," Lucy smiled. She was beginning to enjoy being around Jimmy more and more, there was an aura of comfortableness when she was with him, coupled with sparks of fire whenever he looked at her. What she didn't know was how he felt about her, whether he saw her as a friend or a girlfriend.

"I'll call you this weekend," Jimmy said as he walked Lucy to her car.

-----

J.R. and Sue Ellen benefited from a very long and satisfying lunch at the Oil Baron's. The two stayed for an hour-and-a-half, talking about everything that was going to be happening for them. Moments alone together became more precious because the upcoming baby would mean less time for one another.

J.R. looked over at a sleeping Sue Ellen. Her body was reclined in the car seat, her long auburn hair sprawled across her face, a smile on her mouth. J.R. had grown to love seeing Sue Ellen sleep. Sometimes he would wake up early just to watch her rest in her natural beauty, undisturbed.

_My Yellow Rose of Texas_, J.R. thought happily as he gently brushed Sue Ellen's hair away from her eyes, careful not to disturb her peaceful slumber. _If only you really knew how much you meant to me, how happy you make me just by sitting next to me. _J.R. grinned a familiar smile, a smile that only she could bring across his face. _You've made me the happiest man in the world, Darlin', I hope you know that._

It bothered him to keep his conversation with Kristin a secret from Sue Ellen. He had promised her total honesty, no more secrets. But he believed that Sue Ellen discovering the conversation would only bring trouble. _I can handle Kristin on my own, Sue Ellen needn't know a thing._ J.R. was confident that he could handle her in the same way that he could any other nemesis.

But that didn't mean that J.R. didn't feel a tug of guilt, especially yesterday, when Sue Ellen questioned him about Kristin. He was confident in the fact that she didn't see anything incriminating, but that didn't mean she wouldn't. _That's why I have to make sure that Kristin and I understand one another. _He still couldn't fathom why Kristin told Sue Ellen about them in the first place. _What kind of a sister would want to bring pain like that on her own family?_ But J.R. knew better than to try and analyze the complex Kristin. She was like him in so many ways, it was very spooky. _It was what brought me to her those years ago – my biggest mistake, which still haunts me to this day._

But J.R. was ready to give up on ghosts, and start a new life with Sue Ellen. A life where they could be a family together, the family that J.R. had always wanted. Yes, J.R. had a great deal at stake, and he wasn't ready to let go of anything.

J.R. gently extended a finger to Sue Ellen's smooth cheek. _I can never get enough of her._ Sue Ellen stirred, opening her eyes for her husband.

"You were watching me sleep weren't you?"

"It's a compliment, Sugar," J.R. insisted. "You're so beautiful when you sleep."

Sue Ellen smiled as he smoothed her hair. "What would you say if I told you that I enjoy watching you sleep in the same way that you enjoy watching me?"

"When have you watched me sleep?" J.R. said indignantly.

"On those nights when you come home late from the office. You're usually out within five minutes."

"And you watch me?" J.R. laughed.

Sue Ellen nodded a yes for her husband. "I like feeling close to you."

"Well that's perfect, Sweetheart, because I feel the same way about you."

-----Sue Ellen snuck another look at the calendar in her diary. She had three days left before she was scheduled to go in for her C-section, and the possibility of a natural birth was becoming dimmer and dimmer. She let out a heavy sigh as she opened to the newest blank page.

_July 27, 1982_

_Things are not going very good at Southfork. I can always tell when a storm is brewing, there is an eerie silence that pervades the premises, an unspoken acknowledgement between family members. _

_Pam has made very little improvement over the last few days. She's finally begun to eat with the family, but she says nothing – not even to Bobby. She excuses herself after dinner, not staying for cocktails and she goes to her room. _

_I understand her pain, of wanting a child and never having one. I can't imagine being here without John Ross in my life. Who knew that one little person could bring someone such joy and happiness. I never thought it was possible to find fulfillment at Southfork, but John Ross taught me that there is good even in the worst of circumstances. _

_But I don't know what it feels like to lose a baby. I've often found myself at a loss for words when Pam talks about her miscarriages – carrying a little person inside of you, only to lose them at the worst possible time. She said that it was as though part of you dies with the baby, a part you that you can never get back, no matter how hard you try. _

_This time tops all of the others. Pam spent eight months counting on having a child of her own, picking out wallpaper, baby names, baby furniture. It was as though she was carrying another child to term – only to have another miscarriage, this time at the end of the pregnancy._

_No one knows what to say to Pam anymore. Bobby is at his wits end, trying to get her to speak to him, to feel, to love. I worry about Bobby and how he is feeling, Pam wasn't the only person to lose a child in the relationship. But when I try to talk to him, he brushes me away, telling me that he is fine, that he is only worried about Pam. _

_They are both in their own denial, neither one willing to admit the reality of the situation. How long can they last in their dream state? Pam hasn't gone to work all week. Bobby went back to the office yesterday with Jock. _

_And then there is J.R. He has been very true to his word, staying with me during the day, making sure that I am comfortable. I really am being spoiled by all of his attention, and I wouldn't mind it except - I am still unsure of whether or not it will last. J.R. has been good to me because of the pregnancy. He's been extra caring and thoughtful, he remembers to ask me how my day was. Often times he will just sit with me saying nothing, enjoying being in the same room with me. I never took J.R. to be the passive type who would sit and watch life go by. J.R. has always been a doer, it's what drove him at Ewing Oil. _

_My love for him grows each day, and it has blossomed by the fact that he does love me too and John Ross. I never knew how much he loved me until last year. He says that he loved me from the moment he saw me, but never told me out loud. Sometimes I need to hear it, I love hearing him say those three little words that he never bothered to utter in the first nine years of our marriage._

_Kristin and mamma have been calling frequently, sending baskets of food and good wishes. If I'm not mistaken, I saw mamma smile while the family talked about Bobby and Pam losing the baby, as if it was what she wanted all along, so that J.R. and I would be the only couple with Ewing heirs. That would be very much like mamma, to value things like power and money above the feelings of others. _

_Kristin has taken an interest in the family – in fact she's coming over tonight for cocktails, at Jock and Ellie's request. Kristin has done a brilliant job of pleasing Jock and Ellie, both of whom were feeling somewhat lonely in a house where everyone had a life of their own, __always doing their own thing. Kristin has no problem in making herself available, whether she's talking with Miss Ellie on the back porch, or playing backgammon with Jock, she's always ready to be the center of attention._

_I don't trust her for a minute. After spending time with her over the years, I've learned that Kristin always has an ulterior motive, just like J.R. Come to think of it, Kristin has a great deal in common with J.R. – the old J.R. that is. Power hungry, unscrupulous, conniving… I see so many qualities in her that I saw in J.R. – and it frightens me, it's almost like going back in time and living with the old J.R. all over again._

_And then there is the long affair that the two shared. I know I shouldn't hold J.R.'s affair with her against him, but it is so close to home. I see her on a regular basis. She isn't some hundred dollar a night whore that he picked up, she's my sister. There is no amount of time that can erase the memory of those two together._

_It's times like these when I wonder if he means it – when he tells me that he's changed and that he wants to start over with me and John Ross. I still wonder if people can really change permanently, or if it is only a temporary disguise, waiting to evaporate at the next possible moment._

"Damn it," J.R. swore angrily as he threw his coat onto a chair.

Sue Ellen quickly tucked her book under the cover. "J.R. – what's wrong?"

"Whatever happened to loyalty!" J.R. thundered as he took off his shoes, sitting on the other side of the bed, not recognizing his wife.

"J.R. calm down, you're not making any sense."

"You spend months with someone, develop a relationship with then, and then they throw it all away."

"Is there trouble at Ewing Oil?" Sue Ellen asked quietly, hoping that it wasn't true. When there was trouble, the men spent more time at the office.

"She quit!" J.R. threw up his hands in frustration.

"Who quit?" Sue Ellen asked.

J.R. turned around, his eyes focusing on Sue Ellen's distraught form. "I'm sorry, Darlin'," he said quietly. "Here I am, yelling and hollering about my day, and I haven't even said hello to you." He crawled next to her, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "How are you feeling, Sugar?"

"I'm fine, J.R., I was just getting ready for dinner. What happened?"

"I went into the office today, like any other day, only to hear that Louella is quitting her job." J.R. sprawled his body across the bed. Sue Ellen began to massage his head.

"She's been with you for so long," Sue Ellen said surprised. "I thought she was happy with you?"

"I thought she was too."

"Why is she leaving?"

"Her husband got a new job somewhere else, and she's moving with him."

"I'm sorry, Darling," Sue Ellen whispered. "But you know that you'll find another secretary."

J.R. raised his head. "It will take time to break someone in, get them accustomed to my style of business. I'm a particular person, Honey, I can't work with just anyone. It took over a month for Louella and I to get in synch, and now she wants to throw all of that away."

"She's going to be with her husband, J.R., I think that's a pretty important reason."

"Well I don't," J.R. said gruffly. "They'll only end up divorced anyway."

Sue Ellen frowned at her husband. "That's a terrible thing to say."

J.R. looked at Sue Ellen. "Well it's a fact, Honey. These days, most marriages seem to fail."

"How comforting," Sue Ellen said coolly.

J.R. smiled at his wife. "Darlin', we are not most people. We are going to be very happy together, I can tell."

"How?" Sue Ellen questioned.

"Because I love you too much to lose you," J.R. answered, kissing her forehead. "Because I couldn't imagine being with anyone else."

Sue Ellen smiled at J.R.'s breath on her cheeks. She wondered if his final statement was true. J.R. had been with hoards of women, before and during their marriage.

"We're gonna be happy, just like mamma and daddy."

"And Bobby and Pam," Sue Ellen added, giving her husband a look.

"Sure," J.R. mumbled, not really believing it himself.

Sue Ellen smirked, kissing her husband's forehead. "I bet you'll find someone even better than Louella."

"But what do I do until then? The temp office always sends me some little girl secretary, doesn't even know how to type. I need someone competent."

"Well, you'll be spending more time at home, so you shouldn't be in a hurry," Sue Ellen said as she got out of bed.

J.R. followed her to the closet. "That's very true, Honey, but just because I'm not at the office doesn't mean that I don't want someone there watching over things for me."

Sue Ellen spun around, sprawling her hands across J.R.'s chest. "You mean a spy for Bobby?"

J.R. took Sue Ellen's hands and wrapped them around his neck. "Do you really think I'd do something like that?"

Sue Ellen forcefully kissed J.R.'s mouth. "I don't know, Darling, you've been known to do a lot of things at Ewing Oil."

"I'm just looking out for the company, Honey. Bobby isn't willing to admit this, but he isn't very experienced."

"He still has your daddy."

"True, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to know what's going on."

Sue Ellen laughed into her husband's ear. "You know, J.R. some things never change. I don't know if you'll ever trust Bobby with Ewing Oil."

"When Bobby can prove himself a successful businessman, then I'll lay off him. Right now he's done the fun stuff, entertaining business associates. He's not hardcore."

Sue Ellen gently loosened J.R.'s tie. "Bobby has the potential to be hardcore. He has the potential to be a lot of things." Sue Ellen threw the fabric over her shoulder, pushing her husband onto the bed.

J.R. brought his hands up to his wife's face. "That's why I have to keep an eye on him, I don't want him running the company without me."

Sue Ellen's nose grazed J.R.'s neck. "Your daddy seems to think that Bobby's doing very well."

J.R. rolled his neck back, giving Sue Ellen more access. "Daddy wants Ewing Oil to be a family business, but what he doesn't understand is that not everyone in the family is fit to run the business."

Sue Ellen raised her head. "J.R., I need you to promise me something."

J.R. fixed his blue eyes on Sue Ellen's hazel ones. "Anything, my love."

"Promise me that you won't hurt Bobby."

J.R. raised his eyebrow in concern. "You think I'd hurt Bobby?" he asked, somewhat hurt.

"J.R., I don't want Bobby running Ewing Oil any more than you do. That company belongs to you and eventually, John Ross. But I've seen the way you operate and…"

J.R. pressed hand gently over Sue Ellen's mouth to stop her from speaking. "Sue Ellen I love my brother, and I love the company. I love them both so much that I would do anything to protect them . And if that means keeping Bobby out of Ewing Oil, then I'll do it. He may not understand it right away, but it's the best thing for him."

"I'm sorry, J.R.," Sue Ellen said softly.

"We should get ready for dinner, Kristin will be here any minute." He got out of bed, not meeting her in the eye. What she had said hurt him more than he was willing to admit._ For her to really think that about me…endangering Bobby for Ewing Oil. She doesn't know me at all, after all of these years._

"J.R.," Sue Ellen called after him.

"There's nothing to talk about, Sue Ellen!" he said gruffly as he slammed the door.

Sue Ellen stifled a sob as she fixed her hair for dinner. As she slipped on her favorite bracelet she stole one last look in the mirror. _Perfect, no one will suspect a thing._

Sue Ellen took her place by J.R. on the sofa, neither one meeting the other's eye. Pam sat at the piano, playing a simple little tune distractedly while Bobby talked in the hall with Jock. Lucy sat on the floor by the fire place, absently reading a literature book. Miss Ellie stood at her post in the kitchen, giving Teresa the last minute instructions on how dinner was to be prepared.

J.R. stood up, going to the liquor cabinet as he fixed himself a double bourbon and branch, a fact that didn't escape Sue Ellen's watchful eye. _What was I thinking, _she thought angrily. _I accused him of wanting to sabotage his brother._

As always, J.R. brought Sue Ellen a soda water, only this time, he didn't smile at her when he delivered it, he didn't let his hand linger on hers. Sometimes when he drank, he would rest his hand comfortably on her knee, signaling his love and contentment for her. But not this time; he brought her the drink as a courtesy, nothing more. J.R. sat down, taking a healthy swig of his concoction.

Sue Ellen nervously looked at her husband, opening her mouth to speak, but the doorbell cut her off.

"Kristin!" she muttered as she got up from her perch. "Perfect timing as always." She opened the door and attempted her best Texas smile. "How nice of you to come, Kristin."

"The pleasure is all mine," Kristin smiled, detecting a slight drop in Sue Ellen's demeanor. "I hope I'm not late."

"You're right on time," Ellie smiled, taking Kristin's hand. Miss Ellie had always taken a liking to Kristin Shepard. She considered her to be another granddaughter. When Lucy was out with her friends, Kristin would stay and talk with her, show a keen interest in what was going on at Southfork.

"Is that you, Kristin?" Jock boomed as he and Bobby greeted their guest.

"Hello Jock," Kristin smiled as she gave the Ewing patriarch a hug. She flashed a brighter smile at Bobby, and she could have sworn that she saw him smile back at her.

Jock led her to a seat near Sue Ellen as Bobby fixed her a white wine. Sue Ellen eyed her younger sister as she gratefully accepted the glass from Bobby. _If I didn't know any better, I'd think Kristin was trying to impress someone._

"What's new with you and your mother?" Ellie asked, sitting in her armchair.

"Mamma's just fine," Kristin said, taking another look at a visibly unhappy Sue Ellen. Her eyes were focused on the floor, a forced smile upon her mouth. But what Kristin was really focused on was J.R., who was on his second drink. _There's a definite coldness between them tonight, _Kristin thought with satisfaction. She had been very perturbed by J.R. and Sue Ellen's apparent closeness over her last few visits to the ranch. _Sue Ellen may not be as happy as she thinks, _Kristin thought with a laugh.

"Kristin have you given any thought to going to school?" Jock asked.

"No, I really don't think I'm cut out for school."

Lucy shot Kristin a curious look.

"I'm getting everything I want out of just living life."

"Have you found work yet, Kristin?" Bobby asked.

"No I haven't. It isn't very easy finding work in Dallas when you don't have the right contacts," she said as she sipped her drink.

"Well, we know plenty of people in town and we'd love to help you," Jock insisted. "After all, you are family," he laughed, stealing a look at Sue Ellen. "And family watches out for family."

"Yes sir," J.R. nodded, stealing a look at Sue Ellen who was biting her lip to keep from crying. J.R. saw a glimmer of a tear in her eye, a surge of guilt washing over him from the knowledge that he was the one to make her cry. _I shouldn't have talked to her like that, but what she said._

J.R. gently reached for her hand, but Sue Ellen pulled away, unable to handle his touch. She was so ashamed of what she had said to J.R. _He must hate me for what I did; I accused him of not loving his family. J.R.'s always loved his immediate family, excluding Gary…and me in the past._

Kristin eyed J.R. and Sue Ellen's body language. _Something's amiss, J.R.'s trying to apologize to her yet again….maybe he had another little affair….or maybe Sue Ellen ran up his credit card bill with all of that shopping that she loves to do._

Pam drifted in and out of the conversation, slowly rubbing her fingers over her flat stomach. _If I could be pregnant, have only one baby, it doesn't even have to be a boy. I just need a baby to love. _Pam wondered if anything had changed about her within the last year. Her depression over miscarriage had been very painful – not only for her but for all of the Ewings. When Pam fell off her horse, and discovered that she could not carry a baby to term, she took a special interest in John Ross. Which was fine, until Sue Ellen took over raising him, leaving Pam once again without a child to love. She was back at square one yet again, the emptiness inside of her never really leaving at all.

Her need for a child stemmed from different sources. A primary one came from her mother – the one that Pam never knew. Raised by her Aunt Maggie from a very early age, the only thing she knew about her mother was that she left when she was a very young girl, and hadn't been heard from since then. The one thing she did know was that her mother – Rebecca Barnes – had an affair with one of the Southfork foremen, Hutch McKinney. McKinney was Pam's biological father, not Digger, a thought that had haunted her for months, leaving her restless at nights. Pamela Barnes Ewing knew very little of her past.

Kristin's foot danced across the floor, chasing the tapestry. Pam's silence hadn't escaped Kristin's eye, who though she felt a tinge of sympathy for her, she viewed the silence as an asset in her bid for Bobby. "I always did love secretary work," Kristin added, knowing full well that Louella had left today.

"Isn't that a little common?" Lucy asked, dripping with sarcasm. "Not a very lofty ambition."

"There's nothing common about working, Lucy," Kristin said with a fake sweetness, her deep brown eyes fixed on the shortest Ewing. "Everyone starts somewhere, and being a secretary allows me to understand how business works."

"That's a wonderful work ethic, Kristin," Miss Ellie nodded.

"I thought you were into architecture," Lucy said.

"I was, but it didn't fulfill my needs the way working in the office did." Kristin shot a glance at J.R., hoping that he would catch what she was implying.

But J.R. paid no heed to Kristin, as he finished off another drink. His conversation with Sue Ellen continued to plague him.

"J.R., didn't you say that your secretary Louella quit today?"

"Yes I did," J.R. said, coming back to earth.

"I didn't know that Louella left," Kristin said in mock shock. "I hope nothing terrible happened."

"She's moving with her husband," J.R. responded.

"Say, J.R., why don't you bring Kristin back as your secretary?" Jock laughed as he rested his water on the mantel?"

Sue Ellen's head shot up at the very mention of Kristin going back to work with J.R.

"I don't know, Dad," J.R. said quickly, he too caught by surprise. The last thing he wanted was to have Kristin around at the office. J.R. shot a look to Sue Ellen, who caught his glance and then looked down. "I was going to go looking around Professional Secretary Offices and find someone from there. No offense, Kristin," J.R. said quickly. "But I need someone with experience

"None taken, J.R.," Kristin smiled, screaming on the inside. _You shouldn't be so quick to be difficult with me, J.R. – you don't know what I'm capable of. _

"Kristin's got plenty of experience, J.R.," Jock said, puzzled. "She worked with you for several months."

"But that's all the experience she's had, Dad," J.R. said. "I don't want someone leaving again like Louella. I want a hard professional secretary."

"It may take time for you to find the right one," Bobby added, "months given how busy the offices are. Kristin could temporary until you find someone else."

Kristin smiled at Bobby, pleased that he had confidence in her. "J.R., I know I could do it if you just gave me a chance – for a month or so at least."

"I think it would be a wonderful idea," Ellie smiled. "Keeping Ewing Oil in the family."

"Kristin isn't family," Lucy hissed to no one in particular.

J.R. frowned; he couldn't see a way out of hiring Kristin without telling everyone the real reason that he didn't want her in the first place. "Well…"

"Then it's settled," Jock finished. "Kristin can start work on Monday."

Kristin smiled a tempestuous smile. _My plan is falling into place._

"It's settled," J.R. nodded. He reached for Sue Ellen's arm, but she pulled away.

"I'm going to go check on dinner," she said primly, refusing her husband's contact.

J.R. watched her leave, wanting her to stay, wanting to explain. But he couldn't._ Darlin' I don't want this any more than you do, I love you._

The family gathered around the table, Jock and Ellie sitting at the head, with Pam, Bobby, and Lucy on one side, Kristin, J.R., and Sue Ellen on the other. Kristin sat comfortably next to J.R.

"Sue Ellen, how are things with the DOA?" Kristin asked.

"Fine," Sue Ellen said, staring at her plate. "We're having a charity auction next month."

"That's very generous." Kristin lowered her right hand, placing it on J.R.'s knee. She allowed her fingers to linger on his body.

J.R. flinched from the contact, practically jumping out of his seat. He shot Kristin an infuriated glare. _Clearly we need to have another discussion._

Kristin just smiled back at J.R., thrilled that she was able to get under his skin. She had a year's worth of revenge to make up for, and Kristin wasn't the type to let debts go unpaid.

"Is everything alright, J.R.?" Ellie asked.

"Yes, Mamma," J.R. said, getting his bearings. "I just bumped my leg on the table."

Ellie smiled at the full table as she beckoned to Teresa to take the plates away.

The family stood to renter the living room for after dinner conversation. Sue Ellen stood up, casting a fearful look at her husband, who was too busy looking at Kristin to notice his wife's concern. She lowered her head in shame, staying in the dining room rather than joining the others.

J.R. pulled Kristin into the hallway, keeping a hushed tone. "What do think you're doing?" he hissed.

"Joining the family for drinks," Kristin said innocently.

"You think you can come back to Ewing Oil and work for me!" J.R. kept his grip on Kristin's arm, but she was undeterred.

"Jock and Bobby seem very excited about it. And you wouldn't want to upset your daddy would you?" Kristin asked, knowing full well that she had the upper hand.

"You conniving little…"

"Careful, J.R.," Kristin warned. "You and I will be seeing a lot more of one another at the office, and I think it's important that we stay on friendly terms." Kristin leaned in and gently kissed J.R.'s cheek.

Sue Ellen stepped out of the dining room, seeing the scene between her husband and sister. She let out a gasp as she ran up the stairs.

"Darlin'," J.R. called after her, forgetting Kristin downstairs. Kristin looked on wickedly. The first seeds were planted, and soon it would be time to watch her little scheme grow.

Sue Ellen fell onto the bed, crying into her pillow, not hearing J.R. open the door. "Sue Ellen," he said gently, touching her back.

Sue Ellen said nothing, continuing to cry.

J.R. rested his body on the bed, gently stroking her back. "Honey, don't cry, please don't cry." J.R. let out a heavy sigh as he slowly soothed his wife. He gently tugged at her auburn hair, bringing her face to his. "What you saw between Kristin and me," he gently smoothed his fingers over her face, wiping at her tears.

"She's going to work with you," Sue Ellen cried, "J.R. – how could you?" She struggled to pull his hands away from her, but he wouldn't budge.

"Do you think I want her at the office with me? I assure you that Kristin is temporary, until I find someone permanent."

"That kiss that you shared – "

"Meant nothing," J.R. vowed, as he pulled her next to him on the bed.

Sue Ellen said nothing, shooting her husband a hurt look. "I know what I saw, J.R., I've seen it a dozen times."

"Sue Ellen, whatever Kristin and I shared together is in the past, I've got no reason to bring it all up again now."

Sue Ellen wondered if that was really true. J.R.'s love always fluctuated in the past. He loved her when it was best suited for him, ready to take away his affection at a moment's notice. Sue Ellen felt that the slightest mistake on her part would isolate herself once more from J.R.'s love, leaving her alone."J.R. – I'm sorry about earlier," she said softly. "I – I didn't mean it, I…." Sue Ellen couldn't find the words necessary to tell her husband what she felt. _He could have made up his mind about me already, deciding that I'm not worth the trouble._

J.R. gently placed his hand over Sue Ellen's mouth once more, only this time it was out of love. Sue Ellen silenced herself as J.R. said nothing, placing a warm, intimate kiss on her mouth. "Did you know that I have been waiting all night to do that?" J.R. asked.

Sue Ellen said nothing, rendered speechless by his tender response, and her own private fear.

J.R. smiled, knowing that he had Sue Ellen's full attention. "I know that you didn't mean what you said earlier, and I'm sorry for yelling at you. I lost my temper over Louella and I took it out on you."

Sue Ellen tentatively kissed J.R.'s mouth, hoping that things were mended between them. "I know how much you love your family."

"And you," J.R. said deeply. "You are the light of my world, and my best friend." J.R. sighed as he smoothed Sue Ellen's hair. "A break from Ewing Oil will be good for both of us."

"Even if it means that Bobby will be in charge?"

J.R. let out a chuckle, "How much trouble can Bobby get into in a few short months?"

Sue Ellen smiled, gently licking J.R.'s cheek. "You know what I love about you?"

"Hmm, is it my ruggedly good looks?" J.R. laughed.

Sue Ellen playfully punched J.R.'s shoulder. "It's your confidence, the way you make me believe that everything will be alright in the end."

J.R. looked down at Sue Ellen running his fingers through her long tresses. "Everything will be okay, Darlin', I promise."

"I really think it will," Sue Ellen conceded, resting her head on J.R.'s shoulder. "But there's still Kristin."

"I will handle her," J.R. promised, attempting to mask his fear. "You just relax."

"J.R., stay here with me. Forget your family, forget Kristin – just…."

"Hold you," J.R. smiled as he snuggled closer.

"Um-hum," Sue Ellen moaned as she closed her eyes.

The two lay in a private slumber, the perfect size for two as they attempted to wash away the demons that plagued them, for tomorrow was another day.

-----

Kristin stood by the windowsill, watching the brilliant stars glimmering over the expansive property. _This is the high life,_ Kristin thought wistfully. _I can see what Sue Ellen sees in it. Living in a place like this, you could put up with a lot of things. _Kristin thought about how Sue Ellen had tried to 'warn her' during her pregnancy with John Ross, about marrying into a wealthy family, and following mamma's exact plan. _She just didn't know how to cope with being a Ewing, it's not like she's the only one having difficulty._

Pamela had gone upstairs after dinner, visibly unhappy. Offering a flimsy apology, Pam retreated to her cocoon to slowly mourn the cruel joke that life had played on her. _How many times must one person be heartbroken?_ Pam had spent her entire life struggling, forced to learn adult lessons at a very early age. But nothing prepared her for the loss of a child, of a little life. _I have all of this love, just pent up inside me, and I have no one to give it to._

Upon entering the bedroom, Pam snuck into the closet, pulling out a box behind her shoes. The container was very familiar to her. It was her baby box, that she had started when she graduated high school. Over the years she had accumulated various items, including a blanket, a pillow, little baby outfits, a pacifier, a teddy bear.

She hadn't looked at the container in over a year. It was during her last depression, over her miscarriage that she gave the box a final look. She knew that she had been withdrawn from Bobby, that he was going through the same pain the she was, but she was convinced that she was more hurt. _I was the one carrying the baby, I was the first one to know about the pregnancy, I was the one who held her breath when she doctor checked the little one for__ neurofibromatosi__s. _Pam believed that she held a special connection with the child that no one could know or understand. _So naturally it was more difficult for me to cope with the loss of the baby. _It didn't matter how many times Bobby reassured her that they were going through the same pain, Pam was convinced that it was different for her.

It took months of silence for Pam to confide in Bobby, or anyone else ever again. A great deal of support came from Sue Ellen, an unlikely ally to say the least. _There was a time when we hated each other, or at least, she hated me._ Optimist Pam was stunned by a frosty Sue Ellen, who had no qualms about telling her what she thought of her. For over a year, the two Mrs. Ewings battled one another in the house, slipping out snide comments at cocktails, giving one another the evil eye during dinner. It wasn't what Pam wanted in her relationship with her new sister-in-law, but Pam was never the type to back down from a fight, or take abuse from anyone, Ewing or not.

The turning point occurred while bonding with John Ross. Pam had been appalled that a mother could ignore her young son, shipping him off to the nurse, or whoever was available. But that side of Sue Ellen didn't last. Pam had wanted to believe that there was a humane side to her, one that was capable of loving and being loved. _It was there all along, hidden by years of J.R.'s abuse._

Sue Ellen was there when Pam needed her, she gave her the courage to talk to Bobby again, to not give up on life. So Pam patiently waited for third chance to have a child. But the third time was not the charm. _I was promised a child; we made plans to raise a baby together._

This time was indeed too much for Pamela Barnes Ewing. She couldn't speak of her disappointment, for it ran too deep. All she could do was cry. Cry and think of the child that should have been hers.

-----

Kristin eyed the long winding staircase. She would be lying if she admitted that she didn't feel sympathy for Pam. But there was no room in her plan for sympathy or compassion. _I need to use every chance I get to ensure that I get what I want._ Kristin couldn't believe the good fortune dealt to her. With a despondent Pam, Bobby was once again vulnerable and alone. _He needs someone just as much as she does, _Kristin said determinedly as she poured two glasses of bourbon.

Her prey was out by the pool, trying to enjoy the Southfork pool, but his heart was somewhere else. There was no peace to be found for Bobby Ewing.

"Hello stranger," Kristin said gently, extending a glass for Bobby.

Bobby nodded a hello. He knew that he shouldn't drink, he had had more than his share at cocktails and dinner. But he couldn't refuse the temptation in front of him. "How did you know that I needed a drink?" he smiled.

"If there's one thing I've learned about the Ewings, it's that they like their liquor," Kristin laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"That we do," Bobby agreed. _Sometimes too much._ "So what brings you out here tonight?"

"I wanted to thank-you, for sticking up for me during cocktails."

"It's no problem. "I'm sure you'll be an asset to Ewing Oil."

"I intend to be." Kristin sipped her drink, and starred at Bobby's profile. "Bobby, I know this really isn't any of my business, we aren't very close…"

"Go on Kristin," Bobby said curiously.

"Well, I was wondering how you were holding up with the baby." Kristin gauged Bobby's reaction, he showed no emotion, so she continued. "I can't imagine how hard it must be, losing a child like that."

"It was our third," Bobby said solemnly, frowning. "Did you know that Pam had two miscarriages?"

"No I didn't," Kristin lied, having full knowledge of the events from Sue Ellen who had giddily told her and their mother about Bobby and Pam's misfortune.

Bobby nodded his head. "Pam had gotten pregnant right away, it surprised both of us. We knew we wanted children, but to have one so soon? There wasn't any time to question the pregnancy, she was already so far along. She told me the day of the Ewing barbeque. I couldn't have been any happier, it made the afternoon that much better. Everyone offered their congratulations and best wishes – almost everyone anyway," Bobby let out a small chuckle as he recalled J.R.'s disappointed reaction to the news. "It was getting late and Pam was in the hayloft after a fight between my daddy and hers. Those two couldn't even mend fences for the sake of the grandchild they were going to share. Pam could never stand to see anyone fight so she hid away."

Kristin looked into Bobby's eyes and saw sorrow. _It's as if it all happened yesterday, _she thought silently.

"J.R. was on one of his drunken binges and he joined Pam in the loft. She was threatening J.R. with the possibility of her and I leaving Southfork. J.R. knew that mamma and daddy would hate to see that happen, so he tried to convince her to stay. She backed away from him…and fell, from the hayloft."

"And she lost the baby," Kristin whispered.

"Yes she did."

Kristin closed her eyes. In her heart, she knew that she was committing a grievous mistake by trying to alter Bobby and Pam's marriage. But playing by the rules had never gotten her anything in life. And there was also the fact that she was convinced that in time, Bobby could grow to love her. _Bobby doesn't know it yet, but I am doing him a favor._

Bobby fought back the tears that were forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry for burdening you with my sorrows, Kristin, I'm sure that wasn't what you were looking for when you came out here."

Kristin touched Bobby's shoulder. "I wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"Kristin, I haven't been okay in weeks."

"We all need to talk to someone, Bobby."

"Yes we do," Bobby agreed, regretting the fact that he was confiding in his niece rather than his wife. He looked down at the young beauty before him. _She looks so much like Sue Ellen it's shocking._ He gently bent down to kiss her cheek. "Thank-you for coming out to check on me tonight."

Kristin nearly collapsed from his touch. "Anytime," Kristin said. "After all, what's family for?"

-----

Sue Ellen awoke the next day with a start, getting up before her husband as she quickly showered and dressed for the morning, the afterglow of last nights conversation still ringing in her mind. J.R. was the only man in the world who could take her breath away with one look, one simple smile. It had been eleven years since vows were shared, but J.R. hadn't lost his appeal, or his desirability.

"Darlin'," J.R. said sleepily as he examined his wife, dressed in a blue button down shirt and jeans.

"I was going to let you sleep," Sue Ellen smiled, instructing her husband to lower his head.

"Now how can I go back to sleep knowing that you aren't beside me?"

Sue Ellen came to J.R.'s side of the bed and took his hand in hers. "I won't be gone too long Darling."

"Where are you going?"

"I was going to go shopping for the baby," Sue Ellen blushed.

"Again? Sugar, that child has more furniture and toys than anyone would ever need in two lifetimes. I swear, you and mamma have been spoiling that child rotten and it hasn't even come yet."

"I just want to make sure that I have everything," Sue Ellen insisted. "Besides, I see the way that you brag about our new baby to all of your friends at the club – you are just as excited as I am."

"Why wouldn't I be?" J.R. pulled Sue Ellen onto the edge of the bed. "You and I are getting a new addition to the family, and I want the entire world to know."

Sue Ellen laughed at J.R.'s pride. "I know what you mean." Sue Ellen stood up to go to the door. "I'd better get going if I want to beat the early shoppers." Sue Ellen blew her husband a final kiss before she left to conquer the Dallas metropolitan area.

Lucy Ewing sat perched on a stool in the kitchen as she carefully ladled sugar coating onto vanilla cookies. "Just like mamma would have made them," she said with a smile, careful to put an equal amount on each one. Carefully licking her index finger, Lucy savored the final days of summer before school started again at SMU. She wasn't very excited about going back for her sophomore year at the university, but it was keeping her grandparents off her back. _Granddaddy's pushing me to choose a major and be done He's even mentioned joining the family at Ewing Oil Imagine, me butting heads with J.R. over oil deals. The thought of seeing his shocked face might be just enough to make me consider it._ Truth be told, Lucy didn't know what she wanted from her college experience. Right now it was just a way to pass the time until she found something she preferred.

Lucy took a step back to admire her handiwork as Miss Ellie came into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Lucy," Miss Ellie said with a smile.

"Morning Grandma," Lucy called, offering her a cookie.

Ellie savored the treat with a smile. "It's very quiet this morning."

"Yes it is," Lucy agreed as she packaged away the rest of the goodies, stowing them away for a special someone. She blushed as she tucked the final sweets in tin foil. It had been a long time since she had made cookies for a man, the last time being junior year of high school when she bribed one of her smarter male classmates to do her math homework for her.

She had kept Jimmy in mind while making the gift, remembering that he liked medium amounts of sugar, not too much or too little. It was one of the many things that Lucy had begun to learn about him over their monthly meetings. She wasn't even sure whether or not to call them official dates or not. _For all I know, he could just see me as a friend. _Lucy wondered if she was being too forward in baking cookies for someone that she wasn't exceptionally close to. _Will he get the wrong idea about me, think that I want to rush into something, or that he owes me a commitment? _Lucy frowned at her uncharacteristic behavior. The woman who was once a power player among men was now questioning her every move.

"You know my daddy always told me to be careful of quiet mornings," Ellie said, interrupting Lucy's thoughts. "He always said that something usually happens to stir up trouble."

Lucy giggled, her great granddaddy's saying reminding her of Kristin the previous night. _That girl has caused plenty of trouble for the Ewing family over the years, should be amusing seeing back in cahoots with J.R. at Ewing Oil._ "Well, Grandma, I don't see anything too out of the ordinary happening today. There's no more trouble than there was last night."

"I suppose it's just an old superstition."

Jock came down the stairs in an agitated huff.

"Or maybe I'm wrong," Ellie mused to herself as she prepared herself for her husband. "Would you like some breakfast, Jock?" Ellie asked calmly, knowing that the best way to get her husband out of a bad mood was through calm reasoning. He was often temperamental, ready to go off the handle at any minute, and Ellie was always the one to reel him back in again. But after decades of this typical pattern, Ellie didn't mind anymore, and rather enjoyed being the one to cool Jock down after one of his rampages.

"No time for a big breakfast, Miss Ellie," Jock said as he sat down at the table. "There's work to be done at the company and I've got two sons who would rather stay here than get ahead."

"Now, Jock I don't want you getting worked up in the family business again. You know that J.R. is taking a break to be with Sue Ellen and the new baby."

"What's Bobby's excuse?" Jock countered.

"He needs to be there for Pam, she's going through a difficult time right now."

"So is Bobby," Lucy added. "He was counting on a baby in the same way she was."

"Bobby needs work to get his mind off his troubles," Jock insisted, swigging an orange juice.

"Now, Jock you take it easy on the boys," Ellie ordered. "Bobby is doing exactly what he should be."

"Humph," Jock grumbled, "what's the company supposed to do, shut down?"

Lucy laughed at her granddaddy's frustration. "You know it used to be J.R. who was so occupied with Ewing Oil," she commented as she headed out the door. "Bye."

Ellie waved goodbye as she grabbed her second cup of coffee. "What's got you so excited to work today, Jock?"

"Hammond Industries is going out of business because of the scandal with their oil shipping, and I want to buy up their company before someone else gets the chance. We need paperwork, figures so that we can top the highest bidder. Now that we finally have the refinery, we can increase production, take on other oil reserves, work with their distributors."

"Sounds wonderful, Daddy," J.R. said coming down for breakfast. "I'm sure you and Bob can seal the deal."

"Where's Sue Ellen?" Miss Ellie asked.

"She went shopping again for the baby."

Miss Ellie smiled at the prospect of a new grandchild.

"Then you can come into work today," Jock said.

"Well, Daddy I don't see why that's necessary. I was going to spend the day with Sue Ellen when she came back."

"J.R. I want you and Bobby at the office," Jock insisted.

"Daddy you know I can't go in with Pam's condition," Bobby said coming into the kitchen. "I wouldn't feel right, leaving her alone. Why don't we work from home?" Bobby added, attempting to solve the problem. "This way the three of us can work together, all we need is paperwork and files. I can head down to the offices right now and get necessary documents from Connie."

"That's a good idea, Bob," Jock said. "When we get back to work we can get a financial status on the company funds, find out how much we can bid."

J.R. cast a pensive look at Bobby, who was more than willing to take charge of the company. _I promised Sue Ellen that I would cut back from the office, but if I cut back that means that Bobby will keep making executive decisions without me._

"We'll be needing an extra set of hands to sift through the paperwork," Jock said.

"We can't take Connie," Bobby said, "She's manning the offices."

"What about Kristin, J.R.?" Jock asked. "She's part of the company now, we can get her over here to look through our reports on Hammond Industries, find out what kind of shape their in."

"You want Kristin to stop everything and come work at the house?" J.R. questioned, hoping to dissuade his father from having Kristin come over.

"She's working for the company now, she needs to be on call when we need her," Jock said. "You go call Kristin, Bobby will get the files we need and we can get started."

"Oh good," J.R. muttered.

-----

"I must say, J.R., I was rather surprised that you called me so quickly," Kristin said as she sat on the floor in the living room next to J.R., filing through stacks of paper. "I didn't know we'd be starting together so soon."

"Just do your work," J.R. said gruffly as he punched numbers into a calculator."

"Aye-aye Captain," Kristin said with a smirk.

"I wouldn't be getting too comfortable here if I were you," J.R. warned. "Remember what happened last time?"

"Remember," Kristin said in a low voice. "I've had dreams about our little _relationship_all of those stolen moments, late night visits after dinner at Southfork, little quickies in your office. You and I could accomplish a lot in a few short minutes. You don't really want to give all of that up, do you J.R.?" Kristin extended her forefinger under J.R. chin, gently tickling the skin. "I know you, the real you, and I know what you like."

J.R. had heard enough. He forcefully took Kristin's hand, pulling her out to the porch. "Kristin, you and I need to set ground rules."

"The J.R. I knew never played by the rules, he always made it up as he went along."

"I'm not the same person I was a year ago."

"So you've said J.R. But do you really think that it can last? I see your little faithful stint with Sue Ellen, which is all well and good; you have everyone fooled, except the one who knows you best." Kristin crossed her arms, "There's no need to put up a front for me, J.R. You'll crack soon enough. And when you do, I'll be waiting."

"You don't know the first thing about me or Sue Ellen," J.R. said evenly. "How can a naïve little girl like you know anything at all."

"Naïve? Why J.R. after all of this time, don't you believe that I've learned anything from you at all. How do you think Louella lost her job?"

J.R. towered over Kristin with a furious glare. "Don't tell me my ex-secretary got my former secretary out of her position?"

"It's a shame that her husband had to relocate," Kristin said blithely. She slowly leaned into J.R. in a whisper. "Just because I don't have money doesn't mean I don't have power or connections."

J.R. laughed at Kristin's bold statement. "You've got a lot of gall I'll give you that. But then again, you always were a determined little leech, even when you were working for me."

Kristin frowned at J.R.'s teasing. "In case you couldn't already tell, I'm being perfectly serious. I made your life hell before J.R. – don't give me reason to do it again."

J.R. took a sharp intake of breath as he pulled the Shepard girl out of her chair. "Here's a little lesson for you, Sweetie, never, ever double cross people with more power than you." He promptly released her as he returned back to the house. _I was wrong to believe that she would go away quietly – she's going to take some work._

Kristin couldn't hide her smile as she watched J.R. storm back into the house. _Now that he has a little taste of what I can do, he'll be more open to negotiations._

------

Sue Ellen slowly stepped out onto the sidewalk, carrying her array of packages with her. She knew that she had gone overboard once again, but she had a feeling that J.R. would understand. There were clothes, toys, mobiles, pillows, and blankets. Sue Ellen had anticipated an early child with her marriage to J.R. and had started window-shopping for a baby within her first year of marriage. She didn't know about the disappointment that would await her.

_It's just bad luck,_ Sue Ellen said with a laugh.

_Seven years is long time to call it luck_ Ellie told her one day in confidence on the back patio. Sue Ellen remembered the conversation with her mother-in-law very well. _It inspired me to go and try to adopt a baby, but I didn't know how much trouble it would be. _The waiting list for infants was long, other families that had been waiting years expecting a child before her. From the suggestion of the head of the adoption agency, Sue Ellen contemplated a black market adoption with the aid of Buzz Conners. Everything was being finalized according to plan; Sue Ellen had befriended pregnant teen Rita Briggs, agreeing to pay for her apartment and hospital bills in exchange for the child. But when Buzz Conners called the Southfork Ranch, Lucy intercepted and told J.R. everything. Sue Ellen was greeted with a startling surprise when she stopped by the apartment, finding a furious J.R., and a banished Rita.

_Little did I know that a few months later, God would give me exactly what I needed. _Sue Ellen paused for a brief moment, relishing in her happiness as she entered another shop.

Suddenly, a peculiar feeling came upon her. Glancing down at the ground, Sue Ellen saw that her water broke. A rush of panic hit her. She wasn't planning on going into labor now; this was a brand new experience for her. Her last pregnancy with John Ross had been a caesarian section while she was asleep. _Oh, what I do, _Sue Ellen thought quickly.

Sue Ellen raised her hand to an attendee at the shop. "It seems that I've gone into labor, may I use your phone?"

The wide-eyed girl looked at the woman before. She was indeed ready to have her baby. "Of course. Are you with anyone?"

"No, I'm alone," Sue Ellen said breathlessly.

"I'll call you a taxi," she offered.

Sue Ellen nodded her thanks as she dialed the Southfork Ranch. _Lord please let everything be alright, _she prayed silently.

-----

Kristin examined portfolios of Ewing resources when she heard the phone ring. The men were in the kitchen having an intimate discussion, so Kristin picked up the phone herself. "Ewing Residence," she said.

"Kristin?" Sue Ellen exclaimed, taken aback by hearing her sister's voice. "What are you doing at the ranch?"

"Working with your husband on some Ewing documents," Kristin smiled, sensing Sue Ellen's displeasure. "What are you up to?"

"Kristin, I've gone into labor, I need you to get J.R. right now."

"Labor?" Kristin held the receiver to her chest. The one thing she was not counting on today was Sue Ellen delivering the baby. Kristin took a deep breath as she placed the receiver back on her ear. She had a plan. "Are you alright, Sue Ellen?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Sue Ellen said hurriedly. "I'm getting a taxi to Dallas Memorial Hospital. Get J.R. on the phone."

Kristin looked at the men at the table. "I'll have J.R. meet you at the hospital. There's no point in wasting time talking to him over the phone. After all, time is very precious when you're getting ready to have a baby."

"Tell him right away," Sue Ellen instructed.

"Will do," Kristin said with a mischievous grin. "And Sue Ellen."

"Yes?"

"I'm really pulling for you both."

Sue Ellen let out a breath of exasperation as the cab reached the curb. "Thank-you," she said as she hung up the phone and headed out the door.

Sue Ellen instructed the cabby to take her to Dallas Memorial Hospital right away. He gave her his promise as he drove off. Sue Ellen sunk back in her seat, frowning. _What was Kristin doing working on Ewing Oil business at home? Why did she answer the phone? _Sue Ellen took in a deep breath. _Now is not the time to worry about Kristin, I can't have any stress put upon the baby._

-----

Kristin put down the receiver with a silent click. _I can use this little hic up to my advantage, _she grinned. _Thank-you darling sister._

"Who was on the phone?" Jock asked.

"A solicitor," Kristin said, entering the kitchen. "No one of consequence."

"Those damn people don't know when to back off," J.R. said gruffly.

Kristin eyed the men, being very careful not to betray her behavior. "How is the work coming?"

"Wonderfully," Bobby smiled. "We may get Hammond Industries yet."

"Well that's fantastic," Kristin smiled as she walked to the cupboard. "Would you all like a drink?"

-----

Sue Ellen was rushed to Doctor Kendra Morgan and promptly moved to the neonatal ward of hospital.

"You're at three centimeters," Kendra said with a proud smile. "You still have some time before the baby comes. How are your contractions?"

"Tolerable," Sue Ellen said as she shuddered through another one. She didn't want to let out her true feelings of pain. "You're sure the baby is alright?"

"The baby is fine. Where's J.R.?"

Sue Ellen sat up on the bed. "You mean he isn't here yet?"

Kendra gently pushed Sue Ellen down on the bed. "No stress, remember. Birth is a calming time."

"Where is my husband?" Sue Ellen asked through contractions.

"I assumed you too came together," Kendra said curiously.

Sue Ellen shook her head. "I called the ranch. I've been here for half an hour, he should be here by now," Sue Ellen said worriedly.

"I'm sure he'll be here," Kendra said gently. "I know that J.R. wouldn't want to miss this birth for anything in the world. You two have made an impeccable team." Kendra handed Sue Ellen a glass of ice chips. "I'll be back to check on you shortly."

Sue Ellen rested her head against her pillow. _He's got to come; he promised me he would be here. I know that he wants to be. _Sue Ellen angrily brushed a tear away from her eyes. _He'd better not be doing what I think he's doing._

-----

Jimmy Monahan took another grateful bite from Lucy's treat. "You're the first woman that's ever made me cookies," he commented.

"Get out," Lucy smiled. "An attractive guy like you must have women making goodies for him every week."

"You'd be surprised. I'm actually rather shy."

Lucy was willing to believe that Jimmy was shy, he felt uneasy around people that he didn't know. Normally Lucy didn't go for the silent type, but Jimmy was slowly proving to be the exception.

"That's why it took me so long to see you again," Jimmy said.

"Really?" Lucy asked surprised. "After your first barbeque a few years ago, I assumed you weren't interested in me."

"That wasn't it at all."

"Oh," Lucy smiled.

"I am interested in you, Lucy."

Lucy grew very silent, anxiously waiting to see where he was going.

"I've never met anyone like you. Most of the women I date are more quiet and reserved."

"Change is nice."

"I think so. Anyway, like I was saying, I'm really glad we went out – or rather, you asked me out."

"But you said yes," Lucy laughed. "And look what we found, a wonderful friendship."

Jimmy looked into Lucy's eyes. "I'd like to think of us as more than friends Lucy."

Lucy couldn't speak. Jimmy was one of the first men to leave her breathless. Every man that she had ever dated either wanted her for her body or for the Ewing money. _If Jimmy were any other guy__, he would have tried to sleep with me by now. But he's different, really different, and sees me as more than a friend._

Jimmy noticed her uneasiness. "I've grown to really like you Lucy."

"Me too," she said softly, finding her voice.

Jimmy took her hand and gently pulled her into a soft kiss.

Lucy closed her eyes as she responded to his gesture. _He likes me, he really, really likes me. And I couldn't be happier._

-----

The minute hands ticked on by on the clock as Kristin patiently watched, grinning with each wasted minute. _Poor Sue Ellen, going into labor all alone, _Kristin thought with an evil smile

"What are you looking at?" J.R. questioned suspiciously, glaring at his sister-in-law. She had been acting peculiar all day, and J.R. wanted to get to the bottom of it.

"Nothing," Kristin said with a smirk, "just taking a break before going back to work. You Ewings don't stop for anything."

Bobby came down the stairs after being with Pamela. He wasn't really with her, not in mind or spirit. Pam had spent the day staring out the window, not even recognizing Bobby's presence. "What's gotten you so riled up, J.R.?" Bobby asked, noting his brother's agitated behavior.

"Sue Ellen has been gone for several hours, I thought she would have returned from shopping by now," J.R. said, trying hard to contain his worry. He didn't want her going out by herself so close to her due date. _What if she goes into labor?_

"I'm sure Sue Ellen's fine, J.R.," Bobby commented as he sat down.

"Why are you so worried anyway?" Kristin asked. "Don't you trust her?"

J.R. fixed his sister-in-law a furious look. "Not that it's any of your business, Kristin, but I just like to know that Sue Ellen is safe," he snapped.

"There's no need to get testy, J.R.," Bobby warned. "Kristin wasn't doing anything wrong."

Kristin smiled at Bobby once again coming to her defense. "I just find it odd, that's all."

Kristin and J.R. reentered the living room as the phone rang. Kristin reached for the phone, but J.R. beat her to it, grabbing it off the cradle. "Hello?" he said quickly.

"J.R., this is Dr. Morgan from Dallas Memorial Hospital."

J.R. felt a lump lodge in his throat when he heard Dr. Morgan. "Is everything alright, Dr. Morgan?"

Kristin's eyes opened wide with anger as J.R. spoke on the phone.

"Your wife was admitted to Dallas Memorial an hour ago. She's going into labor, Mr. Ewing."

"Labor!" J.R. shouted, his worst fears being realized. "I had no idea. How is she?"

"She's a six centimeters," Dr. Morgan said coolly, wondering why J.R. hadn't come to the hospital sooner. "Mr. Ewing…"

"I'm on my way," J.R. said hanging up the phone, brushing past Kristin without a second glance.

"Where's the fire, J.R.," Bobby called, catching up to his brother.

"Sue Ellen went into labor; I'm going to the hospital."

Bobby was awestruck by the news. He waved goodbye, promising to clue the rest of the family on the situation. _He seems panicked, _Bobby thought. _As if there are dire circumstances. _Bobby shrugged his shoulders, chucking it off to being his first experience in a delivery room.

Kristin stomped her foot in anger, frustrated that her plan did not work out the way she wanted. _At least I bought myself some time, caused a little friction, _she thought as she eyed Bobby alone in the den. With Miss Ellie and Jock out on a walk, Pam upstairs, and Lucy with Jimmy, she was all alone with him.

"Bobby, have you eaten yet?" she asked.

"I've been too busy to eat," he said.

"Well, with J.R., Jock, Ellie, and Lucy gone, why don't the two of us go out to lunch?"

Bobby smiled and stood up. "I would love to go to lunch with you, Kristin. I think we're done working for the day. Just let me tell mamma and daddy about Sue Ellen."

Kristin snapped her fingers in her good luck. _J.R. shouldn't find out about the missed call for a while, and he'll be so busy trying to make it up to Sue Ellen, he won't have time to think of me…and what I did._ Yes, Kristin believed that she had just gotten away with another scheme and smiled at her situation.

-----

J.R. ran through the front doors of Dallas Memorial Hospital, nearly knocking over a nurse's station on his way in. "I'm looking for Sue Ellen Ewing!" he called out to no one in particular, breathless from a fast drive. It was by an act of God that he hadn't been pulled over by a policeman while driving down the roads.

"Mr. Ewing!" Dr. Morgan came towards him. "You're wife is doing just fine, she's at nine centimeters and ready to deliver the baby." She rushed him into the delivery room, ignoring the fact that he was over an hour late.

Sue Ellen felt beads of sweat forming on her brow as she struggled through another contraction. _Where is that rotten bastard that I call husband, _she thought angrily. She hadn't expected him to betray her like this, not so soon to the birth. She had assumed that if J.R. were to let her down, it would have been during the middle of the pregnancy, not at the very end. _What good timing you have, J.R._

Sue Ellen kept her eyes forward, counting in her mind to keep the pain from stinging. _I can do this without him; I've suffered through worse things before. _Tears began to form in her eyes as she came to the realization that she was indeed going to do this without him. _This was something that we were going to share together_, she quietly sobbed.

The door burst open and J.R. ran to the hospital bed. Sue Ellen turned her head and saw her husband worriedly coming towards her, with Dr. Morgan not far behind.

"Oh my darling," J.R. said as he clasped her hand.

"I thought you weren't coming," Sue Ellen said through her tears.

"Why would you ever think that, Sugar?" J.R. asked concerned.

"I called the house earlier…," Sue Ellen began, screaming as another contraction hit her.

"It's time," Kendra said, standing at the foot of the bed. "I'm going to need you to push, Sue Ellen."

"Ah," Sue Ellen cried.

"Come on, Darlin'," J.R. urged, "You can do this, I'm right next to you." He gripped her hand, brushing the hair off her face. "Come on, Darlin'."

"J.R.," Sue Ellen cried as she pushed with all her might, tears continuing to fall.

"You're doing wonderful, Sue Ellen," Kendra beamed. "I can see a head."

"You can?" J.R. said proudly, wanting to go to Sue Ellen's feet and see the baby, but he knew he needed to hold her hand. "Do you hear that Sue Ellen, our baby has a head?" He kissed her cheek as he continued to coach her. "Push again."

"Ah," Sue Ellen cried throwing herself forward before landing back on the bed.

"I see the body," Kendra said as she began to pull the baby. "You're almost done, Sue Ellen, one more good push."

"I can't," Sue Ellen cried.

"Yes you can," J.R. promised. "You can do this, Honey, you're not alone."

Sue Ellen looked into her husband's eyes. _Do you have any idea how alone you made me feel today?_ Sue Ellen nodded her head, giving her final push of the day as Kendra pulled the baby out.

"Congratulations J.R. and Sue Ellen. You have a little girl."

"A girl," Sue Ellen cried as she rested her body against the bed. She looked at J.R., searching for the disappointment she was expecting to find in being unable to produce a Ewing boy.

J.R. looked at Dr. Morgan in awe, his eyes traveling to the tiny that she held in her arms."A girl," J.R. said as he leaned down to kiss her mouth.

Sue Ellen closed her eyes, her heart fluttering. _I have a son and a daughter, _she smiled. Her anger was temporarily forgotten as she responded to J.R.'s kiss. _We have a daughter, another child._ At that moment, nothing seemed to matter, not the pain, or the time, or the fact that J.R. had been late. They now had another child together, something that no one could ever take away from them.

Kendra looked at the married couple. She had her suspicions about why J.R. was so late to the delivery room, she had wanted to speak to him earlier about his responsibility to his wife and children, but she bit her tongue, knowing that it wasn't her job to get into private family affairs. "Would you like to cut the umbilical cord, J.R.?"

J.R. glanced at the doctor with a concerned look on his face.

"It's a very customary and simple procedure, one little snip. Many fathers take pride in doing it."

J.R. stepped forward as Dr. Morgan handed him scissors. With one simple move, Baby Ewing was free and ready to be cared for.

"Was that so bad?"

"No," J.R. said, "It wasn't."

Kendra flashed Sue Ellen a smile. "If you'll excuse me, I'll get your daughter cleaned up, and then you can hold her."

J.R. returned to Sue Ellen's side, sensing the fear within her. "Do you know how much I love you," J.R. said as he pulled Sue Ellen's hair back.

Sue Ellen looked into her husband's eyes. "I called the ranch earlier," she said.

J.R. opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Kendra and the pink bundle that she carried in her arms. "Sue Ellen, would you like to hold your baby girl."

"Yes," Sue Ellen said softly, opening her arms to cradle the young baby. She had small wisps of auburn hair and tiny hazel eyes. "I can't believe we made her," Sue Ellen said in awe, touching Elizabeth's right cheek.

"She's beautiful," J.R. murmured, "Just like her mamma."

Sue Ellen gave J.R. a small smile.

"Do we have a name for her?" Kendra asked.

Mr. and Mrs. Ewing nodded and said together "Elizabeth Eleanor Ewing."

Kendra Morgan clapped her hands together in glee. "What a wonderful name."

Sue Ellen handed Elizabeth to her father. "Kendra, when may I leave?"

Kendra laughed at Sue Ellen's hurry. "I'd like you to get some rest here first, recuperate from the birth, and then we'll let you go."

Sue Ellen nodded as Kendra went to check on other patients.

J.R. gently smoothed Sue Ellen's hair. "Sugar, may I hold her?"

Sue Ellen looked up startled from her trance. "Of course." She carefully handed the baby to J.R. has he held her to his chest. "Elizabeth Eleanor Ewing," he murmured as he touched a tiny finger.

Sue Ellen eyed her husband with their new daughter. _He looks so proud, so happy._ Sue Ellen was relieved to know that he wasn't upset over the gender of the child, but couldn't be happier. She had been very concerned about disappointing him by giving him a daughter rather than a son. J.R. took after his father in his old school way of thinking, and it was no secret that no matter how J.R. protested to the contrary, he would have liked to have had another son. _But he seems happy for now, and that is the important thing._ "I'd like a turn, J.R.," she cut in softly, still hurt by J.R.'s earlier action.

"Of course," J.R. nodded as he carefully handed Elizabeth to her mother.

Sue Ellen touched the little fingers as she opened her mouth to speak. "I called the ranch from the store today."

"When?" J.R. said concerned.

"When my water broke," Sue Ellen said, trying to contain her emotions. "You weren't here, J.R."

"Sue Ellen-," J.R. began in a panic, his mind racing. He hadn't heard the phone ring once all day. _No, the phone rang once…the time that Kristin picked up._

"Why weren't you here, J.R.?" Sue Ellen said coolly, unable to meet him in the eye, for fear of shattering into a million pieces.


	7. Chapter 7: Guilty Parties

The white hospital clock on the faded wallpaper ticked and tocked the seconds of silence between J.R. and Sue Ellen Ewing. Elizabeth slept in her mother's arms, oblivious to the tension in the room. Sue Ellen turned her eyes toward her husband. "Did you, hear me, J.R., where were you?"

J.R. coughed nervously. He had been set up by Kristin, he could see it all now. _She didn't even have to put in any effort, it must have been a spur of the moment decision. She had no idea she was coming over to Southfork today, or that Sue Ellen would be going into labor. For the life of me I can't understand why she would do this. Coming onto me is one thing, but this – this is something I never thought she was capable of doing._

"J.R.," Sue Ellen whispered, trying to control her emotions. "You made a vow that you would be here for me when I delivered the baby. You said that this was what you wanted – a fresh start for both of us. Well you've started things just wonderfully, J.R." Sue Ellen turned away, the sight of him sickening her. What she wanted was to leave the hospital and go back to Southfork.

"Sue Ellen –," J.R. opened his mouth to speak, but was once again interrupted by Dr. Kendra Morgan.

Dr. Morgan eyed the married couple with suspicion. She had a terrible feeling about what they were arguing about and she didn't think the discussion would go very well. "I hope I'm not interrupting, anything."

"Please come in Dr. Morgan," J.R. said, wanting to divert attention from himself. Sue Ellen sent J.R. a glare, alerting him to the fact that he was not off the hook by a long shot.

"I'd just like to get an update on how you're doing, Sue Ellen," Kendra said, raising her stethoscope. "With any luck, you'll be out of the hospital within the hour."

J.R. squeezed Sue Ellen's hand. "I'm going to call the ranch and tell them the good news."

Sue Ellen nodded, watching him leave. _He's in a hurry to get out of here, _Sue Ellen thought unhappily.

"Sue Ellen?" Dr. Morgan began, "Is everything alright?"

"I feel fine Dr Morgan – "

"I told you to call me Kendra," the female doctor smiled.

"Kendra," Sue Ellen said with a small smile, "I feel fine, I'm tired, an hour of labor will really take it out of someone."

"Yes it will. But at least you got your wish, a natural child birth." Dr. Morgan examined Sue Ellen's chart. "I wasn't referring to your physical state, Sue Ellen. How are you feeling emotionally?"

"Are you referring to J.R. reneging on his promise to be with me during the birth," Sue Ellen scoffed.

"When I spoke to him on the phone, he seemed genuinely surprised – worried even. As if, as if this was the first he heard of it."

"J.R. can be a wonderful actor. We've been acting for ten years together; that man has perfected it to an art form."

"To be honest, I was rather angry with his behavior myself, but if I may ask - what reason would J.R. have to try and miss the birth? He was so dedicated during your pregnancy, he came to every prenatal visit, he asked questions. If only more fathers were as dedicated as he was."

"I don't know how to explain it. All I know is, J.R. has let me down before."

"Recently?"

Sue Ellen opened her mouth at Kendra's question.

Kendra frowned, "It seems I've overstepped by bounds."

"No, you haven't. I need to talk to someone about this. He's let me down on several occasions throughout our eleven year marriage; at one point it seemed that everything was one big disappointment."

"I never knew that."

"You wouldn't. A year ago, J.R. and I seemed to be on the brink of a failed marriage, we were two battling combatants, trying to one up one another. I wasn't in a very good place then, and neither was he."

"What changed?"

"He did. For the first time, he was honest with me about his feelings, how he felt about me, the family company. He became more caring and attentive, the kind of husband and father I always knew he could be. We had, the best year of our lives last year. I'm not saying that we didn't have our problems, but this time, we were on the same side, we confided in one another, understood each other. What he did today…" Sue Ellen began to get choked up, tears forming in her eyes, "I can't explain how it happened, or why it happened. Why, after all of this time, would J.R. neglect me like this?"

Kendra handed her a tissue. "If I may offer my professional opinion – "

"Please do," Sue Ellen said, drying her eyes.

"I believe that he loves you, and John Ross and Elizabeth."

"I believe he does too," Sue Ellen said softly, "But that doesn't take away the anger, or the pain from being alone."

"No, it doesn't. But are you willing to let that anger ruin an eleven year marriage?"

Sue Ellen said nothing, as J.R. came into the room. "Mamma and Daddy are thrilled about baby Elizabeth. They can't wait to meet her."

"I can't wait to show them," Sue Ellen added.

"Everything checks out," Dr. Morgan said. "You two are going to be very happy together."

Sue Ellen thanked Kendra Morgan, wondering if what she said was really true. _There are so many unanswered questions between us, so many concerns._ Sue Ellen put on a brave face as she prepared to leave the hospital and head back to Southfork.

J.R. held the car open for Sue Ellen as she slid into the passenger seat, buckling her seat belt and taking a quick look at Elizabeth, strapped in her car seat in the back.

"She's perfectly safe, Darlin'," J.R. reassured as he revved the engine.

"I know," Sue Ellen said tersely, looking at her husband. "J.R., why was Kristin at the house today?"

J.R. let out a heavy sigh. "Sue Ellen, why don't we talk about this tonight when we're alone? We'll be at the ranch shortly…"

"No damn it," Sue Ellen said angrily. "You can't avoid what you did."

"I know that Sue Ellen, but right now I don't think you're ready to listen."

"Listen to what? One of your classic lies? I suppose I am due for one, I haven't heard one in a while."

J.R. pushed the brake pedal at a red light. "Sue Ellen, you know I wanted to be there for the baby."

"I know that's what you said, but what you say and what you mean are two different things."

"Sue Ellen, you're being irrational."

"I think I have a right to be after what you did. I was in labor for over an hour, my birthing coach was missing, I was all alone."

"I'm sorry," J.R. said as he continued down the road. "Do you really believe that I wanted you to be alone in there?"

Sue Ellen frowned at her husband. "Don't distract me with questions. Why was Kristin at the house?"

"Sue Ellen had the baby," Ellie said as she scurried into the house, followed by Jock.

"Congratulations, Mrs. Ewing," Teresa said in the kitchen.

"A girl," Jock said proudly. "Another granddaughter."

"Elizabeth Eleanor Ewing," Miss Ellie said proudly. "What a beautiful name."

"How is Sue Ellen feeling, Mamma?" Bobby asked as he came down the stairs, giving a piggyback ride to a three-year-old John Ross who was followed by Kristin.

"Grandma, where's Mamma?" John Ross asked.

"Your mamma and daddy are on their way to the house, and they're bringing your new sister with them."

"A sister?"

"Yup," Bobby said as he lowered John Ross onto the ground, as he ran to his granddaddy.

"Hey there, John Ross," Jock laughed as he lifted his son into the air.

"Higher grandpa," John Ross ordered, as Jock lifted him high above his head.

Miss Ellie laughed at her husband. He had wanted a grandson for the longest time, and now he had finally gotten his wish. John Ross had been spoiled with attention by everyone, not one family member immune to his spell.

Miss Ellie looked at Bobby. "Will Pam be joining us?"

"I don't know, Mamma," Bobby said softly. "Today has been a better day for her, she spoke to me this morning, she was able to eat lunch."

Ellie nodded her condolences. She wondered what J.R. and Sue Ellen's baby would do to Pam. _Having another infant in the house could send her into a deeper depression_Ellie thought sadly. She felt compassion for both of her daughters-in-law, Sue Ellen, who was going to experience having a newborn all over again, a first for her, after neglecting John Ross, and for Pam, who was once again forced to cope with the loss of child. _It was in a way, her third miscarriage,_ Ellie thought.

Lucy bounded in through the door. "Ray just told me about the baby," she said breathlessly. She had received a call from Ray at Jimmy's work site telling her that Sue Ellen had her baby and was coming home. _Grandma wasn't kidding about silent days being exciting, _Lucy thought. She had had a very big day. She found out how Jimmy felt about her, and she was getting a new cousin.

"Calm down Lucy," Bobby joked, they aren't here yet.

"I stopped by the nursery," Kristin said, "Everything is all set." After having a brief lunch with Bobby, Kristin was able to take part of the sting from the morning, her plan wasn't a complete failure, she was certain that Sue Ellen would give J.R. hell over the events of the day. There was also the fact that she needed to play supportive sister to Sue Ellen once again. Any odd behavior would raise eyebrows. _It's not like I haven't done it before, _Kristin thought as she stood next to Bobby. A small smile crossed her mouth; she wasn't willing to admit it out loud, but she was anxious to see what her new niece looked like. "I was able to call my mother, and she says she can be here tonight for dinner."

"Wonderful," Ellie said. "We can have everyone for Elizabeth's first family dinner."

J.R. slowly opened his mouth to speak, he knew that he needed to choose his words carefully. Part of him wanted to yell at Sue Ellen, tell her that he was just as upset as she was, that they were set up and none of it was his fault. But not was not the time to say it. "Daddy, Bobby, and I were working on new business for Ewing Oil and we needed a secretary at the house."

"What about Connie?" Sue Ellen countered snidely. "Didn't it occur to you to go to her first?"

"Connie was manning the offices, Kristin was the only one available."

"How convenient," Sue Ellen said as they arrived at Southfork. "I'm sure you planned it out that way."

J.R, put the car in park and touched his wife's arm. "You have every reason to be angry with me, Darlin', but I am asking you, for my family, to postpone the conversation until after dinner."

Sue Ellen unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door, refusing to meet his glance. "Of course, my darling, I wouldn't want to disappoint your precious family." Sue Ellen opened the back door, carrying Elizabeth out of the car, and plastered a smile upon her face. It wasn't difficult for her to do, she had done it for decades, trained herself to hide her true feelings behind a smile. _No one needs to know._

J.R. placed his hand at the small of Sue Ellen's back as they brought their newborn daughter to meet her family. J.R. braved a smile on his mouth, vowing to make things right for him and his wife and children if it was the last thing he did.

"Sue Ellen," Miss Ellie called as she stood in the foyer, all of the Ewing family members and Kristin lined up behind her. Even Ray had taken off his ranch hand duties to see the latest Ewing family member. "Let me see her," Ellie squealed.

"In good time, Mamma," J.R. laughed.

Sue Ellen smiled at the warm reception. It was difficult to keep her countenance low on such a joyous occasion. "Everyone, I would like to introduce Elizabeth Eleanor Ewing." Sue Ellen gently handed her to Miss Ellie, the first family member to hold her.

"She's precious," Ellie breathed, tears coming to her eyes. She had never imagined J.R. and Sue Ellen having two children. With the state of their stormy marriage, John Ross had been a miracle. _And now he has a little sister, _Ellie thought, beaming with pride.

Elizabeth opened her eyes to meet her grandmother. "I'm your grandma," Miss Ellie said gently, "And I love you very much."

Sue Ellen's heart melted when she saw Miss Ellie react with little Elizabeth. Despite the circumstances surrounding her birth, the baby came out unharmed, she had no idea about the dysfunctional family that she was entering.

"Let me see her," Jock pouted.

"In a second Jock," Ellie whispered, wanting to hold her a little while longer.

"Mamma, there are other people who would like to hold Elizabeth," Bobby insisted.

"Oh alright." Ellie handed Elizabeth to Jock, who took her with pride.

"She's a beauty."

"Just like her Mamma," J.R. added, gauging Sue Ellen's mood. She seemed happy on the outside, only he knew of her personal struggles, how worried she was a short hour earlier.

Sue Ellen blushed from the compliment. "Thank-you Jock." She was thrilled to be able to please her father-in-law, it made J.R. proud of her. She knew how J.R. struggled for his father's approval against Bobby. _A second Ewing heir will make him much brighter in Jock's eyes, _Sue Ellen thought to herself. _And it will further solidify my place in the family._

Sue Ellen knew she didn't have to worry about J.R. throwing her a quick divorce, 'leaving her in the gutter' he often called it. During their first seven years, Sue Ellen was expected to produce a child with J.R. The fact that she hadn't meant that J.R. could easily be rid of her – and Jock and Ellie would have been little help to her. Having John Ross guaranteed her a place on the ranch, and it put Sue Ellen at ease.

"May I?" Kristin said quietly, standing behind Jock.

Sue Ellen gazed at her sister, still frustrated by the fact that she was at the house, with J.R. while she had been away. "Of course, Kristin," Sue Ellen nodded.

"Hello, there," Kristin said softly, all anger towards her sister temporarily vanished . "Sue Ellen, she really is lovely. Mamma will love to meet her."

"I know; she's been waiting for a granddaughter."

"My turn," Lucy insisted, taking Elizabeth from Kristin. "She has the Ewing nose."

Miss Ellie laughed at her other granddaughter. "So she does."

Lucy looked at the newest family member with wide eyes. _It's been a long time since we've had a baby in the family._ She remembered the nightmarish first few months when John Ross was born. _He was just fine, but his parents were messed up._ She sympathized with her cousin, they both knew what it was like to grow up without their biological parents, forced to be raised by grandparents, or in John Ross' case a nursemaid.

"Lucy as soon as you are done fawning over her, I would like a turn," Bobby said, cutting into Lucy's thoughts.

"Here Bobby," Lucy said as she handed the newborn to her Uncle.

Bobby carefully cradled the little girl close, trying to fight the tears from forming in his eyes. He wanted to be happy for J.R. and Sue Ellen; they both deserved another chance at happiness, and now they were having it. _But damn it, this was going to be happening to me too. I'm Uncle Bobby once again._ Bobby looked at his sister-in-law, Miss Ellie was holding her close. She appeared happy, but when Bobby looked into her eyes, he could have sworn that he saw sadness, trouble. _Perhaps__ she is tired from a long day_, Bobby reasoned, grabbing Elizabeth's tiny fingers. _She's the prettiest baby girl I have ever seen._

Bobby reluctantly handed the child back to Sue Ellen.

"Come to mamma," Sue Ellen smiled at the new life in her hands. She couldn't help but beam at her good fortune, which was something that not even Kristin could take away.

Ray held John Ross over his shoulders. "She's a real beautiful girl, Sue Ellen."

"Thank-you, Ray," Sue Ellen smiled.

J.R. took his son from Ray and held him in his arms. "Well partner, this is your new baby sister Elizabeth."

"Elizabeth," John Ross said with confidence as he reached down to touch a hand. "She's small."

"So were you when you were her age?" Sue Ellen laughed.

"I was never that small," John Ross insisted, shaking his head.

The family remained huddled around baby Elizabeth, taking in each of her delicate features, that they didn't see two sorrowful eyes watching the scene from the landing on the staircase. Pamela took in a sharp breath, gripping onto the railing for fear of falling as she watched her family 'oh and ah' over the little baby girl. Tears began to well in her eyes as she extended one of her long hands, pretending that she could reach out and touch the baby. She wanted to go down and hold Elizabeth, to get an up-close look at her new niece, but she couldn't go down the stairs, it was too heartbreaking. _I bet she's beautiful up close, so pure and perfect._ Pam cried silent tears, no one seeing her pain.

"I declare, Sue Ellen, that is the prettiest little girl I have ever seen," Patricia Shepard gushed as she cradled her new granddaughter. John Ross was bouncing on Jock's knee and Sue Ellen and J.R. sat next to Patricia on the sofa, with Ellie, Bobby, Kristin, and Lucy across from them.

"Can't argue with that," J.R. laughed.

Sue Ellen did her best to keep a smile, quickly finding out that it wasn't as difficult as she thought it would be. After monitoring her husband's behavior the entire afternoon, Sue Ellen saw that he hadn't been able to take his eyes off his little girl. He took every chance he could to hold her and cradle her, as if she could be taken away at any moment. _J.R. puts up a good front, but he's just a softie, _Sue Ellen thought to herself. "I recall you saying the same thing about Kristin when she was born," Sue Ellen added.

"Both of my daughters were beautiful babies. After all, you both had my genes," she laughed.

"But this little one is a Shepard and a Ewing," Bobby said, taking the baby into his arms. "The lovely Lizzy Ewing." Bobby couldn't get enough of his newest niece, having spent a great deal of the evening holding her in his arms. It hurt him to know that he couldn't have the joy of holding a child of his own, but a new niece made a wonderful substitute.

Teresa called the family for dinner and everyone gathered around the table. Jock sat at his usual spot at the head and raised a glass in his hand. The others quickly followed suit.

"I want to propose a toast to my new granddaughter, and her fortunate parents."

All eyes were on Sue Ellen, J.R. and Lizzy as Jock continued to speak.

"Miss Ellie and I have been very blessed to have such a wonderful family. We have three wonderful sons, three lovely daughters-in-law, and now three grandchildren. When you're living in a cold world, family is all you got, and I think we can all count ourselves very lucky to have such a wonderful one. Here's to the newest member of our family, Elizabeth Eleanor Ewing."

"Elizabeth Eleanor Ewing," the table replied. Teresa and Raul served dinner and the conversation commenced once more.

"I think I am going to be staying in Dallas longer than I planned," Patricia decided, cutting her steak.

"Oh," Sue Ellen commented.

"Well, with Kristin staying in Dallas, and my new granddaughter, I don't see much of a reason to leave." Lizzy was seated in a basinet next to Sue Ellen.

"That's wonderful Patricia," Ellie said, sipping her wine.

J.R. gently reached for Sue Ellen's free hand under the table. _How did this happen_ he wondered. J.R. looked at Kristin, seated next to him, and decided that he was going to confront her on what she did. There was no reason to wait for Sue Ellen. _Nobody double crosses J.R. __Ewing_, he swore under his breath to an oblivious Kristin, who was making small talk with Bobby.

Sue Ellen sighed as she moved her vegetables around her plate. She didn't have the heart to eat tonight. _J.R. keeps on looking at Kristin. It isn't enough that they spend the day together, he can't take his eyes off her at dinner. _Sue Ellen turned her body to her sleeping child. _She really is lovely._ Sue Ellen reached for her hand gently running over the baby-soft skin.

After dinner, everyone returned to the living room for after dinner drinks and conversation. Bobby took an early night upstairs to look after Pam, who once again was absent at dinner. Sue Ellen, Miss Ellie, and Patricia were discussing the nursery in deep depth, and J.R. saw the perfect moment to talk to his dear sister-in-law.

"Kristin, why don't you and I take a little walk around the ranch?" J.R. said, extending his arm for her to take.

Kristin boldly agreed, giving a smirk to Sue Ellen as she left the patio door. Sue Ellen was no longer paying attention to wallpaper and furniture; she was too busy watching her husband and sister walking off. _He's probably going to tell her what to say, to back up his story. _

When J.R. was sure they were a safe hearing distance from the house he began to talk to Kristin. "It's a lovely night isn't it?"

"Nights are always lovely at Southfork," Kristin replied.

"Um-hum," J.R. nodded, stopping by a tree and pushing Kristin up against the bark.

"J.R.," Kristin laughed, "Do you know what you're doing?" she asked playfully.

"Honey, I always know what I'm doing," J.R. said deeply. "Did you know that Sue Ellen went into labor early this afternoon?"

"J.R., I found out about Sue Ellen's water breaking at the same time you and Bobby did."

"Did you?" J.R. questioned with a smirk. "Did you know that Sue Ellen called the ranch earlier this afternoon?"

"Did she?" Kristin asked innocently.

J.R. let out a gentle laugh. "Now, Kristin, you know me after all these years, and you know that I don't like to beat around the bush."

"You always go straight for what you want," Kristin said with a satisfied smile.

"That's right," J.R. said, his smile wearing thin. "So you can cut your little act, Honey, I'm not falling for it, and it's a waste of my time."

"J.R.?" Kristin said confused, "What are you talking about?"

J.R. frowned, "The solicitor was Sue Ellen calling the ranch."

"What are you implying, J.R.?" Kristin asked calmly, prepared to fight.

"I am implying, you little witch, that you knew about Sue Ellen being in the hospital and didn't tell anyone!" he hissed.

Kristin let out a defiant laugh. "And what if I did? I saw Sue Ellen with you earlier, she didn't seem very pleased. Who do you think she's gonna blame? The sister who innocently forgot to give a message, or her louse of a husband?"

J.R. gripped Kristin's right arm. "Why Kristin! Why would you do that to Sue Ellen?" His blue eyes grew dark with rage.

"It was a simple mistake, J.R.," Kristin laughed. "Everyone was so busy; I forgot to take a simple message."

"I don't believe that for a second!"

Kristin lowered her voice and slowly whispered into J.R. ear. "Well then maybe you can believe this: what you've done to her in the past is far worse than anything I could ever do to her. Or have you forgotten already?"

J.R. pulled away from Kristin, who smirked at him with a satisfied grin. "Now you don't want to be on my bad side now do you? So why don't we go back to the ranch house and forget this little talk ever happened."

J.R. touched Kristin's shoulder. "No one gives orders to J.R. Ewing, Honey." J.R. stalked back through the grassland, leaving a laughing Kristin in his path. _How am I gonna tell Sue Ellen what happened?_

Pamela pulled her light yellow nightgown over her head and crawled into bed next to Bobby. Today had been a tiring day for her, and now there was a new baby to remind her of what she didn't have, couldn't have.

"How is Sue Ellen?" Pam whispered, lying on her side, her back towards Bobby.

Bobby gave his wife a gentle smile. "Sue Ellen and J.R. are just fine. They had a safe birth." Bobby sighed as he pulled the covers over his head. "She's a beautiful baby."

"I'm sure she is."

Bobby turned toward his wife, touching her shoulder. "Pammy, this has to stop."

Pam sighed heavily. "It's not that simple, Bobby. I can't just forget – "

"No one is asking you to forget, Sweetheart," Bobby said gently. "But you can't let this run your life."

"Bobby, you know how much I need a baby."

"So do I. You weren't the only one left hurt that day, Honey."

Pam slowly began to cry. "I know that Bobby. I know how badly you want a baby of your own, how long we've both waited. I just, I can't get past the fact that we have been rejected a third time. I still can't carry a baby to term…."

"The doctors think that you will be able to carry a baby at some point. We can't stop trying, Pammy."

"I know Bobby."

Bobby gently kissed his wife's cheek. "I love you," he whispered, holding her close to his chest.

Pam nodded her head as she tried to shut her eyes, and return to her dream world, where everything was alright.

Sue Ellen Ewing stood in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom that she shared with her husband. To her unending disgust, she found herself unable to fit smoothly into her old pre-pregnancy nightgown. Turning to the side, Sue Ellen examined the situation with a critical eye. _I don't remember gaining this much weight when I was pregnant with John Ross._ Sue Ellen turned again, her behind facing the mirror as Sue Ellen maneuvered her head to see her image, letting out an unhappy laugh. _Of course, I was drinking so heavily then, I don't even know if I ate anything._ Turning full circle, Sue Ellen placed her hands on her hips. _I'll have to take care of this won't I? Can't have Master J.R. Ewing have a pudgy bride?_ Sue Ellen had always been painfully aware that her beauty played a significant role in winning the heart of J.R. Ewing. _It was my beauty that allowed me to compete with other women in the Miss Austin Pageant, and to move onto the Miss Texas Pageant. _Sue Ellen raised her hand to her forehead. _But I didn't have what it took to win Miss America. _Sue Ellen scoffed, troubled by the fact that one event impacted her so greatly. _A trip to the exercise room will do me well, _Sue Ellen decided, deeming that an excellent place to start. _I can release all of my pent up energy there. _

Sue Ellen heard a gentle cry from the new nursery and ran to check on the baby.

It was late at night when J.R. returned to the ranch, taking a long walk to cool his head after his talk with Kristin._ The only thing I can do now is tell Sue Ellen the truth and hope that she will believe me_, J.R. decided, opening the back door. _Kristin made a good point when she said that history wasn't on my side. No matter how much I love her, I can never erase those first ten years. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me._

The house was dark when J.R. came in, Miss Ellie and Jock went off to bed over an hour ago, and Pam and Bobby were in their respective room. J.R. took the long winding staircase, hoping that Sue Ellen was awake enough to talk. Turning on the bedroom light, he flinched when he found the room empty. _She couldn't have left at this hour._ J.R. turned around hearing a gentle hum from the nursery, where a tiny light illuminated under the crack of the door. Sue Ellen sat in a burgundy rocking chair with little Lizzy in her arms singing a gentle lullaby.

_Sleepyhead, close your eyes.__Mother's right here beside you.__I'll protect you from harm,__You will wake in my arms.__Guardian angels are near,__So sleep on, with no fear.__Guardian angels are near,__So sleep on, with no fear_

J.R. gently knocked on the side of the door, commanding the attention of his wife. "Isn't this a pretty picture," he said with pride as he gently held Lizzy in her arms.

Sue Ellen blushed as she stood, straightening her peach colored nightgown. "She was crying so I came in to sit with her," she said softly.

J.R. nodded. "That was a beautiful lullaby you sang."

Sue Ellen let out a tiny smile. "Mamma would sing it to Kristin and me when we were little girls."

J.R. gently placed his baby in the crib, pulling a light pink blanket over her body. Sue Ellen watched silently. "She'll be fine," he assured her, stealing a kiss on the cheek. "We have the baby monitor with us if she needs us."

"I know," Sue Ellen said softly, avoiding his gaze.

J.R. gentled placed his hand on Sue Ellen's shoulder. "Let's go to bed, Darlin'."

Sue Ellen removed J.R.'s hand as she walked ahead of him, not saying a word. It took every ounce of courage that J.R. to follow her. _I'm going to make it up to her._

Sue Ellen crawled under the covers, pulling them up to her shoulders. "Did you have a nice talk with Kristin?" she asked as J.R. got into bed.

"Sue Ellen –"

"I would love to know what it is that you two spend your days talking about. At the ranch, in the fields. She must fascinate you," she said sarcastically.

J.R. looked at her. _She's in one of her moods where she'll try to pick a fight._

"Kristin never told me that you called," J.R. said simply, turning on his night light. "She was manning the phones during the afternoon; she told us that a solicitor was on the phone."

Sue Ellen fixed J.R. with an icy glare. "Is that all you have to say? That you never got the message?" Sue Ellen rubbed her eyes. "You can do better than that, J.R.!"

J.R. took a deep breath. "You asked for the truth, and I gave you the truth."

"I was alone for over an hour, fighting contractions, and pain, and the one person that I wanted to be there with me wasn't." A tear fell from Sue Ellen's right eye, falling onto the duvet.

J.R. looked on helplessly frowning at the sight of his wife crying.

"I trusted you, J.R.," Sue Ellen hoarsely whispered.

"Honey," J.R. reached out to touch her arm, but she pulled away. "I'm sorry."

Sue Ellen ran her fingers through her auburn hair. "Let's say that what you said was true, why would Kristin purposely keep you away from me."

"Because she is angry at me for firing her all those years ago."

Sue Ellen rested her head on the pillow. "Maybe she's resentful over the affair," she spat. "How many months were you two in each other's company?"

J.R. stared at his wife. "That was a mistake, Sue Ellen, it's in the past."

Sue Ellen folded her hands. "Well that mistake happens to be my sister and she is spending an awful lot of time at the house."

"If you don't believe me then ask Bobby," J.R. said exasperated.

"Maybe I will," she said defiantly. "Have you already gotten him to cover for you?"

J.R.'s face reddened. "You know that Bobby would never lie to you for me. He's too honest for that."

Sue Ellen acknowledged her husband's response. She knew that Bobby would be straight with her, telling her exactly what happened that day. Sue Ellen turned off the lamp light and lowered her body under the covers. "I still don't like her working for you," she finished with frustration.

"Neither do I," J.R. said gently, trying to show her that he was on her side with all of this. J.R. reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, and found himself stunned as Sue Ellen pulled away from his embrace.

"In case you didn't know, J.R., we won't be having sex for another month; you'll have to wait until after my postnatal appointment with Dr. Morgan."

J.R. frowned, stunned by Sue Ellen's angry words. "I know that we can't be together, Darlin', all I wanted to do was hold you."

Sue Ellen glared venomously at her husband. "If you're so damn lonely why don't you go over to Kristin; I'm sure she'll be happy to oblige your every need." With that, Sue Ellen turned over on her side, pulling the covers over her head.

J.R. was awestruck by Sue Ellen's callous attitude toward him. _She's ready to blame everything on me, _he muttered, distraught over what he deemed to be very unfair treatment. _This isn't the first time Sue Ellen's gone off accusing me of something that I never did, but I didn't care before, not the way I do now._ J.R. turned off his bed light and pulled the covers over his body, whispering a gentle 'I love you' to his wife, receiving nothing but silence in return.

J.R. got very little sleep that night. He felt he might as well have been sleeping alone in that big bed, Sue Ellen was unresponsive to his actions. _How in the world do I apologize when that woman is so stubborn, _J.R. thought to himself as he opened his eyes, turning over to feel her body beside him. But all J.R. felt was a cold bed sheet. J.R.'s eyes flew open as he glared at an empty space. Donning on his robe and slippers he went across the hall to the nursery, to find Sue Ellen pacing the floor, holding Lizzy in her arms.

"How long have you been here?" J.R. asked.

Sue Ellen turned to greet him. "Half an hour, I was trying to not wake you."

"Couldn't you sleep?"

"Could you?" she countered, placing the baby in the crib.

Sue Ellen turned to walk out the door but J.R. grabbed her wrist. "I was worried about you when I woke up to an empty bed."

"I was only taking care of the baby," Sue Ellen said defensively.

"You know what I mean, Sue Ellen." He gently released her arm. "I don't like going to bed angry."

"Neither do I," Sue Ellen admitted softly. "I'm sorry I frightened you. I was restless."

"So was I," he said gently resting his finger under her chin. "Sue Ellen – "

Sue Ellen tilted her face away from J.R. "I think I'm going to go down for breakfast," she finished, hastily walking away.

J.R. frowned, sticking his hands in his pockets as he watched her go down the stairs.

Sue Ellen sat down at the table and poured herself a glass of juice, her left hand fingering where J.R. touched her seconds before. _I want him to hold me; I want him to tell me that everything is okay, that this is all a tragic mistake. I want tell him that I love him back, that I need him, but I can't. Not until I talk to Bobby about what happened._ Walking away from J.R. had been one of the hardest things Sue Ellen had ever done. She wanted to believe him, to know that he hadn't in fact let her down, that he cherished their renewed commitment as much as she did. But he had lied to her too many times before, broken her heart one too many times. _I won't __go into this blindly; I need to know what happened, before I see him again._ Sue Ellen lifted her napkin to her lips. _Every time I put my faith in him, every time I rely on him, something happens, be it an outside force or within the two of us. Why didn't mamma ever bother to tell me that love was this hard, that it was entirely possible to be in love with a person and hate them at the very same time?_

"Good morning, Sue Ellen," Miss Ellie called as she took a seat. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Tired," Sue Ellen laughed, deciding that she wasn't really lying to Miss Ellie. She had gotten very little sleep last night between thinking of J.R. and Kristin, and Lizzy's wakeup call in the morning.

Miss Ellie laughed sympathetically. "I remember my first few months with J.R.; he was a bit of a screamer."

"Was he, Miss Ellie?" Sue Ellen smiled.

"Yes, there were many a sleepless nights. He was very dependent upon me when he was young, until Jock decided to take over raising him. By that time I had Gary, he was a crier also."

"And Bobby?"

Miss Ellie let out a sigh. "Bobby was a relatively easy baby, he wasn't very fussy, which was good, Jock and I were both getting older, and Bobby proved to be a great relief." Miss Ellie turned to look at Sue Ellen. "I'm sure you'll do fine with Elizabeth."

"I hope to."

Lucy snuck down the stairs two at a time, grabbing an apple from the kitchen.

"Where are you off to young lady?" Miss Ellie asked.

"Grandma, I have an errand to run, but I promise to be home as soon as I can," she nodded, her blond tresses flowing back and forth. "Have a nice day, Sue Ellen."

"You too Lucy." Sue Ellen turned to Miss Ellie. "Do you think this has anything to do with Pam's cousin Jimmy?"

"Well I know that they have been seeing a lot of each other this past month, but I haven't seen any trouble yet. Lucy's growing into a responsible woman."

"Yes, I believe she has," Sue Ellen agreed.

"As much as I looked forward to this moment, I can't help but feel a little bit sad."

"Why is that, Miss Ellie?"

"She won't be needing me anymore," Miss Ellie murmured. She had raised that young girl from birth, and it had been quite a battle, Lucy fought her all the way. _I can't hold her back anymore; she needs to go out on her own._

"It will be okay, Miss Ellie," Sue Ellen promised. "You've done a wonderful job with Lucy, and she knows it."

"She was the daughter I never had. I once told Jock that I had always wanted a girl, but after seeing Lucy, I waivered on the issue," she laughed, recalling her frustrations over Lucy's teenage rebellious behavior.

"And now?"

Miss Ellie turned to Sue Ellen. "Now it looks like I'll have another granddaughter to keep me occupied."

Sue Ellen laughed along with Miss Ellie, imaging all of the adventures motherhood would bring. _Will Lizzy turn into Lucy, skipping school, sneaking out at night, keeping her secrets?_ Sue Ellen blinked her eyes. _Time will tell what will happen._

Lucy carefully pulled out the tiny slip of paper from her pocket. She was in fact going to see a member of the Barnes family, but it wasn't who her grandmother thought. After driving through Dallas for fifteen minutes, she was able to locate a small apartment complex. Parts of it were in sad need of repair, there were a desperate need for a new paint job, the old cracked and faded, and there was a slew of weeds that adorned the outer area, part of the shingles from the roof were coming apart. _This is where Cliff Barnes lives, _Lucy thought. _I thought the OLM would have paid better than this._ Lucy flipped her eyes down and read the letters Apt: 35 as she headed up the stairs.

Lucy had done some undercover work to get Cliff's address, swiping it from her Aunt Pam's bureau. She knew full well that it wasn't her place to visit Mr. Cliff Barnes, and that if her family found out what she was doing, there could be serious repercussions, but none of that mattered to her. There was an obvious problem with Pamela, and Lucy took it upon herself to find her aunt help in any way that she could.

Lucy had met Cliff Barnes on a number of occasions, many of them when she was with Alan Beam, who supported Cliff in his campaign for senate. J.R. and Jock talked enough about him at home – nothing very flattering – but Lucy had chosen a long time ago to not put her faith in their spiteful words. _He must have something to make granddaddy and J.R. so upset, and Pam seems to love him very much._

Lucy executed three hard knocks on the door, praying that he was home. After hearing no answer, she was about to turn away when a short, disheveled man opened the door and peered down at her.

"May I help you?" he asked tersely.

Lucy swallowed, gaining her strength. "Mr. Barnes, I don't know if you remember me but –"

"I remember you," he nodded, blocking the door, "You're Lucy Ewing." He remained fixed against the door, standing a few inches over young Lucy.

"I came to you to talk about Pam."

Cliff blinked when he heard her name, and he gestured for Lucy to come inside.

Bobby Ewing made a perfect dive into the pool as he ferociously swam to the other side and back. He had all of this pent up energy over Pam and nowhere to send it, so he wisely decided to take his frustration out in the water. The clear blue liquid was tormented by waves as Bobby pushed his body harder and harder, letting out every feeling, every word that he couldn't say to his wife.

This morning had been another difficult one for Bobby, who found himself getting up by himself while his wife slept. She had been sleeping in more and more since the loss of the child, and it was beginning to irritate Bobby. _We used to spend mornings together, _Bobby thought as he latched onto the edge of the pool before taking another dip. _Now she won't even talk to me._ Bobby frowned as he headed for the other end. _We can't fix our problems if she refuses to communicate, and right now I think are problems are greater than her being unable to have children._

Bobby climbed out the pool, eager for a rest after his exercise. He closed his eyes, remembering how it was when he first met Pam. She was brought to a Ewing barbeque by none other than head foreman Ray Krebbs. Bobby spotted Pam the minute she came up the driveway, and he watched impatiently while Ray introduced 'his girl' to Jock and Miss Ellie. Ray than began to dance three songs in a row with her, stopping only to get a drink. Bobby knew that he had to act quickly, while Pam was alone, and he promptly asked her to dance. To his surprise, she readily agreed and became very comfortable in his arms. The two were so involved with another that they never saw an unhappy Ray watching them like a hawk from the bar, or a curious J.R. and Sue Ellen watching them from the balcony. _It may as well have been just the two of us that night;_ Bobby smiled, enjoying his trip down memory lane. His life had so few joyous moments, that he needed to rely on the past, though he didn't enjoy doing it.

Sue Ellen was the one to break Bobby from his dream as she waved hello to him. "Good morning," she called.

"Good morning, Sue Ellen." Bobby rose to give her a kiss on the cheek. "How is my favorite sister-in-law doing?"

"Favorite?" Sue Ellen brought her hand up to her neck. "Is that what you tell Valene when she visits?"

"Valene is my favorite California sister-in-law, and you my dear are my favorite Dallas sister-in-law," Bobby explained with a grin.

"Crafty," Sue Ellen noted as she took a seat in a chaise lounge.

"How's Lizzy?"

"She is spending some time with her grandma and grandpa right now." Sue Ellen took a deep breath, ready to plunge into the conversation. "Yesterday was very hectic wasn't it?"

"Between your going into labor, and our working on acquiring Hammond Industries, everything was happening all at once," Bobby laughed.

"What time did Kristin get here that morning?"

"A little after you left," Bobby said curiously. "We needed someone to help with paperwork and the phones."

Sue Ellen nodded her head. _So far so good, J.R._ "So Kristin answered phones the whole time?"

"Yup," Bobby said. "There wasn't anything too exciting; we got in contact with some fellow oil men, the Hammond brothers, some solicitors called."

"Oh," Sue Ellen said, perking up at the story.

"Annoying isn't it," Bobby laughed.

Sue Ellen closed her eyes. _That solicitor was me._

"Is everything alright, Sue Ellen?" Bobby asked concerned. "You seem very interested in what happened yesterday."

"Curiosity I suppose," Sue Ellen said with a wave of her hand, "It must have been an exciting day."

"It didn't get exciting until Dr. Morgan called and told J.R. that you were going into labor."

"And Dr. Morgan called after the solicitor?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Shortly after. J.R. was so nervous; you'd think that you were having twins. I'm glad that he made it on time. "

"So am I," Sue Ellen said softly.

"Can you imagine what would have happened if somehow he hadn't gotten the message?"

"Yes I can," Sue Ellen nodded. _It's more real than you think Bobby._

"Well you know what they say, 'all's well that ends well.'"

"Um-hum." _But all isn't well. Kristin kept the message a secret from J.R., and I accused him of going back on his promise to be at the birth._

"Sue Ellen?" Bobby asked concerned, "You are white as a sheet."

"Nerves over the baby," Sue Ellen said as she stood up to leave.

"Would you like me to walk you to the house?" Bobby asked, standing up.

"No, I can make it," Sue Ellen stammered, scurrying for the house. _I need to see him; I need to talk to him._

"So how is she?" Cliff asked concerned as he handed Lucy a cup of coffee.

"Not well," Lucy said, keeping her eyes on her drink. "She's taken the news very hard."

"That's what Jimmy said," Cliff replied as he sat down.

"He talked to you?"

"Yes."

"Then why haven't you come by to see her?" Lucy asked point blank, her eyes meeting her opponent.

"It isn't that simple," Cliff said defensively, wondering why he was even justifying his actions to a short little Ewing.

"That's not how I see it," Lucy replied, gaining her strength. "She's your sister, the only family you have left; you should want to be with her."

Cliff frowned at his unwanted guest. "You don't know the first thing about me."

"But I do know about family," Lucy countered. "And there's no need for you to talk to me like I'm some little school girl."

"Are you?" Cliff smiled. "You latched onto Alan Beam pretty quickly, can't say very much for your taste in companions."

_What would you say if I told you I was dating your cousin,_ Lucy thought with a devilish grin. "Speaking as someone who's lived without their family for most of their life, I can tell you that it isn't a pleasant feeling. Pam needs you."

"But there is nothing I can do for her," Cliff argued. "All of my life Pam has been the one to take care of me; I wouldn't know where to start with her."

"You start by coming to Southfork and asking how she is doing."

"You're forgetting your family," Cliff scoffed. "If I come within 100 feet of Southfork J.R. will stick the police on me."

"J.R. wouldn't touch you," Lucy said confidently. "He has problems of his own."

"Does he?" Cliff smiled, taking a small piece of joy in J.R.'s pain.

"Kristin's in town, she's keeping him on his toes."

"I always liked her," Cliff smiled. "She had spunk."

Lucy cringed at talk of her Aunt's meddling sister. "And J.R. and Sue Ellen have their new baby together."

"Sue Ellen went into labor?" Cliff asked, surprised.

"You seem interested," Lucy noted. "Like you have a vested interest."

"I like to know about the Ewing family," Cliff said simply.

"Her name is Elizabeth Eleanor Ewing."

"How is Pam dealing with the new baby?"

"It's too soon to tell, but it doesn't look good." Cliff frowned. "Which is why she could use her family right now."

"She has you Ewings," Cliff said spitefully. "She made it painfully clear that if she had to choose between me and Bobby, she'd choose Bobby."

"Pam was angry when she said that. She misses you."

"I miss her too."

Lucy stood up to leave. "You know where we live."

"Can't forget," Cliff muttered. "Give Miss Ellie and Sue Ellen my regards."

Lucy paused with her hand on the doorknob. _He brought up Sue Ellen again, wonder if there's anything there? _"Will do." Lucy walked down the stairs to her car, pleased that she had helped to mend fences between Pam and Cliff, and find out a little something more about her Aunt Sue Ellen. She had found out about Cliff's affair with Sue Ellen when Digger Barnes told the _Dallas Daily Press_that John Ross was a Barnes and not a Ewing. Lucy hadn't been able to get any real details about the affair, all parties were being very private over the matter, but questions had run through her mind about how long it was, how it happened, and whether there was a chance of it happening again. _You never can tell what the heart wants_, Lucy thought, moving the car into drive, _or what people do behind closed doors._

Sue Ellen walked through the front door of Southfork, searching each room for her husband. Thoughts raced through her mind about how he would react to her apology, her admittance that she didn't trust him, and allowed the ghosts of their past to control her. _How can I place all of my faith in a man who has broken me so many times in the past? One year cannot erase ten previous ones. But he has to forgive me for my mistake, Lord knows I've forgiven him more times than I can count. _Sue Ellen stood outside the office, hearing the ruffling of papers. Turning her head, Sue Ellen found her husband.

Sue Ellen gently coughed to get J.R.'s attention. "Working hard?"

"Sue Ellen," J.R. murmured. He hadn't expected to see her since their brief discussion that morning. He was worried that she would shut him out, assume the worst about him yet again. When he saw her standing in front of him, clad in a simple white sundress, he was still left breathless in her presence. "Just reading over some files," J.R. said, putting down his papers, his eyes never leaving her. "Did you need something?"

"If you have a minute, I'd like to talk."

J.R. nodded his head, directing her to the sofa. "What's on your mind, Honey?"

"I – I…."

"There you two are," Miss Ellie smiled, coming into the office, carrying Lizzy in her arms. "I think this little girl misses her parents." Ellie beamed at her eldest son and daughter-in-law, completely unaware that she was the one to disturb their conversation.

Sue Ellen gave J.R. a helpless look as she stood to take her little girl. "Were you good for grandma?" she asked.

"She's an angel, Sue Ellen," Miss Ellie assured her.

"Thank-you Mamma," J.R. said dryly, trying in vain to hide his unhappiness with her interruption.

"Jock was looking for you earlier, J.R.," Miss Ellie told him as she walked out the room.

J.R. turned to his wife. "Darlin', I'm sorry about that interruption."

"It's alright, J.R.," Sue Ellen said softly. "I'm going to feed, Elizabeth." Sue Ellen took her baby in her arms and went up the stairs.

J.R. watched her go, mesmerized by her movements. To him, she was just as graceful and poised as the day he met her, over ten years ago.

Sue Ellen sat on the bed and was pleased to know that Lizzy was receptive to feeding. Sue Ellen closed her eyes, unnerved by the fact that her conversation with J.R. was postponed. _When he touched me with his hands, I felt like all of my troubles were going away, like I could tell him anything. And then Miss Ellie came in and I remembered, life is never that perfect._

Lizzy began to softly cry, prompting Sue Ellen to cradle her close. _Mamma's here, sweetheart, there's no need to cry. I'll always be here._ Sue Ellen stroked her young one's back, gently soothing her back to sleep. Sleep seemed so appealing that Sue Ellen found herself lying down, holding her baby to her chest, and falling asleep herself.

J.R. went up the stairs two at a time, hoping to find Sue Ellen in their room. After talking with his father about the Hammond deal, J.R. was confident that Jock could seal the deal primarily on his own, without his help. _It's in the bag, _Jock told him with glee that day, as J.R. nodded his head. He had something more important to think about.

"Sue Ellen?" he whispered, gently opening the door, touched by the mother and daughter sleeping together on the bed. J.R. stepped into the closet, pulled out a medium-sized, green bear, and placed it on the bed as he crawled onto the other side, careful not to disturb his wife or daughter. J.R. held the animal close, admiring the soft, gentle fur, and perfectly formed arms and legs.

Sue Ellen stirred, feeling a presence near her and opened her eyes, surprised to see her husband clutching a stuffed animal. "J.R.," she said softly.

"There were going to be balloons," J.R. said softly. "The best decorated room at the hospital."

Sue Ellen placed a sleeping Lizzy in her bassinet and crawled back into bed with her husband.

J.R. played with one of the paws of the animal. "This was for the baby. I was looking for a color that was gender neutral, that could work for a boy or a girl."

Sue Ellen took the toy from her husband, touched by his gentle gesture.

"I was going to bring you flowers, you love flowers." J.R. coughed and turned to his wife.

"You really wanted to be there," Sue Ellen said gently, taking her husband's hand.

"Darlin', we were having a baby, of course I wanted to be there." J.R. appeared hurt, hurt by the fact that she had questioned his loyalty, hurt by the fact that they were fighting, and hurt that he had missed the birth of his daughter.

Sue Ellen lowered her eyes, unable to meet her husband in the face. "I'm sorry, J.R. I – I was so angry over being on my own that I didn't even consider your feelings."

"It's alright," he sighed. "You were in a scary situation by yourself; you had every right to be angry." He titled her face up so that he could see her eyes, which were beginning to show tears.

"I talked to Bobby."

"Somehow I thought you did," J.R. chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Why J.R. – why did she do it?" Sue Ellen could no longer control her emotions as the events of yesterday came rushing back to her.

J.R. couldn't find any words to soothe his wife, so he gently wrapped his arms around her, allowing her refuge and a chance to cry. He struggled to put aside his own feelings, not wanting to make Sue Ellen feel any worse than she already was, or burden her with any more problems. He slowly allowed sleep to give way, which he found infinitely easier than last night, because now he had the woman that he loved in his arms.

Sue Ellen opened her eyes to a darkened room. The moon was beginning to peak out through the balcony, and stars were beginning to shine in all of their glory._ What time is it, _Sue Ellen wondered as she stretched her neck. _I couldn't have been sleeping that long. _Sue Ellen felt warm arms wrapped around her, and evened her gaze to find her husband holding her in a tight embrace. Sue Ellen squirmed from J.R.'s hold, slowing finding the freedom that she needed. Rubbing her arms for warmth, Sue Ellen walked over to her dresser and sat in the chair. Closing her eyes, she could feel J.R.'s touch as he held her, comforted her. Sue Ellen flinched, raising a finger. _I'm not ready for him to hold me like that, not when, _Sue Ellen stole a glance at the vanity mirror in front of her, _not when I feel so poorly about myself. _Sue Ellen stood, grabbing bobby pins for her long hair. _Surely he can't find me attractive, not now, after just giving birth. Even if he did realize that he wanted me, he won't be able to have me for a very long time._ Sue Ellen looked at her sleeping husband, resting on the bed. _He looks so innocent when he sleeps; it almost makes you forget how devious he can be. He isn't the commandeering oilman that he portrays at the office; he's nothing more than a little boy. _A small smile formed across her lips. _And I'm the only one who sees it. _

Sue Ellen let out a breathless sigh, which awakened her husband. J.R. rose his head with a concerned look on his face as he eyed his wife at the other end of the room. He gave her a gentle smile, holding back his disappointment over her leaving their bed so soon.

"How are you feeling?" J.R. got up and placed his arms on her shoulders.

Sue Ellen's knees began to weaken from the impact. _He feels so good, _Sue Ellen murmured. Sue Ellen took two steps forward, breaking away from J.R.'s touch.

"Sue Ellen?" J.R. questioned, puzzled by her behavior. "What's wrong?"

"J.R. I don't – I don't want," Sue Ellen struggled with her words, as J.R. once again reached for her hand."

"Talk to me, Honey," he urged her. "I know that something's bothering you."

Sue Ellen frowned turning to face her husband. "Of course something is bothering me – my birthing coach wasn't with me when I needed him." J.R. tried to speak but Sue Ellen interrupted him. "And I know that you wanted to be there with me, and that it wasn't your fault, but that doesn't change the fact that it still happened."

"There's more," J.R. gently challenged. "I know you, Sue Ellen. Over the past year, we've grown closure than we ever have before. I can tell when something is bothering you."

"J.R.," Sue Ellen whispered softly.

J.R. gently turned Sue Ellen toward him. "I don't want you to hide from me, Honey."

Sue Ellen looked at her husband, her mouth opened when her eyes drifted to an empty bassinet. "The baby!" Sue Ellen cried, running to the floor of the bed.

"What?" J.R. called after her.

"Lizzy was in the bassinet when we feel asleep, and now she's gone!"

J.R. frowned, placing a hand on Sue Ellen's back. "She couldn't have walked away by herself," he said, trying to calm his wife.

Sue Ellen ignored her husband's logic as she darted out the room and down the hall. J.R. followed in a hot pursuit. Sue Ellen paused, hearing the gentle laugh of Lizzy in the living room and scurried down the staircase.

"Miss Ellie," Sue Ellen called, surprised to find her mother-in-law holding Lizzy in her arms.

"Good evening," Miss Ellie acknowledged to Sue Ellen, and J.R. who was right behind her.

"You had my baby," Sue Ellen asked bewildered.

"I heard her woke up, so I came in to check on her, and you two were fast asleep, so I took Lizzy for a while." Miss Ellie let out a joyful laugh. "You two slept most of the afternoon, you must have been exhausted."

Sue Ellen sighed, taking her daughter in her arms. "Hello sweetheart."

J.R. stood by his mother.

"I hope you didn't mind," Miss Ellie said gently. "I didn't think it was right to wake you."

"It's fine Mamma," J.R. assured her. Sue Ellen's glare at J.R. told him something different, but the look was unnoticed by Miss Ellie.

"I think I'll leave you three alone and go see what Jock is up to," Miss Ellie said with a nod.

Sue Ellen turned to J.R. when Miss Ellie was out of earshot. "She frightened me when she took the baby."

"Darlin', she only wanted to spend time with her granddaughter." J.R. placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Do you have any idea what was going on in my head when I woke up to find my baby gone?"

"Sue Ellen, I don't think that's what's bothering you."

Sue Ellen ignored her husband's call as she headed back to the nursery with the baby. J.R. followed her, frustrated.

"Honey, you have to talk to me."

Sue Ellen tried to push past J.R., but he wouldn't let her leave. "Sue Ellen?"

"J.R.," Sue Ellen said in frustration, "Let me through."

"I want to talk to you."

"About what!" Sue Ellen shouted in a soft whisper. "We both know what happened."

J.R. pulled her into the hallway. "Honey, please don't shut me out."

Sue Ellen forced herself to look at the ground, unable to meet her husband in the eyes.

"Look at me," J.R. gently whispered.

Sue Ellen opened her mouth to speak, but the two were interrupted by Jock asking where they were. Sue Ellen looked toward the stairs and broke away, with J.R. following her.

Cliff Barnes spent another lonely night in his apartment. After dating a fair amount of women throughout his life as a bachelor, he was still never able to commit to one woman long enough to have a relationship, leaving him with many quiet nights in his rundown apartment in Dallas. It was one bedroom, a sitting room, bathroom, and a kitchen, the perfect size for a single man in Dallas. Cliff took out an old Chinese container from the microwave, heating up yesterday's dinner. His affection for Chinese food developed at the tender age of eleven, when Cliff and Pam spent nights reheating old food while Digger was out on one of his binges. Cliff sighed, bringing the mushu pork to his mouth. He knew he had let down Pamela in a very big way, first by picking a fight, making her choose between him and her husband, and then by avoiding her when she was struggling with the loss of a baby. He knew that he was using Bobby and J.R. as a crutch, an excuse to stay away from Southfork and his sister. But how much longer could it continue? Cliff needed her just as much as she needed him. Pam had always been there for him, no matter what went on their lives, she made time for him. To say there were close was an understatement; growing up, they were all each other had.

Cliff washed the lukewarm dinner down with a glass of water. He had been very surprised to see Lucy Ewing at his doorstep. He had always taken her as a shallow trust fund baby, not having any depth or substance. He was very taken aback by the young woman before him. Cliff wiped his mouth with a napkin, wondering if Pam was feeling as alone as he was, or if the bond of a brother and sister could heal old wounds.

Pamela stood on the balcony of the bedroom that she shared with Bobby, watching her husband swim laps under the midnight stars. She longed to go out and join Bobby for a midnight swim, to allow the water to wash away their troubles, everything that had happened in the past month. Pam felt guilty over the way she had reacted with Bobby, practically shutting him out once again. She knew that he deserved better than that, that he was just as hurt as she was. _Seems like we've spent more time apart than we ever have together, _Pam thought regretfully. The two had battled years of plotting and lying to stay together, and when everything seemed to have worked, there came the complication that Pam couldn't carry a child to term. Pam didn't know how important children were to her until she found out how difficult it was to have one. Even adopting a child proved to be an incredible feet, with hundreds of Dallas couples on lists a mile wide, and so few infant children being put up for adoption.

_And now here we are, _Pam thought silently. _Two strangers, unable to talk to each other, or I suppose I'm the one that's not speaking to him. Bobby wants to make this work, and so do I. _Pam reached out and touched the glass window, craving Bobby's touch. But_ I have to let him know that. I have to let him know that I haven't given up hope._

Sue Ellen stepped out of the steamy bathroom, wearing only a peach-colored towel around her torso as she reentered the bedroom. Dinner that night had been another quiet experience. Bobby struggled to keep the conversation going, talking with Jock and J.R. about the Dallas Cowboys in an effort to keep Miss Ellie happy. Lucy had gone out with Jimmy Monahan that night, leaving the ranch house silent. Sue Ellen found herself longing for the lively early years of her marriage to J.R., when there would be fun discussions with Bobby, and Lucy would run around the house. It was now becoming increasingly more evident that the family dynamic was changing.

Sue Ellen lowered towel as she picked out a nightgown. The door opened as Sue Ellen was undressing, soliciting a shriek from Sue Ellen as she ducked behind the bed.

"It's only me Sue Ellen," J.R. said as he loosened his tie.

"You could have knocked," Sue Ellen replied, pulling the nightgown over her head.

"When I'm coming into my own bedroom?" J.R. chuckled, loosening his tie. J.R. came toward his wife. "You know I've seen you wearing a whole lot less than that, Sugar," he laughed, trying to liven the mood.

"J.R., please," Sue Ellen said, pulling a robe around her body.

J.R. sighed as he reached out to touch her arm. Sue Ellen pulled away, nearly tripping in the process. "Sue Ellen," J.R. gasped, catching her fall. He pulled her body against his. "There's no here with us, Lizzy is asleep, the family is doing their own thing, and now you can't avoid talking to me."

"J.R.," Sue Ellen lowered her eyes, avoiding her husband's loving stare. _Don't you know how hard it is for me to distance myself from you when you act like this?_

"Look at me." J.R. pulled Sue Ellen's chin up so that it met his blue gaze.

"I can't," Sue Ellen whispered, tears forming in her eyes. J.R. held her body close. "Are you happy now?" she muttered.

"How can I be happy when you're so upset?" J.R. questioned. "How can I be happy when the woman that I love more than anything can't stand to be in the room with me?"

"Stop!" Sue Ellen tried to break free, but J.R. wouldn't let her.

"I won't stop, until I know that you're okay," J.R. finished. "I know that you're angry with Kristin…"

"This isn't about just Kristin," Sue Ellen said, tears trickling down her cheek.

"Ah-hah," J.R. smiled, gently wiping at her tears. "I knew there was something else bothering you."

Sue Ellen glared at her husband. "Well if you think you know me so well than why don't you tell me what's bothering me?"

J.R. laughed, resting his fingers under her chin. "I could never try to explain you, Sue Ellen; you are one of the most complex people I know."

Sue Ellen scoffed at J.R.'s joke. "Is this your way of trying to make me feel better?"

J.R. smiled as he rested his hand on the back of Sue Ellen's hair. "That depends on if it's working. Sue Ellen, you are the most beautiful woman I know, I could never understand everything about you, I learn something new every day." J.R. kissed the tip of her nose as Sue Ellen looked up, confused.

"How can you say that?"

"Say what Darlin'?"

"Call me beautiful," she whispered, burying her face in his chest.

J.R. gently ran his fingers through Sue Ellen's hair, a concerned look upon his face. "Oh sweetheart," J.R. whispered, "Is this why you're so angry at me?"

Sue Ellen began to shake against J.R.'s body, as he held her tighter. "J.R., I don't even feel like myself."

"You just had a baby; of course you'll feel different. But that doesn't change the way I feel about you." J.R. guided her to the mirror and took off her bathrobe.

"No," she whispered.

J.R. tilted Sue Ellen's face forward, telling her to look in the mirror. "What do you see?"

Sue Ellen tried to turn her face away, but J.R. wouldn't let her.

"Why can't you see yourself the way I see you?" J.R. asked.

"And what do you see?" Sue Ellen asked halfheartedly.

J.R. smiled, resting his hands on her bare shoulders. "I see a mother who loves her children, I see a wife who loves her husband, I see a strong woman who would never let anything or anyone bring her down…I see the love of my life, my future."

Sue Ellen turned towards her husband. "Does our future look bright Mr. Ewing?"

J.R. smiled, gently brushing his lips over Sue Ellen's mouth. "It does, as long as you're in it."

Sue Ellen shyly smiled at her husband. "J.R…"

"There's no need to hide your body from me, Honey." J.R. began a trail of kisses down her arm. "I love every inch of it." J.R. guided Sue Ellen to the bed, ensuring that she was safely tucked in before he climbed in himself.

"That still leaves Kristin," Sue Ellen said.

J.R. grimaced at her name. "Honey, I don't know if I like talking about your sister when we're in bed together."

Sue Ellen laughed at J.R.'s comment. "We're due for a little sisterly talk," she said with an evil grin.

"Are you sure that you're up for it?" J.R. asked concerned.

Sue Ellen frowned. "I am perfectly capable of handling my own sister." J.R. leaned in to kiss his wife on the mouth. Sue Ellen relished his mouth on hers, closing her eyes, allowing herself to be carried away.

"Think you can last six weeks," she asked seductively as she gently pulled away.

"I can do it," J.R. promised. "And there are other things that we can do, Honey."

"Like what?" Sue Ellen asked with a smile.

"This." J.R. lunged for her, tickling her belly, prompting a squeal from his wife.

"J.R.," Sue Ellen cried breathless, ready to surrender.

J.R. stopped, pulling her close to him. "I love you."

"I love you too," Sue Ellen whispered. She leaned in for another kiss, only to be interrupted by Lizzy's cries.

"And so it begins," Sue Ellen muttered, throwing herself against a pillow. Sue Ellen and J.R. were going to be in for a long journey, but at least it seemed that they were going together.


	8. Chapter 8: Blame

Sue Ellen Ewing paced the floor as she held a temperamental Lizzy in her arms. She didn't remember John Ross being this fussy when he was born, and Sue Ellen had been in for a shock when she found out how erratic a young infant could be. 

"Sue Ellen?" J.R. called from the doorway. He leaned his head against the wall. Neither one of them had been getting any sleep for the past week; Lizzy was occupying their time in more ways than one. At Miss Ellie's suggestion, J.R. and Sue Ellen were looking for a new nursemaid for Lizzy, to lighten the workload. Sue Ellen had insisted that she and J.R. be part of the process, not wanting to leave their baby with just anyone.

Sue Ellen raised her head, her dark and circled eyes meeting those of her husband's. "I thought you were asleep."

"How can I sleep with Lizzy awake?" J.R. chuckled, offering to relieve her from the baby. "Why don't you go back to sleep? There's no need for both of us to be up."

Sue Ellen tried her best to give a smile, but couldn't as she trudged back to bed. Today was going to be the day that she would confront Kristin on what she had done, but she had one more person to see first.

Bobby rubbed his eyes, being abruptly woken by Lizzy's cries, only to find that the other side of the bed was cold. _Where's Pammy, _Bobby wondered as he quickly put on his bathrobe for a shower. He couldn't believe that Pam would venture off Southfork, she had been very low profile the past couple weeks, but he still had hope that Pam was getting over the adoption let down. Bobby had been vigorously trying to speed up the process for them, going to several different agencies, all telling him the same thing; there would be a long wait.

Bobby dried himself off, hearing J.R. talking to his daughter in the nursery. Bobby let out a small smile; he was pleasantly surprised that J.R. was so willing to take his fatherly duties 

seriously, but then, J.R. really had changed in the past year. Bobby hadn't wanted to lose hope for his older brother, but after ten long years of wild and appalling behavior, it was a surprise to everyone to see him turn a new leaf. _At least in some areas, _Bobby thought to himself. J.R. hadn't made it any easier on him at the office, never wasting the opportunity to belittle him or point out his lack of experience. As always, Bobby was cool headed as he politely informed J.R. that he was doing very well in the company, and that their father was on _his _side. Bobby knew that his daddy wouldn't let J.R. run the company by himself, not after the Asian Oil lease fiasco, when J.R. mortgaged the ranch to pay off a bank loan. The family stuck oil at the last second, saving the family from foreclosure, but Jock was disappointed in J.R. for upsetting his mother and making such a giant deal without telling anyone. Jock told J.R. that he was stepping back at Ewing Oil to keep an eye on him, and that Bobby was go to with him. J.R. may have kept the title as President, but he no longer ran the company by himself.

Bobby found himself working longer hours at the company again. There was only so much he could do for Pam, other than stand by her and watch her deteriorate. He had told her that he loved her, and she knew exactly how he felt about her and their marriage, but nothing fazed her. Waiting was becoming more and more frustrating by the day, and there were moments when Bobby felt that he was the only one trying to work on their marriage.

Pam reentered the bedroom, giving her husband a quick nod hello. Heading over to the mirror, she unwound her hair from its ponytail and allowed it to hang loose.

"I'm surprised to see you up so early," Bobby commented as he rested his hand on his wife's shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"I went horseback riding this morning Bobby," Pam gently smiled, turning toward her husband. "I forgot how good it felt to feel the wind in my hair, just me and the open fields."

"It is a wonderful feeling," Bobby nodded. "Remember when I first taught you how to ride?"

Pam let out a genuine laugh, and Bobby couldn't help but join her. "How could I forget? We were just married, and it was dead winter, freezing in Texas, and I insisted on learning to ride a horse."

"Like a proper Ewing wife," Bobby teased.

"And if I recall correctly, you were more concerned with keeping me warm in your bedroom than letting me try my riding."

"It didn't stop you did it?" Bobby countered. "You insisted on learning to ride horseback and you wouldn't rest until you were able to ride by yourself." Bobby took Pam's hand in his. "You were a fast learner."

"And you were a good teacher," Pam said softly, happier to be reminiscing over better days between her and Bobby.

Bobby beamed at his wife, more than happy to see her smile again. "Tell you what; the next time you want to go riding, I'll go with you."

"It's a date," Pam said with a smile. 

The two joined hands, ready to go down for breakfast. "Pammy, I'm glad to know that you're feeling better."

"It isn't easy, Bobby," Pam admitted. "I wanted that baby more than anything, but we can't give up."

"We won't give up," Bobby swore. "Someday, the doctor is going to call us and tell you that you are pregnant," he said with a smile. 

"Let's hope it's sooner rather than later," Pam said softly. Bobby pulled Pam in for a soft kiss as the two headed down the stairs to join the family.

Jock, Ellie, and Lucy were already seated at the table. Sue Ellen was still asleep, and J.R. was with Lizzie in the nursery. 

"It's odd without Sue Ellen and J.R. at the table," Ellie commented. 

"I find it somewhat refreshing, refreshing that J.R. isn't here anyway," Lucy added silently, receiving a look from her grandmother. 

"Glad you're joining us, Pam," Jock said.

"So am I." Pam reached for a bagel and began to eat. She already felt a little better being with the family again. The family eased back into a normal routine of discussion and banter and Pam knew that she had made the right decision.

* * *

Sue Ellen Ewing turned around in the full-length mirror, admiring her blue blouse and black dress pants. 

"Well don't you look stunning?" J.R. commented as he came into the room, wrapping his arms around his wife's waist.

"I was hoping you would say that," Sue Ellen smiled tucking a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. 

"Don't tell me you're getting all dolled up just for Kristin?" J.R. laughed.

"Well, there is one other person that I need to see today first." 

"And who might that be?" 

"An old friend that I haven't seen in a very long time."

"A male friend?" J.R. asked.

"J.R. Ewing!" Sue Ellen gently scolded. "Honestly."

"I'm just teasing, Honey." He gently kissed her forehead. "You just be careful out there today."

Sue Ellen rested her hand on the side of J.R.'s head, running her fingers through his hair. "Don't you worry about me, J.R. I'll be home before you know it."

"I'm going to miss you."

Sue Ellen gave J.R. a quizzical look. "I'll only be gone this afternoon. I can't stay in the house all day."

"I just want you to be safe, you just had Lizzy."

Sue Ellen moved her fingers to the nape of J.R.'s neck. "I love you," she whispered dreamily.

"Not as much as I love you," J.R. smiled.

Sue Ellen looked into J.R. eyes. "Is that so, Mister Ewing?"

J.R. laughed, nodding his head. "Yes it is Darlin', rule is I love you more."

Sue Ellen pulled J.R. in for a deep kiss. "As it should be," she smiled as she went out the door, leaving J.R. open-mouthed from her kiss.

* * *

Sue Ellen parked her car along the side of a street and walked the steps of the slightly rundown building. She had debated seeing this person for a long time. They once shared a history, a relationship, a past, and there was no amount of time apart that would erase what happened out of desperation those years ago. Sue Ellen straightened her skirt and walked forward, deciding to put the past behind her once and for all. But what Sue Ellen didn't see was that Jimmy Monahan was stepping out of the corner market buying groceries eying her as she 

went into the building. He stopped to wonder what a woman like Sue Ellen Ewing would be doing a lower part of Dallas. _She's not the type to just come down her for any old reason. _Jimmy's eyes widened as he realized exactly whose apartment building he entered. 

Sue Ellen gently knocked on the door and smiled at the man on the other side. "Hello," she simply said in her southern Texas drawl.

"Hello," the voice said back, stunned to find her standing in front of him. He quickly ushered her in, it was all he could do he was to taken aback by her arrival. "Why have you come here?" he questioned.

"To talk," Sue Ellen said softly. "Just to talk."

* * *

Southfork was silent and unoccupied that afternoon, a pleasant treat for Pam and Bobby, who spent the afternoon having a delicious meal prepared by Teresa. Pam and Bobby talked and talked the whole morning, reminiscing about the good times they had shared together and how much they had missed one another. 

Bobby and Pam sat together on the sofa, enjoying a cool glass of lemonade when the doorbell rang. Pam got up in one graceful motion and was surprised to find Kristin standing in front of her. 

"Hi," Kristin said surprised, stunned to see Pam standing at the door. She was dressed in a bikini top, open button shirt and cutoff shorts. 

"Kristin, come in," Pam smiled as Bobby stood to greet her.

"Hi Kristin," Bobby said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Were you here to see Sue Ellen?"

Kristin eyed Bobby as she played with the open flap of her shirt. "Actually I came here to see Sue Ellen." Kristin couldn't take her eyes off Bobby and Pam, the way Bobby wrapped his arm around Pam's waist, Pam's exuberant greeting. Kristin toyed with the strap of her bikini top; she wasn't pleased with what she saw. If there was one thing Kristin Shepard hated it was competition, what she had faced her entire life. Just once she wanted the chance to be on top, to get what she wanted and have someone be envious of her. 

"Sue Ellen's out for the afternoon," Pam said. "Would you like me to tell her you stopped by?"

Kristin was about to open her mouth when John Ross came running into the living room, an exasperated Teresa running after him. "Kristin," John Ross cried as Kristin swooped her nephew into her arms.

"Hi Big Guy," Kristin laughed. "I've missed you."

"I miss you too. Why haven't you come to see me?" he asked, his eyes wide with emotion.

Kristin pressed her lips together. The truth of the matter was that she had been frightened to step on Southfork property after her confrontation with J.R. She assumed that he would tell Sue Ellen that he never got the message, and that she would yell at her for what happened. But it had been over a week and nothing had happened. J.R. and Sue Ellen hadn't bothered to contact her, so she decided to go to Southfork herself. "I've been real busy," she said, covering for her lie.

"Can you play with me? Teresa is no fun," John Ross declared.

"Is that so?" Bobby asked, taking John Ross from Kristin. 

"She won't play hide and seek or tell me a story or…"

"We get your point John Ross," Pam smiled.

A slight grin formed on Kristin's mouth. "John Ross would you like me to spend the day with you?" she asked, kneeling to his level.

"Oh boy!" John Ross cried, wiggling out of Bobby's arms and back to his aunt. 

"Are you sure you want to spend the day with him?" Pam asked laughing. "He can be a real handful."

"I've missed him," Kristin admitted, which wasn't a complete lie. She did enjoy her new niece and nephew, and any excuse to stay at Southfork was good enough for her. "What would you like to do today, John Ross?" 

"Outside with my truck!" he cried. "In my swimsuit!"

"Swimming huh," Kristin laughed. "Well I am dressed for outside."

Bobby took John Ross' hand. "Why don't I get him into his swimsuit, I'll be right back."

Pam and Kristin nodded as Bobby piggybacked John Ross up the stairs. Pam smiled at her husband. She still had hope that they would have a child of their own. "Can I get you a drink?" Pam offered as she walked to the bar.

"Water please," Kristin smiled, seeing an opportunity to talk to Pam one on one.

Pam poured two waters. "You know, I've never really gotten the chance to talk to you," she said. "Here you are, Sue Ellen's sister, and we've barely spoken." Pam handed Kristin a glass.

"There's been a lot going on," Kristin said, alluding to the failed adoption attempt.

"Yes there has," Pam said. "But now that things are going back to normal, I'd really like to get to know you."

"Oh?" Kristin asked, wondering why Pam was so interested in her. 

"Sue Ellen can't stop talking about you." Pam took a sip of her drink.

"Is that so? Nothing too bad I hope."

"Not at all," Pam smiled. "She happens to think very highly of you."

"Really?" Kristin asked, trying to mask her disbelief.

Pam nodded. "It must be nice having a sister to share things with. All I had growing up was my brother Cliff, my Aunt Maggie, and my – " Pam paused, wondering what to call Digger, the man that was not her biological father, "daddy," Pam finished, knowing that he was still the man that raised her the way any father would. 

Kristin sipped the lid of her drink. _Share, I don't think we really did all that much sharing growing up. All Sue Ellen did was take, and leave nothing for 'baby sister Kristin'. _"It's an experience," Kristin said finally, hoping to change the conversation. "But I'm sure you've done your fair share of sharing with Cliff."

Pam slightly frowned at Cliff's name. "I suppose so, but then I never minded." 

Bobby came down the stairs with John Ross on his back. "Aunt Kristin!" 

Kristin and Pam smiled at John Ross, and Kristin held John Ross' hand.

"Are you two going to be alright on your own?" Bobby asked. 

Kristin gave Bobby a look of mock disgust. "Bobby Ewing this is not the first time I've been with John Ross."

Pamela laughed at Kristin's antics. "You heard her, Bobby. Now why don't you and I go out for the afternoon?"

Bobby looked down at Pam and smiled. "How can I resist?" Bobby kissed Pam's cheek as they waved goodbye to Kristin.

"Say bye-bye John Ross," Kristin said as helped him go out to the front of the house. She wasn't thrilled about Bobby spending more time with Pam, but at least now she had a moment at Southfork alone. _Won't J.R. and Sue Ellen be surprised to me_, she glowered as she set John Ross down on the concrete with his trucks. Taking of her top and shorts, Kristin rested in one of the lounge chairs, ready to soak in the late Indian summer sun.

* * *

Sue Ellen took a seat on the sofa and graciously accepted a glass of water. "I feel like I should have come sooner."

Cliff Barnes sat opposite her, toasting her with his glass. "I understand that you've been very busy."

"I have. J.R. and I have been looking for the right nanny for Lizzy, and I'm just getting back into the swing of things again."

"How is Lizzy?"

"She is the most beautiful baby girl in the world." Sue Ellen giggled as she lowered her drink. "Though I suppose I am rather biased."

"Sue Ellen if that little girl looks anything like you then I know she is lovely," Cliff said.

Sue Ellen looked at Cliff and couldn't help but smile. She saw the man that was once a trusted friend, a companion to her when she had nowhere else to turn.

"How are things with J.R.?" Cliff asked. His dislike of J.R. Ewing was as strong as ever, and he still couldn't understand what Sue Ellen saw in him or why she stayed with him for so long but he was glad that she was willing to keep her friendship with him in spite of her husband.

Sue Ellen sighed as she fiddled with her hair, debating between telling him about their recent problems, or simply skim over the truth. "Things are fine," Sue Ellen replied.

Cliff gauged Sue Ellen's quick response, knowing that things could never really be 'fine' between Sue Ellen and J.R. for a very long time. "I'm happy for you," Cliff said, meaning it sincerely. "Now why don't you tell me the real reason you came to see me today?"

* * *

Jimmy Monahan drove his beat up truck to Southfork in the hopes of catching Lucy in the afternoon. He found himself enjoying her more and more with each meeting, feeling very comfortable with Lucy's bubbly personality. It never once crossed his mind that he was dating a Ewing, or that he couldn't give Lucy the lifestyle she was accustomed to. All Jimmy could think about was spending more time with her. And letting her know about the latest visitor to his cousin Cliff's apartment. Jimmy stopped in his tracks when he saw a tall, slender brunette tanning in front of the ranch. Assuming her to be a friend of Lucy's, Jimmy got out of the car.

Kristin sat upright at the sound of footsteps, believing them to belong to J.R. or Sue Ellen. She opened her eyes and slowly appraised the fellow in front of her. He was medium height, dark haired, handsome, but not in an obvious way. "Can I help you?" she asked as she rose from her chair.

Jimmy was awestruck by Kristin's feminine stance. Dressed in a simple bikini swimsuit, she left very little to the imagination. "Is Lucy Ewing here?" he asked finally, somewhat unnerved.

Kristin smirked slightly when she realized that this was the guy that Lucy had been seeing. His appeal just went up. "Lucy's out for the day," Kristin said in mock concern. "I'm Kristin Shepard."

Jimmy thought about the name 'Shepard'. "You're Sue Ellen Ewing's sister."

"In the flesh," Kristin beamed, extending her hand.

Jimmy took her small hand and shook it. "I'm Jimmy Monahan – a friend of Lucy's."

"Friend?" Kristin asked teasingly. 

"Well I suppose you could say more than friends," Jimmy said blushing.

"Um-hum," Kristin nodded, a plan forming in her mind. "Well Lucy's a pretty terrific person."

"Yeah she is," Jimmy affirmed strongly, struggling to maintain composure. The very sight of a scantily clad Kristin made him nervous.

Kristin sensed that time of the essence and went in for the kill. "You know I've been having so much fun with John Ross that I forgot to apply sun screen." She unscrewed the cap and lifted her hand to Jimmy's arm. "Would you be a dear and help with it?" she asked coyly.

Jimmy took a step back, taken aback by Kristin's forwardness. He felt a voice in the back of his mind telling him to go away, that he shouldn't be anywhere near this particular person.

Kristin sensed his hesitation. _I didn't think Lucy went for the saintly types, _Kristin thought to herself, flashing Jimmy another smile, wondering if this was going to be a lost cause. 

"Sure," Jimmy said finally, seeing no other way out of the situation. 

Kristin beamed, handing Jimmy the bottle as he squirted the liquid in his hand and started on her upper arms.

"Umm, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this," Kristin said as she tried to maintain a grin. She was somewhat repulsed by Jimmy's clammy touch. _Inexperienced, _she thought to herself. _I could do Lucy a favor by showing him a thing or two._

"Don't mention it," Jimmy said, regaining some of his confidence. He had never asked Lucy about Kristin Shepard before, but now he was suddenly curious as to who she was, what her angle was.

Kristin turned so that her back was towards Jimmy as his hands roamed her bare back. She sighed blissfully, "You have wonderful hands," hoping to get a reaction from him.

"Thank-you," he coughed as he sped the process along. 

Kristin inwardly scowled at another defeat, but she perked up when she saw a car coming towards them. A short blonde came charging towards the patio. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!"

* * *

Sue Ellen carefully crossed one leg over the other. "I thought you might be curious as to how Pam was holding up. You still haven't come by to see her," Sue Ellen reprimanded.

"I know," Cliff admitted, knowing he was guilty. "Um well, I've had a lot on my plate."

"Liar," Sue Ellen scoffed. "You're insulting me Cliff; I can always tell when you're lying."

"You can?" Cliff asked astonished.

Sue Ellen smirked and nodded her head. "You always hesitate Cliff; never can put a sentence together."

Cliff was awed by Sue Ellen's ability to know so much about him. "Well that's why I do so well at the DA's office, because I always tell the truth," Cliff shot back, laughing. "How is Pam?" he asked, changing the subject.

"She seems to coming around slowly. She can still use a brother though."

"You think I don't know that," Cliff muttered. 

"I think you're a coward for letting Bobby and J.R. keep you from her. Bobby's no threat to you at all; he tolerates you for Pam's sake and J.R. –"

"Hates my guts," Cliff finished. 

"He listens to me," Sue Ellen said firmly. "And if I tell him not to cause trouble –" 

"I get it Sue Ellen," Cliff finished. "I don't even know what to say to her."

"Why do you have to say anything? Why can't you just be there for her, let her know that you're supporting her?"

"She's probably mad at me," Cliff said guiltily.

"With good reason. With all of the fighting that you've been doing with J.R., Jock and Bobby…"

"It's not one-sided," Cliff interrupted. "You think the Ewings are all innocent?"

"You're talking about my family, and Pam's family. And in a way, you're family."

Cliff shook his head adamantly. "Pam may be crazy enough to consider herself a Ewing, but I'm not a Ewing, not no way, no how. I don't care if Bobby legally is my brother-in-law."

Sue Ellen tried to hide a giggle. Cliff had J.R.'s strong stubbornness, and arrogance. "You promise to see Pam soon?"

"As soon as I can."

Sue Ellen stood up to leave. 

"Will I be able to see you too?" Cliff boldly asked.

Sue Ellen initially shrunk back from Cliff's blunt request. "If you're at Southfork with Pam and I happen to be around, I'll be sure to say hello."

"I'm serious, Sue Ellen. I like to know how you're doing."

Sue Ellen smiled, touched that someone cared that much about her. "Don't tell me you're worried about me?"

"You're married to J.R. Ewing; you know what he's capable of."

Sue Ellen frowned. "Cliff, you know how I feel about you talking about my husband like that. He's changed over the past year; he's not the man you knew."

Cliff shook his head in disbelief. "I just hope he does right by you, John Ross, and Lizzy."

Sue Ellen reached for the door handle. _I hope for the same thing._ "Goodbye Cliff."

"Say hello to Kristin for me," he called after her.

Sue Ellen shook her head as she got into her car. _How did he know that Kristin was back in town? Dallas is too small a town._

* * *

Angry blue eyes leered at seemingly stunned Kristin, and a very frightened Jimmy.

"What's going on?" Lucy asked to no one in particular. She couldn't erase the image of Jimmy rubbing Kristin's bare back at Southfork. _Who knows what they were doing earlier, _she silently grumbled.

"L-Lucy I came here looking for you," Jimmy stammered, wondering how all this happened. 

"And you were just keeping Kristin company?" Lucy said snidely.

"Lucy, I don't know what you're implying, but Jimmy was only protecting me from the sun," Kristin said in her perfectly trained innocent voice. 

"Hmm, and what exactly are you doing at Southfork, Kristin?"

"I came here to see Sue Ellen," Kristin shot back agitated, "And my niece and nephew. I didn't realize I needed your permission to see _my _family."

Lucy crossed her arms in an angry pose, staring up at her opponent. Kristin defiantly stared back, standing a few solid inches over Lucy. _You're no match for me, little dwarf, _Kristin silently taunted. Jimmy stood dumbfounded at the staring contest going on before him.

Lucy took a deep breath. "Thank-you for being so kind to Jimmy while I was gone," she said in a fake, honey-coated tone. She pulled at Jimmy's arm. "Have a nice visit." Jimmy didn't look at her as he left with Lucy. Neither one of them saw Kristin's devilish grin. _I've brought down another Ewing. Now where is my darling sister and her wandering husband?_

Lucy and Jimmy walked over to his truck. "How long were you with Kristin?" she asked curtly.

"Not very long, Lucy," Jimmy insisted. "Like she said, nothing happened."

"It sure didn't look like nothing to me," Lucy muttered under her breath, undetected by Jimmy. "I should have told you about her."

"What's there to tell?" Jimmy asked, wanting to put Kristin behind him and focus on Lucy. "I came here to see you, not her." He kissed mouth as he ran his fingers on her neck. 

Lucy let out an inaudible sigh. She couldn't blame him for what happened with Kristin, she knew all too well who orchestrated the scene before her. _I just have to keep my eye on her from now on._ "Why don't I tell you about Kristin another time?" she said, trying her best to smile. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Jimmy helped Lucy into his truck. "I almost forgot the reason I came by in the first place."

"I'm all ears."

"I was driving by my cousin Cliff's apartment, and I saw your Aunt Sue Ellen going into the building.

"Really?" Lucy asked, her curiosity peaked as she recalled Cliff's questioning about Sue Ellen.

"Do you have any idea why she would be stopping by?" Jimmy recalled newspaper clippings about John Ross' paternity test, and how Cliff had been named as the father, only to be disproved. He had wondered if his uncle had an affair with his sister-in-law, but he never found the courage to ask Cliff himself.

"I suppose it was to intercede for Pam," Lucy said nonchalantly, keeping her tidbit about Sue Ellen and Cliff to herself for now. "She seems to be improving you know."

"That's wonderful," Jimmy said enthusiastically. 

"It is," Lucy said slowly, her mind spinning with possibilities about her uncle, her aunt, and her relationship to his arch-nemesis. "It really is."

* * *

Sue Ellen hastily drove back to Southfork after a quick conversation with her mother, finding out that Kristin was at the ranch. Sue Ellen prayed that she would get there before J.R. as she firmly put her foot on the accelerator. _You can run but you can't hide Kristin._ Sue Ellen slowed down as the spied the pristine white gates and drove through. It didn't take her very long to find Kristin out front with John Ross. Sue Ellen inwardly frowned at her sister spending time with her son. _If she does anything to him, I'll kill her._

"Mamma!" John Ross cried, running for his mother, soaking wet from the pool. Kristin ran after him with a towel and pulled him against her body as she dried him off. "Careful John Ross, we wouldn't want to ruin Mamma's new dress."

Sue Ellen sent Kristin a stern look that went unnoticed by John Ross as she pulled her son into a hug. "Was my baby good today?"

"He was wonderful," Kristin said. 

Sue Ellen ignored her sister. "John Ross, why don't you go inside with Teresa and get out of your swimsuit?" John Ross nodded and started to run off before Sue Ellen told him to walk. When John Ross was inside Sue Ellen turned to Kristin. "Thank-you for watching son," she said icily. 

"You're welcome."

"I was surprised when Mamma told me you were at Southfork."

"Oh?" Kristin said innocently. 

Sue Ellen pulled Kristin into the ranch. "I want to talk to you."

Kristin nodded, following her older sister. "If this about what J.R. said –"

"J.R. and Bobby," Sue Ellen said curtly as they sat down.

Kristin's eyes grew wide. She had no idea that Sue Ellen had gone to Bobby. Kristin fidgeted in her chair. 

"Do you have anything to say!" 

"What would you like me to say?" Kristin said coolly. "You seem to have everything figured out."

Sue Ellen furrowed her brow. "You're not even going to deny that you kept J.R. from coming to the hospital."

"It's not what you think," Kristin said with her very best poker face.

"It's not what I think! Did you or did you not keep the fact that I was going into labor for yourself!"

Kristin sucked in a little air. With Bobby backing J.R., there was no way that she could lie about her involvement. _But I can still put my own little spin on things. _"You're right, Sue Ellen, I forgot to give J.R. the message."

Sue Ellen's eyes widened at Kristin's open confession. She had expected a fight, a denial, something. But Kristin was cavalier in her admission. "Why?" Sue Ellen asked, trying to control her emotions.

"You should have seen your husband that day," Kristin began, "So obsessed with his work over Hammond Industries. Jock and Bobby – none of them took a break the entire morning. By the time we hung up, I was about to tell J.R. that you were going into labor, but everything was so chaotic, it slipped my mind. Jock demanded files from his office, so I went in there searching, and by the time I got back, Dr. Morgan had called saying that you were close to giving birth."

Sue Ellen closed her eyes. _Kristin always had a way of telling of painting stories, changing the little facts. _"Kristin, you lied, not only to me but to Jock, Bobby, and J.R."

"Do you think it would have made a difference?" Kristin asked, her eyes sparkling. 

"What?"

"J.R. was awful busy catering to Jock that morning; I think that was the only thing on his mind."

"He would have been there if you hadn't stopped him."

Kristin stood up in one elegant motion. "Maybe he would, and maybe he wouldn't. I guess we'll never know will we?"

Sue Ellen's agitation began to show. "Kristin I am warning you! If you make one move towards my husband or son…"

"I would never hurt John Ross," Kristin cut in sharply, telling the truth. 

Sue Ellen frowned at her sister. "What were you doing with my son?"

"Bobby and Pam were heading out and John Ross didn't want to be watched by Teresa." Kristin saw Sue Ellen's hesitation. "Ask Bobby and Pam if you don't believe me." She neglected to tell Sue Ellen about meeting Jimmy Monahan. _That really isn't any of her business._

Sue Ellen couldn't wait to get a new nanny for John Ross and Lizzy. "I'll be watching you Kristin," Sue Ellen said, getting up from her seat, meeting her sister in the eye. Sue Ellen had a few inches on Kristin. She presented her sister with her trademark happy, phony smile. "How much longer will you be staying in Dallas?"

Kristin raised her hand to her chest. "Why Sue Ellen, if anyone else asked me that I'd be thinking they were trying to get rid of me." Kristin smirked at her sister, proud to be getting under her skin. 

Sue Ellen placed her hand on Kristin's shoulder. "I don't mind you staying in Dallas; it's what you do in Dallas that worries me. Don't think I never noticed your little relationship with my husband."

Kristin struggled to straighten up. This was the first time that Sue Ellen had mentioned her affair with J.R. to her face. She had insinuated the fact that she had known about the relationship on several occasions, but Kristin never once believed that prim and proper Sue Ellen would admit to such a lurid act in public. Kristin shot Sue Ellen a disgusted look. "If I hadn't been there it would have been someone else and you know it." 

Sue Ellen gasped at Kristin's tenacity and raised her right hand to slap her sister. Kristin turned her cheek in a cowardly fashion as Sue Ellen lowered her hand, contempt in her voice. "You aren't worth it, Kristin," Sue Ellen said in a low and sharp tone. 

Kristin opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Sue Ellen.

"Get out of my house before J.R. comes home and sees you," she said evenly, standing tall and proud over her little sister.

Kristin was stunned, not knowing what to do next. "Fine," she said coolly, "Give my regards to the family, and your _loving and faithful husband_," she finished as she walked out the door. 

Sue Ellen glared holes into her sister's head as she left, taking in a final deep breath. _How could she be so calculating? How could I have never seen her coming? _Tears began to form in her eyes. _She is my own flesh and blood; it isn't supposed to be this way. _Sue Ellen was thankful that the house was for the most part deserted as she headed to find a diversion for her pent up anger.

_It wasn't always like this between her and I. We were close – growing up, we were really all each other had. Daddy left us and mamma never cared enough to talk to us about how we were doing. Kristin was my first best friend. _

Sue Ellen spied the open exercise room and dashed back into her bedroom for workout clothes, remembering her mission to drop the baby fat.

_Things changed when I started high school, we grew apart, but that's normal. _Sue Ellen seethed as she pulled her leotard on her body. _Kristin couldn't handle the fact that I wanted a world of my own, away from her. She always wanted to be included – to have everything be about her. _Sue Ellen peeked into Lizzy's nursery and John Ross' bedroom, seeing that all was well with both of them. As Sue Ellen entered the dusty exercise room, she wondered if part of their problems were her fault. _I know that she felt like I abandoned her, but she couldn't expect me to put my life on hold forever. _Sue Ellen rested on the bench press. _And that's no reason for __her behavior – Kristin's flaws are all hers, she made them. _Sue Ellen lifted the bar angrily. _And I won't let her win._

* * *

J.R. was pleased to discover the house empty when he came home from his short day at the office. Louella was moved out, and Kristin was getting ready to move in. J.R.'s mind was spinning with ways of disposing of Ms. Shepard, but it would be difficult to do anything with his father and brother guarding the offices. He sighed, reminiscing about his days of free reign at Ewing Oil. _The problems began when Bobby married that woman. She just had to insist that he get an office, had to mess with the system. And then there's Daddy, with his second wind, wanting to go and be involved again. _J.R. loved and admired his daddy very much, but he believed that he had earned the right to run the company on his own. Years of being a vice president and working under his father had taught him well – he knew the ins and outs of the business better than most Texas oilmen. But like Bobby, Jock Ewing had grown restless and wanted to go back to work. J.R. felt that his power was slowly being taken away from him with each passing day, and he didn't like the feeling. Talking with his father – convincing him that he needed to consider his health and relax only angered him. 

J.R. pressed his hand to his heart and pressed on. The few good things in his life seemed to come from Sue Ellen and the children. J.R. had intended on keeping his word and scaling back his business duties for the time being, settling for working at home, while keeping a watchful eye on Bobby. He wanted to spend more time with Sue Ellen and the children, especially Sue Ellen. He was still concerned about their relationship after what Kristin had done. Her presence had opened old wounds, the past, that J.R. wanted to forget and hide, but knew that he couldn't. Sue Ellen remembered everything. _I don't think she'll ever forgive me for the past _

_ten years. _J.R. had struggled to forgive and forget himself, but it wasn't an easy thing to do. Still, he thought he had been moving forward with Sue Ellen, things had been better between them over the past several months, until Kristin came back. "Sue Ellen!" J.R. called. He had seen her car in the driveway and knew she had to be home somewhere. He heard noises coming from the exercise room and headed up the stairs. 

"Honey!" J.R. called, seeing a vigorously working Sue Ellen push herself harder on the bench press. J.R. saw beads of sweat and perspiration coming from her forehead. He came toward her. "Take it easy, Darlin'."

Sue Ellen lowered the bar and glanced at her husband warily. "I didn't see you come in."

J.R. handed Sue Ellen a towel as she cooled down from her workout. "You were working mighty hard there."

Sue Ellen grunted and reached for a bottle of water. "I needed a workout."

J.R. took her hand in his as he helped her up. "As long as you're being careful." He leaned in to kiss her cheek. 

Sue Ellen gave her husband a gentle smile. "Of course."

J.R. sensed her tension and asked about meeting with Kristin.

"She came to the ranch," Sue Ellen said quietly. J.R. said nothing, letting Sue Ellen continue. "She admitted to what happened."

A smile crossed J.R.'s mouth but it turned to a frown when he saw Sue Ellen's countenance. "Sue Ellen what –"

"We talked about you and her."

J.R.'s frown deepened. _Why did she have to bring that up? _"Sue Ellen I told you that was a long time ago."

"Doesn't change the past though now does it, J.R.?" Sue Ellen said sarcastically, walking away from him.

J.R. stood still, wondering what she was going to say next. He knew better than to interrupt her.

"Do you know what she told me?" Sue Ellen continued as they both found their way to the bedroom. "She told me that if it hadn't of been her it would have been someone else." J.R. saw the look of hurt in Sue Ellen's eyes whenever they recalled his affairs. "And you know what, she was right!"

"Sue Ellen –" J.R. began, "You know I feel badly about my relationship with her, and with all of the other women."

"I know." Tears began to fill Sue Ellen's eyes. "But every time I stop thinking about it, every time I think I've moved on – we've moved on – it comes back to haunt me." 

J.R. slowly came toward her. "I can't erase what happened, but I can apologize. Things are different now and you know it. Kristin will see it too, eventually."

Sue Ellen nodded her head. "You're right, J.R. I hate the fact that she bothers me so much." 

J.R. reached out to touch Sue Ellen's shoulder, but was interrupted by the phone on the bedside table.  
"Don't get it, Sue Ellen requested. "I need you to stay with me."

J.R. gave Sue Ellen an apologetic look. "It's probably no one," he smiled picking up the phone. "Hello?...Harve…yeah, I can talk."

As J.R. became involved in his conversation with Harve Smithfield, he didn't notice Sue Ellen's downturned countenance, or her slow and deliberate exit from the room.

Sue Ellen shook her head as she headed down the stairs. _Some things never change I suppose. _Sue Ellen silently reprimanded herself. She knew she shouldn't chastise too harshly J.R. for taking the phone call, but she couldn't fight a feeling in the pit of her stomach that was leaving her uneasy. Sue Ellen found herself standing in front of the liquor cabinet. She reached out and touched the brass handle. _It wasn't very long ago that liquor was the one thing that calmed my nerves. The minute I felt a discomforting urge, I took a sip – to calm me down. And then one turned into two, which turned into three…_ Sue Ellen raised her hands to her forehead. "I won't drink!" she said allowed. "I can't throw two years of sobriety down the drain."

Sue Ellen struggled to plot her next move – she needed something to combat Kristin – when Lucy came storming into the ranch. 

"That sister of yours is a prime witch!" she shouted, running up the stairs.

Sue Ellen laughed and watched Lucy run in a fit. "Finally someone in this house is making sense."


	9. Chapter 9: Plotting

Pamela Jean Barnes Ewing sat on the floor of Aunt Maggie's small living room sifting through old belongings of her parents. Cliff sat uncomfortably in chair, looking at his watch while Pam examined picture after picture, letter after letter.

"You know sis, when you said you wanted to spend the day with me, this is not what I had in mind."

Pam smirked at her brother. "You could have said no, Cliff. I didn't force you to come to Aunt Maggie's." Cliff opened his mouth to speak, but Pam cut him off. "You said that you wanted to spend more time with me, and that is exactly what you are doing. Plus we're helping Aunt Maggie go through her closets."

"Pam," Cliff sneezed amidst the dust. "You know that I'm sorry about not calling you."

"And this is your way of making up for it," Pam smiled, handing Cliff an old box. "I missed you too."

Cliff opened the lid, and blew on the dusty cover sheet. "It wasn't the same without you, Pam. You and Maggie are the only family I have left."

Pam nodded her head and took her brother's hand. "Promise me that we won't let anything like this get between us again."

"Part of it was out of my control."

Pam frowned at her brother. "All you have to do is accept the fact that I love Bobby and that we are married, and that makes his family my family."

"Which makes J.R. your brother-in-law," Cliff added.

"J.R.," Pam sighed. "Can't you ever forget the feud you have with that man?"

Cliff thought back to the way J.R. tried to sabotage his political career, and relationship to Sue Ellen. "No, I can't."

"He's mellowed out over the years."

"Leopards don't change their spots," Cliff rebuttaled.

"Well I don't believe that," Pam said finally. "If that were true than there would be no hope for you," she laughed.

"Hey," Cliff said in a laughing defense, "There is nothing wrong with me."

"Only the Barnes-Ewing feud. Bobby's agreed to drop it, and J.R. and Jock have promised to leave you alone if you leave them alone."

"I'm not going to live in fear of your family."

"You don't have to live in fear of the Ewings," Pam said slightly exasperated as she moved to a new mile. "Can't you just coexist with them? Dallas is a large town, and there is room for everyone."

"Tell that to your aggressive in-laws," Cliff muttered.

Pam sent Cliff a look of frustration. "I can't spend my life choosing between you and Bobby."

"I know," Cliff said finally. "You know that I'm only doing this for you."

"I know. Just think, soon you'll be able to go out to dinner with Bobby and me on a regular basis."

"Don't push it," Cliff laughed.

The two Barnes siblings enjoyed the presence of one another's company, both happy to put their fight behind them.

"Look at this," Pam pointed out. Cliff knelt down and looked at a black and white picture of a woman who looked exactly like Pam.

"It's mamma," Pam breathed, gently circling the photo.

"She looks just like you," Cliff admitted begrudgingly. He still harbored harsh feelings towards Rebecca Barnes for leaving the family the way she did.

Pam eyed the data on the back of the photo. "Cliff, this picture is dated two years after she left us."

Cliff rolled his eyes. "So she sent us a picture, that doesn't qualify her for mother of the year."

Pam brushed Cliff's comment off. "Corpus Christi, Texas."

"Pam…" Cliff began.

"I wonder if she's still there."

"Pam that photo is over twenty years old. If she's still alive I'm sure she's moved on by now."

"I suppose so," Pam conceded.

"And if she wanted to keep in touch with us, she would have, but she never bothered to."

"Don't you think that's a little harsh?"

"Pam – harsh is abandoning your family without reason, harsh is letting someone else raise your children."

"I bet she had reasons," Pam said softly, tucking the picture in her pocket.

"Well I don't care what they are, as far as I'm concerned, she is gone."

Pam eyed her brother as he sifted through more documents and wondered if Cliff had the right idea in considering the subject dropped. But all she could think about was the mother that left her years ago.

* * *

Sue Ellen Ewing was wide-awake as the sun peered in through the window. Late night feedings with Lizzy were taking their tole on her and they were beginning to show in her body, worn from work. The married couple had finally found the perfect nanny for Lizzy and John Ross in Carissa Reeves, the young niece of John Ross' original caretaker, Mrs. Naomi Reeves. Carissa came highly recommended, and Lizzy and John Ross took to her right away.

Sue Ellen groaned as raised her head off her pillow. Having help with the children was only alleviating part of her problems. There were other issues – greater issues – closer to home. Sue Ellen glared at her sleeping husband, spiteful over the fact that he didn't need to be present for late night feedings and wake up calls. _He needs to keep up his strength and work_, Sue Ellen thought, recalling Jock's joke about J.R. needing his sleep at night to keep his strength during the day.

Sue Ellen also found herself missing the intimacy she once shared with her husband. The couple couldn't consummate their love for one another until Sue Ellen's next doctor's visit, which wasn't for at least another week. Sue Ellen found herself lonely as she looked at her husband, she craved, needed his touch. But between the baby and J.R.'s work with Kristin, Jock, and Bobby, the two had essentially been celibate, often too tired to be near one another at night. Their lack of communication only made her more frustrated.

The phone's jarring ring woke J.R. with a start as he held the receiver. "Hello?" he mumbled. "Kristin?"

Sue Ellen jumped out of bed at the mention of her name. "J.R., why is she calling the house this early in the morning?" she questioned as she reached for her bathrobe, ready to start her morning routine.

"I'll be at the office in an hour," J.R. finished. He got out of bed just as Sue Ellen emerged from the shower.

"May I ask why she is calling this early?" Sue Ellen asked, giving her husband an unhappy look.

"It's for business. She told me to bring a file from the house."

Sue Ellen continued her stare as she brushed her hair by the vanity.

"Do you not trust me with her, is that it?" J.R. asked warily.

"J.R. we both know what Kristin is capable of."

"And we both know that I have to work with her, she's my secretary."

"Don't remind me," Sue Ellen huffed, marching to the closet.

J.R. sighed as he entered the shower. He knew that Sue Ellen wasn't angry with him as much as she was with Kristin, and that she was worn out over the baby. _But why does she take it out on me?_

J.R. dried himself off and pulled his grey suit out of the closet as Sue Ellen fixed her hair by the vanity mirror. J.R. adjusted his tie. "You'll be happy to know that I keep minimum contact with Kristin while in the office."

Sue Ellen sent her husband an icy glare. "I don't care if you never see Kristin at the office." She slammed her makeup kit on the counter. "I don't like her there and you know it."

"How many times do I have to tell you that she is temporary?"

"It's been a couple weeks since she started J.R., and it seems to be that she's getting along just fine." Sue Ellen stalked out of the room with J.R. on her heels.

"Sue Ellen I am talking to you," J.R. said exasperated as he reached for her hand. Sue Ellen turned and met her husband's gaze. "Don't you have to go to work?"

J.R. said nothing as Sue Ellen walked outside, running her fingers through her hair. J.R. followed her. "Sue Ellen, I think you need to cool down a bit."

Sue Ellen's eyes opened wide with shock and anger. Sue Ellen stood with her back towards the house and J.R. in front of her. An evil grin crossed her mouth as she said "Why don't you cool down, J.R.?" shoving him into the pool.

J.R. let out a startled gasp as he fell backwards into the water, splashing the patio. "Sue Ellen!" he roared.

Sue Ellen stood there glaring at him as she got into her station wagon and drove off for the day. She couldn't help but smile at the way she shoved J.R. into the pool. It had felt good to release her pent up energy. A laugh escaped her mouth as she drove down the streets. _I suppose J.R. will be a little late to work now won't he, _she smirked, planning what shops to hit first.

* * *

Pamela Ewing enjoyed the last of summer's rays out on the poolside, careful to ignore the wet patio from earlier. Phone in her hand, she dialed the number of a good private detective in Dallas. Armed with information from Aunt Maggie, and whatever pictures and letters she found with Cliff, Pam was on a mission to find her biological mother.

"Hello, this is Pamela Ewing. I hear that you are one of the best skilled detectives in Dallas and if you are willing, I have a very important job for you to do…thank-you very much Mr. Mackey, I promise you won't regret helping me." Pam hung up the phone with a smile. She was now meeting with Detective John Mackey to find Rebecca Barnes. She felt confident in her decision to look for her mother, believing that she now had the opportunity to put together the pieces of her missing past. _Even if she's passed away, I can learn more about her, the life that she led._

* * *

Lucy Ewing sat in a chair at the Dallas Archival Library. The sun peered in through the large window, illuminating the machine that held old Dallas newspaper articles dated all the way back to the 1800s. Sitting in her corner undisturbed, she flipped through old editions of _The Dallas Daily Press_ with the hope of finding more about a previous family scandal. Ever since Jimmy had mentioned Sue Ellen seeing Cliff she couldn't help but think about the paternity suit that occurred a couple years ago between the Ewings and the Barnes. _The Dallas Daily Press_ had been the paper to break the story when an anxious Digger told them what his son had told him: that he had conceived John Ross Ewing III with Sue Ellen and not J.R. The accusations were strong, no one knew what to think. J.R. and Sue Ellen were forced to deny the claim as best as they could, not knowing if J.R. was the father or not. Jock and Ellie shook off the suit as Digger's jealousy and saw no reason why the family couldn't countersue and have a paternity test. Jock saw the dilemma as a chance to bring down Digger once again. Ellie was concerned for the family, once again dragged into the mud. She and Lucy did the best they could to present a united front at social functions and parties. Lucy was wide-eyed with the news, and followed her grandmother's lead. Bobby and Pam knew there was a chance that the child could be Cliff's, both tried to rally around the family while keeping a brave front. The first test was inconclusive, J.R. and Cliff had the same blood type, and a more sophisticated test was administered, declaring J.R. the father. J.R., Sue Ellen, Bobby, and Pam breathed a sigh of relief, while Jock and Ellie celebrated what they thought to be true all along.

Lucy had speculated as to whether Sue Ellen had had an affair with Cliff Barnes. She knew the then shaky state of her marriage to J.R., and found it odd that after seven years of trying, there was no child. _Bobby got Pam pregnant within the first month, _Lucy sniggered. On 

several occasions she had _reminded _her Aunt Sue Ellen that without a Ewing heir she was nothing, could be thrown off Southfork at a moment's notice. She was stunned, along with the rest of the family, to learn that Sue Ellen was pregnant. Everyone but J.R. was present the morning Sue Ellen got the phone call from Dr. Harlan Danvers.

Lucy didn't know what she would find with the articles. She wasn't expecting confirmation of anything in particular. It was curiosity that guided her search. She stopped when she spied the headline.

**Digger Barnes says the Ewings stole his grandson.**

The next headline read:

**Ewings deny Barnes accusations**

Lucy carefully made copies of the articles as she kept going.

**Cliff Barnes files a 1.5 million dollar lawsuit to get his child**

**Ewings agree to paternity test to settle suit, continuing to deny accusations **

**Digger Barnes tells how the Ewings have once again robbed him of what was rightfully his**

**Ewing family members once again deny rumors at a social function in Dallas.**

**Test results for John Ross Ewing II and Cliff Barnes prove inconclusive, more tests are ordered.**

**Sue Ellen Ewing stands by her husband as tests are administrated.**

**Ewings celebrate another victory as John Ross Ewing II is declared the natural father of John Ross Ewing III.**

Lucy smiled to herself as she took her copies and left the library. _The newspapers just love a good scandal, and my family is famous for dramatic scenes._ Lucy wasn't convinced of anything yet, but she felt closure in seeing the articles again. Tucking them into her backpack, she got in her car and drove off to meet Jimmy.

* * *

Pamela Barnes Ewing patiently waited for Detective John Mackey to see her in his office. His secretary promptly called her in and Pamela entered a small room, armed with any pertinent information she could find on Rebecca Barnes.

"Mrs. Ewing." Mr. Mackey stood to greet her, extending his hand. He had heard many things about the Ewing family, and he was proud that Mrs. Pamela Ewing had requested his services. "Please have a seat."

"Thank-you, Mr. Mackey," Pam said warmly. "As I mentioned on the phone, I have someone that I need to find."

"You've come to the right place."

Pam handed him her files. "Her name is Rebecca Barnes. She left Dallas many years ago, and I would like to know her whereabouts. I don't know if she's dead or alive, I just need information on her."

John Mackey eyed the paperwork. "This is all you have on her?"

"I'm afraid so," Pam admitted.

John chuckled, "You aren't giving me very much to go on."

Pam frowned slightly. "From what I've heard, you can work wonders."

"That I can, Mrs. Ewing, this just may take some time," he said, eying her.

Pam let out a sigh. "Mr. Mackey, money is no object to me; all I want is to find that woman."

John Mackey flinched. "I understand, Mrs. Ewing, I promise to do everything I can to find her for you."

"Thank-you," Pam said, attempting to smile. "I appreciate you agreeing to do this on such short notice."

John Mackey smiled at Pam. "May I ask why she is so special?"

"She was my mother," she said softly. "She left my family and I when I was a very little girl."

John Mackey put down the file and gazed at Mrs. Ewing. _She isn't an ordinary client. _From the moment he met her, her presence made him know that she was someone to reckon with. She had money, a family, and an iron will. He knew that he would be taking on her case.

"Hmm, many of these pictures are dated at Corpus Christi, Texas."

"She was pregnant with me at the time."

"Well that will be the first place that I'll look. I promise to keep you posted on everything."

Pam stood up and extended her hand. "Thank-you again, Mr. Mackey."

John Mackey let out a small laugh. "Don't thank me, yet Mrs. Ewing, I haven't done anything yet."

"But I believe you will," Pam said confidently as she walked out of the office.

* * *

It was mid evening when Sue Ellen pulled into the Southfork drive. Her day of shopping had worked wonders for her, she felt much better. _Now if I can just find J.R. and apologize. _Sue Ellen regretted her morning fight with J.R., knowing that most of it was brought on by her. _He really is doing his best, _Sue Ellen thought as she headed up the stairs. _I just wish that Kristin were out of the picture. _

Sue Ellen entered the bedroom and found J.R. lounging on the bed with a magazine. "Hello, J.R.," Sue Ellen said softly.

"Darlin'." J.R. got up to greet his wife and he gently pulled her into a hug.

"J.R. I am so sorry about earlier and –"

"Shhh," J.R. whispered, cutting her off with a kiss. Sue Ellen moaned into J.R. mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck. J.R. held her close as he gently massaged her back. "Good evening."

"Good evening," Sue Ellen murmured breathlessly.  
"You know we haven't greeted each other like that in a long time."

"I miss it," Sue Ellen said softly, lowering her head. She never thought she would be able to confess her desire for intimacy with her husband to him. For years, he had trained her to believe that ladies weren't supposed to talk like that and speak of such things and she still wasn't accustomed to telling J.R. all of her feelings.

J.R. gently raised Sue Ellen's chin, kissing her mouth. "I miss it too, Sugar." He held her against him. "I can't imagine what you go through each day with the children; I love you for everything you do."

"I love you too. I shouldn't have gotten so angry with you over Kristin."

"Kristin may be with me at the office during the day, but you are with me every other moment," he teased.

"I like that," Sue Ellen smiled. "About earlier today, I really am sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"Don't worry about it, Darlin'," J.R. assured her. "I'll get you for what you did." He pulled away and walked toward the door.

"What does that mean?" Sue Ellen asked curiously.

"You'll see," J.R. winked.

* * *

Bobby and Pam sat next to each other in a booth at a fancy restaurant in Dallas. As Bobby ordered the drinks, Pam thought about the best way to tell Bobby about having a detective search for her mother. She tried to block out the conversation she had with Cliff earlier that afternoon over the subject.

_"If you ask me, you're asking for trouble by even looking her up." Cliff folded his hands across his chest in a very attorneyesque fashion as he berated his sister for her decision._

_"I didn't ask for your permission, Cliff. I told you so that you could be involved." _

_"Involved in what? A wild goose chase to a find a woman who abandoned us years ago. She's probably dead by now."_

_"And if she isn't, I want to know where she is," Pam insisted._

_"What makes you think she wants anything to do with us anyway? She left us remember?"_

_"Oh course I remember, Cliff. But she may have regretted her decision since then."_

_"Then let her find us," Cliff resolved. "We haven't moved very far."_

_"Cliff she may not have the resources to find us. For all we know, she could be living on the streets."_

_A tiny smile crossed Cliff's mouth. "How does dear husband Bobby feel about this investigation?"_

_"He doesn't know yet," Pam said coolly. Cliff nodded his head. "But he'll understand."_

_"And the Ewings don't mind you using their money to find her?"_

_Pamela let out a frustrated shout and she headed for the door. "The Ewings aren't like that, Miss Ellie and Jock would understand."_

_"But would Bobby?" Cliff asked in disbelief._

_Pam hesitated. "Bobby loves me, he'll let me do what I need to do."_

Pam fidgeted slightly as she attempted to listen to Bobby regale her with his successes in the office. "That's wonderful Bobby."

Bobby animatedly continued. "I never imagined in a million years that Jordan Lee would want to work out a deal with me for Ewing Oil rather than go through J.R. or Daddy."

"I'm very happy for you," Pam said with as much honesty as she could.

"And with J.R. out of the office taking care of Sue Ellen, there's no fighting. Daddy really respects what I'm doing – he's taking my advice."

"It's what you've always wanted."

"And I have you to thank for it."

"Me?" Pam asked softly. "What'd I do?"

"You told me to get into the family business when we first married. To think that I would still be content being the Goodwill Ambassador for Ewing Oil if you hadn't insisted I take part in the business side of things."

"That's right," Pam said, remembering the car ride back from New Orleans, when they were just newlyweds.

"But enough about me," Bobby said. "How was your day?"

"I'm glad you asked, Bobby. Do you remember when I was searching through Aunt Maggie's house and I found some of my mother's things?"

"Yes."

"Well, it just got me thinking more and more about her. Actually, I've been thinking about her for some time now."

"Go on," Bobby said.

Pam took a sip of her drink and decided to spit it out. "Bobby, I've contacted a Dallas detective, he's going to search for my mother."

"Pammy," Bobby said stunned. "Is this really such a good idea?"

"Bobby, the woman was my mother and I know nothing about her. I would like to change that."

"You're digging into a very old past, Pam. She could be dead."

"Or she could be alive. I don't know, do I? Not unless I investigate for answers."

"Pam – are you sure this is what you want?" Bobby gently asked.

"Why would you even ask that?" Pam asked.

"Well – with losing the baby and everything – I don't know if jumping into something this large is such a good idea."

"Bobby, my need to find my mother has nothing to do with losing the baby."

"How does Cliff feel about all of this, is he going to help you find her?"

"Cliff makes his own decisions, and no, he isn't going to help me find her. But I won't let that stop me."

Bobby took Pam's hand in his. "Honey, sometimes it's best to move on from the past and leave it alone."

"Well I can't do that, Bobby," Pam said firmly. "I can't spend the rest of my life wondering if my mother is dead or alive, or why she left Cliff and me."

"Pam, I don't want to see you hurt…."

"Why do you think that I would be hurt? Is there some big bad secret that I don't know about?"

"Pam, I can't support you putting your life on hold for something that may or may not pan out."

Pam got up from her chair. "I am not asking for your support, I am not asking your permission, I am telling you what I am doing and it is something that you are going to have to deal with."

Bobby stood up and took Pam's hand. "Listen to me."

"Listen to me, Bobby. For the past few years I have supported and stood beside you at Ewing Oil no questions asked – now I am asking you to do the same for me." Pam walked away from a stunned Bobby and hailed a taxi back to Southfork.

* * *

The evening moon guided Sue Ellen, J.R., and John Ross on their walk through the Ewing property. Both parents were committed to letting John Ross know that he was still very loved, even with Lizzy around. John Ross rode piggy-back on his daddy's shoulders as Sue Ellen forged ahead, enjoying the evening with her two favorite men.

"I can't wait for my son to ride a horse," J.R. smiled.

"Who's gonna teach him?" Sue Ellen teased. "The last time I saw you ride a horse was two years ago."

"Now Darlin', I may not have ridden in a while but I haven't forgotten how to ride. All of the Ewings can ride."

"Um-hum. If all else fails, I can teach him," Sue Ellen laughed running ahead.

"You're lucky our son is with us, Sue Ellen," J.R. called, chasing after her.

"Faster, faster daddy!" John Ross ordered.

Sue Ellen ducked behind a tree to hide.

"Where's mamma?" John Ross asked.

J.R. gently put John Ross down on the grass. "Let's go find her."

Sue Ellen stifled a laugh as John Ross went right past her without seeing her. Sue Ellen carefully crept out from behind the tree to grab her son. As Sue Ellen got closer she felt two hands come around her waist and she screamed.

"J.R. Ewing!"

J.R. laughed as he held his wife close, kissing her neck. John Ross came running back to both of them. "You gave us quite the scream, Honey."

"You frightened me!" John Ross laughed at his mother, mesmerized by her animated facial expression.

J.R. smiled and took his son's hand. "Why don't we head back to the ranch together?"

Sue Ellen held John Ross' other hand as they headed back to the house. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you used our son against me."

"That hurts, Sue Ellen," J.R. joked, that really hurts.

The family made their way back to the house and greeted Jock and Ellie in the living room.

"Sue Ellen, Carissa put Lizzy to bed about ten minutes ago," Ellie said.

"Thank-you, Miss Ellie."

"Mommy, no bed?" John Ross asked hopefully.

J.R. smiled at his son and hoisted him onto his shoulders. "Sorry, son, you're off to bed right now." J.R. and Sue Ellen headed up the stairs and said goodnight to Ellie and Jock.

Pamela laid sprawled on the bed, furious over her conversation with Bobby. She had expected resistance from Cliff, but not Bobby. Bobby had always stood by her in whatever she did – even if he disagreed with her.

The bedroom door opened and Bobby came into the room.

"Bobby," Pam said as she raised her head.

Bobby sat down on the bed next to his wife. He gestured for her to come close, and Pam rested her head in his lap. Bobby ran his fingers through Pam's shoulder length hair. "We never talked about your mother before."

"There was never anything to say," Pam sighed. "I remember so little over her. She never played a big part in my life. What kind of a woman leaves her children like that – without any explanations? If I had a child…"

"Pammy, you are not your mother," Bobby said gently.

"I know, but I could never shake her leaving me, not once."

Bobby sighed. "I suppose I understand where you are coming from. But I wish you would have confided in me before going to a professional and starting the search."

"I know Bobby, I didn't know I was going to be doing this until a day or so ago, but I feel like I have to do this – for me, for Cliff, for any future children we'll have together."

Bobby gently chuckled. Part of him was happy to see Pam's energy return. "Pam – just promise me you won't let this get too out of hand."

Pam sat up and looked at Bobby. "The man that I've hired is qualified – one of the best in Dallas. I have faith that he'll give me the answers I need…even if it's something that I don't want to hear."

Bobby kissed Pam's mouth. "I love you Pammy.

"I love you too." The evening stars watched over the couple as night sank deeper and deeper.

* * *

The next day, Sue Ellen came out of the closet dressed in a light blue flower-print dress, her hair done in tight curls. J.R. gazed at his beautiful wife from his seat in the bathtub, filled to the brim with bubbles. "Don't you look stunning," J.R. admired.

Sue Ellen beamed with pride as she spun around for her husband. "Thank-you Darling. I haven't been this dressed up in a while."

"Well having a newborn does take it out of you. It's a shame you have to waste all of that on your mother and sister," J.R. laughed.

"J.R. Ewing," Sue Ellen chided, "Mamma said she had news for Kristin and I, I haven't seen her lately."

"Haven't seen that scheming sister, either," J.R. added.

"Not since I told her to leave Southfork."

"Why you want to see her again I'll never understand."

"J.R., she's my sister, I want to do what she's been doing outside of Ewing Oil. Besides – it would look peculiar to mamma if I didn't come." Sue Ellen stood near her husband. "And what are you doing tonight, Darling?"

"Daddy wants Bobby and I go to out drinking with him for some male bonding."

Sue Ellen laughed at J.R.

"I'd rather bond with you," J.R. told her, gently holding her hand.

Sue Ellen sat on the edge of the tub, careful to stay dry. "They'll be plenty of time for bonding when I get home," she teased.

"But there really is no time like the present," J.R. teased, gently pulling on her arm.

"J.R. Ewing don't you dare," Sue Ellen warned. "I can't be late tonight."

J.R. gave Sue Ellen a sly smile. "Alright Darlin', can you give me a kiss goodbye before you go?"

Sue Ellen gently leaned down and puckered for J.R. as he pulled her body into the tub. Sue Ellen screamed as she went under as J.R. laughed.

Sue Ellen rose from the water and sighed. "You rat," she scolded. "Look what you did."

J.R. pulled Sue Ellen towards him as he brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Well Darlin', it seems you fell into the tub."

"Ugh," Sue Ellen muttered as she tried to drown her husband under the water. J.R. pulled her down with him. "Told you I'd get you back for that little scene at the pool," he laughed.

"J.R.!" Sue Ellen shouted, trying to hold back her laughter as she splashed him, "I'm a mess." She was about to open her mouth to yell at him again, but he took her mouth in his, silencing her complaints.

"I think you look stunning," J.R. said honestly, running his soapy fingers through her hair.

Sue Ellen lowered herself onto J.R, splaying her soapy hands across J.R.'s face. "What would my mamma say if she saw us now?"

"She'd praise you on your hygiene," J.R. laughed.

"I am going to be late," Sue Ellen said, wrapping her arms around her husband's neck.

"I don't mind if you don't." J.R. pulled Sue Ellen into a passionate kiss.

Sue Ellen gently moaned into J.R.'s mouth. "Well they can't start without me."

J.R. massaged Sue Ellen's back, sending chills through her spine. "I wish I could make love to you."

"I'll make it worth your while," Sue Ellen promised, lingering in the tub as she soaped J.R.'s body.

"Hmm," J.R. held her close. "We could stay like this all night."

"Yes we could." Sue Ellen nuzzled her husband's soapy cheek. Sue Ellen rested her head on J.R.'s chest as he held her close.

"Do you think you could tear yourself away from the tub long enough to help me get dressed?" Sue Ellen asked seductively.

"I thought you were worried about being late for your mamma and sister," J.R. said innocently.

"They can wait," Sue Ellen said as she pulled herself out of the tub as J.R. followed her.

"That's what I like to hear," he chuckled as he undid her dress, possessing her mouth with his.

* * *

Sue Ellen stood in front of the door, dressed in a cheery red sundress, back in pristine condition. She rather enjoyed her little detour with her husband – but she felt that any good feelings would be lost when she saw her troublemaking sister. Sue Ellen firmly knocked on the door, determined to keep Kristin from getting the best of her.

Patricia Shepard opened the door and frowned at her daughter. "Where were you Sue Ellen? You're 45 minutes late."

"Something came up with Lizzy," Sue Ellen said quickly.

"I hope everything is alright," Kristin said, wearing a red halter dress.

Sue Ellen glared at her sister's appearance. "Lizzy's fine, she was just a little cranky."

Patricia gestured for her girls to sit down. "Now that you are both here, I can tell you my news. I've been offered an opportunity to travel through France with an old friend of mine in need of a traveling companion."

"France sounds lovely, Mamma," Sue Ellen said. "You've always wanted to go."

"I know; that's why I am taking him up on the offer. Kristin and I have already talked about it, and I'll be closing up the house while I'm gone."

"Really?" Sue Ellen asked, staring at Kristin and her mother. "Kristin, where will you stay?"

"I've found some apartments in downtown Dallas – very reasonable," Kristin said.

"I don't like sending Kristin away, but the house is very big for one person and it makes more sense to close it for the next several months."

"Months, Mamma?" Sue Ellen asked. She knew that she should be used to her mother's lengthy excursions by now, but each time Patricia announced she was going on another cruise or vacation, Sue Ellen cringed.

"I offered Kristin the chance to go with me and she said no."

"I've got a lot here in Dallas," Kristin said staring at her sister. "So much that I plan on finding a place of my own. This works out perfectly for me."

"The only trouble is that Kristin's apartment won't be available for a few weeks."

"Where will you be staying?" Sue Ellen asked.

"I have some old friends that are letting me stay with them," Kristin said nonchalantly.

A ding from the kitchen summoned Patricia to check on her dinner, leaving the Shepard sisters alone. Sue Ellen sent Kristin a cool stare. "What do you expect to find in Dallas?"

Kristin coyly crossed one leg over the other. "Is that really any of your business?"

"When you are dealing with my family – it is my business."

"I don't know why you're so worried – unless of course, things aren't going well for you and J.R."

"Things with J.R. and I are fine," Sue Ellen said tersely. "And I stand by my warning."

Kristin sent her sister an evil stare. "You don't frighten me, Sue Ellen."

"I don't want to frighten you, Kristin, but I won't have you causing trouble for my family," Sue Ellen said sternly.

Kristin opened her mouth to speak but Patricia returned to the room. "Hope you are hungry for dessert."

"Starving," Sue Ellen said confidently, giving her sister a final look. Her sister was one of the most complex people she had ever met. _She's sweet until you know her, or have something she wants,_ Sue Ellen thought silently. She wanted to know what her sister was up to, as a way to stay one step ahead of her. Her husband had taught her the importance of keeping foes close, to keep tabs on them. An idea flashed through her mind. "Kristin, how would you like to stay at Southfork until the apartment is ready?" she asked with a confident grin.

Kristin opened her mouth wide. _That look alone is worth it, _Sue Ellen thought, pleased to have the upper hand.

"Stay at Southfork?" Kristin asked.

"That's a wonderful idea," Patricia smiled. "You loved your last visit, Kristin."

"You had a wonderful time didn't you?" Sue Ellen silently taunted.

"Yes I did," Kristin said evenly, trying to mask her confusion. "Are you sure that no one would mind me staying?" she asked semi-sweetly, making a sharp dig at J.R

Sue Ellen recognized the comment. "Why would anyone mind – we all had so much fun last time. I'm sure Jock and Ellie would love having you around."

"Then it's settled," Patricia said with glee. "Kristin will be at Southfork."

_Yes she will, _Sue Ellen thought to herself. _She'll be at my territory, living under my watchful eye._

Patricia raised a glass to the newfound plans, and Sue Ellen and Kristin followed, both looking at one another. Kristin eyed Sue Ellen's smile, stunned that her sister had unwillingly helped her in her plan to get back everything she ever wanted. _I don't know what she's has in mind – but a trip to Southfork is exactly what I need._

* * *

Sue Ellen Ewing pulled on her red teddy and anxiously waited for J.R. to return home from his evening with Jock and Bobby. She knew he wasn't going to take Kristin's stay at Southfork lightly.

She stood by the balcony, the fall, evening air hitting her face. When the door creaked open she turned and smiled, sauntering over to her husband.

"J.R.," Sue Ellen said in a lilting voice as she wrapped her arms around her husband, kissing his mouth.

J.R. relished Sue Ellen and inhaled the scent of her hair as he held her close. "Umm…" He was somewhat tired from his boys night with his father and brother, but Sue Ellen slowly woke him up.

"Rough night," she asked gently as she removed his coat, slowly maneuvering his tie.

"It's good to be back," J.R. said with a grin. "I drank Bobby and daddy under the table. Nobody drinks quite like me," he laughed.

"That isn't necessarily something to be proud of," Sue Ellen gently chided.

J.R. took off his boats, realizing the meaning of his little joke to Sue Ellen, who was trying to stay sober every day. "You're right, Darlin', I'm sorry."

Sue Ellen smiled and touched J.R.'s chin, attempting to set the mood for Kristin's imminent homecoming. "Why don't you stop apologizing and come to bed."

J.R. beamed at Sue Ellen's suggestion and quickly slipped into his pajamas. "I take it that your meeting with your mamma and Kristin went well?"

"Well that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Sue Ellen cooed, snuggling up to J.R.

"I'm all ears," he said, kissing her forehead.

"Mamma's going on another one of her vacations…"

"Um-hum," J.R. said, nibbling on Sue Ellen's ear.

"And," Sue Ellen said nervously, beginning to lose her cool as J.R. tempted her, "Kristin was looking for a temporary place to stay."

"Hmm," J.R. murmured, still not listening to his wife as he nuzzled her neck.

"I want to know what she's up to, she's plotting something, and she's my sister who needs a place to stay so… she'll be staying at Southfork for a few weeks."

J.R. quickly stopped what he was doing and glared at his wife. "You told her she could stay here?"

Sue Ellen sensed J.R.'s frustration. "Darling, please don't be mad."

"Mad? You invite a woman – who hasn't given us a moment's peace since she got here – to stay at Southfork. My home!"

Sue Ellen shifted away. "J.R. – please let me explain…"

"No Sue Ellen, I don't want her here!" J.R. began to raise his voice.

"The family is going to hear you," Sue Ellen said softly, near tears.

"I don't care!" J.R. shouted as he moved to the bathroom, slamming the door.

Sue Ellen sat up in bed, the covers protecting her body from shivers. She silently got up and went to the bedroom closet – the top shelf – where she had once kept some of her most intimate secrets. Sue Ellen reached for a shoe box and opened the lid, revealing a crystal flask, filled with vodka. Sue Ellen lifted the bottle to her chest, the cool crystal a stark contrast to her warm body. _J.R. will never know how many hidden drinks I had in this very bedroom – when he was away with his women, or his work, anywhere but with me. _Sue Ellen traced the rim of the lid. _One sip erased one memory – one nightmare. _A tear rolled down Sue Ellen's cheek and onto the liquor. _It was so easy then…_

Sue Ellen was wrapped in her own thoughts, and didn't see her husband staring at her from the slightly opened door, blown away by the fact that his wife had stooped to keep liquor protected in the bedroom for her disposal. He knew the container had to be old – she hadn't had a drink in over a year, but it frightened him to the core. He had doubted in the past the validity of her sobriety – for years he had teased as a perpetual drunk and unfit mother. Yet her pregnancy put his drinking concerns temporarily to rest – he knew that she wouldn't risk the health of their second child in the way she had John Ross'. But she wasn't with child anymore. J.R. held his breath as Sue Ellen carefully placed the container in the shoe box. She spun around – coming face to face with her husband.

J.R. got back into the bed, gently beckoning for Sue Ellen to join him. "She can stay," he said softly, "If it's what you want."

Sue Ellen timidly crawled into bed, keeping a small distance from her husband. "I know that I should have told you first – but it came out in the moment."

J.R. reached out and touched her shoulder. He had no idea how fragile his wife could be. The woman who commandeered the floor at social gatherings, drawing everything from praise to envy wherever she went – had her moments of weakness. J.R. couldn't bear the thought of being the reason for Sue Ellen's return to the bottle. "I'm so sorry for yelling at you." He pulled her closer to him, attempting to protect her from her demons. "I love you more than anything in the world – I hope you know that," he huskily whispered, laying the truth on the line for his wife.

"I love you too," Sue Ellen murmured sleepily as she rested the side of her body against J.R., snuggling a little bit closer. "Right now I feel like that's all that matters."

J.R. nodded and gently kissed his beloved's cheek, vowing to take special care of his wife.

* * *

The morning of Kristin's move in was a cold and chilly day with overcast clouds. Sue Ellen and J.R. tried to keep the bad weather from affecting the day, mimicking Jock and Ellie's joy over another visitor to Southfork. The Ewing patriarch and matriarch enjoyed Kristin's company very much. When their own children were away, living their own lives, Kristin was around as a pleasant diversion.

The Ewing who was openly dissatisfied with Kristin's stay was Lucy, who asked why they couldn't just put her in a hotel until her apartment was ready.

Ellie hushed Lucy's remarks, telling her to be polite to her aunt's sister. Lucy mumbled a reply, thankful that she at least didn't have to share a room with the interloper.

Pam had been in busy contact with Mr. Mackey, who thus far hadn't found anything important about her mother. He reminded her that a search could be a long and complicated 

process – and that she hadn't given him very much to go on. Pam knew to be patient though it wasn't easy with the prospect of finding her birth mother looming closure.

Bobby had been working overtime at Ewing Oil alongside Jock, enjoying getting his feet wet with the business. His father was right in telling him that the best experience was hands on – getting your feet wet, which he was definitely doing, alongside some of Dallas' finest oilmen.

J.R. kept his hold in the company, coming into the office in the mornings. Kristin had proved to be a very competent secretary, and J.R. found her tolerable at the office, minimizing their interaction as best he could. Kristin was organized, thorough, and prompt, qualities that Jock loved; she only endeared herself more to him. That was something that J.R. didn't particularly enjoy – it made her stay seem more permanent, but J.R. had made it clear that no matter how qualified she was for the job – she was temporary.

A yellow taxi cab, filled with assorted luggage arrived in the Southfork driveway. The Ewing hired hands rushed to help Kristin with her bags. With a wave of her hand, Kristin set foot on Southfork.

"Kristin," Ellie was the first to greet her and pulled her into a hug. "Jock and I are so happy that you'll be staying with us."

"I'm glad." Kristin eyed Sue Ellen and J.R. by the patio. "Have you come to welcome me?" she asked.

"Of course," Sue Ellen said, pulling her sister in a hug. "You are going to love your stay at Southfork." J.R. said nothing, his arm wrapped around Sue Ellen's waist.

"J.R. – I'm surprised you aren't sick of me already," Kristin commented. "Between the offices and my stay at Southfork – we'll be spending more and more time together."

J.R. shot Sue Ellen a smile as he turned to the youngest Shepard. "Now Kristin, when have I ever complained about your company?" J.R. teased.

Kristin smiled her angelically owned smile. "I just hope you still feel that way in a couple more days."

Bobby Ewing came out the front porch. "I thought I heard a familiar voice," he smiled, coming towards Kristin.

Kristin smiled a genuine smile when Bobby pulled her into a friendly embrace. He was part of her desire to be at Southfork – to be closer to him. She was confident in her abilities to win him over; she had done it dozens of times with other men, why would Bobby be different?

"Hi Bobby," Kristin said, wrapping her arms around his neck. Their greeting was not unnoticed by Lucy, who spied from the pillar. She knew that Bobby meant nothing by his friendly gesture, friendliness was his nature, but she was convinced that Kristin wanted something more. _Just like she did three years ago, _Lucy laughed, _and she got nowhere. _

Bobby called for Pam to join the family outside and everyone gathered around Kristin. Jock put his arm around her, telling the family how happy he was to have another member of the family. Sue Ellen sent J.R. a nervous look when Jock referred to Kristin as family, but he gently squeezed her hand, telling her not to worry.

Teresa came out to the patio and softly cleared her throat. "Miss Pamela, there's a phone call for you."

"Is it important?" Pamela asked, standing next to Bobby.

"It was a gentleman calling from a detective agency," Teresa responded calmly.

Bobby cast Pam a slightly annoyed look at the mention of Detective Mackey. Pam quietly apologized to the family as she went to take the call

"Why does Pamela need a detective?" Kristin asked.

"She's looking for her mother," Bobby said somberly, with a touch of regret. On the outside, he accepted Pam's decision, knowing that only she was capable of deciding whether or not to pursue her mother, but that didn't mean that Bobby had to like it.

"How interesting," Kristin said softly, thinking that Pam's preoccupation would make her play for Bobby easier.

Pam stood by the window, cradling the phone. "Mr. Mackey, do you have any news on my mother?"

"I believe I've found her, Mrs. Ewing."

Pamela almost dropped the phone. "Found her?"

"A woman that fits her description. I've asked around about her, dug up some clues from her past – she's been a very busy woman, Rebecca Burke."

"Barnes," Pamela said softly.

"She changed her name from Barnes to Burke to keep from being found."

"Burke?" Pam said softly.

"Yes ma'am, she's been living in Houston."

"My mamma's in Houston?"

"I'm certain of it; I wouldn't be calling you if there was any doubt."

"I'd like to come down there," Pam said finally. "Just to talk to you about her."

"Of course, Mrs. Ewing. I'll stay here, awaiting your orders."

"Does she know that you've been following her?"

"No ma'am. I work undercover, she has no idea her daughter is looking for her."

_Daughter, _Pam thought softly, _she doesn't even know that I'm alive. _"Mr. Mackey, I can come down in the next day or so."

"Yes, ma'am, you have my number."

"Thank-you so much for everything that you've done."

"It wasn't a problem, Mrs. Ewing; you have a nice day now."

Pam hung up the phone and looked at her family out the window. She wanted to tell Bobby that her mother had been found, that she was alive in Texas. But she wanted to tell Cliff before anyone else, he had a right to know first.

"Hi, Honey," Bobby said, leading the family in the house. "What did Detective Mackey want?"

"Oh, just a progress report on the search," Pam said nonchalantly. She hated lying to Bobby, but she couldn't tell him that she was leaving for Houston yet.

"Did he find anything?" Kristin asked curiously.  
"I'm afraid not, Kristin," Pam said. "But Mr. Mackey is convinced that he'll find her."

"If she's alive," J.R. added.

"She's alive," Pam said strongly. "I know she is."

J.R. glared at Pam. The family was silent, not knowing what else to say.

"Who wants a drink?" Miss Ellie said, putting her arm around Kristin and Bobby, easing the tension. The family dutifully followed Miss Ellie.

* * *

Shouts of joy came from the Ewing dining room as Jock regaled the family with another one of his famous wildcatting stories.

"I had never seen a hit so big," Jock said proudly. "Damn near saved Ewing Oil.

Bobby and J.R. laughed along, they had heard the story dozens of times. Sue Ellen slowly sipped her water, pleased to see her husband in such a jovial mood.

"Dessert is ready Mrs. Ewing," Teresa called from the kitchen.

"Bring it in, Teresa," Miss Ellie said with a nod. "Perhaps we can get Jock to take a break long enough to eat a slice of chocolate cake."

"Now Miss Ellie, I thought you liked listening to me talk," Jock pouted. The table laughed along.

"Jock you know I love hearing you talk about your glory days, but this evening was supposed to be about Kristin," Miss Ellie rationalized, looking in Kristin's direction. The young Shepard raised her head. "Me? Miss Ellie and Jock taking me in was more than enough, there's no need to make a big production out of it."

"Kristin don't be silly. We're all excited about having you here, aren't we?" Ellie looked around the table, gauging responses.

"Sure," Lucy muttered in a monotone, undetected by the rest of the family.

"Miss Ellie's right," Sue Ellen cut in, fixing her sister with a look. "We're all looking forward to having you stay."

Kristin eyed her sister carefully, knowing that she wasn't going to back down. "I hope you remember that feeling later," she said quietly.

As the family sampled their dessert, Pamela stood up from the table. She gently kissed Bobby's cheek. "I'm going to see Cliff tonight."

Sue Ellen and Lucy perked up at Cliff's name.

Bobby seemed disappointed that she was leaving. "Is there any special reason?

"I haven't seen him in a few days; I want to make sure he's taking care of himself. I'll be home early," she promised, waving to the family.

Kristin set her eyes on Bobby as the family excused themselves from the table. Bobby took Kristin's arm. "Can I interest you in a game of backgammon?"

"I'd love to," Kristin beamed, knowing that her female charm still worked. Sue Ellen, J.R., and Lucy watched as Bobby and Kristin walked off to the game room.

"She certainly has made herself at home," Lucy smirked as she walked up the stairs.

Sue Ellen took her husband's arm. "What do you suppose that she's up to?"

J.R. studied his wife. "I don't rightly know, and I don't care." He placed his arms on her shoulders. "All I care about is you," he whispered as he kissed Sue Ellen's neck."

Sue Ellen sighed as she and J.R. moved to the couch.

* * *

Pam impatiently knocked on Cliff's apartment door. _Come on I know you're home, _she thought to herself as she tapped her foot. She needed to talk to someone about the conversation that she had with the detective. And even though she knew that Cliff wouldn't be responsive to quest, he had a right to know. Pamela raised her right fist to bang on the door when Cliff quickly flung it open.

"Took you long enough," Pam replied with a small laugh, moving her way past Cliff.

"Come on in," Cliff gestured, but Pam was already in the living room. "What brings you by here so late?"

"It's not that late. Did you have plans tonight? A date that I don't know about?"

Cliff raised his hands. "Pammy, when did I start telling you about my relationships?

"You haven't had any to tell," Pam said with a smirk as she glided her finger over a coffee table, revealing dust. "When was the last time you cleaned your apartment?"

"You know the answer to that," Cliff responded, somewhat agitated. "Did you come here to comment on my cleaning?"

Pam folded her hands together. "Actually I came here to tell you about a conversation I had with Detective Mackey."

Cliff groaned. "You still paying money to that quack?"

Pam pursed her lips together. "That quack found our mother!"

Cliff froze in his tracks. "She's alive?"

"Detective Mackey is sure of it. She's residing in Houston."

"So she's been alive this whole time and never bothered to get in contact with us once?"

"She may not know we're alive, or where we're living."

"We haven't left Pam," Cliff said aggravated. "She did, she left us."

"And I found her."

There was a silence between the brother and sister. "What are you going to do?" Cliff asked finally.

"I'm going to Houston to meet Detective Mackey and go see mamma in person."

"You can't do that Pammy. This woman clearly does not want us in her life."

"You don't know that," Pam insisted.

"I do know that it has been twenty years and she hasn't even bothered to ask about us. She made her decision when she left you, me, and Digger."

Pam pressed her palm against her forehead. "Cliff, I've told you why I need to do this."

"Then why did you come here?" he asked.

Pam took a step forward and grasped her brother's hand. "To see if you wanted to come with me – to Houston."

"And see the woman that abandoned us? She died twenty years ago for me."

"Cliff," Pam said softly, "I need someone to go with me."

"Ask Bobby."

"He doesn't understand – not really."

"Well I don't either," Cliff said simply. "I can't stop you from going to see her, but I don't have to take a part in it."

"No you don't." Tears began to form in her eyes. "I just thought that you wanted to have a second chance with her."

"Some things are better left alone," Cliff said gently, massaging her hand. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Cliff, I'm hurt now. I never knew the woman that gave birth to me. If I stay here and don't look for her, I'll regret it. If I go find her, it may be a disappointment, but I won't be able to say that I didn't try. I need to do try."

"I hope you find what you're looking for," Cliff said.

"I'll see you in a few days then," Pam said softly.

"How will you break it to Bobby?"

"That's my problem, isn't it?" Pam said stoically as Cliff pulled her into a hug.

"I love you sis."

"I love you too," Pam said as she turned to leave. "Maybe you could clean the place while I'm gone."

Cliff laughed. "If I were rich like the Ewings, I would have hired help to do it for me."

"You are hopeless," Pam smiled as she left.

* * *

Kristin carefully stepped out of the shower stall of her new guest bedroom. Reaching for a red towel, she quickly covered her body and examined her surroundings. She had never seen such finery when living with her mother and sister in the small house. The wallpaper sparkled, the furniture gleamed, and the carpet was soft beneath her feet. Kristin sat on the bed and pulled down the duvet, revealing beautiful silken sheets. She let out a soft sigh. _This is the life that mamma said Sue Ellen and I were cut out for, a life of decadence and grandeur. _Kristin recalled an early conversation that she shared with Sue Ellen after John Ross was born, during her first stay at Southfork. Sue Ellen had seemed oblivious to the finer things that the Ewing lifestyle provided – she had been bitter, jaded, and indifferent. Kristin still couldn't understand what her sister was getting at with her speech about being careful when abiding her mother's wishes about wealthy men. Kristin touched the silver knob of the bureau. _Sue Ellen may not be cut out for this lifestyle, but I am_.

Kristin stealthily walked over to the doorway and rested against the frame. She eyed J.R. and Sue Ellen's bedroom across the hall. _Out of all the times J.R. and I have been together, we've never done it at Southfork. _The bedroom opened and J.R. walked out. _Yet, _Kristin thought with a laugh as she sauntered over to J.R.

"Good evening," she purred.

J.R. glared at his sister-in-law. "Aren't you a little underdressed?" he questioned, ordering her to change.

"I was hot, I just got out of the shower," Kristin shrugged as she touched J.R.'s shoulder. "You should have been ther

"And lose my supper," J.R. laughed.

Kristin frowned. "How long do you think we'll be able to along like this, dancing around what we once were?"

"It's all in the past," J.R. said simply. "And you are one part of my past that I do not intend on repeating."

Kristin began to circle J.R. "Never say never, J.R. You were the one that taught me that – among others things," she whispered.

J.R pushed Kristin away. "Get back to your bedroom."  
"Or what?" Kristin asked defiantly. "I told you before; I hold all of the cards in this relationship." Kristin raised her hand to her chin. "You know, there are some members of this family that don't know about our little _relationship._"

"You wouldn't say a word," J.R. sneered.

"Oh?"

"You would lose everything and would be thrown off Southfork for good."

"I can image a similar result for you. How would you like to lose your son and daughter?"

J.R. grabbed, Kristin's arm and dragged her back to her bedroom, slamming the door. "If you ever want to stay in Dallas than you will think twice about threatening me!" He shoved her onto the bed and stormed out the door, leaving a furious Kristin behind him. She grabbed at her arm and scowled. "You haven't heard the last of me, J.R. The game is just beginning, and I'm not leaving until I have what I want."

J.R. slammed the bedroom door, disturbing Sue Ellen who was sitting at her vanity. She had heard J.R. and Kristin talking in the hallway, but couldn't make out the words.

"Are you alright J.R.?" Sue Ellen asked as she sat next to her husband on the bed.

"I'm fine," J.R. muttered. "Tell me again why Kristin is staying with us?"

"I want to keep an eye on her," Sue Ellen said, massaging her husband's shoulders. "I don't anticipate her staying much longer in Dallas, do you?"

"No I don't," J.R. laughed, touching Sue Ellen's arm. The couple toppled onto the bed.

* * *

Kristin covered a pillow over her ears. The sounds from across the hall were nauseating to her. Getting out of the bed, she crept down the stairs and to the kitchen, finding Bobby nursing a glass of milk.

"Kristin I didn't think anyone else would be up," Bobby said, pulling out a chair for her to sit.

"First night in a strange house – I can't sleep," Kristin covered quickly.

Bobby laughed. "I can't believe you find Southfork to be strange after all of your visits here."

"My last stay here was two years ago. It feels like it was forever ago."

"I know the feeling," Bobby said. Two years ago Pamela had suffered her second miscarriage.

"So why are you up?" Kristin asked, thumbing the woodwork of the table.

"No real reason," Bobby said. "I suppose I'm wound up from work."

"Did Pam come home?"

"She went straight to sleep."

"How are things for you at Ewing Oil? I don't see enough of you when I'm at the office."

Bobby laughed. "J.R. likes to keep his girls busy."

_In more ways than one, _Kristin wanted to add. "At least I'm earning my paycheck. I wonder how long it will last. J.R. keeps talking about replacing me with a professional secretary."

Bobby rested his hand on his chin. "You know Kristin, Connie is going to be taking a leave of absence with her maternity leave coming up, is there a chance that I could steal you from J.R.?"

"Really?" Kristin asked brightly. "Bobby that would be wonderful."

Bobby smiled. "I have to warn you though – J.R. and I have different methods of cutting a deal."

"I'm adaptable."

Bobby stood up to go. "So when J.R. finds another secretary, we'll make the switch." He extended his hand to seal the deal.

"It's a deal," Kristin affirmed. "Though if you don't mind keeping this secret from J.R. until he finds someone new I'd appreciate it. I don't want him to think I'm not devoted to working for him."

"My lips are sealed," Bobby said as he got up to leave.

_We'll see if they stay that way, _Kristin thought with a devilish grin, imaging a steamy run-in with an unsuspecting Bobby.

* * *

Ellie sat the kitchen table with the morning paper, eying the headlines as she monitored Teresa's routine of preparing breakfast for the family. Kristin and Lucy were the first ones down that morning, each giving the other a cold stare as they entered the kitchen.

Ellie was oblivious to the scene and bade both girls good-morning.

"Good morning Miss Ellie," Kristin said, reaching for the pitcher of orange juice.

"How did you sleep, Kristin?" Miss Ellie asked.

"Very well thank-you," she replied sweetly as Teresa came in with breakfast.

"Will the family be joining you?" Teresa asked Miss Ellie.

"I saw Bobby head to the office early today," Lucy said, buttering her toast.

"I swear, that son of my goes there earlier and earlier each day," Miss Ellie commented. "He told me he wasn't cut out to be an executive – but he's more adept than he thinks."

Pamela came down the stairs as Miss Ellie finished her sentence. "Singing my husband's praises?" she teased, taking a seat next to Kristin.

Kristin smiled to herself at talk of Bobby, not noticing Lucy's raised eyebrow.

"Lucy, what are your plans for the day," Ellie asked.

"I'm spending the afternoon with Jimmy," Lucy said, smirking at Kristin. She hadn't forgotten the obvious play that Sue Ellen's dear sister had made for her boyfriend.

"Give him my regards," Pamela said.

"You remember Jimmy don't you, Kristin?" Lucy taunted.

Kristin folded her hands on the table. "Vaguely," she replied, eying Lucy.

"I tell you, having someone special to share everything with makes each day worthwhile." Lucy headed towards the door, smiling at Kristin's frown. "Oh but don't worry – I'm sure you'll find someone eventually," she said, oozing sweetness as she walked out.

Kristin sighed, glaring at the door.

"What are your plans today, Kristin?" Pam asked.

"I honestly don't know. It's the weekend and J.R. isn't expecting me at the office."

Pam stood up. "How would you like to go horseback riding with me?"

"Horseback riding?" Kristin asked skeptically. She had only ridden a few times, and had nearly forgotten how it felt.

"I usually go with Bobby, but he's working, and it's always better riding with someone else," Pam insisted.

Ellie smiled. "Kristin, if you are going to be staying here with us, you may as well get used to Ewing life."

Pam and Kristin waved at Miss Ellie as they headed off to saddle their horses.

Sue Ellen fed Lizzy in the rocking chair in the nursery as J.R. popped into the room.

"How is she?"

"She's fine," Sue Ellen said, placing the baby back in the crib. "I'm going to see Dr. Morgan today – my six week checkup."

J.R. rested a hand on Sue Ellen's shoulder. "I still can't believe it's been six weeks since we had Lizzy."

"Does it feel longer?" Sue Ellen teased, tugging at J.R.'s collar.

"You know what I mean," J.R. said with a straight face.

Sue Ellen kissed her husband' cheek as she stood by the doorframe. "I've enjoyed this just as much as you have."

J.R. pulled at Sue Ellen's arm as she left. "I forgot to tell you earlier, but there's a business dinner that we'll be attending tonight, with members of the cartel."

"Sure," Sue Ellen nodded. "Just let me know when to be ready."

"Will do," J.R. smiled, confident that the plan was set in motion for an anniversary that his wife would not forget.

* * *

"I never got the chance to ride before I married Bobby," Pam began as she trotted off with Kristin. "Imagine, being an adult in Texas and never riding a horse."

"I was never one for riding either," Kristin said. "Sue Ellen said she learned how to ride on the ranch."

"Now she's one of the best riders in Texas," Pam said confidently. "She always wins the women's barrel race at the Ewing barbeque."

Kristin suppressed a frown at praise for her sister. "Pamela, may I ask you something?"

"Sure," Pam smiled, unsuspecting of Kristin's motives. The two made it to the Southfork lake and took another path.

"That detective that you were talking to, earlier, what were you talking to him about?"

Pam took a breath and moved on. "I suppose Sue Ellen's told you about Detective Mackey."

"She didn't go into details," Kristin said.

Pam eyed Kristin. The only person who knew about her leaving was Cliff, and he didn't take it very well. She was still looking for the right time to tell Bobby. _Maybe getting a second opinion won't hurt._ "He was looking for my mamma, she left my brother and I when we were very little."

Kristin smiled to herself as Pam continued her tale.

"Well, a few weeks ago, I decided to do something about it. I solicited the service of a detective and as it turns out," Pam paused for dramatic effect, "she's been living in Houston."

Kristin's eyes widened. "Are you going to see her?" she asked with great interest.

"I want to," Pamela said. "The trouble is – I don't know how to tell Bobby. He isn't very supportive of my search."

"Why does he even have to know the truth?" Kristin asked with a devious grin. "Why not tell Bobby that you are going away for a few days to work for The Store," she grinned craftily, darting ahead on her horse.

"Kristin!" Pamela called after her, struggling to keep up. "I don't want to lie to Bobby."

Kristin stopped by a clearing. "I know that, but wouldn't it be easier for you both if he didn't know that you were looking for your mother?"

Pamela pursed her lips together in thought as Kristin continued.

"It's only a few days; you'll be back before he knows it, and who is going to tell him?" Kristin asked with a wide smile, betraying her thoughts.

Pam sighed softly. "Bobby deserves the truth."

"But what if the truth ends up causing more problems for you?" Kristin added. "It's not like your mother would be coming to Dallas. And if you do find her and want to tell Bobby later, you can buy some time."

Pam seemed unconvinced.

"When are you leaving?" Kristin asked.

"At the end of the week. Bobby's been so busy at the company; I haven't really had a chance to tell him."

"Then it's perfect," Kristin beamed. "Tell him you're working and then you can just focus on finding your mother." Kristin smiled her best grin to cinch her argument and get Pamela off Southfork for the weekend and Bobby free for her.

"It's only a weekend or so," Pam said as she started riding again. "I really enjoyed our talk."

Kristin hung back, watching Pam go off through Southfork property. "So did I, Pam, so did I."

* * *

Sue Ellen sat comfortably in Dr. Kendra Morgan's office chair. Her examination was complete and the results were promising.

"Sorry for the wait," Kendra said as she came back into the room. "Everything looks excellent, Sue Ellen."

"So J.R. and I can…" Sue Ellen asked timidly.

"Have at it," Kendra laughed.

Sue Ellen smiled at the good news that she had been waiting for.

"I'm glad to see that Lizzy is doing so well," Kendra said. "She's very healthy. You both are." Kendra took a seat opposite Sue Ellen. "So how have you been, Sue Ellen?" Kendra asked softly, not wanting to force the subject. She normally steered clear of patient affairs, but after what happened between her and J.R., her curiosity was peaked.

"I've been fine," Sue Ellen said honestly. "I haven't had a baby in a long time; I lost out on so much with John Ross. Things with Lizzy are different, she's my second chance." Sue Ellen tucked a curl behind her ear. "And J.R.'s been wonderful, he's so proud to be a father again."

Kendra smiled.

"Dr. Morgan –"

"Kendra," the doctor cut in.

"Kendra," Sue Ellen smiled. "J.R. and I have grown closer than we've ever been, it's a wonderful feeling. I just wish it hadn't taken this long to get there."

"I'm very happy for you both." Kendra stood up. "It's been a pleasure getting to know you and J.R., Sue Ellen. I just wish there were more fathers that attended as many prenatal appointments as he did. You are very lucky."

"Maybe I am," Sue Ellen smiled as she left the office.

* * *

Pamela sat Bobby down on the porch as she explained her sudden leave of absence. "Liz needs me to talk to buyers for the winter line; I need to go in person."

"Can't she send someone else?" Bobby questioned.

"Bobby, Liz put me in charge of purchasing, I can't let her down."

"I know." Bobby took her hand in his. "That's why I love you; you always do the right thing."

Pam blushed, lowering her head. She hated lying to Bobby, it only caused trouble for them in the past, but there was very little chance of him finding out the true reason for her trip.

"You're leaving tonight?" Bobby asked.

"I have a morning flight; I don't want to miss it."

"Then we'll just make the most of tonight won't we," Bobby confirmed, leading Pam into the house. They were both oblivious to Kristin's prying eyes from behind a curtain.

* * *

"J.R., where are the other cartel members?" Sue Ellen questioned as J.R. guided her through a crowded lobby of the Hyatt Regency.

"Well, Darlin', there is no meeting tonight," J.R. said simply, room key in his pocket.

Sue Ellen sent J.R. a puzzled look as he pulled her into a glass elevator. "J.R…"

The elevator dinged and opened as J.R. took Sue Ellen's hand and walked down the end of the hall, standing in front of a cherry oak door. He picked her up in his arms and inserted the key into the hole, revealing an expansive two room suite with a full bath. "Happy eleven years, Darlin'," he said as he gently placed her on the bed.

Sue Ellen sat up, wide-eyed. "You had all of this planned?"

J.R. popped into the other room, retrieving two overnight bags. "We didn't get to celebrate our anniversary, with you being pregnant and all, so I thought we could take this weekend for us." He knelt down next to the bed. "Provided the postnatal checkup went well of course."

"Lucky for you it did," Sue Ellen teased, taking his hands in hers.

"Um hum," J.R. muttered as he took a seat next to Sue Ellen, dialing the phone for room service.

* * *

As Pamela hastily packed in her bedroom, Kristin eyed Bobby sipping a bourbon on the front porch. Checking herself in the mirror, holding a vodka tonic in her hand, Kristin stepped into the moonlit night.

"Kristin," Bobby said rising to greet her, pulling out a chair.

"Good evening, Bobby," Kristin smiled.

"How was your day today?"

"J.R. and Jock kept me busy with files most of the afternoon, and then I helped Miss Ellie with another party that she's planning."

Bobby smiled. "You do seem to enjoy life at Southfork."

"I really do," Kristin said earnestly. "Sue Ellen doesn't know how lucky she has it here, with a wonderful family."

"You'll find someone of your own," Bobby promised her, nodding his head. "A girl like you is too good to lose."

Kristin beamed at Bobby's earnest compliment. "You really think so, Bobby?"

Bobby looked at his partner. "I know so."

Kristin thumbed the drink glass and raised her eyes to the second story window, where Pam was seen packing. "Pam really is lucky to have someone like you."

Bobby viewed Pam. "She is an amazing woman."

Kristin turned toward Bobby, one knee crossed over the other. "I can't believe how calm you are with her leaving for Houston and everything."

Bobby laughed jovially. "Pam's gone out of town plenty of times for work."

"But when she told you that she found her mother in Houston and was going to find her – you're being very supportive." Kristin laid out a fine-toned faux smile of compassion sincere enough to convince the toughest critic.

Bobby's mouth opened wide at Kristin's planned realization. Glaring up at his wife Bobby rose from his seat and pulled Kristin with him. "She's what?"

Kristin faked a look of surprise. "She's going to Houston to find her mother," Kristin said simply as Bobby looked at her with shock. "You mean she didn't tell you?" Kristin asked, with mock surprise.

"No she didn't," Bobby said quietly.

Kristin continued telling Bobby the details. "Detective Mackey found her mother; she is going to find her." Bobby loosened his grip and Kristin bit her tongue to keep from foiling her plan. "I feel awful about talking about this Bobby – I really thought you knew."

"It's not your fault," Bobby assured her, his cheeks growing red with rage. "How could she do this without telling me? We promised to be honest with one another."

"Maybe she was trying to protect you," Kristin reasoned with wide eyes, taking Bobby's hand.

"Protect me from what!" Bobby shouted. "She never told me about this because she knows it's a bad idea." Bobby looked down at Kristin, instantly guilty for blowing up at her. "I am so sorry for yelling at you, Honey."

"It's alright," Kristin said softly as she began to rub Bobby's shoulders, easing his tension. "I'd be upset too."

Bobby sighed under Kristin's firm hands, not noticing Kristin's ever-growing smirk. "I'm sure that Pam loves you very much."

"Sometimes I wonder if love is enough," Bobby scoffed, rolling his neck. "Pam needs to understand that we work as a team, she can't keep secrets from me anymore." Kristin remained silent as Bobby spoke. One of J.R.'s classic lessons was that silence was one of the best ways to get answers. "Did you know that she never even bothered to tell me that she was pregnant after our first miscarriage? She found out she was pregnant from a doctor in Dallas, and that she carried a genetic disorder, neurofibromatosis, and she was concerned about passing it onto a child."

"I am so sorry Bobby," Kristin said, her long fingers digging into the back of his chest. "You should be so happy."

"I thought we were. We were going to adopt a child and start a family on our own, but that fell through."

Kristin rested her fingers on Bobby's neck. "Things will get better," she promised him.

Bobby rested his hand on Kristin's, standing up. "I know they will. But right now, I need to talk to my wife." Bobby solemnly walked into the house, Kristin sipping her drink, sending a silent toast to the object of her affections. _I'll get you Bobby Ewing; I'll make you see the light._

* * *

Sue Ellen timidly came out of the hotel bathroom dressed in a red teddy, spying her husband by the hotel balcony. Donning a matching robe, Sue Ellen joined him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Have I thanked you for tonight?" she seductively whispered.

J.R. turned around and held his wife close. "Hmm, you thanked me when we got here, and during dinner, and after dinner," he lifted Sue Ellen off the floor. "But I'd love to hear it again," he smiled as he carried her to the bed. He gently removed her robe as Sue Ellen started on J.R.'s tie, tossing it aside. J.R. lowered the straps of Sue Ellen's dress as Sue Ellen unbuttoned J.R.'s shirt.

Sue Ellen lowered her head on the pillow and let out a soft sigh. Tears began to form in her eyes as she gazed at her husband.

"What's wrong?" J.R. asked gently, massaging her shoulders. "Are you having second thoughts?"

Sue Ellen looked up at her husband and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm just, just –."

J.R. smiled tracing his finger over Sue Ellen's chin. "We can wait until you're ready," J.R. whispered, brushing at her tears. He kissed her forehead. "I'm not in a hurry."

"It's not that," Sue Ellen said softly as she met her husband's gaze. "Do you remember how I felt when we came back from the hospital, how I felt about myself?"

J.R. propped his elbow on the bed. "Do you still doubt the way I feel about you?"

Sue Ellen sat up in the bed. "I don't want to disappoint you."

"You won't," J.R. promised. "I've never wanted anyone more than you."

That was all Sue Ellen needed to hear as she melted in J.R.'s arms. He carefully turned out the light and slowly made love to his wife.

* * *

Pam latched down her suitcase, surprised to see Bobby standing in the doorway. "This was the best flight I could get," Pam said. "I'm leaving in a couple hours."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Bobby questioned, hands on his hips.

Pam looked up at Bobby quizzically. "Tell you what?"

"That your mother is still alive, Pam. You're going to see your mother." Pam was silent, tightlipped as she wondered how Bobby could have found out the truth. He had never met Detective Mackey, and the only people who knew about her trip were Cliff and Kristin.

"There was no business with The Store," Bobby continued, becoming more agitated. "Does Liz even know that you're leaving?"

"Bobby –" Pam began.

"Does she!" Bobby demanded.

"No," Pam said quietly. "She thinks that we're going on a vacation to see your brother Gary in California."

"You made me a part of your lie," Bobby exclaimed.

Outside in the hallway, Kristin stood listening by the door. She could hear Bobby's angry questions and Pam's quiet argument. Kristin came closer to the door.

"Eavesdropping?" Lucy asked snidely.

"What are you doing here?" Kristin hissed. "Back from your little date with Jimmy?"

Lucy flinched at Kristin's mention of Jimmy Monahan. "I live here," Lucy smirked. "Unlike you. Why don't you leave Southfork and go back to your mother," she said condescendingly. "You don't belong at Southfork."

Kristin opened her mouth to retort but was interrupted by Bobby.

"How could you keep something like this from me?" Bobby came closer to Pam, gripping her by the shoulders. "We promised to share everything with one another."

"I know that Bobby, but you were so upset over my search, I couldn't tell you the truth."

"You took the coward's way out – just like your brother."

Pam glared at Bobby. "Leave Cliff out of this."

"Does he know that you're leaving?"

On the other side of the door Lucy stood spellbound. "Where is Pam going?" she asked Kristin.

Kristin gave Lucy a sly grin. "How would I know – it's your family." Kristin walked back to her bedroom as Lucy yanked her arm.

"Listen to me Kristin and listen good! I know what you tried with Jimmy and it didn't work!"

Kristin pulled her arm from Lucy's grasp and sent her a frustrated glare. "All I did was say hello to him, Lucy. I can't help it that you're paranoid about your relationships. Are you afraid of losing him in the same way you lost Alan?"

Lucy raised her left hand and it collided with Kristin's cheek with a loud smack. "You may be Sue Ellen's sister but you are the most vile creature I have ever set eyes on," Lucy said hoarsely.

Kristin rubbed her cheek with her hand. "You don't intimidate me, Lucy. I eat people like you for breakfast."

Lucy scowled at Kristin. "Leave Bobby and Pam alone. I have a feeling that you're involved in their latest argument. I told before and I'll tell you again, Bobby isn't interested in you."

Kristin scoffed at Lucy. "Watch your back little girl, I always get what I want." Kristin slammed her door closed, leaving a fuming Lucy listening to the rest of Bobby and Pam's conversation.

"Bobby how did you find out," Pam said angrily. "Did Cliff talk to you?"

"It doesn't matter," Bobby said tersely.

"It matters to me! I told two people about my trip. Cliff and Kristin."

Lucy's ears perked up at Kristin's mention. _I knew she was involved._

"She didn't mean anything by it," Bobby said defensively. "You're the one who lied to me."

Pam frowned, pressing her fingers to her forehead. "I am leaving in a couple hours Bobby. I don't want to fight."

"It's a little late for that," Bobby said quietly.

"I was trying to protect us from another argument," Pam said. "Why does that make me the bad guy in this relationship?"

"Because you couldn't trust me enough to tell me the truth."

Pam stood with her hands on her hips. "Bobby, how many secrets have you and J.R. kept from the family regarding Ewing Oil?"

"And you were the one who always called me out on it. It seems you have no problem keeping secrets from me."

"Bobby please," Pam begged. "I need to find her."

"What happens when you do?" Bobby challenged. "What happens if you find her and she doesn't want you around because she has a life of her own?"

"Don't say that," Pam whispered.

"I'm being realistic Pammy. You can't just barge into someone's life and expect to be accepted."

"I am not looking for acceptance, I am looking for answers. And if you can't see that – than you really don't know me at all." Pam turned for the door.

"Pamela!"

Pam sighed and looked at her husband. "I should go before one of us says something that we'll regret."

Bobby nodded his head. "Where are you staying?"

"A hotel in Houston."

Bobby nodded his head. "Promise to call me when you arrive."

Pam tearfully nodded her head as she left.

Lucy snuck into one of the upstairs bedrooms, not wanting to be seen by Pam as she left. Across the hall was Kristin's room. Lucy glared at the door, vowing to get to the bottom of Kristin's involvement.

* * *

Sue Ellen rolled over onto her side of the bed at the Hyatt Regency. "J.R.," she murmured, closing her eyes, her cheeks a rosy red from the passionate evening. A contented smile was drawn on her mouth.

"I love you too," he whispered, pulling the sheet over her shoulders. He reached out to brush her cheek and they both fell into a deliriously happy sleep.

* * *

Kristin lay awake in her bed, contemplating her revenge. _I've already gotten rid of Pamela for a couple days. Now all I have to do is ingratiate myself with Bobby._ Kristin flicked on a desk lamp and examines an early Ewing portrait. She glares her brown eyes at J.R. and Sue Ellen. "Mr. J.R. Ewing is going to pay for the way he treated me. He thought he could just throw me away and be done with me. Well I'm not Sue Ellen and J.R. know how to fight." Kristin turned off her light and rested her head.


	10. Chapter 10: Commnication

Pamela Ewing sat with her hands in her lap for the short flight to Houston. She could have opted to drive down there herself, but the prospect of several hours in a car didn't appeal to her. Plus, now she was given the luxury of sleep on the flight before she met Detective Mackey. The details provided by him were scarce – he preferred them speak in person rather than over the phone, and Pam was more than happy to oblige him. As Pam reclined her seat she wondered if she was learning more about her mother, or if this was indeed a wild goose chase. _Maybe she isn't Rebecca Barnes at all, maybe she is my mother but she doesn't want me around._ Picking up the glass of wine in front of her, Pam tried to relax as the plane took off through the ebony Dallas sky.

* * *

Kristin was awakened by a gentle knock at her door. She quickly fixed her hair and opened the door, stunned to see Bobby in front of her.

"Did I wake you?" Bobby asked apologetically.

Kristin looked at the clock on the nightstand reading 10:45. "Don't worry about it, Bobby. Is everything alright?" Kristin gauged the circles under Bobby's eyes and knew that Pam had finally left.

"I was wondering if you'd like to have a drink downstairs," Bobby said glumly. "I shouldn't be drinking alone, and you're always good company."

"I don't mind," Kristin smiled as she headed to the living room with Bobby. "But instead of alcohol how about some of Miss Ellie's famous hot chocolate?"

Bobby broke out into a genuine smile. "That sounds delightful."

Kristin carefully reheated leftovers of Miss Ellie's mixture on the stove and provided two mugs.

"Pam and I used to come down here for a midnight snack, or just to talk," Bobby said.

Kristin handed Bobby a full cup and took a seat next to him. "Is Pamela gone?" she asked with concern, knowing the ultimate answer.

Bobby nodded and took a sip. "She thinks she was protecting me by lying about her business trip."

Kristin reached for Bobby's hand. "I can't speak for Pam, but if I were involved with someone, I'd want their support."

"Exactly," Bobby insisted. "That's how it should be." Bobby looked at Kristin. "Over the years we've had more than our share of ups and downs, what with my family fighting her family, Ewing Oil and multiple miscarriages, but through it all Pam's always been honest with me – at least for the most part."

"What can you do while she's in Houston though?"

"Nothing, that's just it. She's made it clear that she doesn't want me with her, and even if she did, I couldn't just step away from Ewing Oil right now, when I'm at the helm with daddy."

Kristin nodded her head. "I remember how stressful it can be running Ewing Oil. It took a lot of J.R."

Bobby laughed bitterly. "Now I know why he'd come home so grumpy. But in the end, I really do think it's worth it. Building a legacy to be carried on through generations."

"All of that power," Kristin nodded.

"Did you know that Pam was the one that encouraged me to take a larger role at Ewing Oil?"

"No I didn't."

"My brother – your boss – as hardworking as he is, didn't want to share the spotlight. Well the day of our wedding Pam insisted that I get an executive position."

Kristin broke out in a smile. _I would have loved to have seen J.R.'s expression that day._ "He does have his issues."

"I'm sure he does," Bobby laughed. "You must have gotten a pretty close look at him as a secretary for all of those months."

"J.R. keeps people close – when it's convenient for him," Kristin said, knowing all too well how true that statement was. "But you know what; I think I'd like working with you even more."

"Really?" Bobby asked.

"I've always admired you Bobby," Kristin admitted softly. "You're so different from your brother."

"I've grown pretty fond of you myself," Bobby said with a smile, oblivious to Kristin's true intentions. He loved having someone around to talk to and share things with. "And when Connie leaves, you and I will take Dallas by storm." He raised his mug in a toast and Kristin clinked hers with his.

"Deal."

Bobby leaned in to kiss Kristin's cheek and stood up. "I think it's time I head to bed."

"I suppose so," Kristin said, trying to hide her regret.

"I really did enjoy our talk," Bobby admitted, yet wishing that it was Pam sitting across from him.

"See you at the office?"

"See you."

The two parted ways and Kristin headed back to her room, still thinking of Bobby Ewing. _Pam really doesn't know how lucky she is._

* * *

_Seventeen year old Pamela Barnes stood in front of a mirror in the tiny house that she shared with Digger and Cliff. The girl sighed as her Aunt Maggie returned with a box in her hand._

_"Aunt Maggie the dress is beautiful," Pam gushed, twirling around in a blue spaghetti strapped dress. To anyone else the dress would seem ordinary and plain, but it was one of the finest things that Pamela had ever worn._

_"You wear it well," Maggie Monahan commented._

_"Are you sure it isn't too much?" Pam questioned quietly, adjusting her dark curls that circled the frame of her face._

_"Now that is enough!" Maggie ordered sternly. "A girl only gets one senior prom in her lifetime and you deserve this." Maggie reached into the box and pulled out a simple strand of pearls._

_"Aunt Maggie they are lovely."_

_"They're yours." Maggie clasped the necklace around Pamela's neck. "These once belonged to your mother," Maggie said with reverence as she turned Pam around._

_"Mamma?" Pam whispered. It had become common practice in the Barnes household to never discuss Rebecca Barnes. After she had left the family, the best thing to do had been to move on._

_"They were very precious to her," Maggie said._

_"I wonder why she left them behind when she left?" Pam wondered. _

_"They belong to you, Pam. She intended to give you these pearls when you were ready."_

_Pam blinked back a tear, attempting to keep her makeup intact. "Why didn't she stick around to give them to me in person?" she thought bitterly._

_"Never mind that," Maggie said. "She left them with me to give to you."_

_Pam stood in front of the mirror and breathed. "I wish she was here now," she said softly, so that only Maggie could hear._

_"She would have been so proud of the young woman you've become," Maggie nodded, getting a little misty-eyed. She pulled her niece into a hug. "You shouldn't be crying tonight. Your date is going to be here any minute and you wouldn't want him to see your red eyes."_

_Pam nodded and walked downstairs with her aunt, wondering what could have been._

Pamela instantly sat up, awakened from her dream as the captain ordered passengers to return to their seats and fasten their seatbelts for the landing. Pamela checked her overhead bin for her bag and grabbed the address of the hotel she was staying at. "It's now or never."

* * *

Sue Ellen and J.R. returned to Southfork early the next morning. "I'm going to go check on the kids," Sue Ellen called as J.R. carried their bags into the house.

"Honey, I don't think anything happened to them," J.R. laughed as he hurried to catch up to her.

"Still it was our first night away," Sue Ellen said, turning the corner to the nursery.

J.R. pulled her back and into a kiss. "Tell me Mrs. Ewing, what will you do when they enter school?"

Sue Ellen tugged at J.R.'s tie. "I don't have to think about that for another year or so." They peaked in on Lizzy first and found her sound asleep in her crib.

"See," J.R. teased, kissing Sue Ellen's cheek as they checked on John Ross.

"Mamma, daddy!" John Ross cried as he climbed out of his bed and into his mother's arms.

Sue Ellen kissed her son's nose. "I missed you." John Ross laughed as Sue Ellen handed him to J.R.

"Piggy back, Daddy!" John Ross cried as J.R. lifted him onto his shoulders and went down to the kitchen.

"This house is so quiet," Sue Ellen noted as she observed the empty breakfast table.

"Well Daddy, Bobby, and Kristin are probably at the offices. And I have idea about Mamma and Pam."

"So how about a nice quiet breakfast before you go to the office," Sue Ellen suggested.

"Sounds heavenly."

Sue Ellen poured juice and served bagels. "I think I'll check in on Kristin today, take her out to lunch. Is that alright with you or will she be busy?"

"Take her," J.R. said, blotting his mouth with a napkin. "I've got interviews scheduled for secretaries today, and it would be best that she not be there."

"Got it," Sue Ellen nodded as the two prepared for the full day.

* * *

Pamela met with Detective John Mackey in a Houston diner. He rose to greet her.

"Thank-you again for everything, Mr. Mackey," Pamela said.

"Don't thank me yet, Mrs. Ewing, I haven't shown you anything yet."

Pamela ordered a coffee. "But I have a feeling that this woman is my mother. Can you tell me more about her?"

Detective Mackey nodded. "Rebecca Barnes moved to Houston soon after leaving Dallas. She changed her name to Burke to protect her identity. Having no skills of her own, she took a job as a maid to a wealthy Houston family and taught herself how to read and write."

Pamela nodded, listening as the waiter brought their meal.

"I'm a little nervous about meeting her," Pamela admitted sheepishly.

"You don't have to speak to her if you don't want to. All I did was find her, and she has no idea about any investigation on my part."

"Good," Pamela said. "You've done your job very well."

The two continued to eat together as Pam observed families dining around them. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of resentment at all of those happy people, wondering if she had lost every chance to have a family of her own.

* * *

Ewing Oil was its usual busy self as Sue Ellen entered the large doors onto the top floor. She quickly waved at J.R. through the window, letting herself in past a harried Connie.

"Well, J.R. said with a smile, "Right on time Darlin'." He kissed her nose. "I wish you were taking me to lunch instead of Kristin."

Sue Ellen stroked J.R.'s cheek. "Ooohh, how about I make it up to you tonight?"

"I am going to hold you to that," J.R. chuckled.

"Where is Kristin anyhow?"

"She's with daddy and Bobby, debriefing them on a future meeting." Sue Ellen and J.R. sat on the couch. "You know, as much as I hate having that girl around, she is very efficient, takes direction really well."

"But you are getting another secretary," Sue Ellen reminded him. "Kristin can work wonders for another company, but not with my husband."

"Are you jealous?" J.R. questioned, half-teasing.

Sue Ellen wore a slight frown. "Given what happened when she last worked for you, I think I am more than justified to be concerned."

J.R. let out a hard sigh. "Sue Ellen, I told you that was a mistake."

"I know," Sue Ellen gently patted his hand, trying to hide her agitation. "And I know my sister, she's as much to blame as you are, but I want her out of Ewing Oil."

"Within the week, she will be," J.R. promised. "Southfork is another issue."

"I am working on that one, Darling."

"Does it have anything to do with lunch?"

"It might," Sue Ellen laughed. "Things are very strained between Kristin and me. Right now I just want to have an honest talk with her, sister to sister."

"Did someone say my name," Kristin asked, flanked by Jock and Bobby.

"Hello Kristin," Sue Ellen rose to greet her sister. "I came to take you to lunch."

Kristin crinkled her brow. "Really?"

"I insist," J.R. said, patting Kristin on the shoulder. "You two have a good time."

"We will," Sue Ellen said, blowing her husband a kiss.

Jock patted Bobby and J.R. on the shoulder. "Lunch sounds like a good idea."

"Not for me, Daddy," J.R. said. "I have some business to take care of."

"So do I," Bobby said.

Connie peaked in the door. "Shall I set up a table at Cattleman's Club for you, Mr. Ewing?"

"You may as well, Connie," Jock said, waving goodbye to his boys.

J.R. returned to his desk.

"What are you working on?" Bobby questioned.

J.R. sighed. "Bobby, why do we have to tell each other everything?"

"Because we are partners, Partner," Bobby tersely reminded him.

"Why don't you go to lunch with Pamela," J.R. muttered absentmindedly.

"Pam's in Houston," Bobby grumbled, taking a seat on the chair opposite J.R.'s desk.

J.R. looked up. "What is she doing there?"

"She found her mother," Bobby said firmly, leaving out the part about Pam keeping it a secret.

"Well I'll be damned, that woman is really going through with it."

"What does that mean?" Bobby asked with his arms crossed.

"Well if I came from her family, I wouldn't want to be contacting them any time soon," J.R. laughed.

Bobby pounded his fist onto the desk in frustration, making J.R. jump from his seat. "Take it easy, Bob, I'm only kidding."

Bobby stood up, frustrated. "I don't like it," he said simply. "Do you see me making jokes about Sue Ellen all the time?"

"No I don't. Has she told you anything yet?"

"She called this morning, telling me that she was safe in Houston. She says she'll only be there for the weekend, but it could be longer if she stays with her mother."

"Hmm," J.R. muttered, flipping through paperwork.

Connie buzzed J.R., alerting him to a Ms. Sylvia Lovegreen, waiting to meet him.

"A secretarial candidate," J.R. smiled.

Bobby nodded. "I don't know why you're so anxious to get rid of Kristin, but I suppose it's for the best. She'll be working with me now when Connie gets her maternity leave."

"What?" J.R. stammered. "You are keeping her at this office?"

"Why not?" Bobby challenged. "She's hard working, bright, efficient, punctual, thorough." Connie buzzed J.R. again. "You shouldn't keep Ms. Lovegreen waiting," Bobby said with a wink.

J.R. blinked at his desk, floored to hear that Kristin wasn't leaving at all. _How am I going to tell Sue Ellen_, J.R. wondered as he let Ms. Lovegreen into the office. He came face to face with a tall, svelte, blonde with expressive eyes. "Ms. Lovegreen," J.R. said, extending his hand.

"Mr. Ewing," she said, shaking his hand, handing him her résumé and taking a seat. "Thank-you for seeing me."

"Sylvia Lovegreen," he muttered as he looked at her file. "You can type 80words per minute with high accuracy; you worked at a few different companies throughout Texas. Tell me Sylvia, why did you leave your last job?"

"Downsizing," she admitted. "They shut down the division where I worked."

"Very nice references, Ms. Lovegreen. You are acquainted with Harry McSween?" J.R. knew Detective Harry McSween very well, having worked with him in the past, and found him to be a trustworthy and competent worker.

"Yes sir. He's a very good friend of my family's."

"Very good," J.R. muttered. "Well Ms. Lovegreen, I like what I see." The woman smiled nervously. "I just have a few more applicants to meet, but I'll be in touch," he promised, rising to shake her hand. The woman smiled as Connie ushered her out, sending in the next applicant.

* * *

Pamela sat in Detective Mackey's car, in front of a large sprawling mansion. She couldn't take her eyes off the house – in so many ways it reminded her of Southfork. An elderly woman in an apron came out and began to water the plants.

"Mr. Mackey," Pamela whispered, "That woman is my mamma." Pam closed her eyes. "She is a worker at this house." Thoughts began to flash through her mind, images of Teresa and Raul. The very people that worked for the Ewings each day, her mother was one of them. _No one wonder she never contacted my brother and I, _Pam thought silently.

John Mackey shook his head. "That is not your mother, Mrs. Ewing. Another elderly woman, dressed in a fine grey suit came out of the house. "She is," he pointed."

Pam raised her hand to her heart. "That woman is my mother?"

Mr. Mackey nodded his head. "Her full name is Rebecca Burke Wentworth. After working a several years as a servant, she took several odd jobs and put herself through secretary school. She then got a job at Wentworth industries, and she met her future husband, Herbert Wentworth."

"She's married," Pam said sadly, feeling that her hopes of meeting her mother were growing dimmer and dimmer.

"Widowed, ma'am. Her husband died a short two months ago."

Pam covered her mouth with her hand. "How awful for her."

Detective Mackey nodded. "They had a child together, a daughter, named Katherine. She's in school working on her journalism degree."

"So she had a family of her own," Pam said finally.

Detective Mackey cleared his throat. "Was there anything else you needed on your mother?"

"No," Pam said softly. "I know everything I need to know, Detective Mackey, you were a wonderful help."

"Can I drive you anywhere?" he asked.

Pam shook her head and got out of the car. "I think I'll go for a walk and clear my head."

Detective Mackey nodded and waved goodbye as Pam promised to contact him if she ever needed to.

* * *

Sue Ellen and Kristin took a seat at Madisons, Sue Ellen's favorite restaurant.

"Any particular reason you brought me to lunch?" Kristin asked as she perused the menu.

"We haven't really gotten a chance to talk since you've been at Southfork," Sue Ellen said.

The waiter stopped by the table with the drink list.

"I'll have a white wine," Kristin said handing her drink menu to the waiter.

"And for you ma'am?" the gentleman asked.

"Ice tea," Sue Ellen replied. The man nodded and went back to the kitchen.

"I have to hand it to you, Sue Ellen," Kristin said. "You really seem to have given up drinking."

"You seem surprised."

"Well, given your past history and all, I know how much you love a good drink."

"Loved," Sue Ellen replied. "Past tense. In the end, alcohol never gave me what I needed."

The waiter brought the drinks and took their lunch orders.

"Here's to sobriety," Kristin said in a toast to her sister.

Sue Ellen raised her glass to Kristin's. "How are things at the office?"

"Busy. J.R. keeps me working all hours."

"I can imagine." Sue Ellen took a sip of her drink. "Kristin, have you given any thought to what you want in Dallas? You can't stay J.R.'s secretary forever."

The waiter delivered the food to the table and Kristin and Sue Ellen began to eat their salads.

"Actually, Bobby offered me a job as his secretary," Kristin smiled, taking pleasure in divulging that piece of information.

Sue Ellen nearly spit out her tea upon hearing the news.

"Sue Ellen," Kristin said jumping up, spilling her drink on Sue Ellen in the process. She quickly handed her sister her napkin, trying to hide her smile at her very unintentional action. "I am so sorry."

"Don't worry," Sue Ellen said quickly, herding Kristin back to her seat. Sue Ellen blotted the dress as well as she could, but the spill was very visible and strong. "What's this about you working with Bobby?"

"Well," Kristin said innocently, "Bobby was looking for someone to take over for Connie when she has her baby, and rather than look for someone else, he suggested me. Isn't that terrific?" she smiled.

"Fabulous," Sue Ellen muttered, struggling to get the stain out of her dress. "I smell like alcohol."

"I wouldn't worry," Kristin said with a smile. "Everyone knows you've stopped drinking, right?" she laughed as they picked up the check.

* * *

Pamela felt like she had walked through Houston for over an hour, collecting her thoughts. _This woman has a whole other life, a whole other family. Cliff may have been right all along. _Pam rubbed her arms together to stay warm. She still wanted to talk to the woman, Rebecca Burke Wentworth – the woman who had given birth to her and raised her for two years. "I have the right to ask her questions," Pam said aloud as she rounded the corner, reaching the house yet again. She wondered if she should call first, or go in the morning. If she should arrange a meeting, or write her a letter. Running out of options and losing her nerve, Pam hailed a cab and went back to her hotel with the intention of figuring out a game plan for the next morning.

* * *

Sue Ellen returned to Southfork late that afternoon after a few hours of therapy shopping. She came up the stairs to drop off her packages and ran into her husband.

"You will not believe the lunch I had," Sue Ellen began, frustrated.

"Honey, you seem harried," he said pulling her into a hug. He abruptly smelled the alcohol on her blouse and pulled away, shooting her a questioning look.

Sue Ellen looked down at her blouse. "This? I haven't been drinking. Kristin spilled her drink on me at lunch by mistake."

"Did she?" J.R. said, somewhat unconvinced.

Sue Ellen sent a frustrated stare at her husband. "Did you know that Bobby is bringing her on as his secretary? She isn't leaving Ewing Oil at all!"

"Calm down, honey," J.R. said, as she sat on the edge of the bed. "Bobby told me all about it."

"And you're not more concerned?" Sue Ellen asked in exasperation.

J.R. was more concerned with the scent of alcohol on Sue Ellen. If it had been an isolated incident, or if she hadn't been under so much stress, he wouldn't have given it a second thought. But he had found the vodka bottle in the closet, which still irked him to no end. Sue Ellen had been under a great deal of pressure with the pregnancy and dealing with Kristin, and J.R. knew that pressure in the past drove Sue Ellen to the bottle.

"Are you going to say something?" Sue Ellen asked as she took off her top.

"I don't want you worrying over Kristin," J.R. said gently.

"I can't help it," Sue Ellen said softly, her shoulders slumped. "I feel so helpless when I am with her." She turned to her husband. "That girl – she gets whatever she wants, she doesn't quit."

"And neither will we," J.R. assured her. "But you know that we can't get rid of her without raising mamma and daddy's suspicions."

Sue Ellen frowned at her husband. "Sometimes I think you're more concerned about them than you are me."

J.R. lifted Sue Ellen's chin and kissed her mouth. "That is ridiculous, Darlin', and you know it."

Sue Ellen rested her head on his shoulder. "All we can do now is keep an eye on her, beat her at her own game."

"We can do anything together, Sue Ellen, remember that," J.R. said as he helped Sue Ellen change. "Now why don't we head downstairs for cocktails?"

Sue Ellen smiled and kissed her husband on the cheek, taking his arm.

Downstairs, Bobby debriefed the family on Pam's whereabouts.

"Oh I hope she finds her," Ellie said thoughtfully.

"She left without telling you, Bob?" Jock asked pointedly.

"No, I knew all along," Bobby lied, saving face. Kristin shot him a curious look which he chose to ignore.

"Evening everyone," J.R. said as he and Sue Ellen walked into the living room. Sue Ellen took a seat on the couch as J.R. fixed two drinks.

"J.R. how were the interviews?" Bobby asked.

"They actually went very well. I think I may have found the ideal candidate," J.R. said. "Name is Sylvia Lovegreen."

"Boy, I don't know why you are so bent on trading in Kristin," Jock muttered. Kristin sent Jock a grateful smile. "I think she's a wonderful secretary."

"She is," Bobby seconded. "Which is why she'll be working with me."

"Really?" Lucy asked, trying to hide her disappointment. "You're not going to give Connie her job back?"

Kristin, who was sitting next to Lucy on the sofa, sent her a swift kick to the leg. Lucy winced in pain.

"Connie doesn't know when she'll be coming back. I don't want to push her into working before she's ready. Besides, Kristin's family."

Ellie nodded her approval as the family went into dinner. Kristin stood, and asked J.R. to hold back for a second.

"Kristin, can't this wait until we get to the office tomorrow?" J.R. grumbled.

"I suppose it could," Kristin said casually. "I was just a little concerned about Sue Ellen, that's all."

J.R. let out a laugh. "You concerned for Sue Ellen?"

"She's my sister," Kristin said defensively, taking a pose. "And whether you believe me or not, I do care about her welfare."

J.R. folded his arms across his chest. "What do you know about Sue Ellen?"

"Well," Kristin began carefully. "She's been under a lot of strain with the baby, and I suppose I haven't been helping very much…."

"No you haven't," J.R. said gruffly, annoyed.

"But when I saw her at lunch today –" Kristin paused for dramatic effect. "Oh I just knew I had to say something to you."

"What about lunch?" J.R. asked curiously.

"Well I don't know if you're aware, but Sue Ellen had a drink…"

"Stop it!" J.R. said gruffly. "I know exactly what you are pulling, I helped orchestrate it the first time remember?" J.R. was referring to Kristin's first stay at Southfork, how they had plotted to 'get rid' of Sue Ellen. J.R. had suggested staging it as if Sue Ellen had been drinking when she hadn't. "I thought you were smarter than that," he laughed. "Spilling a drink on Sue Ellen to make it seem like she was spending all afternoon throwing back vodka?"

"This is not a time to be joking," Kristin insisted with as much sincerity as she could muster. J.R. glared angrily at her. "Maybe this will satisfy you," she hissed, pulling a receipt for a double vodka out of her purse. "Sue Ellen's favorite drink. She snuck it while I was in the ladies room. She saw me coming towards her, and that was when she spilled her drink. She couldn't bear to drink in front of me. Not after over a year of claiming sobriety."

J.R. glared at the piece of paper in his hands, crumbling it. "This doesn't mean anything."

"Then why don't you ask the bartender at Madison's – Ernie, he'll tell you everything."

J.R. sighed and stared at his sister-in-law. "If you are telling me the truth, why are you telling me this at all?"

"Because I care," Kristin said frustratedly, wringing her hands. "And if you care as much as you claim to, then you'll act on this before it gets out of hand."

J.R. had no words to say to Kristin. "And this is the first time you've noticed anything?"

"Yes," Kristin affirmed. "Sue Ellen's very careful; she wouldn't want anyone to know that she's gone off the wagon again". Kristin ran her fingers through her hair. "She hides it very well you know."

"Yes I do," J.R. said quietly.

"Have you noticed anything peculiar about her?" Kristin asked. "Anything out of the ordinary, anything to give you cause to believe that she's been drinking?"

"No," J.R. stammered. "Sue Ellen's been fine."

"Let's hope she stays that way," Kristin said. "We should really keep an eye on her. I may have resented her at times but," Kristin raised a finger to her eye to brush a tear, "But I don't want this to happen to her."

J.R. was frozen where he stood. Kristin had a receipt, a witness, and there was still the bottle in the closet.

"Come on you two," Ellie called. "Dinner is getting cold."

"We should go to dinner," J.R. said quietly. "And not speak of this again." Kristin obediently nodded, taking a short detour to the restroom. J.R. took his seat and Sue Ellen gently took his hand.

"Is everything alright?" she asked concerned. "You and Kristin were talking for a few good minutes."

"Everything is fine," J.R. said quietly, giving her a compassionate smile. "Everything is fine."

* * *

Looking into the bathroom mirror Kristin let out a tiny squeal of delight. Sue Ellen's unexpected lunch invitation had given her the opportunity to create the perfect scenario to do her sister in. _It's almost too perfect, _she thought to herself as she opened the door and took a seat with the family. "Everything is fine."

Pam spent a lonely evening in her hotel room. The room was well furnished, carrying everything a person may need, but Pam was too nervous to enjoy it. Holding the hotel phone in one hand, and Rebecca Wentworth's number in the other, Pam decided to set up a morning meeting with her, just to talk to her face to face. She had no idea if she was going to tell Rebecca that she was her daughter – that Digger died a year or so ago, that Cliff was doing well as a District Attorney, that she was married to the wealthy Ewing family.

Pam dialed the numbers and waited for a voice. "May I please speak with Rebecca Wentworth?" she asked politely, taking a deep breath as the maid fetched her.

"Hello?" an elderly feminine voice called at the other end.

"Mrs. Wentworth, you don't know me, but I saw your name in the paper a few days ago, _The Houston Chronicle_ and I was wondering if we could perhaps meet?"

"Well I do have a little time in my schedule tomorrow morning."

"Whatever is good for you," Pam said.

"Here is my address. Any time after 8:30 will be fine," Rebecca said as she gave Pam the information and hung up.

Pam felt like there were a million butterflies in her stomach as she placed the phone on the base. Stretching around the room, Pam contemplated calling Bobby, telling him that she had heard her mother's voice, that this was very real. Quickly dialing Southfork, Pam sat down on the bed.

"Hello?"

"Kristin? Is that you?" Pam asked, somewhat disappointed. She was still upset over the fact that Bobby found out about her trip from her.

"Hi Pam," Kristin said brightly. "How's Houston?"

"Fine," Pam said quietly. "Is Bobby there?"

Kristin looked out the back screen door. The family had gathered on the back porch, listening to Jock tell more stories about his young days as an oilman. Kristin looked at Bobby 

with little John Ross on his knee. "I'm sorry, Pam but he went out to dinner with Miss Ellie and Jock."

"Oh," Pam said, unable to conceal her disappointment.

"Would you like me to give him a message?" Kristin asked sweetly.

"No," Pam said quickly. "You don't even have to tell him that I called." Pam abruptly hung up the phone without saying goodbye. Warm tears fell down her cheeks and onto the fancy bedspread. She had never felt so alone in her entire life.

Back at Southfork Kristin hung up the phone upon hearing a dial tone. "She didn't even say goodbye, no manners at all," Kristin declared. She opened the door to join the family when Sue Ellen caught her by the arm.

"Was someone on the phone?" Sue Ellen asked.

Kristin nodded her head. "It was Liz Craig asking for Pamela to call when she gets back," Kristin said simply.

"Oh." Sue Ellen went up the stairway to her bedroom.

"You're not joining everyone outside?" Kristin asked with concern.

"I'm feeling rather lightheaded," Sue Ellen admitted. "I'm turning in early tonight."

Kristin nodded her head. "I had a nice lunch with you today," she smiled.

Sue Ellen nodded her head. "Did J.R. seem alright to you today while you were in the office?"

"He seems fine," Kristin said, shrugging her shoulders.

"The way he acted at dinner, he kept staring at me all night long."

"He cares about you," Kristin said. "If someone stared at me all night long – I'd be flattered, not concerned."

"You're right."

"You know you really should count yourself lucky – having a husband like J.R. He's pretty great to have around."

"Yes he is," Sue Ellen said nervously, not liking Kristin's praise of her husband. "Goodnight."

"Sweet dreams sister dear," Kristin whispered as she sauntered outside to join the family.

"It was this big," Jock insisted with his hands spread out wide. "I've never seen an oil strike quite like that."

"This big!" mimicked John Ross, eliciting laughter from everyone.

J.R. stood up from his seat next to his mother. "Kristin, would you like to go on a little walk with me?" he offered. Kristin graciously accepted as Jock wowed the small crowd with more stories.

J.R. led Kristin to the barn, far from the house. "Are you positive that you saw Sue Ellen drinking this afternoon?"

"I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes," Kristin insisted. "She's getting in a dangerous territory."

"Maybe I should take more time off work."

"I don't know if that's the best option," Kristin said carefully.

"And why is that?"

"You don't want to smother her, J.R. Maybe she needs time alone to sort out her problems."

"Kristin, I know my wife."

"And I know my sister," she said evenly. "Being with you could send her back to the bottle – maybe it already has."

J.R. rested a hand on Kristin's shoulder. "Maybe you do care, but she is my wife, and I will do what I think is best for her."

"Suit yourself," Kristin said, slightly annoyed.

J.R. started back to the house, leaving Kristin behind him. Kristin climbed the edge of the barn and sat down, surveying the Southfork property, the land that she had once believed magical when she saw Sue Ellen married. _Mamma would be so proud of me if she knew what I was doing, _she thought to herself. _Going after the things I want, the life that she could never give me. It will all be mine._

* * *

J.R. walked into the bedroom, finding Sue Ellen in her nightgown, reading a book.

"How was it out there?" she asked.

"Fine," J.R. said as he took off his tie. "I'm just tired from a long day of interviewing."

Sue Ellen pulled J.R. onto the bed and started to massage his shoulders. "Why don't I see what I can do to make you feel better?"

J.R. smiled and took Sue Ellen's hand. "Honey – did something happen at lunch today that you aren't telling me?"

Sue Ellen stopped massaging. "No, nothing too out of the ordinary happened."

J.R. nodded and started to change for a shower.

"Why do you ask?" Sue Ellen asked quizzically.

J.R. peeked out of the bathroom. "Well I know things can get out of hand when Kristin was around."

"This wouldn't anything to do with Kristin spilling her drink now would it?" Sue Ellen asked, walking toward the bathroom.

J.R. said nothing as he turned on the hot water.

"J.R. I told you it was an accident," Sue Ellen yelled over the running shower. "And if you don't believe me – well that's your problem." Sue Ellen returned to bed in a huff, pulling the covers over her body.

"What's that Honey?" J.R. asked. But he got no response, Sue Ellen had fallen asleep.

* * *

Pam arrived at Rebecca Wentworth's house right on time with a nervous smile on her face. She boldly knocked on the door using the gold doorknocker and was greeted by a nervous young woman who ushered her inside. "Miss Rebecca is expecting you," she said, leading Pamela into a beautiful foyer where Rebecca Wentworth stood, observing the rest of the house.

"Mrs. Ewing?" Rebecca said with a perfunctory smile, extending her hand.

Pam stood in front of Rebecca unable to move as she took in her styled dark hair, beginning to show signs of grey, her tall form, her brown eyes. On her face, she had a tiny birthmark at the corner of her right eye, just like the picture that Pamela had looked at hundreds of times before. _You are my mother. _The young maid coughed and Pamela came to attention, accepting Rebecca's handshake. "Yes, I am Pamela Ewing."

"Have a seat," Rebecca generously offered. "Have you had any breakfast yet?"

"No I haven't."

"Wonderful, than we can eat together," Rebecca said, her smile growing somewhat wider. "Your name is Ewing. Are you of the Dallas Ewings, of Ewing Oil?"

Pam nodded her head. "My husband Bobby Ewing runs the company with his brother J.R. and their father Jock Ewing."

Rebecca nodded her head. "I'm afraid I don't do very much business within Dallas, but your family is rather famous in Texas."

Pamela nodded her head in agreement.

"So, Mrs. Ewing –"

"Pam, please call me, Pam," she quickly cut in.

"As you wish, Pam. Why did you want to see me?"

Pamela fidgeted with her fingers unsure of what to say. "Well, Mrs. Wentworth –"

"Rebecca."

"Rebecca, you knew my father very well."

Rebecca shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "And who was your father?"

"Willard Barnes," Pam said softly, "Affectionately known as Digger."

Rebecca braced herself on the sofa as Gertrude brought in two breakfast trays. Rebecca nodded at Gertrude to leave the room. "Digger Barnes?"

"My full name," Pam said softly, tears beginning to form in her eyes, "Is Pamela Barnes Ewing and you are my mother."

Rebecca stood up in one graceful motion. "Impossible. I don't even know a Digger Barnes."

"Your name was originally Rebecca Barnes, and you married oilman Digger Barnes and had four children with him."

"Stop!"

"Two of them died of a genetic disease, neurofibromatosis, but two survived, my brother Cliff Barnes, and myself."

"I don't know Digger Barnes and I don't know you," Rebecca said harshly.

"But you've got to remember," Pam said softly, handing her a marriage license, two birth certificates, and old photos. "Before you moved to Houston, you lived in Dallas."

"I am going to have to ask you to leave," Rebecca said primly. "I am not the woman that you are searching for."

"But…"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Ewing, but I do not know of a Rebecca Barnes, or a Digger Barnes. I was married to a man named Herbert Wentworth; recently he died of old age. We have a daughter together, Katherine. I am not the woman that you think I am."

Pam stumbled backwards. "No, no, it can't be true."

"I suggest you look for answers somewhere else, Mrs. Ewing."

Pamela couldn't say anything. _How can this be happening? Detective Mackey was convinced of who she was. She has the same birthmark that my mother has._ "I am very sorry to have bothered you," Pam mumbled as she started for the door.

Rebecca watched her leave, her eyes expressionless. Gertrude locked the door and turned to her mistress. "Is there anything else I can get you ma'am?" she asked nervously.

"No Gertrude, I wish to be alone." The young worker promptly left the room and Rebecca sat down in an elegant arm chair. Resting her head in her hands she began to cry.

Pamela said nothing on the drive back to the hotel. She ran through the front door and into her room. Her first instinct was to pack her bags and go home to Bobby, put everything behind her. But she couldn't do that. All she could do was sit in a sad silence. _They were right; Bobby and Cliff were both right about everything._

* * *

The Ewing family soaked up rays by the pool on a beautiful weekend. Ellie and Jock sat at the little table on the patio, drinking lemonade, Kristin and Lucy worked on their collective tans, Bobby swam laps, as J.R. helped John Ross swim on the other side of the pool. Sue Ellen sat wearing her swimsuit and pair of shorts by Ellie and Jock, holding Lizzy.

"You're doing real well John Ross," J.R. praised his son with his water wings as he stayed afloat.

"Daddy I swim," John Ross boasted proudly.

Bobby tried his best to ignore J.R. and John Ross' play. There weren't many moments when Bobby was envious of his older brother – but this was one of them. _J.R. is so proud of John Ross, he's doing everything that daddy did with us when we were his age._

"Penny for your thoughts," Kristin quipped, dangling her long legs in the tepid water.

Bobby laughed at Kristin's attempt to cheer him up. "You really can read minds can't you, Kristin?"

"I know you Bobby. You're upset over Pam and you shouldn't be. She'll come home when she's ready."

"But she hasn't even called," Bobby pointed out.

Kristin reached for Bobby's hand, blocking out the fact that she was the reason that Bobby missed Pam's call. "You still have me."

Bobby smiled at Kristin and quickly pulled her into the pool. Kristin let out scream and splashed Bobby.

Head foreman Ray Krebbs came out to the ranch dressed in his swim trunks and a shirt. "Howdy Jock, Miss Ellie."

"Hello Ray," Ellie smiled. "How are you this afternoon?"

"Just fine, ma'am, Ray smiled.

"Hey Ray, why don't you and Lucy have a chicken fight with Kristin and I?" Bobby challenged.

Lucy got off her lawn chair. "I don't know if Kristin can handle it," she teased.

"I'm game if you are," Kristin shot back, getting on Bobby's shoulders.

"Looks like we've been challenged Lucy," Ray said, taking off his shirt.

"Let's go," Lucy said evenly as J.R. and John Ross got out of the pool.

"My money's on Bobby and Kristin," J.R. joked.

Sue Ellen wrapped John Ross' little body in a towel and sent him over to his grandparents. J.R. pulled Sue Ellen into a hug, holding onto her waist.

"J.R. Ewing you are getting me all wet!" she scolded as she tried to wiggle away from his grasp, but he refused to let go, holding her in an embrace.

"Just showing you I love you," he teased, kissing her neck.

Sue Ellen wrapped her husband in a towel and kissed his nose. "Sometimes I feel like I have two little boys," she teased as they walked into the house.

Lucy, now hoisted onto Ray, reached for Kristin's hands. Kristin's height worked to her advantage, she towered over Lucy as she tried to push her off Ray. The family cheered the teams on as Kristin continued to have the upper hand.

Lucy let out a grunt of frustration at everything Kristin had done in the past several weeks and gave one thrust upward, sending Kristin off balance and into the pool.

"We win," Lucy cried, jumping off Ray's shoulders and giving him a hi-five. Kristin came up out of the water and dunked Lucy under. Bobby and Ray laughed at what seemed to be a harmless joke.

Lucy came out of the water, brushing her long hair out of her eyes. "What are you doing?" she cried, trying to splash Lucy.

"Just giving you a congratulatory dunking," Kristin laughed as she swam to the other side of the pool.

Lucy scowled and attempted to retaliate but Bobby held her back and the two began to race laps across the pool.

In the kitchen, Sue Ellen fixed two glasses of lemonade. "You were very amorous out there," Sue Ellen noted, handing her husband his glass.

"Do I need a reason to show my wife some affection?" J.R. asked.

"No." Sue Ellen took a seat. "It's just that you've never been one for public affection, it's just surprising."

_That's not the only thing surprising, _J.R. muttered to himself. He pulled Sue Ellen onto his lap. "You know that there is nothing in the world that you can't tell me, right?" He looked into her hazel eyes for hope, a sign that she would either confirm or deny Kristin's rumor.

"Of course," Sue Ellen said, stunned by his question. "Is something the matter?" she asked, concerned.

"You tell me," J.R. said, entwining her fingers with his.

Sue Ellen frowned slightly at his veiled accusation. "Which one of us is famous for keeping secrets from the other?" she challenged.

"We both are," J.R. said stubbornly. "In this relationship, you're about as guilty as I am in the secret department."

Sue Ellen stood up, frustrated and ran upstairs to the bedroom.

"Sue Ellen!" J.R. called after her, barely making it through the door before she slammed it closed.

"You kept affairs from me for ten years," she shouted with her hands in the air. "And now you have the audacity to tell me that I've been keeping things from you." Sue Ellen turned her back on her husband, not wanting him to see her get emotional.

"Sue Ellen, neither one of us is perfect," J.R. said gruffly. "I don't want to drudge up the past; I just want to talk to you," he said more gently, touching her shoulder and gently turning her around.

"I think I know why," Sue Ellen said softly. "I know that I've been worrying over Kristin, and her joining Bobby will only make her presence greater."

J.R. sighed. He had hoped that she would confess to having a drink that afternoon with Kristin, or even better, provide proof of a set-up, anything to ease his restless mind. J.R. didn't know what else to do but hold his wife.

"J.R.?" Sue Ellen gently asked, "Has Kristin ever made any advances to you in the office?"

J.R. smoothed Sue Ellen's hair. "No she hasn't Darlin', I told you that ship has sailed. I have no desire to have Kristin, when I can have you," he promised her, holding her close.

"As long as you're sure," Sue Ellen whispered, "then I am."

* * *

Pamela Ewing sat on her bed going through old photos and memories she found at her Aunt Maggie's. All of those hopes were pinned on one person, and Pam was let down. In one moment, all of her dreams were crushed. A tear spilled onto the faded photo, showing yellow with its age. Detective Mackey assured her that the woman was Rebecca Barnes. _Could he really have been wrong? Made a miscalculation?_ Pam reached for the tissue box. She wanted to call Bobby and allow him to slowly comfort her the way he had done dozens of times in the past. But this time they didn't see eye to eye on the issue. _He feels like I've betrayed him not only by searching but for keeping it a secret from him. _She knew that Cliff wouldn't by sympathetic to her plight – his own stubbornness kept him from wanting to reconcile with his mother. Pam envisioned Cliff telling her that he told her not to look for Rebecca, that she was setting herself up for heartbreak. Years of school had taught Cliff to be objective in his method of thinking, and he had been successful in all but a few areas: the Ewing family, his father, and his mother.

Pam kicked off her heels and massaged her foot. _If I call now I can get a flight back to Dallas tonight and surprise Bobby._ Despite their argument, she was looking forward to seeing him, being able to confide in him again, and maybe forget that her trip to Houston ever happened. Pam picked up the phone to call the airline when a knock at the door stopped her mid-dial.

Pamela slowly opened the hotel door, stunned to see the person on the other side.

"May I come in?" the visitor asked timidly.

Pamela nodded her head, hanging up the phone.

* * *

"I win," Jock said proudly, trumping Ellie at another game of chess. The two sat in the living room with Bobby, Kristin, and John Ross. J.R. comes down the stairs.

"Daddy," John Ross cries as J.R. picks up his son.

"Hey there partner," J.R. beams.

"Zoo!" John Ross says excitedly, tugging at his daddy.

J.R.'s face fell as he remembered promising to take his son to the zoo that weekend.

Bobby stood next to his brother. "J.R., why don't I take John Ross on that little outing?"

"I don't see why not," J.R. resolved.

"Where are you going, J.R.?" Ellie asked.

"I have a meeting."

"Pertaining to Ewing Oil?" Bobby asked incredulously. J.R. was expected to obey the company policy of keeping all meetings for Ewing Oil out in the open.

"No, it's personal," J.R. said, shooting a glance at Kristin. J.R. handed Bobby to his Uncle. "Uncle Bobby is going to take you to the zoo." John Ross clapped in agreement. "Sue Ellen's taking a nap upstairs, I'll see everyone for dinner," J.R. waved at his family and left.

Bobby put John Ross on his shoulders. "You ready to go to the zoo?"

"Zoo!" John Ross repeated. "Kristin!"

Bobby laughed at his nephew. "I think John Ross would like you to come with us."

Kristin smiled, "I don't have anything better to do today." The thought of spending an afternoon with Bobby excited her. "Why don't I get Lizzy in her stroller and we'll make it a foursome?"

"Deal," Bobby agreed as Kristin went upstairs to the nursery.

* * *

J.R. braved the harsh dining crowd at Madison's restaurant in order to get to the bottom of Kristin's rumor. He expected the visit to be in and out, hoping to prove Kristin wrong, put his concerns to rest. He brushed past groups of gossiping women seated at tables, drinking cocktails, there were men having business meetings with a bourbon, families seated together enjoying an afternoon meal, and even some who chose to dine alone. The bar appeared busy as J.R. took a seat on a stool and commanded the attention of bartender Ernie Miller, a young gentleman in his thirties.

"Mr. Ewing," Ernie nodded. "What can I get you today?"

"Information," J.R. said, cutting straight to the chase.

Ernie seemed confused as he took a seat behind the counter. "Information?"

"My wife and sister-in-law were here a day ago for lunch, and I'd like you to clear something up for me."

"Of course," Ernie nodded, remembering Sue Ellen and Kristin – especially Kristen. "What do you need?"

"It's a simple question really, was my wife drinking while in your establishment?"

Ernie furrowed his brow, attempting to recall the events of yesterday afternoon – there had been so many patrons in and out of the establishment, it was difficult to remember a particular party. "Yes – I believe she was, a vodka if I'm not mistaken."

J.R. frowned, the wrinkles on his forehead becoming prominent. "Are you sure?" he questioned in a low voice. "Was it Sue Ellen Ewing?"

Ernie nodded his head. "I have a receipt of her purchase if you'd like to look." Ernie began to dig in a large drawer under the table and soon produced a small slip of white paper.

"Sue Ellen's credit card number," J.R. said in disbelief. He had all the information he needed.

"Was there something else you needed Mr. Ewing?" Ernie asked with a smile.

J.R. threw the receipt onto the table and stood up. "You've done enough," he nodded, not looking back. He ran through the front door and jumped into his Mercedes. He felt a harsh buzzing in his ears; his head was spinning with the new details. _Kristin had been telling the truth all along, Sue Ellen had a drink – who knows if it was her first, or second, or even tenth? _J.R. braced himself against the steering wheel for support. He couldn't bear to think of his wife falling off the wagon – after over a year of sobriety, a healthy pregnancy, she had come so far. What hurt him even more was that she was keeping it from him. He remembered the old Sue Ellen of their early marriage, who openly drank in front of him, blamed him for her dependence on alcohol. _How long has this been going on, _he thought silently, putting the car into reverse and then drive – he wasn't ready to go home yet.

* * *

"Please sit down," Pamela instructed her guest, very aware of her surroundings. The hotel was nice, holding every necessary amenity that a traveler could want, and more, but this woman – this powerful woman – humbled her to the core.

"I suppose you are wondering what I am doing here," the woman said simply, softly, shyly.

"Mrs. Wentworth –"

"Rebecca, please call me Rebecca," the elderly woman urged.

"Rebecca," Pam said nervously, "I'm sorry for just coming to your home the way I did earlier, I was out of line, I didn't know what I was doing…."

"Pamela," the woman interrupted, not calling her by the proper name of Mrs. Ewing, "There is something that I need to tell you, something that won't be very easy for me to say." Pam folded her hands and listened. "It's something that I've suppressed for many years," she continued, "I thought if I never confronted it, it would disappear, vanish." Rebecca took a deep breath. "I grew up a very poor young girl outside of Dallas, Texas. I was raised to become a wife to a good, hardworking husband, and have a family of my own; it was expected of me, all I was allowed to do. I married at a very young age – to a man that I thought would provide for me, make all of my dreams come true. We had two children together, but they both died at a very young age, neither of us knew the reason why, it was unexplained. We went from doctor to doctor, doing whatever we could on what little money we had to find out why both children had died. I was afraid to get pregnant again; I was convinced that my next child would end up like my first two."

Pam listened quietly, she knew of this woman's struggle to have children, to face incredible odds, only to be turned down each time.

"As luck would have it – we finally had a son, a wonderful little boy. He brought so much joy to my life – his daddy's too. I was convinced that if I could keep this child alive that everything would be alright, I could have the life I always wanted. The only problem was my husband. I loved him very, very much, and I knew he loved me back, but he was unstable. It was difficult for him to hold down work – he was a wildcatter, an oilman. He loved the bottle – too much I'm afraid. My only escape was my son, and then the Lord blessed me with another child, a girl." Rebecca paused and looked at Pamela, her eyes becoming red with tears. "Pamela, my full name is Rebecca Barnes Wentworth, and you are my daughter."

Pamela covered her mouth with her hands, trembling. "You're my mother?"

Rebecca noted her hesitation. "I wanted to tell you – back at the house – but I was so terrified. My little girl, who I haven't seen in over twenty years, was standing before me and I didn't know what to say."

Pamela took a deep breath. "You are my mother."

Rebecca reached for Pam's clammy hand and took it in hers. "I wondered if I would ever see you again."

Pam's eyes were wide, she felt herself gravitating toward Rebecca and the two embraced, and both began to cry.

* * *

J.R. sat in a local bar outside of Dallas. "Another bourbon and branch," he ordered absentmindedly, neglecting the fact that it was his third within the last hour. He didn't want to think about Sue Ellen drinking, slipping away further from him, to the point where he no longer recognized the woman that he called wife.

The bartender slid the glass over to him and J.R. took a harsh gulp, slamming the remaining contents on the table. _To think that she'd turn back to the bottle the minute things go wrong – rather than try talking to me first. _J.R. had always felt guilty over Sue Ellen's drinking – the countless times he thrust a drink in her hand when he was tired of her, openly mocking her dependence on alcohol, calling her vicious names, driving her to the brink of insanity, to live her life in the bottle.

He felt powerless over the situation, he didn't know how much damage had been done, how long she had been drinking. _Hell, she could have been sneaking sips while she was pregnant, _he thought bitterly.

J.R. snapped his fingers for another drink. _How am I going to explain this to mamma and daddy? Everyone thinks she's quit drinking all together._ The family had been torn by Sue Ellen's drinking in the past, with J.R. getting much of the blame for Sue Ellen's state. But right now he didn't care about the family, all he could think about was her, and what made her do this now, when everything had been going so well.

* * *

Pamela sat in Rebecca's luxuriously decorated living room. "When my husband died, I redid everything," Rebecca said, realizing Pam's uneasiness over calling another man her husband.

"I was very sorry to hear about Mr. Wentworth," Pam said.

Rebecca smiled sorrowfully. "He was a wonderful man – we spent many years together, we even had a child together."

"Katherine," Pam nodded, "My sister."

Rebecca nodded her head. "I suppose you know a great deal about me from that detective you hired."

"I didn't mean to intrude by hiring him," Pam insisted. "I was so curious about you, I had to know more."

Rebecca smiled. "That's a quality man you had working for you, I had no idea about him until you mentioned him earlier." Rebecca took Pam's hand. "When I left your daddy I didn't know if I would ever find another man ever again, it wasn't even on my mind at the time."

"Were you very unhappy with us?" Pam asked earnestly.

"I loved you and Cliff very much, and I loved your daddy –"

"I know about Hutch McKinley," Pam said.

"Digger loved you as if you were his own."

"I know he did," Pam said softly, tears coming to her eyes. "He and Aunt Maggie, they raised Cliff and I as best they could."

"I knew I was leaving you in good hands with Digger's sister. She and I were very close. Rebecca smiled, remembering her old friend. "How is she doing?"

"She's doing very well; she has a son – Jimmy. In a lot of ways he reminds me of Digger."

Rebecca laughed. "I loved your daddy, but I couldn't stay with him. My affair with Hutch, it only made things worse between us. He never treated you differently – but he never saw me in the same way after the incident, not that I blame him. I betrayed him…twice, once with Hutch, and then I left." Pam let her mother continue. "We fought constantly – he was out of work, drunk – I did whatever I could to protect you and Cliff from your daddy's episodes, but I couldn't handle it. I got scared, and I ran. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life – and I regretted it every day." Rebecca reached for a box of tissues, took some for herself, and handed the container to Pam.

"Why didn't you come back for us?" Pam questioned. "Cliff and I thought you abandoned us for good – that you didn't care about us anymore."

Rebecca sighed, "I couldn't face your father after what I had done. I wanted to move on with my life, let you and Cliff and Digger move on. I created a new world for myself here. A few years after being in Houston I met Herbert, we married, and we had Katherine. I was settled in my new life, and I thought you and Cliff were as well. Any news about you and your brother I read in the newspaper, I read about your marriage to Bobby, Cliff's appointment as a DA….Digger's death."

"You could have come to his funeral."

"I wanted to – but I thought it would raise too many questions. I had put Digger to rest several years before, Herbert never knew about my life in Dallas. I couldn't bear coming back, seeing old ghosts. As long as you and Cliff were doing well, I left it at that."

Pam nodded her head. "And now, now that I found you?"

"Do I want a relationship," she finished. "If you still want me in your life, after everything that's happened, I could never say no to you."

Pam smiled with tears in her eyes. "You mean that?"

"Of course," Rebecca hugged her daughter. "We have a lifetime to catch up on. I want to know everything about you and Cliff. How long can you stay in Houston?"

Pamela thought of Bobby, Miss Ellie, and Jock at home, especially of Bobby and the way she left things. She hated leaving on bad terms with Bobby, being on opposite ends of a position yet again, but there didn't seem to be a choice. "I can stay a few extra days," Pam smiled, telling herself that she would call Bobby that very night and tell him everything.

"Are you sure? You have a husband and a family back home."

"They can live without me for a few more days," Pam said confidently. "They'll be so happy to hear that I found you."

"And Cliff?" Rebecca asked earnestly.

"What about Cliff?"

"Will he be happy as well?"

Pamela didn't have the heart to tell Rebecca that her only son vowed to never see her again. "Cliff's very busy with his work.

"I can imagine. But you will tell him won't you? I'm surprised he didn't come with you to Houston."

"So was I."

"Why don't I have Gertrude prepare us a feast of a dinner and you can tell me everything about yourself?"

Pam smiled and walked with her mother into the kitchen.

* * *

Kristin sat on a park bench with John Ross and Lizzy as Bobby came back with two hotdogs, and three milkshakes. He handed John Ross his kiddie shake and Kristin her snack and drink. The group sat in front of the lion cage. John Ross lifted his free hand.

"I think he wants to go in," Kristin teased. John Ross sat mesmerized by the pack of lions together, a mother, a father, and three cubs.

"Lion," he cried waving his arms.

"I think they might be his favorite part of the zoo," Bobby laughed.

Kristin smiled, tucking Lizzy under her blanket. "He also enjoyed the monkeys, and the elephants."

Kristin and Bobby disposed of their trash and continued along the zoo path, John Ross riding on Bobby's shoulders, and Kristin pushing Lizzy in the stroller. The group stopped by the rainforest section of the zoo.

"It's beautiful," Kristin commented. John Ross looked up at the trees at the various birds. Kristin pulled out her camera for a picture of the scene.

"I could take your picture if you'd like," a young woman with her daughter came up behind them. "You look like a wonderful family."

Kristin turned to Bobby, who seemed just as surprised as she was. _Someone actually thinks that we're together, _she thought with a smile. "Thanks." Kristin handed the woman the camera and took Lizzy out of her stroller.

Kristin and Bobby huddled together as the camera flashed. "Thanks," Bobby said as Kristin put the machine back in the stroller.

The group headed back to the front of the zoo. "That was really weird wasn't it?" Bobby commented.

"Someone thinking we were a family?" Kristin asked. "I think it was a compliment."

Bobby looked slightly uncomfortable. It was moments like this that he wanted to share with Pam and their children. But Pamela wasn't around.

Kristin buckled John Ross in his car seat, and Lizzy in hers, turning to Bobby. "She made you uncomfortable didn't she?" she asked, disappointed.

"It's nothing you did," Bobby assured her. "You are one of the few good things in my life right now, and I want you to stick around. I guess the scenario just hit a little too close to home that's all."

Kristin sighed and opened the car door. She had spent all of her time with Bobby lately and he was still thinking of Pamela, and it bothered her, more than she let on. "You mean a lot to me too," she said softly. "You're more than just family to me."

Bobby patted Kristin's shoulder. "I don't know what I would have done without you these past few weeks. You're always there to talk to me, you listen, you offer advice, I'm telling you, the guy that ends up with you is going to be very lucky."

Kristin sighed as Bobby drove back to Southfork. _I am still not getting through to him, I've done everything I could short of seducing him and he still thinks of me as just family – a __friend, even if it is a close friend. I'd hate to have to go with my Plan B, but I don't see another choice._

* * *

Pamela laughed along with Rebecca in her large dining room in Houston. "I had no idea that you kept all of these pictures," she gushed, admiring an early family picture of an infant Pam, young Cliff, Digger, and Rebecca.

"They were all I had left of you and Cliff," Rebecca said. "Some nights – especially in the beginning, I would just stare at these pictures for hours." Rebecca touched Pam's hand. "You were a very happy baby."

"That's what Digger said."

"It's true. You were always smiling, laughing, easy to please, everyone loved you."

Pam blushed, hearing stories about her childhood many times. "There's one thing that I still don't understand." Pamela took a sip of wine. "Why did you leave us?"

Rebecca sighed softly. "I don't want you thinking any less of your father – he loved you very much."

"I know he wasn't perfect, Re-," Pam paused, wondering what to call the woman that she had just met. 'Mom' didn't seem fitting right away, and 'Rebecca' seemed too formal for the woman who had given birth to her.

"You can call me whatever you like," Rebecca said helpfully. "I don't expect to call me Mom right away."

Pam smiled. "Rebecca, I know that Digger wasn't perfect. If Maggie hadn't been there to help take care of him, Cliff, and me…I don't know what would have happened."

"I was in a dead-end relationship with your father. I couldn't deal with the instability, the drinking, constantly being out of work – I wasn't thinking when I left, but as I mentioned earlier, I didn't see a way of coming back. All I knew was that Maggie would take care of you, give you everything I should of."

"Aunt Maggie isn't you," Pam argued. "Cliff, Digger, and I all needed you in our lives, there was no substitute."

Rebecca nodded. "I feel terrible for missing out on so much; I cheated both of us out of a life together."

"But you couldn't stay married to Daddy," Pam said thoughtfully.

"It wasn't you or Cliff."

"I know that now," Pam said. "I spent twenty years wondering if I had done something to make you leave."

"I'm glad you came here," Rebecca said. "You took the first step, and now maybe we can have the relationship that we should have had before." Pam smiled. "I'll have Gertrude prepare a bedroom for you, there's no point in you staying at the hotel now." The two got up and retired to the living room. "Tell me about your life."

"Well," Pam began softly, "I married Bobby Ewing a few years ago."

"Digger must have hated that," Rebecca laughed.

"It took some getting used to – for everyone. But he came to terms with my marriage, he knew that I still loved him, and that was all that mattered."

"Is Bobby a good man?"

Pam closed her eyes, remembering Bobby's face, his body, his voice. "Bobby is a wonderful husband, and I love him very much. He's noble, honest, hardworking, loyal, kind."

"Then you're happy as a Ewing?"

Pam let out a laugh. "It's very different; I don't think I'll ever fully get used to be a part of the Ewing family. It took months to be recognized by his parents, and I still haven't won favor in his brother J.R.'s sight. But Sue Ellen, my sister-in-law, it took a long time, but I think I found a friend in her."

"Seems like you're married to the Ewing family rather than Bobby."

"It feels that way," Pam admitted. "Their fights are my fights, their life is my life." Pam took a sip. "But I knew that when I married Bobby in New Orleans. You know we got married by a justice of the peace, it was a spontaneous decision. He just said we should get married, and I agreed."

"Digger and I were married very quickly as well. In fact, I was six weeks pregnant with Cliff when we tied the knot. It seemed like the suitable thing to do – we loved each other."

"Can I ask you a question?" Pamela asked quietly.

"You can ask me anything."

"What was Hutch McKinley like?"

Rebecca sighed. "Hutch was one of Jock's ranch hands. Living close to the Ewings, Digger and I saw him on several occasions. It started as a friendship; Hutch would visit with me while Digger was off drinking or sniffing for oil. He sat me on afternoons when I was away from the house – I never brought him near Cliff, it would only confuse him. And I was as discrete as I could be, we'd meet outside of Dallas whenever Maggie could watch the baby. It wasn't long before I realized I had feelings for him. The relationship continued for months. When Hutch was fired by Jock, he told me to run away with him – I was pregnant with you at the time. I told him I couldn't leave so soon. When Digger came home that night, drunk, and found me with Hutch, he lost his mind and shot him dead. He knew that you were not his child, but he made an attempt to keep us a family – and so did I. Until I couldn't take it anymore, and I left without looking back."

Pam shook her head. "You could have come back to us after Digger past away; you didn't even come to the funeral."

Rebecca nodded her head. "How was the funeral?"

"Simple – what Digger would have wanted, he was very sick at the end, he passed away in peace."

A tiny tear fell down Rebecca's cheek. "My biggest mistake was letting you go."

* * *

It was late evening at Southfork when J.R. returned, sullen. His worst fears had been confirmed and he still didn't know how to handle the situation. He spied Kristin's silhouette by the porch door.

"Was I right?" Kristin asked as J.R. came towards the house. "You went to Madisons didn't you?"

"I went," J.R. said gruffly.

"And?" Kristin prodded.

"What do you want me to say?" J.R. asked, exasperated. "Does it make you happy, knowing that she's fallen off the wagon, or close to falling off the wagon?"

Kristin stepped towards J.R. "Maybe now you'll take the problem seriously. Do you have any idea how long this has been going on? You are her husband!"

"I know!" J.R. shouted. He ran his fingers through his head. "It could have been that one time."

"It only takes once for Sue Ellen," Kristin added, her mind spinning with possibilities. "Think of how fragile she is."

"She isn't the same person she was before – she's stronger, confident."

"She's still susceptible to the bottle – same as everyone else." J.R. said nothing. "What do you intend to do?" Kristin prodded. "Send her back to the sanitarium?"

At the mention of the hospital where he admitted Sue Ellen against her will once before. He recalled her heartbroken face, her cries, pleas of being released. "I won't send her back there!" J.R. said gruffly. "You'd love that wouldn't you – seeing Sue Ellen put back in that prison!"

Kristin smirked, saying nothing. "Goodnight, J.R." She sauntered into the house, feeling J.R.'s eyes upon her. Her plan had worked perfectly, though she paid a high price in giving in to Ernie's demands, selling her body to sell out her sister. _All men really are the same, _Kristin muttered bitterly, recoiling at the very thought of Ernie's body touching hers, _they all want the same thing._ Kristin knew to suck it up and pay her debt, satisfying him so that he would not sell her out and tell J.R. the truth – that Sue Ellen hadn't touched any alcohol that afternoon.

J.R. trudged into the house, careful to leave the family undisturbed. Heading up the stairs to the bedroom he eyed the dim light and assumed that Sue Ellen had been waiting up for him again. Slipping off his shoes, he opened the door.

"J.R.," Sue Ellen said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "How was your afternoon?"

"Fine," he said quietly, releasing himself from her embrace.

"Where were you today?" she queried. "You were gone all afternoon; Bobby and Kristin took the children to the zoo."

"I ran an errand," J.R. said harsher than he had meant to.

"It must have been very important." Sue Ellen knelt down to rub her husband's back. "Are you feeling better?"

"No," J.R. said, backing away from her touch. Now wasn't the time for him to be sidetracked by his emotions.

Sue Ellen frowned, his tone very different from that morning. "What's wrong?"

"How many months have you been sober," J.R. asked pointedly.

Sue Ellen frowned at his question, "Seventeen or eighteen months. Why do you ask?"

"Have you ever thought about…?"

"There are days," Sue Ellen admitted, "When I've felt that the only pleasure I could find was in a bottle, the only comfort." J.R. sighed as Sue Ellen continued. "But I haven't had a drink in over a year." She looked up at her husband, "Why do you ask?"

"I was at Madisons today," he began, but she cut him off.

"You still don't believe me, do you?" She backed away from him to the wall.

"We've been down this road before, Sue Ellen," J.R. reasoned. "You claiming sobriety only to be sneaking a sip on the side."

"No!" Sue Ellen cried out, "It's not true."

J.R. stood up and went to the closet, pulling down her bottle of vodka. "For someone who claims to have given up drinking – you enjoy keeping it close."

Sue Ellen reached for the bottle. "That does not belong to you!"

"Neither does this," J.R. sneered, ripping a receipt from Madisons out of his coat pocket and dropping it onto the floor.

Sue Ellen bent down to grab the paper her eyes wide with shock and disbelief. "This isn't mine," she whispered, the wind knocked out of her.

"It's your credit card on the sheet," J.R. said stepping towards her. "I talked to the bartender working that afternoon – Ernie – he confirmed that you had been drinking."

"Kristin," Sue Ellen stammered. "Set me up."

"She spilled a drink on you?" J.R. asked mockingly, losing his patience. "You've told me that story before."

"And it was true," Sue Ellen shouted, cornering him. "I was set up by you and her to appear a crazy drunk." J.R. said nothing as she continued. "And you were convinced that it would work – that I would be out of your hair forever." Sue Ellen ripped the receipt into shreds and threw them at her husband. "It didn't work then and I won't work now!"

J.R. stuck out his lip. "Explain the bottle."

"I don't have to tell you anything!" Sue Ellen ran for the door, but J.R. pulled her toward him.

"Hiding something, Darlin'?"

"Let go of me!" she cried, pushing against him with her free hand.

"How long as it been there anyhow, was this one there less than a day?"

"You bastard," she cried, blindly hitting his chest.

J.R. pulled her other arm towards him, holding both. "You thought you could keep this from me, that I would never find out? What if my mamma and daddy had seen you? Or John Ross, have you thought of him?"

J.R. knew he had gone too far in mentioning John Ross to Sue Ellen. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, but it was too little, too late. Sue Ellen pulled away from her husband and ran to the bedroom on the other side of the hall, locking the door closed.

J.R. frowned, falling onto the bed. _You've really done it now haven't you, you jackass, _he muttered bitterly. He didn't mean to hurt her – though he had done it time and again. It was easy to lose control when he was around her – he'd lose all of his inhibitions in her presence and he wouldn't know what was happening. J.R. rolled over, admiring a wedding photo. He still was not convinced of her sobriety, though he knew he had been hard on her – too hard in bringing in John Ross. He felt powerless to help her, especially if she was so adamant in her denial.

He quietly pressed his ear against the door to the guestroom, where Sue Ellen resided. Hearing nothing, he considered grabbing the master key from the den and checking in on her.

"You talked to her," Kristin said, popping up behind him. "And from the looks of things, it didn't go well."

"I don't need this Kristin," J.R. said tersely, going down the hallway.

"She's in denial," Kristin called following him. "Classic Sue Ellen. No one knows that better than you or me." She cornered J.R. "You know what she's capable of when she drinks. She almost killed…"

"I know," J.R. said solemnly. "She would never put John Ross or Lizzy in danger."

"Maybe not intentionally," Kristin reasoned. "But if she doesn't have control of the situation – anything can happen."

J.R. sat down on the couch. "Are you calling my wife an unfit mother?"

"No," Kristin said quickly.

"She is a good mother, she loves those children."

"I'm looking out for her and you," Kristin said, crossing her knee. "Whether you believe me or not, I care about you both." Kristin spoke with a conviction that she was sure would win anyone over.

"Why the sudden change of heart?" J.R. countered. "I know you too well, Kristin. You were never the caring type."

"Neither were you," Kristin pointed out. "The J.R. I knew loved three things and three things only: his mother, his father, and his company." J.R. frowned at Kristin's blunt but fairly accurate portrayal. "Over the last year, you've changed into a more caring person – a more," Kristin brushed J.R.'s hand, "sensitive person." J.R. pulled away from her. "If you can change, why can't I?"

"Why would you want to?" J.R. questioned, not convinced.

"I've felt rather guilty over my previous actions in these last few weeks," Kristin began solemnly. "I haven't been the nicest person."

"That's an understatement," J.R. laughed.

"But I want to change – to be a better person: a good sister, aunt, friend. I want to help you and Sue Ellen." Kristin tilted her head upward to meet J.R.'s blue stare.

"I went about it the wrong way," J.R. muttered. "You should have heard me – accusing her of drinking."

"You have proof," Kristin interrupted, "the receipt."

"And the bottle," J.R. added, not thinking of what he was saying.

"What bottle?" Kristin asked, sitting up. _Could Sue Ellen truly be stealing a drink on the sly?_

"It's nothing," J.R. brushed her off.

"It can't be nothing if you brought it up," Kristin argued. "Does Sue Ellen keep liquor in the bedroom?"

J.R. stood up to leave, confirming Kristin's suspicion. _J.R. doesn't know it, but he just did me a big favor, _she smiled inwardly.

"Kristin – if you really cared for Sue Ellen, you'd leave Southfork and let her get on with her life," J.R. as climbed up the stairs.

"Dear brother-in-law, I respectfully disagree," Kristin answered. "Sue Ellen can't have too many people looking out for her."

"As long as their intentions are genuine," J.R. finished, staring at her.

"Oh they are," Kristin responded as J.R. went back to his room. "They truly are," she laughed.

J.R. thumbed the door handle, looking at the guest room. There was an eerie silence. _She must have fallen asleep; _he muttered as he opened the door and crawled into bed. He would make it up to her in the morning. He was sure that given the proper chance, he they could talk everything out together.

A gentle knock at the door broke J.R. from his thoughts. Thinking that it was his wife on the other side of the door, wanting to talk to him, he smiled, only to be disheartened when Bobby came into the room.

"I didn't realize you were getting ready for bed," Bobby said with a smirk.

"What do you want, Bob?" J.R. grumbled.

"Where's Sue Ellen?" Bobby asked, ignoring J.R.'s attitude.

"She isn't feeling very well," J.R. responded, knowing that he was only half-lying, and he had no reason to tell Bobby everything.

"Is she alright?" Bobby asked concerned, taking a seat on a chair.

"She'll be fine," J.R. said curtly, his exasperation growing.

"Okay, fine," Bobby raised his hands. "Mamma said she heard shouting up here earlier and I just wanted to make sure everything was alright."

"It's none of your business."

"You're right, it isn't. I just want you to know that I'm here if you ever need to talk."

J.R. frowned, "Is that all you came here to say?"

"Not quite," Bobby said. "We're all going on an emergency business trip to Washington D.C. tomorrow morning for a meeting with Senator John Hopkins regarding drilling leases for the cartel."

J.R. sat up. "We aren't supposed to meet Hopkins for another month."

"I know – but he's bumping us up, he says this is the only time he can meet with us, it's now or never. We could lose favor with the cartel if we can't convince Hopkins to see our side."

J.R. nodded his head, knowing how important t was to wine and dine the powerful Senator, making him see their side. "What time tomorrow?"

"Flight leaves at seven," J.R. said. "Daddy's packing; I'm taking Kristin with us."

"Why?" J.R. countered, "Is Kristin coming with us." He spat out her name with all of the loathing he had accumulated over the years of knowing her.

"We need someone to take notes for us and keep everything organized while we're in D.C.," Bobby reasoned. "Connie's out of the picture, and unless you want to break in your new secretary Sylvia right away, we should bring Kristin because we're used to her."

"Fine," J.R. muttered, miffed that he wasn't going to be able to see Sue Ellen for the weekend.

"You'll see Sue Ellen when you come back," Bobby assured him as he opened the door to leave.

J.R. rested his eyes, thoughts of his wife pouring through his mind. He wanted to go across the hall and tell her he loved her – that he was sorry for everything he had said – that he would take everything back in a second…except for the fact that there was a bottle kept in the closet, and a receipt for vodka with her name on it. He thought about Kristin, whether or not she had the influence to create phony receipts. There was a chance that she had set Sue Ellen up, but the bottle – the bottle belonged to Sue Ellen, and he couldn't get past it.

* * *

Morning came all too quickly for the Ewing men. Jock had ordered the boys to be ready to go bright and early. Kristin was eager to leave, standing with Jock, comparing notes for the trip. Sue Ellen was asleep; J.R. had contemplated waking her and telling her about his business trip so that he could give her a proper farewell. Yet he didn't have the courage to talk to her – to confront her about Kristin and her past drinking. It was such a harsh topic for him – both of them – that it made tempers flare easily. J.R. settled for calling her the moment he had a chance, planning an apology for when he returned.

Ellie, holding Lizzy in her arms, gave her boys a fond farewell. "Be safe," she warned the Ewing men.

"We'll be back in a few days," Bobby promised.

"And they have me to keep them in line," Kristin winked, as she headed for the car. She was undoubtedly the most excited about the trip, getting away from Southfork for the weekend with Bobby.

"If Pamela calls, give her the hotel number," Bobby said, handing his mother the contact information. After several tries on both ends, Pamela had finally gotten to speak to Bobby, though right now Bobby was still as unhappy as ever with her decision to stay an extra week in Houston. He would have gone down there to visit her himself if he hadn't needed to be working during the week.

Lucy joined her mother in the threshold of the door, shooting a glare at Kristin in the backseat with Bobby.

"Well Lucy," Ellie said, placing her hand on her granddaughter's shoulder, "Why don't we go inside and have breakfast?"

"Sounds great Grandma," Lucy smiled following her into the kitchen.

* * *

"So Cliff is successful?" Rebecca pondered over a large breakfast with Pam.

"He may not be famous, or wealthy, but he's doing what he loves to do – and he does it well," Pam said over a glass of orange juice. "Cliff likes fighting for the underdog – people who never got a second chance."

"Like Digger," Rebecca said softly.

"Sometimes I think he does it for Digger's memory, to help the Digger's in the world," Pam nodded. "Cliff doesn't need much to make him happy, he has simple tastes."

"Is he married?"

Pam laughed at the question. "I love Cliff – but one thing he does not have is knowledge of the opposite sex."

Rebecca laughed, "Sounds like his daddy."

"Cliff's happy as a bachelor, he may stay one forever," Pam said. "He knows I'll be there to take care of him – and he has Maggie."

"I want to see him," Rebecca said finally.

"See Cliff?" Pam asked nervously, nearly choking on her juice.

"Well he's my son – and if I can have a relationship with you, why not him too?" Rebecca looked at her daughter. "He does know that I'm alive doesn't he?"

"He knows," Pam said, choosing her words carefully.

"And he didn't want to come with you?"

Pam didn't know what to say to her mother and played with her fingers.

Rebecca sighed, guessing Pam's answer. "He resents me for leaving him?"

"You have to understand – you left when I was so young, I don't remember you the way he does. He remembers everything about you."

Rebecca nodded her head. "I've got no right to want to see him – I lost any chance with him when I left."

"That's not true," Pam declared. "You have every right to see him – you're his mother." Pam smiled. "Come to Dallas – I'll talk to him again, maybe he'll change his mind."

"I don't know I can be in Dallas after everything that's happened," Rebecca said, "Not yet anyway. And if Cliff isn't ready – I can't force him. Will you tell him that I want to see him?"

"Of course." Pam held her mother's hand. "You still have me – and Katherine, I'd love to meet her."

"Right now she's in school, but break will be in a month or so – I'm sure she'd love to meet you too."

"Tell me more about her," Pam prodded, steering the conversation away from Cliff.

* * *

Sue Ellen awoke to a very silent ranch house. Studying the alarm clock, she realized she had slept in much later than she had intended to. "11:30 in the morning, the family must be concerned," she muttered, quickly donning a bathrobe and heading for the shower. The warm water rejuvenated her body after a harsh night in a foreign bedroom. The mattress felt stiff, unused, the room was primarily for show, or for the occasional house guest, but it lacked the comfort and peace of the bedroom that she had shared with J.R. for over ten years. The feeling of having his arms wrapped around her waist, her face buried in his neck. Sue Ellen felt a tear fall down her cheek. She missed her husband.

Flashes of last night returned. Kristin had indeed set her up for a fall. _Spilling a drink on me, _Sue Ellen muttered, _she must be desperate if she's using her old tricks again. _Sue Ellen frowned, realizing how close Kristin and J.R. had been to having her thrown off Southfork two years ago. Sue Ellen knew that her sister was capable of anything and would do anything to get her own way. _Well two can play at that game Kristin, _Sue Ellen laughed, drying herself off. First she would deal with her sister, then her husband.

* * *

"I just don't understand what you are going to do with your retirement?" Pamela said thoughtfully as the two walked through a Houston mall.

"I'm not fully retired, I have full control over all of Wentworth Industries, and it holds several umbrella companies. I'm just looking for someone capable to run them in my absence. They'd report everything to me; I'd have the final say on all business decisions. I just wouldn't be going into a stuffy office every day," Rebecca laughed, admiring a scarf.

"You do have that whole house."

"And it's very lonely. Until I can convince Katherine to relocate to Houston, I'll be living by myself. You know if you were single, you could live with me in Houston, you would love it here."

"If it was just me, maybe I would," Pam admitted. "But even if I wasn't married to Bobby, there's still Cliff."

"Ah, Cliff, my son, who you are very reluctant to let me see by the way."

Pam admired a hat in a window, still not wanting to tell her mother everything that Cliff had said earlier. "I don't think he'd be ready yet."

"Do you think he ever will be ready? This would be a big change for him and me, and you. It isn't every day that a mother is reacquainted with her children."

"I promise to talk to him when I get back to Dallas."

"So until then, why don't we enjoy the rest of our stay together, and you can tell me more about that wonderful husband that you are so fond of."

* * *

Sue Ellen came down the stairs dressed in a lovely navy blue dress. She had hoped that no one had noticed her sleeping in the guest room for the night; she was already concerned about her shouting match with J.R. – where neither party had come out the winner.

"Sue Ellen," Ellie said in astonishment at seeing her daughter-in-law. "I thought you would never get up this morning."

"I'm sorry Miss Ellie, I overslept," Sue Ellen said with her best smile.

"I bet," Lucy said with a smirk, grabbing a book. She had heard J.R. and Sue Ellen feuding the night before, and even if her grandparents refused to admit it, she knew they did as well. "I'll see you two later," she waved.

Ellie and Sue Ellen waved as Lucy went out the door.

"I saved breakfast for you," Ellie said helpfully, offering Sue Ellen many options from which to choose from.

"Thank-you, Miss Ellie," Sue Ellen smiled, reaching for a bagel. "Is J.R. here, I haven't seen him since I got up."

"He went on an early business trip with Bobby and J.R. to Washington D.C."

Sue Ellen frowned, putting down her napkin. "A business trip?"

"It was very last notice," Ellie said helpfully. "He wanted to tell you, but you needed your sleep."

"Do you know when they'll return?"

"The boys will return with Kristin in a few days."

"Kristin went with them?" Sue Ellen asked, trying to conceal her frustration.

"Yes," Ellie admitted openly, thinking nothing of it. "Is something troubling you, Sue Ellen?"

"No, Miss Ellie – I was just thinking, I haven't been to D.C. before, and I think now would be an excellent time for me to go and surprise J.R. and everyone."

Miss Ellie looked at Sue Ellen in confusion. "You know that they'll be working non-stop, this isn't a vacation."

"And while they're in meetings, I can explore the city," Sue Ellen said with a smile. "Do you have the hotel information?"

"I'll get it right now," Ellie said, retrieving the name, address, and phone number of the hotel in Washington. Ellie eyed the calendar and sighed. "Sue Ellen, there's no way that you could leave for Washington today, we're co-hosting the charity fundraiser for the retirement home at the Oil Barons Ball."

"Oh Miss Ellie," Sue Ellen sighed, "I completely forgot about the fundraiser." Sue Ellen frowned. "I'll leave for Washington tomorrow and surprise J.R."

"You don't want to call him first?" Miss Ellie smiled.

"No," Sue Ellen said with a devilish glint in her eye. "I think I'll surprise Mr. Ewing, he has too much to think about with work right now anyway."

Miss Ellie smiled and went back to the kitchen. "It's our job to keep their lives exciting isn't it?"

"It truly is, Miss Ellie." Sue Ellen went upstairs to prepare for the fundraiser, and for tomorrow afternoon. Plus, time away from J.R. would allow her to cool down when she saw him. She didn't know who she was more angry with – her husband who didn't tell her he was leaving, or try to explain his behavior from the previous night, or the sister who she had a feeling would take advantage of a weekend alone with her husband.

_How many 'business trips' did those two go on together during the short period when she was his secretary, _Sue Ellen silently fumed, slamming a week's worth of clothes into the suitcase. Grabbing the phone in the bedroom, Sue Ellen contacted the Ewing jet to be ready for her the next morning. Jock had instructed the family to use the jet only for emergencies, and in Sue Ellen's mind, this qualified as one. She had no intention of being at the mercy of Dallas airlines as she sought for answers.

* * *

"That was Bobby," Pam said excitedly, thrilled from hearing her husband's voice. She climbed into Rebecca's car and buckled up. "He's going to be in Washington D.C. for a few days on business. We should be coming home around the same time."

"So you really are leaving?" Rebecca asked.

"Not permanently," Pam promised. "I have a whole life in Dallas – a family, a career, Cliff."

"I know," Rebecca laughed. "You really did turn out well, Pam, after everything that you've been through over the years."

Pam sighed. "I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but I still feel a piece of me is missing, a void that only a child can fill."

"It will happen for you Pam, the question is when."

"I can't wait to be with Bobby again. I wish you were coming to Dallas with me, you'd love Bobby."

"I'm sure I would. But I can't leave Houston quite yet. There's a lot of unfinished business with Wentworth Industries, and I honestly don't know if I can leave the home yet."

"Because of Herbert."

"That was the only home we lived in – for over twenty years. Some things are impossible to give up."

"I know what you mean," Pam said, thinking of the countless battles she had fought over the years as a Ewing.

* * *

Kristin exhaustedly stretched her long arm outside of the conference room in the Plaza Hotel. She had spent three hours taking notes and requests from an army of businessman and politicians, all there for one reason: to make money. As much as she enjoyed the intrigue and power that went into the oil business, there was only so much she could take. She had wasted a beautiful fall day in that stuffy conference room with men that continued to ogle and leer at her as if she was some form of entertainment than a professional. _What does a woman have to do to be taken seriously _she mused, heading back to her room to take advantage of the indoor swimming pool. Spying Bobby across the hotel, Kristin remembered why she was so excited for the trip in the first place: alone time with Bobby, away from Southfork and the Ewing family. Jock and J.R. could entertain themselves for the evening, and tonight Kristin was going to make a final play for Bobby.

She waved at her captive with a bright smile and he greeted her with a hug.

"I'm surprised you made it through that meeting," Bobby smiled. "I almost fell asleep listening to those men drone on and on."

"It wasn't easy, but I'd do anything for Ewing Oil….or you Bobby." Kristin kissed Bobby on the cheek.

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "That's why I love having you as my secretary." Kristin slowly inhaled Bobby's cologne, a scent she had committed to memory during her first long stay at Southfork, after John Ross was born. "You don't have any big plans tonight do you?" Bobby asked.

"You mean like a date?" Kristin laughed.

"Well I wouldn't be surprised if you did – you are a very attractive woman."

Kristin gushed inwardly at Bobby's compliment. "Nothing special tonight."

"Well then why don't we spend the evening together? I'd much rather have you for company than J.R.," he laughed, and Kristin joined him.

"I was thinking about exploring the town, a little, I've been to D.C. and then maybe a little swim afterwards."

"Sounds perfect," Bobby said. "First, why don't we make plans for dinner?"

Kristin eagerly followed Bobby outside; confident that for once in her life she was going to get what she wanted.

* * *

Sue Ellen stood politely in front of the podium as the guest speaker; Mayor Jack Evans spoke about the new retirement home in Dallas County. It was Mr. Evans responsibility to encourage more donations so that the groundwork could be laid within the next few months. Evans spoke about how a new home would stimulate the economy, keep families together, bring new life for Dallas. Sue Ellen did her best to listen to the mayor speak his views, she supported him fully on the proposal for a new home, but she was having increasing trouble concentrating on the task at hand – her thoughts continued to go to J.R. and to Kristin. She couldn't believe how naïve she had been about Kristin, going so far as to set her up for drinking and pit her against J.R. She had wondered if he had been in on the deal the entire time, or if he had been duped in the same way that she had. All she knew was that she did not want her sister anywhere near her husband.

Miss Ellie sat proudly in the audience, blissfully unaware of Sue Ellen's inner struggle. The two had worked for months generating publicity, primary funding, making contacts, and now everything was beginning to pay off.

Mayor Jack Evans concluded his speech and gestured for Sue Ellen to take the stand again. Sue Ellen shook the mayor's hand and flashed her famous Miss Texas smile at the packed auditorium. She was in her element, leading Dallas' most important women in what was going to be a very promising initiative, but it did not diminish the fear in her heart, which no one could detect.

* * *

Kristin laughed at Bobby as they sat at a little café overlooking the Potomac River.

"You know I always knew you would go places," Bobby said as the waiter poured another glass of wine for Bobby and Kristin.

"Oh," Kristin said softly, sipping her glass and enjoying the view.

"Remember when you first stayed at Southfork, how you were interested in architecture and design?"

"I remember you showing me various buildings around Dallas," Kristin said as she reached for Bobby's hand. "You were always supportive of me."

Bobby squeezed Kristin's hand. "You have a lot of potential, I just wonder if you are wasting it as a Ewing Oil secretary."

Kristin allowed her hand to linger in Bobby's before she pulled away. "Don't you want me at Ewing Oil?"

Bobby smiled at his guest. "I love working with you, but as Daddy says, you may be overqualified, and I wouldn't want to keep you in a lower-level position."

"I like where I am," Kristin said confidently, playing with the strap of her dress. She caught Bobby's eyes and smiled confidently at him as he ordered the check and the two headed back to the hotel.

* * *

J.R. pulled another can of beer out of the mini bar. He wasn't up to leaving his room for the night, and any drink would do for the time being. The meeting with the politicians went well, everything was essentially accomplished, but he longed for his wife, still regretting the way he had left things with her. Whether she had taken a drink or not, J.R. knew he had been out of line the night before. He knew that alcoholism was a very sensitive subject for her and him, and it seemed so sensitive that he didn't know how to go about bringing it up.He reached for the hotel phone and called the ranch for the third time, only to find out that Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie were still at the fundraiser and that Lucy had no idea when they were returning. _It's bad enough hearing her voice, _J.R. grumbled silently, _all I want to do is talk to Sue Ellen._ He reached for another drink to calm his sorrows, not caring about the consequences of tomorrow. "Here's to you, Darlin'," J.R. said quietly, toasting his wife, "wherever you are."

* * *

Kristin and Bobby quickly changed into their swimwear and dove into the heated hotel pool.

"Do you find it odd that we are spending time doing something we can just as easily do at Southfork?" Bobby commented as he grabbed two drinks from a tray and handed one to Kristin.

"I like swimming indoors," Kristin said. "The one thing Southfork does not have is an indoor pool."

Bobby sunk lower into the water. "Who knows, I may look into getting one when we get back to Southfork."

Kristin swam towards Bobby and cornered him on the steps. "I think it would be a good investment."

"Really?" Bobby joked. "Well I'll tell you what – I will take you up on that as long as you promise to visit when you leave." Bobby began to tickle her arms and Kristin squealed as she jumped onto Bobby and impulsively kissed him, taking the plunge. Shock rang through her body as she felt Bobby's lips on hers, but she wasn't prepared for him pulling away.

"Kristin," Bobby pushed her away with his arms.

A look of fear crossed Kristin's face. "Bobby, don't stop, this feels so wonderful."

"Kristin this isn't right," Bobby said gently as he got out of the pool, pulling her with him. "I'm married to Pam."

"But it isn't working!" Kristin said frustrated as Bobby covered her with a towel. "All you ever do is complain how she shuts you out, how she leaves you."

Bobby held Kristin's shoulders. "I am in love with Pammy, and there is nothing in the world that could ever change that."

"But I love you," Kristin said softly. Kristin Shepard had never been the type of woman to say 'I love to you' to anyone, never to a high school boyfriend, or an adult relationship. Kristin lowered her head. "Bobby Ewing, I am in love with you."

Bobby gently guided Kristin upstairs to her hotel bedroom and sat her down on the bed. "Kristin, I don't want to hurt you."

"Then leave Pam for me," Kristin insisted. "Let me share your life with you. We're so good together; I could do or be anything you want me to be."

"I want you to be yourself," Bobby shook his head. "I could never love another woman; I could never cheat on Pamela."

Kristin clenched her fists together. "That doesn't change the way I feel about you – the way I've always felt about you."

"Is this true?" Bobby said gently as he helped Kristin into a nightgown.

Kristin looked at Bobby with hurt eyes. "When Sue Ellen brought me and mamma to visit Southfork, and I saw you for the very first time, I felt like my heart stopped. I thought it was just a school girl crush, but it never went away."

"Oh Kristin," Bobby murmured.

"What does she have that I don't have – what makes Pam so special?" Kristin asked bitterly.

"I have never felt about anyone the way I do for Pam," Bobby said. "She's the only woman I could ever want." Kristin began to softly cry and Bobby held her in his arms. He felt guilty over his relationship with her, spending hours with her, never thinking that she held any romantic feelings for him. "If I ever gave you the wrong impression about us, I'm very sorry, but I could never return your feelings, and it isn't fair to you to string you along or keep you guessing."

Kristin's shoulders began to move up and down. _Why does he have to be so noble? _"Bobby if you gave me a chance I know that I could make you happy."

"I am happy with Pam. We have our good days and bad days, but in the end, Pam is the one that I come home to."

"And that could never change?" Kristin whispered.

"Never."

Kristin stood up. "Then I'll get out of your way."

"Kristin I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Friend?" she cried throwing her hands in the air. "Bobby Ewing I don't want to be your friend." She glared at Bobby with angry and intense eyes. "I'll leave Southfork when we get back to Dallas, and you can have your precious Pamela back."

"Kristin…."

"Find another secretary," Kristin shouted, her voice increasing. "I can't bear to be around you."

"I don't want you to leave," Bobby said gently.

Kristin placed her hands on her hips. "Let me tell you something that I learned very early in life – we don't always get what we want." She opened the door and gestured for him to leave. Bobby gave Kristin a final glance before he went back to his room.

"You know where to find me," he told her, closing the door.

Kristin slammed the door shut and banged her hand against the wall. "I HATE THE EWINGS!" she screamed, throwing herself onto the bed. She had told Bobby that she loved him, would do anything for him, and he still turned her down for Pamela. A tear fell from her cheek as years of resentment and disappointment flooded back to her. Moments when she was reduced to playing second fiddle to her older sister Sue Ellen, when her mother never cared enough about her to give her the time of day. Kristin never had a relationship with Patricia Shepard until Sue Ellen married J.R. and moved to Southfork. Then Patricia exerted her influence onto her daughter, and there was no one to save her. Kristin resented Sue Ellen for leaving her, forgetting her when she moved to Southfork.

Running her fingers through her long dark curls, Kristin seethed in her anger. There was nothing left keeping her from going through with the final part of her plan, the dramatic finale that would let her leave with a bang. She hated to admit feeling guilty over even considering what she thinking – after all, she had caused more than enough trouble for everyone over the past month. But she had been spurned by Bobby, and there was nothing left to prevent her from going through with her mission.

Sleek as a cat, Kristin got up and went to the window. _J.R. I have done everything I could to make your life a living hell – you strung me along for a year, you promised the world to me only to take it away at your convenience. I let myself get played by you, nights in a lonely condo, feeling cheap while doing your biding; well there's one more thing I have to do before I say goodbye to you for good._

Kristin had considered using her business documents to bring down J.R., but she had stopped herself from going far enough to destroy the company, Bobby had been her reason for holding back. Now she found corporate destruction too impermanent, J.R. could bounce back from any set back given enough time. Kristin was looking for something more personal.

Kristin pulled out her suitcase and took out her favorite nightgown, one that she had worn many times for J.R. _J.R.,_ Kristin thought softly, _we never did have one last night did we? One day I was staying in the condo, minding my own business and the next you're sending me packing. _Kristin traced the soft fabric. _After everything we've been through I think we owe it to ourselves to have a goodbye performance, and I won't be leaving until I'm satisfied._

The jarring sound of the phone interrupted Kristin's thoughts. Part of her hoped it was Bobby coming to apologize and reconsider his relationship with her.

"Hello?" Kristin asked tiredly.

"Kristin, is that you?"

"Miss Ellie," Kristin said with a soft smile. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm sorry for calling so late, I tried to reach the men and they aren't answering their phone, so I was wondering if you could tell J.R. that Sue Ellen will be arriving in Washington D.C. early tomorrow morning?"

"Sue Ellen's coming to surprise J.R.," Kristin said with a sly grin. "That is wonderful Miss Ellie, I promise to tell J.R. the good news when he gets in." Kristin Shepard hung up the phone and quickly rummaged through her suitcase for a small black container for a little 'insurance' in case her plan didn't work: sleeping pills to knock out J.R. within minutes. She had been promised through a mutual friend that the drugs were powerful enough to do the trick efficiently. "J.R., I am sorry to have to do this to you, but you really left me no choice. I underestimated you, but that doesn't mean that you've won, it just means that I had to try harder to win," she mused as she poured out two tablets into her hand.

She had done everything else she could to bring down her self-righteous sister and scheming brother-in-law but nothing had worked. No lie was enough, no taunt, no dig, Kristin was left with one last card to play and it was going to be her last. She was going to be giving the performance of a lifetime, and that left little room for error. With a comatose J.R., her plan was sure to fall into place. _J.R. is going to get the message and more, _Kristin thought with a laugh as she quickly donned her nightgown and bathrobe.

Sue Ellen gave a quick goodbye to Miss Ellie, Lucy, and the children a taxi drove her to the Ewing jet. She attempted to sit back in her seat and rest her eyes for the short plane ride but sleep could not overcome her. Angry thoughts ran through her mind as she wondered what she might find in D.C. J.R. had always enjoyed company on his business trips, and there was never a lack of companions for him to choose from. Sue Ellen shook her head as she boarded the plane.

Kristin thumbed the room key in her hand and opened J.R.'s door. Obtaining keys for J.R. and Bobby's room had proved simple for Kristin as she sweet-talked the concierge into believing that she needed the ability to be with her employers at all times. She stealthily walked into the room, turning on a small desk lamp, careful not to disturb J.R.

The rustle from the bed pricked her ears as she spun around. "J.R., I thought you were asleep," she said, holding her hand to her chest.

"I can't sleep in these damn hotel beds," he grumbled, sitting up.

"Craving familiarity?"

"I've got things on my mind." J.R. fluffed his pillow, glaring at Kristin. "But that doesn't explain why you're here," he said accusatorially. "Don't tell me you sweet charmed the staff into giving you a key to every male room in the hotel?"

Kristin let out an airy laugh. "I was just dropping off some documents for you."

"Well close the door and turn the light off on your way out." J.R. aggravatedly slammed his hand on the pillow.

"You need to get some sleep," Kristin said sensibly. "You won't be any good to the company in the morning."

"I need a drink," he muttered, attempting to get up. "Bourbon helps me sleep."

"Allow me," Kristin said quickly, holding her hand up as she went to the mini bar and grabbed a small tumbler. Kristin carefully poured ¾ of the container, slipping in two pills to ensure a good night's sleep.

J.R. sat back and stared at the ceiling, there was another reason for his inability to sleep, and it had nothing to do with a stiff mattress. He couldn't stop thinking of Sue Ellen. She had plagued him during the business meeting, and she was on his mind now. She had always been on his mind when he went away on business, but never before had he worried this much. It had more to do with the way he had left things with her, unfinished, unclear.

"Drink up," Kristin ordered as J.R. took the glass, downing the contents without bothering to look at the substance. Kristin watched as J.R. closed his eyes and slyly smiled as she undid her bathrobe and started to unbutton J.R.'s night shirt.

* * *

The jet landed at the D.C. airport and Sue Ellen quickly exited with her bags. Taking a deep breath she headed for the town car she had rented and told the driver the address. "It's time to end this sisterly war once and for all," Sue Ellen said, looking straight ahead.


	11. Chapter 11: Exposed

Sue Ellen entered the lobby of The Plaza Hotel in Washington D.C., admiring the beauty of her surroundings; the plush red carpeting, the oak furniture, the brilliant lighting fixtures, the paintings that adorned the decorated walls. _The Ewings have always gone for the finer things in life, _Sue Ellen thought ruefully as she signaled the concierge for assistance in locating her husband's room. Showing him her driver's license was all of the information the gentleman needed to direct her to the suite upstairs. Sue Ellen graciously thanked the gentleman and boarded the golden elevator in the middle of the lobby.

Sue Ellen chose to focus on the numbers as she rose in the car. All she wanted was to talk to J.R., before things became worse. A small, nervous smile crossed her mouth. _Will he be happy to see me? Will he shoo me away? _Sue Ellen knew that her husband was a man that craved control; he didn't enjoy being taken off guard, and found many surprises to be unpleasant.

The doors opened and Sue Ellen stepped out, purse in her hand. She quickly examined her appearance in the mirror on the wall and smiled. The prospect of surprising Kristin made her even more confident, she would tell her sister that she was leaving Southfork by the end of the week; there were no other options for her.

She stood in front of suite 425, admiring the gold numbers on the wall. Unlocking the door Sue Ellen took one look back before slowly releasing the handle. The stream of sunlight from the window, directed her to the bed.

She wasn't quite sure what happened next. Her voice was caught in her throat, her arms and legs began to shake when she saw two bodies in the bed, one seemingly asleep and the other with eyes boring into hers.

Sue Ellen's feet were firmly planted on the ground, her instincts told her to run away from the room, but she couldn't. Her cheeks reddened with anger as she stepped towards the woman in the bed.

"J.R.!" Sue Ellen shouted in a whisper, slamming the door shut. Her husband appeared asleep under the covers, his clothing strewn about the floor. Sue Ellen fought tears as she glared at her sister. "Is this what you've been planning all along?" she hissed, coming towards Kristin.

"There wasn't any other way," Kristin said coolly, wrapping a sheet around her bare body.

"Way for what?" Sue Ellen cried. "Why did you do this?"

Kristin walked toward her sister, ready to let out years of pent up rage. "All my life I lived in your shadow, saw you get your way, see every dream of yours come true. Mamma always put you before me, from the time I was born, you came first."

Sue Ellen opened her mouth to speak, but Kristin cut her off.

"I sat and watched you and mamma live your life, having the best books, best clothes, best accessories, while I watched from afar, waiting for my turn…waiting for love." Kristin widened her eyes. "I never found it, not from you, mamma, or your precious husband. So I set out to destroy you, show you exactly what it feels like to be heartbroken."

"What you did was despicable!" Sue Ellen cried.

"Now Sue Ellen, you know that if it hadn't of been me, it would have been someone else," she sneered.

Sue Ellen had heard enough. She lunged toward her sister and her right hand collided with Kristin's cheek. The harsh sound of skin on skin woke J.R. immediately. Dazed, he looked down from the bed, surprised to find his clothes on the floor. Frantically looking at his body, to 

his disgust he was unclothed. J.R. looked across the room, his face turning white when he saw his Sue Ellen and Kristin.

"Sue Ellen," J.R. said panicked as he grabbed his dress shirt. "I swear this is not what it looks like."

"Save it!" Sue Ellen shouted at him. She turned toward Kristin. "As of this moment you are no longer my sister." Sue Ellen wiped a tear from her cheek. "I loved you in spite of everything – I spent my life protecting you from making mistakes that I've made. You – you truly are inhuman Kristin. You would let something like revenge control your life." She turned to her husband. "Just like my darling husband; maybe you two do deserve each other." Sue Ellen picked up her purse. "Well I won't be sticking around to find out!"

J.R. grabbed her by the hand. "Sue Ellen I didn't sleep with Kristin," he insisted, his eyes pleading with her to believe him.

Sue Ellen shot her husband a disgusted look. "Really?" Sue Ellen pulled away. "Perhaps I should have the same amount of faith in you that you have for me," she said finally, referring to J.R.'s outlandish claims of her lack of sobriety.

"Darlin'," J.R. called after her, pulling his dress pants over his body. "I love you!" He cries were on deaf ears as Sue Ellen had already disappeared.

Kristin shot J.R. a satisfied stare as he continued to pack. "I don't know what you see in her," she sniffed.

J.R. grabbed Kristin's wrist as she tried to pull away. "You are leaving Southfork as soon as you get back to Texas."

"Not a problem," Kristin gloated.

J.R. angrily released Kristin. "We aren't finished!"

"Oh I think we are," Kristin said snidely. "I let you have the last word two years ago – I wasn't about to make that mistake again."

J.R. glared at her. He thought he had finished her off after letting her go from Ewing Oil, sending her back to her mother, he had no idea that she would return. "What exactly where you hoping to accomplish?"

Kristin raised a hand to her chest. "You were the one who taught me about destruction and annihilation of the opposition. I learned from the very best."

"Sue Ellen never did anything to you," J.R. said gruffly, furious. "You did this to get back at me!"

"You led me on for a year J.R., empty promises, false hope; you were convinced that I had no worth, that I was just your beck and call girl. Well I'm not, you underestimated me."

J.R. let out a short laugh. "Kristin I knew you were cunning, but I never thought you were stupid."

Kristin shot J.R. a disgusted look. "What are you talking about, J.R.?"

J.R. zipped up his suitcase. "Do you remember the Ewing rodeo a few years back, and I told you that my first loyalties were to my wife, my family, and my child?" J.R. lifted the luggage onto the ground. "Honey, you were always on the bottom of the totem pole, I always thought you knew that."

"You never cared, not once?" Kristin asked angrily. "After everything I did for you!"

"I believe you were the one who brought up the argument that if it hadn't of been you, it could have been someone else," J.R. said with a smirk. "I've got dozens of people waiting to do my dirty work – your problem is that you thought you were indispensible. The only woman who is indispensible to me is the one who just walked out, and now I am going after her," J.R. said. 

Kristin opened her mouth to speak. "I want you off Southfork by the end of the week, go wherever you want, do whatever you want, but you are never to come near me and my family again."

Kristin speechlessly watched J.R. leave the hotel. She couldn't believe that she had lost again. Revenge didn't feel as sweet as she had believed it would. All it did was reconfirm every suspicion she held about herself – she was dispensable, replaceable, easy to brush away – like a bug. Kristin sat down on the bed. She felt hollow and sick, disgusting. A single tear fell down her cheek as she wondered what she had done.

* * *

Sue Ellen Ewing ran up the stairs to her bedroom and grabbed any excess accessories she would be needing. Her bags were packed from the trip to Washington, and Sue Ellen was in a desperate hurry. Tears blinded her vision as she threw item after item into the suitcase. Her breathing was staggered, uneven. Her worst nightmares had seemed to come true – flashing back two years, to a time of uncertainty, turmoil, and unhappiness. She had been at war with J.R. – she had expected this of him then, and was not terribly surprised when it happened. _But now…._ Sue Ellen had her suspicions of Kristin's relationship with J.R. the minute she returned to Dallas, she hated to think of them as true. _J.R…..what have you done?_

Sue Ellen hurriedly walked into the nursery and packed another bag for Lizzy. The one thing Sue Ellen was sure of was that she needed to leave Southfork. She couldn't bear the shame of seeing Kristin after what she had done, and the thought of her husband repulsed her.

"Darlin'."

One word sent chills to her spine – he was behind her. Sue Ellen turned to see her husband. "J.R….."

J.R. took her by the arms. He had taken a government jet to get back to Southfork as soon as he could. "I didn't sleep with Kristin, she set me up."

Sue Ellen pulled away from J.R. "Did she? You looked pretty content in bed that morning."

J.R. shook his head. "Kristin was trying to get back at me for firing her before." J.R. pleaded with Sue Ellen to believe him as he entered the room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw packed bags. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know whether you are telling the truth or not – but I need to leave." She tried to brush past him, but he held her back.

"You can't go," he said exasperated.

"I can't stand the sight of you," Sue Ellen whispered in a low voice. "If I hadn't of caught you with Kristin, it would have been someone else."

"Do you really believe that?"

Sue Ellen lowered her eyes, she didn't want to believe that her husband could cheat, but a part of her kept that scenario in the back of her mind. "Did you believe that I could drink?" she asked evenly.

J.R. frowned. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did."

"But you still think I drank?" Sue Ellen glared at her husband, hurt in her eyes. "I can't be around you right now. Lizzy and I…."

"You're taking my daughter?" J.R. cut in, becoming agitated.

"She is too young to be without her mother," Sue Ellen sensibly, trying to fight her emotions. "It isn't forever."

"I won't let you take my child."

"_Our child_," Sue Ellen said confidently, "Is coming with me; I'm doing what's best for her."

J.R. shook his head. "What am I going to tell mamma and daddy?"

Sue Ellen reached for her bag. "So concerned about what your parents will think," she sarcastically muttered.

"I'm concerned about you too – about us. I don't you getting hurt."

"I can't be any more hurt than I already am," Sue Ellen said softly.

J.R. reached for her hand. He had tried so hard to do right by her, but there they were again in the same hurtful place.

"I love you," Sue Ellen whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

"Then don't go." J.R. leaned into Sue Ellen.

"Stop," she softly protested. "Tell the family that I'm visiting an old girlfriend from my sorority," she offered as she held Lizzy in her arms.

"Don't go," J.R. said, following her. "Anything that's happened…."

"Has already happened, and I need to deal with it, but I can't do that here."

"Then your solution is to run every time our marriage hits a roadblock?"

Sue Ellen turned around. "A roadblock? J.R., I can't go back to our old marriage, I won't stay and watch us deteriorate."

"Then fight for us damn it," J.R. insisted, his voice raising.

"I can't be around you J.R.," Sue Ellen said softly. "I don't know what I would do if I stayed…"

J.R. lowered his head, realizing the implication of her meaning. "You can't turn to the bottle, Sue Ellen."

Her hazel eyes looked up into J.R.'s steely blue. "I would end up drinking if I stayed here," she softly whispered as she walked out the door. "Goodbye J.R."

J.R. ran to the front door, "Sue Ellen!"

Sue Ellen refused to meet his frame, and before J.R. knew it, she was gone. He ran down the driveway, watching the station wagon go through the white gates. J.R. raised his hands to his face to block the autumn sun, and he realized that he was crying. She had left – again. J.R. turned back to the ranch, not prepared to face the family or John Ross and tell them what happened.

Thankfully the house was empty as J.R. went up to John Ross' room and held his little boy in his arms. John Ross smiled for his daddy, unaware that his mamma had left them both. J.R. rocked John Ross in the rocking chair and hugged him close. He wondered how he could prove his innocence to Sue Ellen; it was now his word against Kristin's.

_I should have seen that little witch coming_

"J.R.?" Lucy Ewing knocked on the door and came in. "Is Sue Ellen around, I have a new outfit I wanted to show her."

J.R. tiredly glared at his pesky niece, always around when she wasn't wanted. "Sue Ellen isn't here Lucy," he said simply.

Lucy furrowed her eyebrows at J.R.'s response. The two had never been close during her tenure at Southfork, but the way he spoke of Sue Ellen – after being so close with her – peaked her curiosity.

"Is there anything else you wanted?" J.R. asked gruffly, putting John Ross on the ground as he ran off.

Lucy was tempted to make a snide remark about J.R.'s fight with Sue Ellen, but she chose not to. "Just let me know when she gets back," Lucy said breezily as she went to her room.

_I'll be sure to do that, _J.R. muttered, lingering in John Ross' room, a room that held many good memories for J.R. and Sue Ellen. Late night visits to John Ross when he was fast asleep, waking early in the morning just to say hello to their baby boy, marveling at the wonderful gift they had created together.

The nursery across the hall was open and beckoned J.R. forward, even though he feared he would regret his decision to go into the room. J.R. touched the olive-green wallpaper, Sue Ellen had insisted on a neutral color for the baby, refusing to find out the gender. In the crib were little toys and nick-knacks that belonged to Lizzy. Her mobile hung above the bed, her favorite blanket was draped over the mattress. Lizzy's most beloved toy – her light blue teddy bear – was noticeably missing; Sue Ellen had taken it with her. As J.R. gazed at the empty room, he found himself welling up. His beautiful baby girl, and her mother were far away from him and he didn't know when they were coming back.

* * *

Sue Ellen drove through the streets of Dallas, fairly sure of her destination. Lizzy's cooing in the backseat eased her mind very little as she stopped at a red light. She hated leaving J.R., and she hated the fact that she didn't believe herself strong enough to withstand Southfork with him or Kristin.

_Kristin, _Sue Ellen scoffed. _If I had any idea that she would have turned out the way she did, I would have made sure that J.R. and I moved away from Dallas._ The light flickered to green and Sue Ellen continued on her journey. A tear fell down her cheek as she thought of J.R, 

hurt and left behind. _Could he have cheated on me with Kristin? _The thought had been in her mind since Kristin moved in. _Closeness equals convenience for J.R., and Kristin always made herself available._ Southfork was not safe for her, the thought of returning to their bedroom, seeing his family made her feel weak. She would know when she was ready to go back to the ranch.

Spying her destination, Sue Ellen put the car into park and reached for Lizzy. _I just hope I find what I am looking for. _She boldly walked up the steps and through the front door, searching for the appropriate location. Finding the room number, she gave two quick knocks, letting out a sigh.

The occupant on the other side of door smiled at seeing the visitor. Sue Ellen attempted to grin back, but couldn't. "May I come in?" she asked quietly as she was ushered through the door.

* * *

"A college friend," Miss Ellie said with surprise. "Sue Ellen never mentioned leaving Dallas to me."

J.R., Lucy, and Miss Ellie sat together for an intimate early dinner in the dining room. Jock and Bobby were in Washington, wrapping up the rest of the discussions and would be home the following morning. Given the events of the afternoon, J.R. would have preferred to have been by himself, but he wanted to get an explanation for Sue Ellen's absence out of the way.

"Must have been a spur of the moment decision," Lucy smirked at J.R., firm in her theory that Sue Ellen had quarreled with J.R. and was now cooling off.

"Mind your own business, Lucy," J.R. shot back.

Lucy sent J.R. a contemptuous look. _Sue Ellen's luck to get away from him, _Lucy muttered.

"J.R.," Miss Ellie chided. "Did she mention when she was coming back?"

J.R. coughed as he answered, "No mamma, she was a bit vague on the details."

"So it could be an extended trip?" Lucy cut in with her glass raised, keeping her eyes on J.R.

J.R. sighed and threw down his napkin. "If you don't mind mamma, I've lost my appetite." He gave one glance to his mother and Lucy as Miss Ellie excused him from the table and bade him goodnight.

"He seems tense," Lucy said with a wry smile as she passed her grandmother the rolls.

"Must be Ewing Oil," Miss Ellie said thoughtfully. "I still don't see why he returned home so early."

"J.R.'s got a reason for everything grandma."

Miss Ellie nodded her head. "I am going to miss Lizzy though."

"So am I."

* * *

Sue Ellen shifted in her seat on the worn sofa, holding a small glass of ice tea in her hand. "I can't really explain why I came here."

Cliff Barnes shook his head. "I'm not asking you why you came, Sue Ellen, I'm just glad you did." Cliff took the hand of baby Lizzy, "And you brought the little one with you."

Sue Ellen gave Cliff a small smile. "You haven't met Lizzy, have you?"

"She looks just like you," he complimented, "can't really see any J.R. in him though," he joked.

"He's there," Sue Ellen said quietly. "She has his eyes."

Cliff went into the kitchen and presented Sue Ellen with a platter of pretzels. "Not to push you or anything, but I have a feeling that you didn't come all the way here just to show me Lizzy."

Sue Ellen grimaced, "You know me so well." Taking another sip, and a pretzel, Sue Ellen attempted to speak. "J.R. and I have been having a difficult time lately." Cliff nodded his head for Sue Ellen to continue. "We've both tried denying it for as long as we could – Lord knows it's easier to ignore than to talk, but it's gotten to the point where I can't keep pretending, or arguing."

"Has he hurt you?" Cliff asked earnestly.

"J.R. would never hit me," Sue Ellen said strongly. "I just felt so weak around him that it was either leave or…drink."

Cliff sat up and opened his mouth.

"I didn't do it," Sue Ellen admitted. "But I was so tempted; it would have been so easy. I just had to leave to clear my head again – that was something that I couldn't do at Southfork, not with J.R. and Kristin around."

"Kristin?" Cliff questioned. "What does she have to do with J.R.?"

Sue Ellen looked at Cliff with tired eyes. "There is so much that you don't know."

* * *

"Oh Bobby that's wonderful." Pamela Barnes Ewing cradled the phone in her neck, ear firmly pressed to the earpiece as Bobby told her the wonderful news about Washington. "If anyone could do it, it's you.

Bobby attempted a smile as he settled into the couch in the hotel lobby. He loved hearing Pamela's voice, and after days of missing each other's calls, her voice was exactly what he needed to hear. He hoped that she couldn't detect the slight apprehension in his demeanor. Kristin had left early that morning, around the same time as J.R. with no explanations. Both parties said that they were headed for Southfork, neither bothering with a reason, but Jock and Bobby were too busy to wonder why they cut the trip short. He hadn't told Pam about Kristin's proposition, and he wasn't sure if he should even mention it, given the way he and Pamela had parted, he didn't want another fight. Yet Bobby couldn't get rid of the thought that Kristin could end up telling Pam herself – either consciously or unconsciously. _If Pamela is going to find out anything it is going to be from me, _Bobby thought as he debated Kristin's next maneuver. He hadn't been able to speak to her since she ran off, and he wasn't sure what she was capable of.

"Then we'll both be home tomorrow," Bobby said with confidence.

"Tomorrow, I can't wait. Though part of me doesn't want to leave Houston and R-mamma any time soon."

Bobby sighed. _It didn't take Pamela very long to start calling her 'mom'._ He felt a tinge of jealousy over Pam spending so much time with another person, even if it was family. "I'm sure she's a lovely person."

"Oh Bobby, she really is. I told her the next time I visit that you might come along."

"We'll make a vacation out of it," Bobby laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "I've missed you these past few days."

"Me too. I love you Bobby."

"I love you too Pammy," Bobby said softly, getting a little choked up. "Talk to you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Pam agreed, hanging up the phone.

"So that was Bobby Ewing," Rebecca said as she took a seat across from Pam.

"One of the few good things about leaving tomorrow is seeing Bobby and Cliff."

"Remember that you promised to send me pictures of you both."

"I remember. And you need to call me from time to time."

"We'll stay in touch," Rebecca agreed. "I can't lose you again Pam. Once you're back, you're back for good."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Pam said as they headed upstairs to pack.

* * *

Bobby joined Jock for a meal in the hotel restaurant, attempting to field his father's questions as best as he could.

"I still don't see why J.R. and Kristin left so soon," Jock grumbled, taking another sip of his bourbon and branch.

"We didn't really need them anyway," Bobby reassured him, "Most of the work was taken care of."

"It's not like J.R. to up and leave without telling me. That boy used to live and breathe this company."

"Maybe he just found a good balance," Bobby thought with a wry smile.

Jock shrugged his shoulders, digging into his premium cut steak with the enthusiasm that came with a job well done. He could worry about his son when he returned to Dallas.

* * *

"You're kidding?" Cliff declared, astonished as he handed Sue Ellen a Chinese carton full of rice.

"My loving husband had an affair with Kristin when John Ross was just a baby," Sue Ellen admitted scornfully, washing down her rice with a glass of tap water.

"How did you ever forgive him for that?" Cliff asked, genuinely interested.

Sue Ellen frowned slightly, blotting her mouth with a napkin.

"You don't have to answer that, Sue Ellen," Cliff said gently, noting her hesitance.

"Part of me hasn't," Sue Ellen truthfully admitted. "In the back of my mind, lies his dalliance with my sister. I don't know if I'll ever forgive or forget that betrayal."

"It would be like you having an affair with Bobby," Cliff joked lightly.

Sue Ellen shot Cliff a frustrated look and he apologized.

"But after everything he's said about being a changed man, there he was in her bed, fast asleep." Sue Ellen massaged her hand. "I was so willing to believe in him, forgive everything that happened in the past." A tear slowly rolled down her cheek. "I can't be around him now Cliff. I don't know what I would do if I stayed with him."

Cliff nodded his head stoically. "You can stay here for as long as you like."

Sue Ellen smiled gratefully at her friend. "I'm sure your couch is very comfortable."

Cliff stood up. "You aren't going to find out," he said determinedly. "You are staying in my room, and I'll take the couch."

"I can't do that," Sue Ellen insisted. "Your giving me a place to stay is all that I need."

Cliff shook his head, and walked with Sue Ellen to the front door. "Why don't we get your bags and find you a good parking spot?"

Cliff offered her his arm, and Sue Ellen gently took it. It felt good to have a friend to talk to. She felt no physical attraction to Cliff, but rather an emotional bond of friendship.

Cliff made a light joke as he grabbed Sue Ellen's suitcase and Lizzy's duffle bag and for the first time that day, Sue Ellen genuinely smiled. As the two walked back into the apartment complex, they were unaware of the eyes that were watching their every move.

* * *

J.R. angrily cursed as he shuffled through Ewing paperwork in a pathetic excuse to get his mind off Sue Ellen. The Ewing study was often an excellent place to concentrate on business affairs because it lacked the distractions of the other Southfork rooms. Organized and quiet, the study was intended for serious labor. J.R. forfeited time with Bobby and Jock when they returned home, saying he wanted to catch up on office work. Kristin had yet to return to Southfork, though Bobby assured the family that she was back in Dallas. At the moment, J.R. didn't care where she was as long as she was out of his sight. Thinking of her made his blood boil. _If only I had been more thorough in disposing of her the first time, or if I had caught onto her schemes and nipped them in the bud. _Slamming down a pen, J.R. realized he was not going to get any work done at the moment.

Three short knocks made J.R.'s head shoot up. "Who is it?" he grumbled.

Bobby opened the door, not answering his brother.

"I didn't say you could come in," J.R. glared.

"I didn't ask to come in," Bobby smirked, taking a seat next to J.R.

"Now that you're here what do you want?" J.R. asked exasperated.

Bobby ignored J.R.'s tone and continued. "So Sue Ellen's visiting an old college friend?"

"What's it to you?"

Bobby drummed his fingers on the oak desk. "Well I assumed that you were coming back home early to see Sue Ellen, and now it seems that she's going on a trip."

"She's fine," J.R. mumbled.

"Alright," Bobby said, not testing his brother any further. "Have you heard anything from Kristin?"

J.R. pricked his ears at hearing her name. "Why would you ask that?"

Bobby glanced at his brother. "You two left around the same time, and you were the last one to see her before she left."

"I haven't been with Kristin!" J.R. shouted, growing angry as he stood up, making eye contact with his brother.

Bobby grabbed J.R.'s shoulder. "What in the world are you talking about?" he questioned, feeling that there was something that his older brother wasn't telling him.

"I don't know where Kristin is," J.R. said scornfully, pushing his brother away.

Bobby raised an eyebrow at his brother. "What exactly happened with you and Kristin?"

J.R. was about to tell Bobby to get the hell out when Pamela came into the study.

"I thought I would find you here," Pam smiled, running into Bobby's arms.

All thoughts of J.R. and Kristin vanished from Bobby's mind as he held his wife. "Pammy I have missed you." He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her, both ignoring J.R.'s presence.

Pamela loosened her grip on Bobby and studied his face. "You have no idea how much I have missed you."

"I think I can imagine," Bobby chuckled.

J.R. coughed, interrupting the two lovers. "Pamela, he said quickly.

"J.R.," Pam smiled, she was even happy to see her devious brother-in-law.

"So you found your mamma?"

Bobby shot J.R. an angry look.

"Yes I did," Pam said, ignoring J.R.'s attitude. "She's alive and well, and wants to meet you, Bobby."

"Does she?" Bobby asked, interested in meeting the woman who gave birth to Pamela.

"I was thinking that our next vacation could be to Houston," she said hopefully.

"I hear Houston is a lovely place to visit," Bobby winked, giving his approval.

"It really is," Pam nodded, "Not that I saw very much of it," she joked.

"How does your brother feel?" J.R. asked, cutting in again.

"J.R…..." Bobby warned.

"He doesn't know," Pam said firmly, staring at J.R. "I didn't want to tell him over the phone, so I'm going to see him tonight."

"If he gives you any trouble," Bobby said gently, in a low whisper.

"I can handle my own brother," Pam said confidently. She turned her attention back to J.R. "Where's Sue Ellen? I didn't see her car in the drive way."

J.R. frowned at his sister-in-law, "Sue Ellen is visiting a friend from her sorority and took Lizzy with her."

Pam seemed puzzled at J.R.'s agitation, but decided not to press it.

"Pammy, why don't we go unpack together," Bobby suggested, rescuing them both from an awkward silence with J.R. Pam followed Bobby's lead and J.R. was once again left alone with his thoughts. _Just what I need is that woman back in this house, _J.R. bitterly thought as he flipped another page of paper.

* * *

Lucy raced Ray through the Southfork pastures. Her riding skills were becoming rusty after months of neglecting her horse. "Ray Krebbs, wait for me," Lucy ordered as Ray reined his horse around.

"Guess they don't teach horseback riding at SMU," Ray laughed.

"Very funny," Lucy pouted, catching up to her friend. "I'm not so bad."

"You could be better. A couple of months with me should get you up to speed."

Ray and Lucy raced each other to the gate as Jimmy Monahan pulled into the driveway, waving at Lucy. The couple had a date tomorrow night, but he had something to tell her that couldn't wait, or be told over the phone.

"Jimmy," Lucy beamed, jumping off her horse and giving him a kiss on the cheek, "You didn't come all this way to break our date did you?"

"No way, Lucy," Jimmy smiled. "Tomorrow night you and I are trying out that new Italian place in mid-Dallas."

"Good," Lucy laughed. "So what did you have to tell me?"

Jimmy sat on a patio chair, pulling Lucy next to him. "Where is your Aunt Sue Ellen?"

"Sue Ellen?" Lucy asked dumbfounded. "Why would you need to know where she is?"

"I saw her – I am convinced that I saw her – with a suitcase staying with my cousin Cliff."

"What?" Lucy asked in a loud whisper, jumping out of her chair. "She told the family – rather Uncle J.R. told the family – that she was staying with a sorority sister."

"She had her daughter with her – the baby."

"Lizzy," Lucy nodded.

"So why would your uncle lie about his wife's whereabouts."

Lucy let out a laugh. "Jimmy, I don't think J.R. knows where Sue Ellen is – if he did, there'd be trouble."

"He'd drag her back?"

"He'd do everything in his power to get her back – that's what he's doing right now actually. You should see him, all quiet, he won't talk to anyone."

"Wonder how long she's staying with him – she brought one suitcase for herself and a bag for the little girl?"

Lucy placed her finger under her chin. "This isn't the first time that my aunt Sue Ellen's been hanging around Cliff's place."

Jimmy shot Lucy a quizzical look. "You don't think they're having an affair do you?"

"The way I see it," Lucy began, "They already had an affair. Remember when your uncle Digger Barnes made the claim that John Ross was his grandson, Cliff's son?"

"I thought it was just to cause trouble," Jimmy said. He had shrugged off the entire scandal as another Barnes/Ewing feud made public.

"Nuh-uh, Cliff told Digger that John Ross was his son. I remember Uncle Bobby and Aunt Pam talking privately about it for days, everyone thought that Cliff could have been the father."

Jimmy looked at her with wide eyes.

"No one told me of course," Lucy said with a hint of bitterness. "They all thought it was none of my business, I wasn't adult enough to know what was going on. So all I did was put on a brave face with my grandma, and when the paternity test proved J.R. was the father – that was the end of it."

"So they had an affair," Jimmy said.

"Only one that I know of – but there could be more," Lucy thought with a laugh.

"Did you talk to her before she left?"

"Nope, didn't get a chance too." Lucy sighed, "If anyone in my family knew about this…if the media knew about this."

"They aren't going to know," Jimmy said firmly. Lucy was taken aback by his attitude. "I mean it Lucy. Our families are finally getting to a place where the feuding has stopped, where we can be a couple without any problems; I don't want to jeopardize that."

"Neither do I," Lucy said quietly. "But things like these have a way of slipping out – there's nothing that spreads quicker in Dallas than hot gossip."

"Cliff is smart enough to be discreet."

"So is Sue Ellen, she would never want to bring any shame to the family," Lucy said, mimicking Sue Ellen's ladylike tone. "I still wish I knew why she left in the first place."

* * *

Kristin took her spare key for her mother's Dallas home and opened the door. It was as empty as it was when she had left it. Patricia Shepard was enjoying the high life and once again gave no thought to the welfare of her daughters.

Her days since the trip to D.C. – her rejection by Bobby – and her Sue Ellen and J.R. setup – meshed together like a puddle for Kristin. She was going through the motions in a zombie state, not aware of what she was doing or where she was going. Kristin was suffering from bouts of shame and guilt. Bobby's rejection – as gentle as he had made it – made her feel two inches tall. She was faced with another failure, another plan that went awry. The guilt that nagged her as she poured J.R.'s drink that not so distant night ago, hit her like a ton of bricks.

When she had first stayed at Southfork with Sue Ellen and an infant John Ross, she was surprised by J.R.'s cunning mind and schemes; his actions made her seem like an amateur in comparison. Slowly but surely, Kristin took notes of J.R.'s calculated maneuvers until she was able to call herself as devious as he, a mini-J.R., willing to do anything or go anywhere to get what she wanted. She had become larger than she ever imagined, found herself becoming addicted to life J.R. Ewing style. And when it was abruptly taken away from her, she desired revenge. But she hadn't considered how far she was willing to go.

The look on Sue Ellen's face – the hurt – remained etched in her memory. _It wasn't enough to flaunt my past relationship with J.R., I set her up for the fall of her life._

Kristin's mobile phone that she kept in her bag beeped and she didn't bother to pick it up. She was curious as to where J.R. and Sue Ellen where, whether or not they had gotten past the incident.

Her primary target had always been J.R., with Sue Ellen secondary – a bonus. But now that Kristin had done everything she could, she felt worse than ever. Not knowing whether or not Sue Ellen was drinking had consumed her mind with genuine worry. There was John Ross and Lizzy to consider – a little niece and nephew that she loved very much, and what they were going through at the moment.

Kristin reached for her phone with her slender, still tanned hand and dialed her message system. She cringed at hearing's J.R.'s angry, inebriated voice telling her to come and get the rest of her things from Southfork right away. Knowing that she couldn't delay the inevitable, Kristin set off for Southfork, her mind swimming with what excuse to give Jock and Ellie as to why she wasn't returning to Southfork – or Ewing Oil.

* * *

Pamela Barnes knocked on Cliff's door, armed with a bag of groceries on her hip, assuming that once again her brother had an unstocked refrigerator. Little details like having a full fridge, and a clean living area were bypassed by Cliff Barnes, who often threw himself into his work.

Pam sighed, wondering where Cliff was as she knocked on the door again; ready to tell him all about their mother. Cliff finally answered the door, stunned to see his sister.

"Pam," Cliff said holding the door open.

"You seem surprised to see me," Pam laughed.

"I thought you were in Houston?"

"I was," Pam said, gently pushing past Cliff. "I brought some essentials for you, to help you get through the week. Acting as if the place was her own, Pam opened the fridge and started placing the groceries away. "Have you ever considered getting a housekeeper to help you?" she teased. "She can take care of all the details that you forget about."

Cliff looked at Pam hesitantly, wanting to get rid of her. He knew it wasn't nice, and he wanted to talk to her, but now wasn't a good time. "Have you seen Bobby yet?" he asked, hoping to drive her back to Southfork.

"I did, and he was very happy to see me. Speaking of good news, I found mamma, she's alive and well, and wants to meet you."

Cliff glanced at his sister. This wasn't what he was hoping to hear. He would have been happy if Pam's search had proved futile, and she could leave the search for their mother alone.

He opened his mouth to speak as Sue Ellen came out of Cliff's bedroom. She abruptly stopped at seeing Pamela.

"Sue Ellen?" Pam exclaimed, staring at her sister in-law. "What are you doing at here?"

"Well," Sue Ellen said softly, unsure of what to say to her sister-in-law.

"Cliff," Pam said with slight agitation, "Did something happen while I was away?" She glared at her brother, recalling his torrid affair with Sue Ellen a few short years ago, and the potentially damaging consequences that followed.

"Sue Ellen is visiting," Cliff said with his hands crossed. He didn't want to justify anything to Pam, who had been absent for days.

"Then we can go back to the ranch together," Pam said, turning to Sue Ellen with a tight smile. She did not like what she was seeing.

Lizzy's cry interrupted Pam's inquisition. Without thinking, Pam went into Cliff's room, and Sue Ellen cringed when Pam came out and demanded to know why there was luggage in the room.

"I want to know what's going on," Pam said firmly, looking at Cliff, not Sue Ellen.

"I don't have to tell you anything," Cliff said adamantly, "I can take care of myself."

"Can you?" Pam countered. "Remember the last time we had this conversation?" Pam was referring to her long talks with Cliff about his affair with Sue Ellen. Cliff insisted that he had control of the situation, that there was no way for him or Sue Ellen to get hurt, yet he wound up nearly losing his job, and Sue Ellen was faced with the uncertain paternity of her child.

"I should go," Sue Ellen said, going into Cliff's bedroom to get Lizzy.

"Stay," Cliff insisted. "You shouldn't be alone right now."

"Why shouldn't Sue Ellen be alone?" Pam asked.

Cliff gave Pam a look telling him to back off, but she refused. Sue Ellen closed Cliff's door, tending to Lizzy, leaving the brother and sister alone.

"I swear Cliff, I thought you learned a lesson the last time you got involved with Sue Ellen," Pam said, in a hushed voice.

"Is that what you think!" Cliff demanded. "Do you think so low of me and Sue Ellen that you would just assume we're having an affair?"

"What am I supposed to think?" Pam asked.

"You are supposed to trust my judgment," Cliff argued, insulted by Pam once again mothering him.

"You haven't always made the best decisions," Pam countered. Pam softened her tone, "I care about you and Sue Ellen, I don't want to see either one of you hurt."

"I am already hurt, Pam," Sue Ellen said softly, coming out of the room.

Pam looked at Sue Ellen. "Not J.R."

Sue Ellen nodded her head.

"He's done it again," Pam said in a low voice, full of frustration.

"I'll come home in a few days," Sue Ellen promised. "When I know what I'm going to do. I don't trust myself around him right now – I can't risk anything happening."

Pam nodded her head. "I won't say anything."

Sue Ellen gratefully smiled. "If you need to talk to Cliff about your trip, I can take Lizzy for a walk." Sue Ellen set up Lizzy's stroller and waved at Pam and Cliff.

"I have nothing to say," Cliff said.

"Cliff," Pam insisted, "You have to hear her story."

"She had a lifetime to tell us her story – and she didn't – she never even bothered to see if we were alive."

"She couldn't do that Cliff."

"Why not? Was someone forcing her from contacting us?"

Pam sighed, "She thought we'd never want to see her again."

"She was right!" Cliff shouted, his face becoming more animated. "We'd be better off knowing nothing about her."

"I disagree," Pam said firmly. "Does this mean that you won't come to Houston to see her, or let her see you when she comes to Dallas?"

"Fat chance of her coming to Dallas," Cliff muttered. "That woman made her decision when she left us. You don't understand that the way I do."

"Don't understand? Cliff, she left me too."

"You were young," Cliff insisted. "Rebecca left us when I was five years old. I remember waking up one morning hearing Digger whisper to Aunt Maggie that mamma was missing. What was I supposed to think when she never came back? You were too young to remember."

Pam let out an angry sigh. "I may have been young, but I remember growing up without mamma. All of my life I have been compared to her, daddy says I looked just like her. How do you think that made me feel? To hear her name constantly mentioned." Cliff said nothing as Pam continued. "She didn't just leave you, Cliff, she left all of us. Now that she's back, you should put the past behind you and give her a chance."

Cliff shook his head as Sue Ellen returned with Lizzy.

"We're not done Cliff," Pam said quietly, taking Lizzy from Sue Ellen. She turned to her sister-in-law. "I promise not to say anything to anyone," she said with a small smile. Sue Ellen was clearly going through enough, and Pam didn't want to make the situation worse.

"See you soon, Pam," Sue Ellen said cradling her little girl.

As Pam left Cliff turned to Sue Ellen. "So what kind of Chinese did you want for dinner tonight?" he asked, breaking out into a smile.

Sue Ellen couldn't help but laugh at Cliff and his still lingering obsession with Chinese food. "Lizzy's on her formula, which I brought with me, I can eat whatever you want."

"Is that a polite way of saying that you don't want Chinese?" Cliff pointed out in his attorney-style fashion.

"Well, we never have Chinese at Southfork, so one night of it can't kill me."

Cliff smiled and handed Sue Ellen the take-out menu. "You are not going to regret this."

* * *

Cocktail hour was tense at Southfork as Pam stood next to Bobby, shooting daggers at J.R. She was tempted to go over to him and tell him off for what he had done to Sue Ellen. _Sleeping with Kristin, that's the lowest he's ever sunk, _she glowered, sipping her white wine absentmindedly. _I can't even have a drink in this house without being furious with him._

Bobby touched Pam's arm and asked her if everything was alright.

"I'll be fine Bobby," Pam said quietly, walking to the other side of the room.

Pam's glare at J.R. hadn't gone unnoticed by Bobby, who shot J.R. is own curious stare.

Lucy bounded down the stairs, her long hair flowing behind her. She carefully appraised the mood before fixing herself a drink. J.R. was sitting alone in the arm chair, nursing his second bourbon, Jock and Ellie were playing with John Ross on the sofa, and Pam and Bobby were quietly talking by the fireplace.

"Good thing I didn't miss this tonight," Lucy said with an air of sarcasm, plucking a seat next to her Uncle J.R.

"Nothing better to do, Lucy," J.R. glared snidely.

Lucy glowered at her Uncle's dig. Since Sue Ellen had left he had been taking it out on the family. "As a matter of fact, Uncle J.R., I have a date tonight with Jimmy. I just came here to pay my respects to the family."

J.R. let out a short laugh. "You still going out with that Barnes boy?"

"Monahan," Lucy shot back, standing up.

"J.R…..," Bobby warned, coming between Lucy and J.R.

"I don't care who he is as long as he keeps you out of the house," J.R. said finally.

"J.R.!" Ellie exclaimed, cutting in.

"What's the matter, J.R.?" Lucy taunted. "Bitter over Sue Ellen being gone?" Her blue eyes teased his with a spark.

"I don't think J.R. misses Sue Ellen," Pam said bitterly.

"What do you know, Pamela," J.R. shot back as a threatening Bobby restrained him.

"Can't handle the truth, can you J.R.?" Lucy goaded. "I bet you'd love to know where Sue Ellen really is."

"Lucy!" Pam grabbed her niece's hand, but Lucy released her grip. Jock stood up to instill order, but a blinded Lucy continued. "How would you like to know that your worst enemy Cliff Barnes is harboring your wife and child?" she sneered.

The room went dead silent, Ellie sat with her mouth open, and even the great Jock Ewing trembled. J.R.'s face was contorted with a look of disbelief, Pammy was filled with fear, and Bobby with concern. Lucy Ewing proudly stood over J.R., her anger preventing her from seeing the damage she had done.

"That's not true," J.R. said stoically. "A little girl like you doesn't know anything."

"Why don't you ask Jimmy, he'll be here any minute – he saw it himself," Lucy countered, not backing down.

"What the hell is my granddaughter doing with a Barnes, J.R.!" Jock boomed.

Even Lucy backed away as Jock towered over his son. "You better start talking!"

"Do we even want to know?" Ellie asked, frightened.

J.R. opened his mouth to speak when a female figure appeared in the doorway.

"Please, let me explain everything."

* * *

"So which rice is better?" Cliff asked. "Fried or traditional?"

"I didn't really notice too much of a difference," Sue Ellen laughed, holding her chopsticks. Cliff's chopsticks were thrown on the floor after his umpteenth attempt to maneuver him. The look on his face when Sue Ellen mastered the tools on the first try sent Sue Ellen into a fit of laughter.

"It's a skill," Sue Ellen said airily as she tried to help Cliff hold the utensils.

"So is this better or worse than dinner at Southfork?" Cliff asked.

Sue Ellen took a deep breath, thinking of home. "It's definitely less eventful – but that's a good thing. With so many people…."

"I can imagine," Cliff said, dying to privy to at least one Ewing dinner conversation.

"Right now, I imagine a quiet dinner, all of them sitting around the table, making small talk."

* * *

J.R. frowned at Kristin standing in the entryway, not knowing if she should come in or not.

"What is she doing here?" Lucy muttered. A stern look from Miss Ellie silenced her right away. She was in enough trouble already.

Kristin looked from Bobby, to J.R., to Pam. Pam didn't look happy to see her, and Kristin understood why. Taking a deep breath, Kristin stepped forward.

"Where have you been, Kristin?" Ellie asked. "We thought you'd be back hours ago."

"I'm leaving Southfork," Kristin said with determination, "And Ewing Oil. I would have given Bobby more notice, but everything is happening all of the sudden."

"What does all this have to do with Sue Ellen?" Jock said, forgetting pleasantries for getting to the point.

Kristin nodded her head and looked at J.R. "I suppose you all know about Sue Ellen staying with Cliff Barnes." She kept her eyes on J.R., willing him to let her talk. "I was at the offices this morning, which is why I left so soon, and Cliff Barnes had called asking for a favor."

"A favor?" Lucy repeated, mocking Kristin.

Kristin sent Lucy a death glare that silenced her right away. "He said he was working on cleaning up his image for the new Congressional elections coming up, and that he wanted Sue Ellen's help – given her status in the community, her connections with the DOA. So Sue Ellen agreed to stay with Cliff for a few days and get a head start on his campaign." The entire Ewing family had their eyes fixed on Kristin, some convinced, and some not. "Naturally, she brought Lizzy with her."

"Why didn't she tell us this before?" Ellie asked incredulously.

"I won't have your wife working to help that rodent get into office, Junior!" Jock shouted, believing Kristin's story.

Pamela shrunk back at hearing Jock talk about her brother that way. She knew that she story was false, and she wanted to say something, but she couldn't.

"Is that all?" Bobby asked, looking at Kristin.

"What do you mean is that all?" Jock said. "I won't have any Ewing helping that Barnes get into office, he'll destroy the family." Jock was now oblivious to Pam's presence in the room, his face growing red with rage.

"Cliff Barnes wouldn't hurt this family," Ellie said firmly. "The war between the Barnes and the Ewings is going to stop." Ellie looked at her husband. "Now why don't we all go into dinner?" Ellie turned to Kristin, "Will you be joining us?"

Kristin gave Miss Ellie a small smile. "I'm afraid not Miss Ellie, I'll be leaving for California in a few days, I just came to get my things," Kristin said looking at J.R. and Bobby.

"You're leaving so soon?" Ellie asked, concerned.

"I'll keep in touch," Kristin said softly, knowing in her heart that she wouldn't. Kristin hurried upstairs before she began to cry.

"At least she's leaving," Lucy muttered, satisfied.

J.R. followed Kristin up the stairs, two at a time, cornering her in her room.

Kristin looked at J.R., tired and beaten. "What was that stunt that you pulled down there!" J.R. shouted, slamming the door closed.

"You're getting what you want yet again; I thought you'd be happier," she said softly.

"You think this makes up for what you did," he hissed, coming closure to her.

Pamela Ewing stood outside the bedroom, listening to the conversation. She caught Lucy sneaking to her room to grab a last minute item before leaving with Jimmy, and Pam left her post to confront her scheming niece.

"Are you proud of yourself?" Pam asked, closing the bedroom door.

Lucy glared at Pam. "He had it coming. Besides why shouldn't he know the truth?"

"Why do I have a feeling that your motives weren't based on setting the facts straight, and more on revenge?"

Lucy said nothing to Pam as she grabbed her purse. "You see what J.R. does to this family; I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine."

"What you did was hurt Sue Ellen, an innocent bystander."  
"Innocent bystander," Lucy smirked. "I'm not the one having an affair with the family enemy."  
Pam grabbed Lucy's shoulders and held them firmly. "Sue Ellen isn't having an affair."

Lucy struggled to wriggle free from Pam's grip. "Maybe not, but she's done it before."

Pam released Lucy. "How did you know that?"

Lucy angrily sighed. "You know what's really rotten about being the youngest in the family – everyone assumes that you know nothing, or that you're incapable of hearing the truth."

"Maybe the family would confide in you if they thought you were mature enough to handle the truth," Pam countered.

Lucy scowled at Pam.

"Trust is earned –not just given."

"Is that another one of your life lessons," Lucy teased.

"Seems you still have a lot of learning to do."

Lucy swallowed, knowing deep down that Pam was right. "I wasn't out to hurt Sue Ellen, or even Cliff, it was J.R."

Pam gave Lucy a small smile. "Do you know how many times I have kept myself from fighting J.R? It takes more energy to back away, than to confront someone."

Lucy nodded her head. "Is Sue Ellen really staying with Cliff to help with his political campaign?"

The honk of Jimmy's car interrupted the conversation.

"Jimmy's waiting for you," Pam said with a sly smile.

"You didn't answer my question!" Lucy insisted.

"Goodnight Lucy," Pam smiled as a very confused Lucy went down to meet Jimmy.

Pam went back to Kristin's door and listened to the conversation.

"My wife thinks that I willingly slept with you," J.R. argued. "You have taken her away from me."

"I wanted to get back at you," Kristin said with frustration in her voice. "You humiliated me when I left Dallas – you used me."

"You let me use you, Kristin. You made yourself available."

"And you were quick to take advantage," Kristin barged in.

"You certainly got your revenge," J.R. muttered. "Wonder why you didn't just do me in back there and tell the whole family your little story?"

"Because I'm sorry," Kristin said simply. "Framing you and Sue Ellen wasn't my proudest moment, believe it or not. I was just so angry over everything that had happened with Bobby; I had to lash out at someone."

"Bobby, what does he have to do with this?"

Pamela leaned in from the other side of the door.

"Is this about that little crush of yours, Kristin? I could have told you that Bobby wouldn't be cheating on Pamela any time soon – certainly not with you."

Kristin scowled at J.R. "I loved Bobby – he never loved me back either."

"So this wasn't just about me?"

Kristin smirked at J.R., "You think very highly of yourself Mr. Ewing, you think the sun rises and sets just for you."

J.R. glared at his sister-in-law, resenting her dig against him. "Still doesn't change the fact that Sue Ellen thinks I cheated on her."

"Do you mean to tell me that you are truly capable of being loyal to your wife?" Kristin asked with interest.

"We weren't having problems until you came back," J.R. shot back.

"I doubt that," Kristin said, brushing him off as she continued to pack. "You and Sue Ellen have never had the ideal marriage."

J.R. grabbed Kristin's wrist with his arm. "I love that woman with all of my heart and that is the only thing that matters."

Kristin studied J.R. He had seemed to be telling the truth. She hadn't seen him so serious in a long time. "You would take care of her?"

"I may not have always shown it in the past, but I've always loved her." J.R. turned away from her. "And now you've ruined that for me." J.R. looked at Kristin with his cold, icy stare. "Tell me this, and I want the truth – Sue Ellen's drinking…."

"Was purely fictitious," Kristin said, hanging her head in shame. "All of it, the receipt from Maddisons, the drink on her blouse – it was all done by me."

"Why!" J.R. demanded, angry at her, angry at himself for believing her, angry at the way he had lashed out at Sue Ellen – calling her names, accusing her of hurting the children, of being weak. He had cut her down once again, taken every ounce of faith in him that she held and threw it at her.

"I wanted to get even with Sue Ellen, for always being right, for leaving me with mamma, for getting everything she ever wanted. I wanted her to suffer."

"Well she's suffering alright – we all are because of you." J.R. fought back a tear. "You could have hurt Sue Ellen with your little charade, she could have started drinking."

"You think I don't know that!" Kristin insisted. Slowly calming herself down, she continued. "Revenge is a potent drug, J.R.; you should know that better than anyone."

"You think that's any excuse for what you've done. You have ruined my marriage."

Kristin frowned. "You can't blame everything on me, J.R. I didn't put those words into your mouth."

J.R. let out an angry sigh. She was right. The easy thing to do would be to blame everything on Kristin, but he had allowed himself to be manipulated by her. "At least she hasn't had a drink yet – but after what happened in Washington…."

"Do you have so little faith in your wife that you think the first problem would send her straight to the bottle?" Kristin asked pointedly.

"She is a former alcoholic – every day for her is a constant battle."

"And she is battling fine," Kristin insisted. "She has stayed sober for over a year – through all of this, she is stronger than you give her credit for."

J.R. paused to reflect on Kristin's words. They had a great deal of truth in them. J.R. had indeed underestimated his resilient wife, who had stood by him through thick and thin without complaint. "I'll never be able to make this up to her."

"Don't tell me you're giving up?" Kristin closed her suitcases and stared at J.R.

"That isn't any of your concern is it?" J.R. said bitterly. "Why don't you just get out of here – out of everyone's lives – the sooner the better."

Kristin took a deep breath. She knew that J.R. was right. She couldn't stay in Dallas any longer, she had destroyed any chance of a future relationship with Sue Ellen, and now it was time to start over again.

"Take a good look, J.R.," Kristin said finally, "It's the last you'll be seeing of me." Kristin stood in the doorway, armed by her bags as J.R. took one final look at his sister-in-law. "Goodbye Kristin," J.R. said, "I'm sure you'll do very well in California. I've taught you a great deal."

"Yes you have, I've gotten a very valuable education from you, J.R. I won't forget it, or you." Pamela disappeared as Kristin walked down the stairs, giving a hug to Jock and Ellie, a small nod for Lucy as Raul took her bags to her car.

"Kristin!"

Kristin turned to see Pamela Barnes Ewing standing behind her. "Before you go, there are some things I want to say to you."

Kristin nodded her head. "I owe you an apology, for everything I did with Bobby."

Pam glared at the youthful brunette. "You should be ashamed of yourself, for Bobby, for what you did to Sue Ellen."

"You were listening?" Kristin asked, shocked.

"That isn't important now is it?" Pam said simply. "How could you do that to Sue Ellen? After everything she's done for you? She loves you."

"Not anymore," Kristin said bitterly.

"Did you hate her that much? Did you hate me that much?"

Kristin began to softly cry. "I wasn't thinking Pam, and now I've messed up so badly, I can't fix anything."

"Don't say that," Pam said. "You can't quit now, Kristin, that's the cowards way out – and you are not a coward."

"Nothing happened between Bobby and I."

"No thanks to you," Pam replied harshly. "Why did you try to keep Bobby and I apart – you were the one who told him I was leaving."

"You have a good guy, Pamela. A guy who loves you, and I wanted that for myself."

Pam sighed. "Where are you staying right now?"

"There's an apartment with some friends of mine, I'll be leaving it soon."

"Would you mind if I came along with you? We have a lot to talk about."

Kristin nodded her head, wondering what Pamela was going to say to her as she quietly drove off.

* * *

Sue Ellen Ewing stood outside of Cliff's bedroom door, very tired. "Lizzy's been sleeping soundly for over an hour."

"She's a beautiful girl," Cliff said with genuine feeling.

"Thanks."

Cliff let out a laugh. "Are you going to be alright tonight?"

Sue Ellen smiled at Cliff. "I'm more concerned about you sleeping on the sofa. I really can't stay in your room – kicking you out."

Cliff shook his head. "You should be with Lizzy. And that couch will suit me just fine."

Sue Ellen sighed and placed her hand on the door. "I'm delaying the inevitable."

"You have to sleep at some point."

"I miss J.R.," she said softly.

"After what he did too you?" Cliff asked, astounded. "I could kill him."

"I am angry," Sue Ellen agreed, "But I always hate sleeping alone, without him. I don't even know how he is, or how John Ross is."

"They're both fine," Cliff promised her. "Like you said, you just needed a few days to work everything out before you see him again."

"I don't even know if he slept with her."

"You saw them in bed together."

"But the way he ran after me – insisted that he didn't do it, we've been so good together lately….well that's not entirely true – we've had our problems, but J.R. hasn't cheated on me in over a year."

"What about him accusing you of drinking?"

"Kristin set me up," Sue Ellen said adamantly. "I know she did – to split me apart from J.R. She got exactly what she wanted," Sue Ellen said, stamping her foot. "Kristin always thought she knew the answer to everything – that she could take over the world all on her own. She is sorely mistaken."

"Where is she now?"

"If I know J.R. the way I think I do," Sue Ellen smirked, "She'll be off Southfork by now – threatened by him to never come back again. Not that it worked the first time."

Sue Ellen's eyes deviated to an empty box of beer in Cliff's fridge. _There is no escaping alcohol – wherever I go, it finds me and follows me, refusing to let me win without a fight._

Cliff eyed the discarded trash and promptly folded it up. "If you need me to, I can clean out the rest of the house – there won't be a trace of liquor left.

Sue Ellen glared at Cliff. "Why does everyone assume that I'm going to drink!" she shouted. Cliff was stunned, and shrunk back. "You, J.R., Kristin, Bobby, Pam, probably even Jock and Miss Ellie – everyone assumes that I'll fall off the wagon any second – that I'll just turn to the bottle whenever I have the slightest problem." Sue Ellen collapsed onto a chair, tears streaming down her face.

"I don't think that at all, Sue Ellen," Cliff said gently, giving her a hug. "I was only trying to help."

"You should have heard the way he spoke to me," Sue Ellen sobbed. "It was as if I had flashed back two years ago, and J.R. was accusing me of being a low drunk and an unfit mother. He told me….I could have put the children in danger."

Cliff rubbed Sue Ellen's back. "You are stronger than anyone thinks. You can't let someone like J.R. or Kristin try to bring you down or break you."

Sue Ellen dried her eyes. "Part of the reason I left Southfork, was because I didn't know if I was strong enough to withstand the urge to drink. It's so easy at Southfork – cocktail hour is mandatory, J.R. keeps a mini-bar in the room – in almost every room at that house, there's a bottle of this or that. In my closet I have a…."

Sue Ellen's speech was interrupted by the ring of the phone. Sue Ellen nodded for Cliff to answer as she poured herself a glass of water. Cliff returned, his face stoic, with a tiny trace of fear.

"That was Pamela."

"Is it about your mother?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Your family knows where you are."

"What?" Sue Ellen shouted, jumping out of her seat. "How can they possibly know, J.R. couldn't have had me followed at this short notice, Pamela promised she wouldn't say anything."

Cliff shook his head. "Lucy spilled the beans during drinks in the dining room."

"Lucy," Sue Ellen said, placing her head in her hands. "How in the world did that girl find out where I was staying?"

"Pam said that she heard from my cousin Jimmy, who saw us."

Sue Ellen brushed her hair back. "And I suppose that everyone thinks we are having an affair."

"No, Kristin stopped by the house –"

Sue Ellen's eyes widened. "Perfect," she muttered sarcastically

"She told them that you came here to help me with my new Congressional campaign, and that you were staying here for a few days."

Sue Ellen started to laugh. "Jock must have been furious." Sue Ellen stood up, mimicking Jock, "I won't have any daughter-in-law of mine helping any Barnes."

Cliff laughed at Sue Ellen. "Apparently, your family bought the story lock, stock and barrel."

"Except for J.R., Kristin, Pam, and possibly Bobby who now know the truth."

Cliff took Sue Ellen's hand. "You have nothing to be ashamed of – J.R.'s the one who made a fool of himself. If anything, Bobby and Pam pity you, and that's if Bobby knows."

Sue Ellen nodded her head, glancing at the clock. "You have been a wonderful host to me tonight Cliff and I think I am going to try and get some sleep."

Cliff nodded his head. "I'll be on the couch if you need me, just holler," he waved as Sue Ellen closed the door and sat on the lumpy, old mattress in Cliff's apartment.

During their six-week affair, Sue Ellen hadn't spent any time in Cliff's bedroom. Their clandestine meetings were out of Dallas, where prying eyes, and word of mouth, could more easily be avoided. Sue Ellen tried to situate her body on the bed, but she was having very little luck. "So much for a good night's sleep," she muttered as she looked at Lizzy, who was asleep in her baby portable cradle. "At least someone can sleep." Little Elizabeth Eleanor Ewing was blissfully oblivious to the new surroundings, and Sue Ellen was thankful – at least for that.

* * *

Pam brought Kristin a cup of coffee from the small kitchen. "You thought that revenge would solve all of our problems – yet all you got was guilt."

"I don't think there is a way I can fix what I've done," Kristin said shyly. "Sue Ellen never wants to see me again."

"But she deserves to know the truth – you led her to believe that her husband was cheating on her – she could have started drinking again."

"You sound just like J.R.," Kristin muttered. Pamela placed her hands on her hips, not enjoying being compared to her pesky brother-in-law. "You assume that Sue Ellen is going to start drinking again."

"Isn't that what you were counting on," Pam asked sternly.

"Yes," Kristin mumbled, "But after everything I did, I still couldn't break her. Until now…."

"And now you want to take it back," Pam nodded walking around the room. "You can't always do that Kristin – what happened in Washington happened, just like what happened between you and Bobby happened.

"I'm sorry…."

"I know – and I know that you've been taking lessons from J.R., but you should know that you'll never get what you want through because you'll never be satisfied – you'll always want more." Pam sipped her coffee. "Is J.R. the person you want to model yourself after?"

Kristin paused as she contemplated Pamela's short but strong statement.

* * *

Sue Ellen tossed and turned, still uncomfortable in her surroundings. The clock on the nightstand read 11:30. She debated waking Cliff to see if he could talk to her for a while.

Throwing herself onto the pillow Sue Ellen once again attempted to force herself into a slumbering state. An angry bang on the front door prompted her to shoot up.

"Argh," Cliff moaned, falling off the couch. "Who the hell starts banging on doors in the middle of the night?"

"SUE ELLEN, OPEN UP, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" J.R. roared, pummeling his fists against the door.

"J.R.," Sue Ellen said breathlessly, running into the living room, where an irate Cliff tied his bathrobe.

"Who does he think he is, disturbing me in the middle of the night!" Cliff shouted none too softly.

"Sue Ellen!" J.R. yelled, "You have my daughter and I want to see her!"

Right on cue, Lizzy began to cry and Sue Ellen ran to get her, bringing her out in the living room.

"Go back to the bedroom and stay there," Cliff ordered, "Let me deal with that…barbarian."

"Don't make me break down the door Barnes!" J.R. taunted. "We all know you're too cheap to get another one."

Sue Ellen slowly hushed a very disturbed Lizzy. "Cliff, let me talk to him, she whispered. "I can calm him down."

"He's drunk," Cliff insisted.

"He would never hurt me."

J.R. continued to pound on the other side, ignoring the yelps of neighbors telling him to be quiet and go home.

Cliff walked over to the door and moved the lock to the right, leaving the chipped silver chain attached for safety. Opening the door part way, Cliff glared angrily at J.R., turning a dark purple. "Ewing, you have a lot of nerve barging in on me!"

"You have something that belongs to me, and I want it back!" J.R. said, shoving himself against the door, sending Cliff flying backward. J.R.'s hand was on the edge of the latch, ready to unhook it.

"Take one step further and I call the police!" Cliff shouted, embarrassed. He gently rubbed at his slightly bruised elbow, which was turning a slight purple, from the impact of falling.

"Cliff," Sue Ellen said from a corner of the room. "There's no need to get the authorities involved.

"Darlin', is that you?" J.R. called drunkenly. "I thought you had more taste than to associate with Barnes trash.

"That does it," Cliff said angrily, opening the door all the way so that he could tell J.R. exactly what he thought of him.

Cliff opened his mouth, but J.R. angrily shoved him aside, forcing him onto a nearby chair and he came towards a frightened Sue Ellen.

"Don't you touch me," she warned, taking a few steps back.

"You humiliated me in front of my entire family tonight," J.R. slurred.

"You're humiliating yourself pretty well right now," Sue Ellen smirked, placing Lizzy in her baby carrier. "You really do have a lot of nerve coming after me like that – drunk as a skunk. Someone could have been hurt," she said, looking at Cliff who glared angrily at J.R.

"No one of consequence," J.R. sneered. "I want talk to you." He reached for her hand, but she pulled away, falling onto the couch. She looked at him with wide eyes. He frightened her when he was drunk – she never knew what he was capable of, when he allowed alcohol to make his decisions for him.

J.R. opened his mouth and tried to comfort her, but Cliff came up from behind her and grabbed his arm. "If you touch her, you are dealing with me," he said firmly.

J.R. looked at Cliff in shock, that this low little man would have the gall to address him in such a fashion. "I never meant to hurt her."

"That didn't stop you did it!" Cliff said, raising his voice. "Once again, nothing ever changes with you does it?"

J.R. scowled and opened his mouth to speak, but Sue Ellen cut him off. "What do you have to say J.R.?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. Cliff looked on intently.

"You want me to pour my heart out to you in front of Barnes?" J.R. laughed.

Sue Ellen frowned at J.R. "Right now that man is looking better than you every second, so don't go off insulting him now."

J.R. lowered his head. It humbled him to hear his wife praise a Barnes over him. He knew that he had sunk to incredible lows in the past week or so, degrading Sue Ellen, choosing Kristin over her, not being man enough to admit that he was wrong. Now he was only making the situation worse by showing his aggressive, domineering style. J.R. removed Cliff's grasp from his arm and focused his attention back on his wife. "Sue Ellen, I may be drunk, but I had some things I had to say to you. Right now I see that we should be having this discussion when we're both sober –", J.R. paused over his word choice, "Ready, and if that means that I have to wait, than I will."

Sue Ellen softened at hearing J.R.'s honest words.

"I just want to tell you that I love you – and that I'm sorry about everything. I know you weren't drinking – and I'm ashamed of myself for not believing in you in the first place."

Sue Ellen nodded her head, tears forming in her eyes. Somehow, he had found out the truth, and it brought her the tiniest bit of assurance. But things were not done between them – not yet.

J.R. turned to Cliff. "And I'm sorry to both of you for coming here the way I did." J.R. examined Cliff's bruised arm from the scuffle. It wasn't like him to get involved in physical brawls – that had always been Bobby's way of handling problems, but not J.R.'s. J.R. was more 

interested in mental warfare, destruction of the inner self. But like any other man, he could be provoked.

Sue Ellen silently pleaded with Cliff to listen to J.R. and not cause a fight. "I don't know whether you are telling the truth or not," Cliff said skeptically, "But for Sue Ellen's sake, I'll believe you – and not call the police for breaking and entering."

J.R. nodded his head and turned back to Sue Ellen. "Will you please come home, Sue Ellen? We can talk about everything – I just want to be close to you."

Cliff ducked into the bedroom to give the couple some privacy.

Sue Ellen shook her curls. "Not tonight, J.R. Like you said – we should wait until we are both ready – and I'm not."

J.R.'s countenance fell at Sue Ellen's rejection. "I didn't sleep with Kristin – I swear it, Sue Ellen. I don't care what Kristin or anyone else says, she took advantage of me when I was passed out."

Sue Ellen lowered her eyes at J.R.'s convenient little story. She had heard others similar to it on countless occasions where J.R. would blame the traffic, or his drinking, a late night meeting, extra business to take care of, as reasons why he never came home to her. "J.R…."

"Please," he begged. "I can't have you thinking that I had an affair." He got down on his knees in front of Sue Ellen and took her hands in his.

"How do I know…?"

"For the same reasons that I should have known that you never drank a drop of liquor."

Sue Ellen sniffled, a tear falling down her cheek. "You need to leave."

"Not without saying goodbye," J.R. insisted, pulling Sue Ellen towards him in a long, satisfying kiss.

Sue Ellen struggled to free herself from his grasp, but gave into her desire. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she savored the feel of his skin connected to her hands. "If you don't stop – I may not be able to let you go," she whispered.

"Then I'll say goodnight," J.R. whispered, pulling away. "Just don't let Barnes keep you from coming back to me," he chuckled.

_Nothing could keep me from you, _Sue Ellen thought softly, waving at J.R.

Cliff came out of the bedroom, breathing a sigh of relief that J.R. had finally left. "That is something I don't ever want to relive."

Sue Ellen chuckled at Cliff's displeasure as he took a seat next to her.

"I don't know how he found out you were here anyway," he muttered.

"Did he hurt you?" Sue Ellen asked gently.

Cliff shook his head. "I swear – I could have punched him for everything he's done to us, and Pam."

"That wouldn't have solved anything," Sue Ellen cut in.

"Did he solve anything by coming here tonight?" Cliff asked.

Sue Ellen buried her head in her hands. "J.R. could never handle liquor and anger at the same time."

"Don't tell me you're worried about him," Cliff insisted, grabbing two tap waters.

"He's my husband. He was obliviously worried about me."

"Sounds like you have some thinking to do."

Sue Ellen looked at Cliff. "I really do." Resting her feet on faded carpeting Sue Ellen decided to bridge a different sensitive subject. "So your mother's alive?"

Cliff groaned, diving into a peanut, offering Sue Ellen the bowl. "Pam went out of her way to find her and by some stroke of luck she does. This woman had a lifetime to come back to Pam and me, to Digger – she never even came to his funeral."

"Did Pam tell you anything about her?"

"I didn't really let her do very much talking," Cliff said sheepishly. "I just got so angry over the fact that this woman thinks she can just come into my life and expect me to make room for her."

"You know – I was never very close to my mother." Cliff paused and let Sue Ellen speak. "Oh she took care of my basic needs: food, clothing, shelter, but she was never around when I needed someone to talk to. She'd either be out with one of her many boyfriends, or she'd brush me off." Sue Ellen sipped her drink. "I would give anything to have had a real mother growing up, then I wouldn't have been so lonely."

"So what are you saying?" Cliff asked, having an idea at what she was getting at.

"If I could start over with my mom – I would. It's too late for Kristin and I to have a good relationship with our mother – she wouldn't change. But you and Pam can have a fresh start." Sue Ellen stood up to go back to sleep. "Think about what I said," she suggested as Cliff settled back onto the couch.

* * *

The lights were out at Southfork as J.R. stumbled through the front door. He wondered if he was truly crazy to go to Barnes' home just to see Sue Ellen. Miss Ellie had once told him that love could make people do crazy things, and J.R. considered himself truly crazy to step foot in that man's squalor of a home.

His anger at the situation had driven him to the bottle. He drank while Kristin explained what happened, after she left, and sadly, while he was in the car going to Cliff's. J.R. marveled at the fact that he could put an entire sentence, let alone a thought together in his condition.

Everyone at the ranch was fast asleep as J.R. swung open the bedroom door to his empty and lonely room. He had thought about staying the night in a hotel – not wanting to be without Sue Ellen, but if, by some chance, she came home early the next morning, J.R. would want to be there to see her.

He vehemently took off his boots and his tie, throwing them onto the floor. Opening the closet doors, he grabbed his pajamas and a lilac nightgown that belonged to Sue Ellen. J.R. lifted the garment to his nose; her scent still permeated the gown. He sighed, carrying it with him to the bed as he lay down, wrapping his arms around the flimsy fabric – it was all he had left of her in the house. "Goodnight Sue Ellen," J.R. said softly.

* * *

Sue Ellen leaned over the side of the bed and pulled out one of J.R.'s dress shirts from her suitcase. She was in such a hurry to leave Southfork, she was surprised she took it, but it had been hanging on a chair while she worked, and she just grabbed it. Cradling it in her arms, she could smell the aroma of J.R.'s cologne – the bottle she had gotten him for Christmas. Sue Ellen pressed the shirt against her face and sighed; this was the closest she could be to J.R. tonight. After the way he had drunkenly barged in, she knew she had every right to be mad at him – yet she felt touched that he came all this way just to talk to her. _He said the most wonderful things, _she thought softly, _and I know that he loves me._ She struggled to come up with sensible reasons for how Kristin ended up in bed with him. _J.R. had been adamant that he hadn't slept with her._ On many occasions, J.R. would lie, defend his actions, say he did nothing wrong, but never with so much fire as he had when he told Sue Ellen that he never laid a hand on Kristin Shepard.


	12. Chapter 12: Goodbye and Hello

Pam awoke the next morning in a rush, making a beeline for the bathroom, without waking a heavily sleeping Bobby. Pining her hair up in a simple bun, Pam sprayed the tiniest hint of perfume, preparing for the day. Since she came to Southfork, she took on the role as nurturer, helper. She helped Bobby with his business troubles, listened to Lucy when she was fed up with the family, provided a comfort to Miss Ellie, and became a best friend for Sue Ellen. It was time once again to dive in and help the Ewing family sort out their problems. This time though, she was helping the most unlikely Ewing – J.R.

* * *

Kristin waited patiently at her mother's home for Pamela to come and pick her up. Last night she had her doubts about seeing Sue Ellen after what happened – Patricia had never taught the girls how to talk out problems, she believed that ladies never breached uncomfortable territory but rather sweep the matter under the rug. But Kristin felt too guilty to ignore what happened – she knew that Sue Ellen needed to hear the truth – but she was reluctant to be the one to tell her.

Pam honked her horn out front and Kristin ran out to greet her. It surprised the young Ms. Shepard how kind Pamela was being to her – after everything that had happened with Bobby. Kristin had a feeling that she was doing this more for Sue Ellen than her, but she didn't mind.

"How did you sleep?" Pam asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Not very well," Kristin admitted. "I haven't been very comfortable in that house for a long time."

Pam nodded her head, trying to imagine what life with Patricia Shepard must have been like. From what Sue Ellen had alluded to – it did not seem pleasant. "You remember my brother Cliff don't you?"

Kristin bit her tongue. Now was not the time to confess that she had helped J.R. sabotage Cliff's career a few years back – costing him a cushy job as head of the Office of Land Management, better known as the OLM. Kristin didn't have too much one-on-one contact with Cliff Barnes. What little she knew about him came from J.R., the media or Pamela – and they all had different opinions on the man. "I know of him – he was once a very big man in Dallas," Kristin said, looking out the window, preparing herself to say goodbye to Dallas for good.

"He'll have his power again," Pam promised with a laugh. "People try to break him – but Cliff always lands on his feet. Besides, he's happy where he is."

"Helping the masses for little recognition," Kristin muttered sarcastically.

Pam sent Kristin a sharp look. "You don't need power to make an impact, Kristin."

"Sorry," Kristin said softly as Pam pulled over the car.

"We're here," Pam said, helping Kristin out. "Remember – they think I'm the only one coming."

Kristin dutifully followed Pam up the cobbled staircase and into the rundown building. _The mighty have fallen, _Kristin thought to herself, remembering Cliff as a significant threat to J.R. She knew J.R. would never stop obsessing over Cliff Barnes, but she couldn't understand how Cliff could possibly inflict damage in such a minuscule job.

Kristin hid in the hallway as Pam knocked on the door, greeting Cliff and Sue Ellen with a hug.

"Are you here to see Cliff?" Sue Ellen asked, feeding Lizzy her bottle.

"I'm here to see both of you – and I brought someone with me."

"You aren't trying to set me up with another one of your friends are you Pam?" Cliff joked, lightening the mood.

"You know I gave up on that a long time ago," Pam shot back with a smile. _Leave it to Cliff to make a wisecrack. _"I hope it's okay that I brought her with me – she really wanted to see you, Sue Ellen."

"Me?" Sue Ellen asked. "Who would want to see me?"

"I would," Kristin said, stepping into the doorway.

Cliff and Sue Ellen subconsciously backed away from her.

"I thought you would have left Dallas by now," Sue Ellen said coolly, devoid of emotion.

"I am leaving, but not without saying goodbye."

"I have nothing to say to you," Sue Ellen said firmly, glaring at Pam.

"But you have to listen to me," Kristin insisted in a tone that she hadn't used with Sue Ellen since they were children.

Pam stood next to Kristin, her arm on her shoulder.

"Well I know where you stand – sister in law," Sue Ellen spat, wondering how Pam could betray her by siding with Kristin of all people.

"Cliff, why don't we take a walk," Pam suggested, taking Cliff by the arm.

"Is that a request or an order?" Cliff grumbled as Pam pulled him into the hallway.

Sue Ellen was left alone with Kristin – the woman that she had known for over twenty years, yet at that moment, felt like she was meeting her for the very first time.

"I have to put Lizzy down for her nap," Sue Ellen said primly.

Kristin debated following her and waiting in the living room. Shaking her head, she cornered her sister in the bedroom, remembering the mantra she had taught herself – never back down from what you want.

Kristin closed the door and locked it, blocking a frustrated Sue Ellen from leaving.

"Leave Dallas," Sue Ellen ordered. "There is nothing left for you to do here; you've already ruined me – which is probably why you came to begin with."

"You're right," Kristin said softly. Sue Ellen glared viciously at her little sister. "I came here to make you and J.R. pay."

"I don't know why you're so angry at J.R.," Sue Ellen muttered. "When you visited a few years ago –you two were rather chummy."

"We were – I thought we were happy. But he left me for you – to stay with you." Kristin lowered her head. "Do you know what it's like to love someone and not have them love you back?"

Sue Ellen looked at Kristin. _That's the story of my life – countless years of being married to J.R. – asking for nothing but his love, and rarely getting that._ Sue Ellen tucked an auburn curl behind her ear. "You loved J.R.?"

"I thought I did," Kristin admitted. "I was so infatuated with everything about him: his style, his manner, his business skills….," Kristin stopped speaking. "He fired me from Ewing Oil the second Louella came back – he told me I was expendable, that I had already served my purpose. He gave me a plane ticket out of Dallas, money to hush me up." Sue Ellen looked at Kristin; she had never known the details surrounding Kristin's original departure from Ewing Oil. "I knew he didn't love me then," Kristin said, her voice beginning to waver. "Infrequent nights in secret aren't love, Sue Ellen. He was right – I served my purpose. When I left – I had nothing, he had taken my dignity, my self-esteem, my strength. I kept waiting, wondering, hoping that he would change his mind about me and divorce you – he had promised to marry me."

"He did?" Sue Ellen asked sharply. She had no idea that J.R. had made such a bold lie to her baby sister – gullible enough to believe anything he said.

Kristin nodded. "After I left, I was angry, furious, used."

_I know that feeling all too well, _Sue Ellen thought to herself.

"But I knew then that I didn't love him. I made no effort to win him back, to change his mind after forced me away. It was lust that struck me – and him as well."

"You were one in a million, Kristin," Sue Ellen said. "There are dozens of women in Dallas just like you – puppets for J.R."

"And you were the one, Sue Ellen," Kristin insisted. "You had nothing to be jealous of – you were the one J.R. chose, no one else had your hold on him, no one ever has, and no one ever will."

Sue Ellen sighed, thinking about what Kristin said. J.R. had always stayed with her – partly for family duty, partly for appearance, partly for her beauty – but she always knew that he loved her.

"I didn't sleep with J.R. in Washington, Sue Ellen," Kristin said finally. Sue Ellen opened her mouth, but Kristin cut her off. "It was my final act of revenge, after everything that had happened with Bobby –"

"Bobby?" Sue Ellen interjected.

"Let me finish. Miss Ellie called and told me when you were flying in to see J.R., so I gave him a drug – nothing harmful, just a sleeping pill – enough to knock him out for the night."

Sue Ellen's eyes grew to the size of saucers. "You set him up?"

Kristin nodded tearfully. "I wanted to see you both hurt – I wanted to split you up."

"How do I know that you're telling me the truth?" Sue Ellen questioned, rising. "I can't believe anything that you say after what you've done to me. You kept J.R. from getting to the hospital for Lizzy; you talked about me behind my back to J.R. – plotting against me –; you made me about to be a drunk – again. I can't believe anything that comes out of your mouth," Sue Ellen circled Kristin like a mob ready to strike the victim.

"I did all of those things," Kristin cried, "and nothing worked."

"So you resorted to drugs," Sue Ellen said in a low voice.

Kristin covered her face in her hands, tears flowing freely.

"Why?" Sue Ellen demanded. "Don't tell me you did this because of J.R., or because I you wanted to get back at me for a bad childhood. We had the same mother and we led the same lives."

"No we didn't," Kristin said, softly, mopping her eyes. "Mamma always loved you more than me – but you could never admit it. She spent more time on you, money on you, praise on you, effort on you."

"And that was why you hated me?" Sue Ellen questioned, her lips beginning to quiver.

"You left me when you married J.R.," Kristin sobbed. "I was a young girl and you left me alone – with our mother, knowing what she was capable of. When you moved to Southfork, you rarely called, rarely visited, I became an only child, I lost my big sister."

"I thought you would have wanted that," Sue Ellen shot back. "After all the trouble I supposedly caused you."

"I was lonely, Sue Ellen. I was lonely when you were with mamma and I, and I was lonely after. Somewhere along the line, it turned into spite. I couldn't see you in the way I once did."

Sue Ellen felt tears slowly run down her face. "I wanted to protect you from mamma, but I suppose I didn't do a very good job."

"You were lucky to get out – I would have done anything to leave."

Sue Ellen looked at her little sister. "I always loved you Kristin, in spite of everything – even when you slept with J.R." She ran her fingers through her hair. "What did you tell the family when you left Ewing Oil?"

"I told the truth – I am going to California, and I am not coming back – I've not go reason to."

"Don't say that, Kristin. Don't write mamma and I off."

Kristin looked at her sister with curious eyes. "You said we were finished."

"You and I could never be finished," Sue Ellen said softly. "We are sisters, whether we like it or not, whether we want it or not, I can't just give you up."

"Do you mean that?" Kristin asked.

"Did you mean it when you said you were sorry?"

"Yes," Kristin said softly. "J.R. knows everything about my setting you up to drink and the rest of the family doesn't need to know anything."

Sue Ellen nodded her head. "You're very lucky to be getting such a painless getaway."

"Nothing about this is painless, Sue Ellen," Kristin said. "I haven't been proud of myself in months – I have to live with what I did. I have to live with Bobby – saying no."

Sue Ellen stared at her sister. "You made a pass for Bobby – my brother-in-law."

"I always had a crush on Bobby," Kristin admitted, "even when I was partnered with J.R. And I did find out what it's like to love someone and have them not love you back."

"You _love_ Bobby?" Sue Ellen questioned incredulously.

"I would have given anything to be with Bobby: I would move to Dallas permanently, become a better person, go back to school, work harder at Ewing Oil, change my hair, my wardrobe, my everything – just to make him happy. It was never like that with J.R."

"Bobby would never leave Pam."

"That's what J.R. said," Kristin grumbled. "When Bobby turned me down, I drugged J.R. – part of it was even to get back at Bobby, to make someone else unhappy."

"Did you get any satisfaction from it?"

"None," Kristin admitted truthfully. "I felt empty and hollow – I don't know how J.R. does it."

Sue Ellen gave Kristin a half smile. "J.R. wouldn't touch another Ewing – family is very important to him, more than important than you think."

"Well," Kristin said, "I'm sure you two will be very happy together when this blows over."

"You think this is going to just go away?" Sue Ellen asked. "It's going to take time –before I can see you again. I don't know if I'll ever see you in the same way Kristin – but make no mistake, I will always love you because we are family." Sue Ellen hugged her little sister for what could be the last time in a very long time.

* * *

Cliff drummed his hands nervously on his tiny desk office in the corner DA's building. He had battled some of Dallas' most elite and powerful men in the past several years working as an assistant to the District Attorney in Dallas, but he hadn't felt this nervous over a meeting in a long time.

He did it for Sue Ellen – and for Pam, there was no way he would ever contact J.R. Ewing for himself. He wasn't even sure if he would come, but Pam and Sue Ellen had assured him that Mr. John Ross Ewing II would answer Cliff's request to see him and that all would go well. But Cliff still had his doubts.

The clock struck 11:10, ten minutes after J.R. was to arrive for the appointment. "He thinks he can keep me waiting," Cliff muttered allowed, rearranging the pens on his desk. His secretary promptly buzzed him, alerting him to the fact that J.R. was waiting in the outer office.

"Send him in," Cliff said, exuding as much authority as he could.

J.R. brushed past the secretary and stood towering over the desk, tapping his foot.

"You're late," Cliff commented, gesturing for him to sit down.

"I came didn't I," J.R. smirked. "I'd rather stand if you don't mind – I don't think I'll be here too long."

"Suit yourself," Cliff shot back.

"Are you still harboring my wife and child?" J.R. asked with a condescending tone. "You wouldn't be possibly be keeping her there for yourself now would you?"

Cliff walked over to the other side of the desk and stood on his toes to be eye-to-eye with J.R. "Only you would say something so crude."

"Why don't you just tell me why you called me down here?" J.R. demanded, aggravated.

"He would have told you had you listened," a feminine voice that J.R. had known and loved for years appeared in the outer door behind Cliff's desk.

"Sue Ellen," J.R. said breathlessly, now feeling the same fear Cliff felt moments earlier.

"I asked Cliff to arrange a meeting between us," Sue Ellen said, her voice bearing frustration. She nodded at Cliff, and he left the office. "How could you say to Cliff?" Sue Ellen asked, disappointed in her husband.

"I-I didn't know," J.R. stammered.

"You didn't know I was listening," Sue Ellen smirked.

"I can never see him the same way after that affair you two had," J.R. said defensively.

"You never liked him to begin with," Sue Ellen reminded him. "And you don't have to trust him – but you do me. You really think I'd have a one-night stand with Cliff just to hurt you?"

"It wouldn't be the first time," J.R. reminded her.

Sue Ellen shot her husband a disgusted look and turned to leave, but J.R. pulled her back.

"I'm sorry," J.R. said, humbled. "I'm sorry for everything that happened over these past few weeks, you know I love you."

"Yes I do," Sue Ellen said softly. "We both made mistakes J.R. I talked to Kristin –"

"She came to you?" J.R. asked quickly.

Sue Ellen nodded her head. "She told me what happened between you and her, and Bobby and her. It was quite a story."

"I had no idea she was capable of such a thing – otherwise I would have kept her from Dallas."

"You taught her everything, J.R.," Sue Ellen said with a hint of regret. "You corrupted my baby sister, you threw her out of Dallas, and now you're talking about doing it again." Sue Ellen's countenance fell as she took a seat.

J.R. knelt next to her. "I wanted to get Kristin out of our lives – so that we could live in peace." He gently rubbed her back up and down.

"Do you hate her?" Sue Ellen whispered.

J.R. didn't know how to answer as he held her close. "Darlin' that girl caused one too many problems for us; she should be out of our lives right now."

"She's going to California, and eventually, I hope to keep in touch with her."

J.R. stopped massaging Sue Ellen and took her hands in his. "You can't possibly want a relationship with her after everything that happened."

"I love her," Sue Ellen said. "I always loved you, J.R., no matter what you did."

J.R. tilted her chin up. "Then you'll come home to me – please," he added quietly.

Sue Ellen wrapped her arms around J.R.'s neck, tears falling down her cheeks. "I – I missed you."

"I missed you too," J.R. smiled, pulling her in for a kiss.

Sue Ellen gently broke their embrace. "We aren't done talking about Cliff Barnes."

"Honey, you are killing the mood," J.R. groaned.

Sue Ellen gently smiled at her husband. "You should be thanking him for everything that he did for me while I stayed with him. Nothing happened – you should have known that."

"How could Cliff possibly help you?"

"He's smarter than you think. He gave me time to work out my feelings in a safe environment."

"Southfork isn't safe?" J.R. asked, somewhat confused.

"No, not always," Sue Ellen admitted. "With all of those people there, it's hard to get perspective on things – and I needed space from you. And from other things…."

J.R. nodded his head, understanding what she was saying. "When you get home, I'll get rid of the bar in our bedroom, I'll do whatever I need to in order make you happy."

"I wanted to believe that I wouldn't drink," Sue Ellen said softly. "But when I stood in that house, surrounded by so many different poisons, I felt like I had to leave for my own sanity. That bottle that I have in the closet…" Sue Ellen trailed off, starting to cry. J.R. gently pulled her close, kissing her hair. "It's there to remind me of my past – my addiction to alcoholism. I wonder if I'll ever rid myself of the disease, or if I'll be doomed to falter forever."

J.R. took Sue Ellen's shoulder. "Honey…"

"The bottle was the same bottle that I was drinking from right before you sent me to the sanitarium when I was pregnant. I kept it as a reminder of my former self – how I put John Ross in danger, didn't care about anything but finding my next drink. I don't want to be that person anymore, J.R. Every time I touch that bottle, it's there to remind me of how far I've come, how much farther I have to go."

J.R. sighed in awe, having no idea the significance of the bottle. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"When could I have told you?" Sue Ellen asked. "When you were accusing me of drinking?"

J.R.'s shoulders moved up and down. "I'll never doubt your sobriety again," he swore.

Sue Ellen snuggled closer to J.R. "It hurt, having the one person that I loved more than anyone – my best friend – turn against me." She listened to J.R.'s breathing. "I suppose that's how you felt when I accused you of sleeping with Kristin…"

"I would never jeopardize my relationship with you for Kristin or anyone else," J.R. said. "You mean the world to me – and I won't give you up that easily."

"I shouldn't have doubted you," Sue Ellen murmured, tracing her fingers over J.R.'s chest. "I won't give up on you either, I love you," she whispered into his ear.

"I love you too, Darlin'," J.R. beamed. "How's the baby?"

"She misses you, J.R. She'll be excited to be back in her own crib again."  
"Where is she now?"

"She's with Cliff outside – asleep."

"She's with Barnes?" J.R. asked, standing up.

"He's perfectly capable of watching her," Sue Ellen said, joining him. "As I was saying, I want you to make an effort to be nicer to Cliff. He's Pamela's brother and my friend. You may be seeing more of him."

"Not right away I hope," J.R. laughed.

Sue Ellen kissed J.R.'s cheek. "You're too hard on him."

"I'm not comfortable with him being alone with my baby girl."

"He did a wonderful job helping me with her over the past few days."

"Really?" J.R. asked in disbelief.

"Really," Sue Ellen replied. "He's a little rusty – but in time, I think he could make a good father."

"But not for my daughter," J.R. said, heading for the door.

"J.R….," Sue Ellen warned.

J.R. turned to his wife. "I'll be nice," he winked, opening the door to find his baby girl in Cliff's arms as he fed her a bottle.

Cliff looked at J.R. as he gently handed Lizzy to him. "She loves her bottle."

J.R. kissed his daughter's head. "I know." The two men stared at each other until J.R. coughed, "Thank-you for watching over both of my girls for me."

"It was my pleasure," Cliff said meaning every word. "They're both special."

"And they are both _mine_," J.R. added possessively. He may have to share his family with Cliff, but there was no way that Barnes was ever going to forget that they were his loved ones first.

* * *

J.R. and Sue Ellen stood outside Southfork with baby Lizzy. "Are you ready to go in, Darlin'?" J.R. asked, holding her hand.

"I've been wanting to come home for ages," Sue Ellen said as she held the doorknob and the two went in.

Miss Ellie and Pam stood to greet them.

"Welcome back Sue Ellen," Miss Ellie said warmly as Pam closed the front door. "Here's my little granddaughter," Miss Ellie exclaimed, taking hold of Lizzy in her arms.

Jock came down the stairs with Bobby and looked at Sue Ellen. "So you were helping Cliff Barnes' election campaign," he said in low voice.

Sue Ellen tensed slightly, looking to J.R.

"That's where Kristin says you were," Lucy said, bouncing into the foyer. "Do you have any juicy little tidbits for the family?"

"Lucy," Pam hissed at her niece.

Lucy mouthed _sorry _to Pam and took a hold of Sue Ellen's suitcase, taking it the master bedroom.

Jock looked warily at Sue Ellen as Ellie squeezed Jock's hand, telling him to let the issue go.

J.R. and Sue Ellen paid their respects to Jock and Ellie as they headed upstairs to rest up before dinner.

J.R. locked the bedroom door and guided Sue Ellen to the bed. "Do you have any idea how much I've missed you?"

"I think I can imagine," Sue Ellen said breathlessly as J.R. slowly removed the buttons on her blouse. "It's good to be home."

"Home is where you belong," J.R. said huskily as he silenced Sue Ellen with a kiss.

* * *

Cliff Barnes sat alone in his one bedroom apartment. The place seemed different without Sue Ellen and Lizzy to share it with. Looking at a photo of himself, Pam, and Digger, Cliff realized just how lonely he was. _Maybe having a mother wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, _he thought to himself. He could have company, an ally, a reminder of his daddy, someone to call in the middle of the day. Someone else to turn to besides Pamela – who as much as loved him, had to let him go to a degree in order to live a life with Bobby.

The abrupt ring of the phone made Cliff jump as he picked up. He listened intently to his employer at the DA's office explain that there was a new client for him to the next day – she had specifically asked for him. Hanging up the phone, Cliff contemplated who it was in or out of Dallas that would request his exclusive services.

* * *

Sue Ellen lifted the shoe box out of the closet and opened the lid, revealing her souvenir bottle of vodka. Tracing the familiar path, she let out a soft sigh, wondering if it was time to let the reminder go, and move on with her life.

"Sue Ellen." J.R. came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, placing her in a protective cocoon.

"I was wondering if I was ready to let it go," she softly whispered. She placed the bottle on the floor and turned to her husband for comfort.

J.R. held her in an embrace, soothing her with gentle whispers. "You don't need a bottle to protect you Sue Ellen, come to think of it, you don't need me either." Sue Ellen looked up at her husband. "You're stronger than you think, Darlin', you don't need to rely on anyone or anything to get what you need."

Sue Ellen rested her head on J.R.'s chest, "But it's nice knowing that I still have you."

"Forever and always," J.R. promised. He lowered his mouth to meet Sue Ellen's lips and they collided in a long awaited kiss. Sue Ellen held the bottle with one arm, and carefully dumped it in the trash can, holding onto her husband.

"Forever and always," she murmured as their kiss broke.

J.R. lazily played with her auburn tendrils taking the time to study everything he had temporarily lost. "Perfection," he murmured peacefully.

Sue Ellen struggled to get off the bed, her desire for her husband consuming her thoughts. "Jock and Miss Ellie will be furious if we keep dinner waitin' much longer," Sue Ellen said in her lilting tone.

J.R. kissed Sue Ellen's brow. "Here I thought I could keep you all to myself."

"After dinner," Sue Ellen promised. "We have a lifetime together, J.R. I don't want to spoil it all at once by going too fast."

J.R. granted Sue Ellen's request and released her from his hold. "You set the pace, Darlin', but remember I play for keeps, which means I am never letting you go."

Sue Ellen gave her husband a final kiss as they headed for the Southfork stairs to be greeted by an anxiously awaiting family.

"About time," Lucy grumbled teasingly as the couple made it down the stairs. Sue Ellen sent an apologetic smile to the family as J.R. held his hand at her waist, denying any wrongdoing.

The family had started cocktails and were now ready for dinner as Teresa called the family for supper on the Ewing's best china. Crystal glasses were placed at each seat alongside sterling silverware, and the finest linen napkins. Teresa and Raul brought out the finest cut Southfork beef, for the family, accompanied by all of the traditional supper trimmings. The family sat around the table, John Ross sitting in his adjustable high chair, and Lizzy sitting in hers.

"The next time you come to a Ewing dinner in your honor, you could show up on time," Lucy noted as she sipped her dinner water.

Miss Ellie sent Lucy a silencing stare that made her look down at her plate as Sue Ellen looked around the room.

"I wasn't expecting a special dinner," Sue Ellen said, marveling at the amount of attention that was being placed on her.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you there was another reason for everything?" Bobby asked with a wink.

"Is there something I don't know?" Sue Ellen asked curiously, barely able to contain her excitement.

"We wanted to tell everyone at cocktails," Pam said with shining eyes, "But it seems that you two missed it, so Bobby and I have wonderful news for everyone."

"Spit it out," Lucy exclaimed, never the type to like waiting.

Bobby shot a playful glare at his niece. "Maybe we should wait until after dessert…" he teased.

"Bobby," Lucy pouted.

"Lucy, if you would be quiet for a second, Bobby would tell us everything," Jock said, looking at his niece.

Pam tugged at Bobby's arm, bursting with her news. "Bobby and I got a phone call from the adoption agency today," she began, "And…."

"They have a baby boy waiting to become a Ewing," Bobby finished.

The entire family broke out into excited chatter, congratulating Bobby and Pam on their good fortune. Glasses were raised as Jock gave another toast to family members, past and present, including those who could not be with him – like Gary and Valene.

"I suppose we'll be setting another nursery," Lucy noted as Teresa brought out her famous two-tier chocolate cake for the family to dig into.

Miss Ellie and Pam started actively talking about redecorating the bedroom next to Lizzy's nursery, as J.R. subtly grasped Sue Ellen's hand.

"Have you missed being home?" J.R. asked, bringing her hand to his lips.

Sue Ellen nodded her head. "There really is no place like home, J.R.," Sue Ellen said gently, knowing that J.R. understood her duel meaning perfectly. There was no place that the two wanted to be more than with each other.

The celebration winded down as Lucy headed out for the evening, Jock and Ellie went for a walk around the ranch, and Bobby and Pam decided to celebrate in town. That left the house virtually empty for J.R. and Sue Ellen.

"Couldn't have planned it better myself," J.R. joked as he stood with Sue Ellen, admiring the photographs in the living room, specifically the family portrait.

"We're going to need a new family picture when the baby comes," Sue Ellen said, turning to J.R. "John Ross has grown so much over the past several months, and Lizzy will be making her first appearance in a full family photograph."

J.R. took Sue Ellen by the shoulders and pulled her into a kiss. "Who knows how many more children we'll be having together over the years," he teased.

Sue Ellen smirked at her husband. "J.R. Ewin', how many children do you plan on having?"

J.R. wrapped his arms around Sue Ellen's neck, "Maybe enough for our own Ewing football team," he joked, as Sue Ellen playfully punched him in the ribs.

"I'm serious, J.R."

"So am I, Honey." He looked into her hazel eyes. "I'd love to have another child with you."

Sue Ellen beamed at J.R. "Shall we start working on names?"

J.R. shook his head. "I'd rather work on something else – if you catch my drift," he said as he rested his hands on her hips.

Sue Ellen blushed a fierce red, moving J.R.'s hands to her waist. "You are very single-minded, Mr. Ewing."

"I know what I want, and I really don't need anything else," J.R. promised her, lifting her off the floor. Sue Ellen wrapped her long legs around J.R.'s hips, her arms around his neck as he carried her up the stairs.

* * *

Cliff showed up early the next morning for his appointment with a new client – a Rebecca Burke. Settling into his desk chair, Cliff examined the file until his secretary buzzed him, announcing his new client.

Rebecca Wentworth stood up with one graceful motion. After everything Pam had told her about Cliff, she just had to meet him, whether he was ready for her or not. She didn't want to spend her life waiting to get reacquainted with the son she had lost.

Cliff stood to meet her, dusting off his suite. Looking into her brown eyes, he was faced with an eerie feeling that he had seen this woman before. Cliff kept his grip on her small hand longer than he had intended to, laughing light-heartedly to break the tension. "Please have a seat Ms. Burke."

"Rebecca," the woman insisted kindly, her eyes beginning to slightly mist over at the sight of her one son. "I've heard a great deal about you Mr. Barnes," she said, composing herself.

"Only good things I hope."

"The best. That's why I wanted to meet you."

"Well, why don't you tell me a little something about yourself," Cliff offered, eying her profile. When he closed his eyes, he could envision a woman just like her, minus twenty or so years.

"Well, I have my own business in Houston – rather my husband's business that he left to me."

"Rebecca, I'm not exactly a corporate lawyer," Cliff admitted.

"I didn't come here to discuss business," Rebecca said, examining Cliff carefully.

Cliff grabbed a pencil, shaking his head. "Why did you want to meet me?"

"I was curious to meet you," Rebecca said softly. She eyed Cliff's movements. "We've met before." Rebecca reached into her purse and pulled out a stick of licorice, a favorite of hers, and something that she hoped could trigger Cliff's memory.

The simple candy had been a bonding point for the mother and son when they were living with Digger. Digger would come home drunk after a hard day's work, and Rebecca would sneak her son a piece of candy to make him feel better. She had told him that licorice could solve any problem, and that it would always be their special bond. And it had been ever since Cliff had been old enough to chew. Even when money was scarce, Rebecca had never forgotten her Cliff, even if it meant that she was forced to do without, which was often the case.

"We couldn't have," Cliff blurted out, crossing to the other side of the desk. "I would remember meeting you." Cliff studied her profile; he felt that he had seen her before – in pictures, in dreams. This was the face of a woman that had haunted him for decades, a woman who he had spent little time with, but would never forget. "Do you like licorice?" he asked her earnestly, now conjuring up other memories, some of the best ones in his life.

"I always have," Rebecca said, offering Cliff a piece, which he hesitantly took.

"So have I," Cliff said slowly, wondering if this woman could be the one that he had been missing and mourning for years. He coughed to compose himself as he took a seat behind his desk.

Rebecca pulled out her handbag, revealing an old picture of Digger, from his wildcatting days.

Cliff glanced over the desk opened the front desk drawer, pulling out a picture of his own. "Where did you get that photograph?"

"I've had it for ages," Rebecca said, looking Cliff in the eye. "He was a very special man to me." Tears came to Rebecca's eyes as she looked at the man before her; he had Digger's eyes, it was as if she was seeing a younger version of the man she married.

Cliff sat down next to her, showing her the exact same photo of Digger. Cliff coughed as he realized that he was in the presence of his mother, the woman who had left him years ago, the woman in his office at that moment. It was all coming back to him now – the face, the voice, this was the missing piece of in his life. "You came back," said in a low voice, almost not believing the reunion was happening.

"I only wish I had come sooner," Rebecca said softly.

"Mamma," Cliff said deliberately, slowly, stumbling over the name that he hadn't dared speak in years.

"Cliff." Rebecca pulled her son into a hug. "I wanted to come back sooner."

"Pam told me why you couldn't," Cliff said, pulling his handkerchief out of his pocket. He quickly buzzed his secretary, telling her to take the rest of the day off, he was leaving.

"That picture was all I had left of your daddy," Rebecca said. "I never forgot him – not once. A person never forgets their first love – or their family."

"I thought I would never see you again. I thought you had given up on us."

"It was wrong of me to stay away for so long – I never even came to Digger's funeral, though I wanted to. I thought I could come to Dallas after he passed away – make a fresh start with you and Pam, but I was so terrified of being rejected – of being told that I was a horrible mother." Rebecca looked at Cliff. "Can you forgive me for not being a mother to you?"

"You have a lifetime to make up for it," Cliff said. "I know that Pam wants you to be with us, and so do I. I couldn't forgive myself if I told you to leave."

The mother and son walked out into the Dallas streets, both finally ready to bridge a gap of over twenty years together. The connection remained, despite denial, fear, resentment, and time. As Cliff proudly showed his mother his little apartment that owned, Rebecca swelled with the pride of a mother seeing her young son grow into a man. Cliff smiled at his mother, glad to have a family again.


	13. Epilouge: Family Photo

"Sue Ellen, Darlin', will you hurry up!" J.R. playfully ordered, patting his wife on the bottom. The Ewing family was congregating in the living room for the long-awaited family portrait, including all four Ewing grandchildren – the newest being Bobby and Pam's adopted little boy Samuel Enoch Ewing.

Sue Ellen jumped at J.R.'s touch, and spun around. "J.R. Ewin', I am trying to make your daughter look presentable for the photographer." Sue Ellen was dressed in an elegant dark blue silk dress, and Lizzy dressed in a hunter green ensemble with a bow to match her now growing hair.

"Well I happen to think that both my women look fantastic," J.R. said proudly, sneaking a kiss on Sue Ellen's cheek. "But as daddy told us, that photographer is charging by the hour."

Sue Ellen tugged at J.R.'s tie. "I highly doubt that we'll be the last ones ready. Pam's been fussing over Samuel for hours." Sue Ellen turned to put on Lizzy's matching black shoes as Lucy came into the bedroom, holding a well-dressed John Ross in her arms.

"This little guy tried to make a break for it," Lucy smirked. "He was headed straight outside." Lucy handed him to J.R. and bowed out to fix her makeup.

"Just think how nice everything will be," Sue Ellen gushed, proudly cradling her little girl in her arms. "I'm ready when you are."

J.R. took another look at his wife, gently kissing her neck. "You do look wonderful Sue Ellen."

"Save it for after the picture, Mr. Ewing," Sue Ellen teased. "You're the one who's so concerned over his fee."

"We can afford to be a little late," J.R. insisted. "And if our children weren't with us, we would be."

"Daddy!" John Ross yelped as J.R. put him over his shoulder piggy back style and led his family downstairs. Miss Ellie was setting up the furniture and Jock was speaking to the photographer as J.R., Sue Ellen, John Ross, and Lizzy took their places on the sofa. Miss Ellie and Jock sat on chairs on either side of the couch. Lucy bounded down the stairs next, taking a seat on a stool in front of the couch, and Pam and Bobby followed. J.R. held a fussy John Ross on his lap, and Sue Ellen held Lizzy in her arms.

"You ready Pammy?" Bobby whispered, as they took their places behind the sofa.

"I am," Pam smiled, holding five-month old Samuel in her arms. "I've been waiting for this my entire life."

Bobby knew exactly what she meant; he had been wanting the same thing. Two months ago, they met Samuel through the adoption agency, and the papers were signed for the newest Ewing family member.

"Everyone hold still," the photographer ordered, fixing his equipment. The family was perfectly still as the shots were taken, eyes looking directly into the camera. The gentleman bowed and thanked the family for their cooperation. Teresa and Raul brought drinks for the Ewings as Miss Ellie talked about where to place the new picture, Jock and Lucy started a game of chess, and Bobby and Pam played with Samuel on the floor.

J.R. rubbed Sue Ellen's back, giving her a warning of what was to come that evening. Sue Ellen rested her head on J.R.'s shoulder, keeping an eye on Lizzy in her bassinet and John Ross as he rolled a ball around the floor. Stolen looks at each other told them everything they needed to know: their love was eternal, and there was nothing in the world that could ever diminish it.


End file.
